5. Commitment

Disclaimer: If I owned it, I wouldn't be writing a disclaimer. ;)

A week had passed since Meredith and Derek had become a couple. Again. They were even following all the rules. There had been no sex, but sleepovers every night. They had even been saying I love you. Things seemed to be looking up. They were now one of those couples that both had always envied.

"Morning", Derek said with a smile before kissing her softly.

"Morning", she said back as she crawled out of bed and trudged into the bathroom.

Derek noticed she wasn't in the best of moods, but he decided to give her some space. Maybe she was just tired. Now wasn't the time to press the issue, considering they were already running late for work.

"Hey", Cristina said as Meredith entered the residents' lounge.

"Hey", Meredith sighed, quickly changing into her scrubs.

"You okay?", Alex asked her.

"Oh. Yeah. I'm just tired", Meredith told them.

"Trouble in paradise?", Cristina joked.

Meredith just looked at her and smirked. "No…well, yes. I just feel like I'm being a burden. I told Derek he could go to Joe's with Mark, but he insisted that we just go home together. I want him to be able to get some space, you know? I don't want him to think we have to spend every minute together. Plus, I'm crampy and bloated and Izzie used the last tampon", she blurted out.

"Well, why don't you just tell him that? Maybe not that last part, but still. Isn't that part of your whole 'rules' thing?", Cristina asked her.

"Yeah. It is. You're right. I'll talk to him", Meredith agreed as the three of them left to do their rounds.

"I hate my interns", Cristina said plainly.

"Lexie's nice", Meredith said with a shrug.

Cristina and Alex just looked at her incredulously.

"What?", she asked them.

"I thought you were an only child", Cristina said sarcastically.

"I am. But that doesn't mean she isn't nice", Meredith explained.

After Meredith rounded on her patients, she noticed Derek filling out charts at the nurses' station. "Hey", she said with a small smile.

"Hey", Derek said cheerfully, thankful that she seemed to be in a better mood than this morning. "Get anything good?"

Meredith shrugged. "Valve replacement. How about you?"

"I have a DBS at ten, so I was thinking we could—", he said before Meredith cut him off, her face now pale.

"Hold that thought", she said, clutching her stomach and running away.

"Mer!", he shouted. He considered running after her but figured she was headed for the bathroom.

"What's wrong with her?", Mark asked as he passed Meredith running down the hallway.

"I don't know. I think she has a stomach ache", Derek said, a look of concern on his face.

"You didn't get her pregnant, did you?", Mark joked. "You thought you did before."

All of the color drained from Derek's face as he comprehended what Mark told him. "No…I don't think…wait…no. No", Derek assured himself.

"Mhm", Mark said, not believing him.

"She's not. We're always careful", Derek told him.

Mark closed his chart and looked at his friend. "Derek…", he said with raised brows.

Before Derek could make further conversation, his pager went off. "Damn. 911. If you see her, can you tell her to come find me?"

"Yeah", Mark said with a nod.

As Derek rushed down to the pit, a million thoughts ran through his mind. What if she really is pregnant? Does she even know? Why wouldn't she tell me? How do I ask her without sounding like an ass? This could be bad. Really bad. Crap.

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As Meredith emerged from the bathroom after throwing up, she walked over to the vending machines to get herself a bottle of water. "Why are you all sitting here?", she asked her interns as they sat on the gurneys in the hallway playing a card game. It seemed as though George was the only one of her interns that was actually working at the moment.

One of them shrugged. "We don't have anything to do."

"How about the pile of post-op notes waiting at the nurses' station? Either that or go down to the pit", she told them, putting on her best mean face. They did as they were told and Meredith picked up her water from the vending machine.

Meredith and Cristina met up to go to the cafeteria together for lunch. "You think your interns are bad? Mine were just having a social hour on the gurneys playing Go Fish", she told her.

"We used to do that", Cristina reminded her.

"Yeah, but…okay, I guess I can't defend myself", Meredith sighed. "Remind me to apologize to Bailey for that."

"Get anything good with Hahn?", Cristina asked.

"Valve replacement. What about you?"

"Hip replacement. I seriously hate ortho", Cristina groaned as the two dropped into their seats at the table.

"Has Callie mentioned anything about Izzie and George?", Meredith asked her.

"No. Not yet, anyway. It's bad enough I'm on ortho. If she starts bitching about her love life, I think I might have to hit her", Cristina said as she bit into her salad. "Hey. Why aren't you eating?"

"I have chocolate", Meredith told her.

"A candy bar isn't lunch, Meredith", Cristina informed her somewhat sarcastically.

"Don't mess with me today. I feel like crap", Meredith warned, pointing her candy bar at her.

"Hey", Alex said as he dropped his tray and took a seat. "Are you okay?", he asked as he looked Meredith up and down.

"Woman troubles, remember?", she said with a fake grin.

"Right", Alex said with a nod. "Sorry."

"Where are Izzie and George?", Meredith asked.

"Probably hiding from Torres", Alex joked.

"Alex", Meredith said, looking at him.

"He's probably right", Cristina reasoned.

"Hey", George said with a smile as he sat down to join them.

"Hey", Meredith said. "Where's Izzie?"

"She got pulled into emergency surgery with Shepherd", George told them.

The rest of their lunch time was spent in an awkward silence. Meredith was the only one who attempted to make conversation. She hated all of the tension between her friends. She was thankful when Dr. Hahn paged her to prep their patient for surgery. "I have to go", she said quickly before removing herself from the table.

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After Derek scrubbed out of surgery, he noticed Tucker walking down the hallway.

"Tucker", Derek called, trying to get his attention.

"Oh. Dr. Shepherd, hello", Tucker said kindly.

"How's the baby?", Derek asked him.

"He's doing well. We'll be able to take him home in a few days", Tucker said with a small smile.

"That's good", Derek said with a happy nod. "So…you'll both be…", Derek asked. "I don't mean to sound intrusive. I was just wondering how she was holding up."

Tucker sat down in one of the waiting area chairs. Derek took a seat next to him.

"I just…that day…I was so angry. I thought I might…we might lose our son", Tucker said, his eyes filling with tears. "I was so scared. I know that what happened was nobody's fault. I guess I just had to blame someone. Blaming Miranda was easier than blaming myself. I shouldn't have accused her. I apologized…for everything. When I married her, I knew it wouldn't be easy. This job…I don't know how you all do it. But, we're going to make this work. They're my family. I need them…I need them in my life. I love them too much to give up", Tucker explained softly.

"Yeah", Derek said with a nod. "Giving up on someone you love is never the way to go."

"Exactly", Tucker agreed. "Well, I should be getting back to them. I promised we'd say goodnight together."

"Okay", Derek smiled. "Congratulations again. For everything."

"Thanks, Dr. Shepherd", Tucker said with a nod.

"Goodnight", Derek said warmly.

"Hey. Did you talk to her yet?", Mark asked as he came up behind him.

"No. I haven't seen her all day. Our shifts are almost over. I'll talk to her when we get home", Derek told him.

"What if she is…pregnant?", Mark asked honestly.

Derek sighed. "I don't know. This just…it wasn't part of the plan. I mean, if she actually is, then fine. I guess we'd be parents sooner rather than later. I just…I have to talk to her…to find out for sure."

"That'd probably be wise", Mark said with a nod. Good luck man", he said as he patted him on the back.

"Thanks", Derek sighed. This wasn't going to be an easy night. There was bound to be an argument. But no matter what, Derek wasn't walking away.

After Meredith got out of surgery, she was feeling even worse than before. Her back hurt and she was feeling nauseous. As she tried to pull her jeans on, she couldn't zip them up all the way. "Damn", she muttered. There was nothing more she wanted to do than go home to bed.

"Hey", Derek said softly as he leaned against the doorway. "Ready to go?"

"Yeah. In a minute", she said as she gathered up her belongings and tossed them into her bag.

As they were driving home, Meredith looked at him. "Did you want to go to Joe's?"

"Yeah we could", he said with a smile.

"Not with me, with Mark. I know you turned him down the other night. You can go if you wanted to", Meredith told him.

"It's okay. I'd rather just go home", Derek said with an assuring smile.

"You can do things without me, you know. I don't want you to give up all your time to be with me. I want us to be able to have some space, too. Not like that, but…I want us to be able to…"

"I get it. We shouldn't feel obligated to spend every minute together", he said softly.

"Yeah", Meredith nodded.

"I promise we won't do that", he said as he rubbed her knee. "But tonight all I want to do is go home with you."

"Okay", Meredith said with a small smile.

As they pulled into the driveway, Derek noticed she put her hand on her abdomen.

"You okay? Did you get sick earlier?", he asked, a look of concern in his eyes.

"Yeah. I did. I'm just not feeling well", she said as they entered the house. "I just want to go to bed."

After she took some ibuprofen, they headed upstairs. "Are you pregnant?", Derek blurted out quickly before he had time to think about it.

"What?", she asked, a shocked look on her face. "No! I'm not pregnant! Why would you think I was pregnant?"

"I just…You don't seem like yourself, and I know you're not feeling well, and I know we've always been careful but…and I was just…", he said in a panic.

"No, Derek! I'm not pregnant!", she yelled.

"Okay", he said quickly. "I'm sorry for even suggesting. I'm sorry", he said in surrender.

"Don't you think I would tell you if I was pregnant?", she asked, the hurt evident in her voice.

"You're right. I'm sorry", he said softly. Okay, I'm an ass, he thought to himself.

As Meredith went to leave the room, she stopped herself and turned around to face him. She drew in a deep breath in an attempt to calm herself down. "Okay. I shouldn't have snapped", she said as she brushed her hair away from her face.

"No, it's okay", he said softly. "I'm sorry."

All of the sudden, Meredith collapsed down onto the floor and began crying.

Derek rushed over to her. "It's okay, Mer. I'm here", he said as he scooped her into his arms. "What's wrong?"

"It's that frigging time of the month, Derek. I'm in pain. My stomach hurts. My back hurts. I have horrible cramps. My jeans don't fit right now. Izzie used the last damn tampon. I can't find the heating pad. Everything I eat doesn't want to stay down. My interns are complete morons. There's all this weird, awkward tension between my friends. And I don't know how to fix it, because no one but me is making any kind of effort. And I'm horny, but we can't have sex, for obvious reasons, but also because that's part of our rules. And I feel like the horrible girlfriend who keeps you from having a social life outside of me. I'm tired. And…you thought I was pregnant", she ranted angrily as she continued to cry.

"Oh, Meredith", he said as he rubbed her back. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know. I'm sorry."

"I should have just told you earlier today. I just didn't want to start anything", Meredith confessed.

"I'm sorry, Mer. I shouldn't have assumed that. And I shouldn't have just come out and asked you. That was mean", he said, kissing her forehead.

"I know you were just worried about me", she said before pausing. "I think we broke one of our own rules", Meredith said as she began to relax in his arms.

"Yeah. I think we did. Let's try not to do that again", he said softly.

"I'm sorry", she sniffled.

"For what? You didn't do anything", Derek told her.

"For yelling and crying and ranting, although I must admit, I do feel a hell of a lot better. You probably think I'm insane", she sighed.

"No I don't", he assured her, pulling her closer into his arms. "I'm glad you did. I'm glad you feel better. That's good…healthy. You proved something tonight."

"What?", she asked as she looked into his eyes.

"That we can get fight, and stick around long enough to make it through to the other side, because we love each other", he said as he caressed her cheek. "We're learning that giving up on someone you love is never the way to go."

"Yeah", Meredith agreed, tears welling in her eyes.

"I love you", he said as he kissed her gently.

"I love you too", she said as they parted.

"I don't know if I can fix the problems with your friends, but we can talk about it and I'll try to help. As for your interns…you'll get them in line", he said with a slight laugh. "Why don't you go take a shower, and I'll go out and buy a heating pad and some tampons", he suggested with a smile.

"I don't want you to have to buy tampons for me, Derek", she said, laughing softly.

"Meredith, nothing would make me happier", he said playfully. "I'll even buy you some comfort food."

Meredith just stared at him, tears pouring from her eyes. She fell even more in love with him for making the small gesture. "God, I'm such a mess. I'm sorry. I just…thank you", she said with a small smile playing her lips.

"You don't have to thank me. I'm happy to do it", he said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, and wiping her tears away with his thumb.

"Come on", he said as he lifted her up off the floor. He grabbed her some pajamas and a towel and led her toward the bathroom.

As he walked out to give her some privacy, she gently tugged him back and hugged him. "I love you so much", she mumbled into his chest.

"I love you too", he said as he kissed her the top of her head.

"I'll be back soon. But take your time", he said softly.

"Okay", she nodded as he closed the door behind him.

Derek returned twenty minutes later. He chuckled softly to himself when he heard that the shower was still running. He was glad she could just relax. The hot water would help her feel better. Derek plugged in the heating pad so it would be warm for her when she got into bed. He bought two boxes of tampons, placing one under the sink in her bathroom, and leaving the other one outside the bathroom door in the hallway. Then he put some Midol, a bottle of ginger ale, a bowl of chicken noodle soup, some crackers, and a few chocolate bars on a tray and brought it upstairs. As he did all of this, he couldn't help but feel a bit husband-ish. He smiled at the thought, wanting nothing more than to spend the rest of his life with Meredith Grey.

Derek got into bed and waited for her, knowing she would want him to be there.

"Hey", she said softly as she walked into the room and crawled into bed. "You did all this?", she asked with a smile.

"I did", he said, kissing her cheek. "Do you feel a little better?"

"Yeah. I do actually", she said as he wrapped his arm around her small frame and pulled her close.

"Good", he said with a warm smile. "I want you to eat something. Then take these pills", he told her.

She laughed at his great concern for her. "Okay. I will."

"What?", he asked with a questioning smile as he reached over her to get the heating pad off of the nightstand. He gently placed it on her abdomen, careful not to move the tray that covered her legs.

"Are you going to do this every month?", she asked with a giggle that made his heart melt every time.

"If you want me to, I absolutely will", he said with a nod.

"Remind me never to let you go ever again", she said as she ate her food.

"I won't let you", he said assuringly. "I promise."

"I just…No one's ever taken care of me like this before. I appreciate it", she said with a small smile.

"Get used to it", he said playfully. "I'm not going anywhere, remember?"

"I know", she said as she kissed him softly before shoving a piece of her candy bar into his mouth.

"Mer, you know I don't eat this junk", he said with a laugh.

"Get used to it. I'm going to ruin your diet", she giggled. "I'm not going anywhere either."

"I know", he said as he pulled her closer and began rubbing her back. "So, what's up with your friends?"

Meredith took in a deep breath. "Okay. Ever since Izzie and George slept together—", she began before Derek cut her off.

"What?", he asked in a shocked voice.

"Oh, I guess you didn't know that", she shrugged.

"No, but okay. Continue", he said with a nod.

"Okay, so, they slept together a few months ago. I didn't even know about it until Callie announced it in front of everybody one morning. Alex is pissed at both of them, because I'm pretty sure he still loves Izzie, even though he's sleeping with Lexie, who, by the way, I'm actually starting to let into my life and that scares me but that's a whole different topic. And Cristina is angry with Izzie because she hurt Callie, who is now living with Cristina. And Cristina still hasn't really dealt with the whole Burke thing and I don't want to push her away because we need each other, so I just act like everything is okay when it clearly isn't. And because all of my friends sort of live here, the weird, awkward tension never stops. And that sucks, because we're always together. And…I just don't know what to do", she said before pausing. "Okay. That was a lot. A lot of rambling and ranting, but…that's what up with my friends", she said as she exhaled.

"Okay then", Derek said as he processed all of the information that had just been thrown at him. "You should tell them that. Tell them what you just told me. Just get it all out there. I think you'll feel better if you do. And because you're all friends, you can say it and it'll be okay", he said with an assuring nod.

"I know", Meredith sighed. "I just wish things could be the way they used to be, you know? They're my family. I need them."

"It'll be okay. Just talk to them. And, you can always talk to me. I'm here. I can be your family too", he said with a warm smile, looking into her tearful green eyes.

"Okay", she said in a barely audible voice.

"Okay", he repeated. "All finished? Did you take the pills?"

"Yeah", she said with a nod.

Derek reached over and took the tray. "I'll be right back." He put the ginger ale on her nightstand and carried the tray downstairs. While he was gone, Meredith shed a few tears. For the first time in her life, she felt what it was like to have another person care for her so deeply. Someone who loved her for her. She could be herself around him. She could laugh and cry and know that no matter what, he would be by her side.

"So, I was thinking we could just spend the day in bed tomorrow since we both have off", he said when he returned. "Hey, you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm okay", she said as she wiped her eyes. "I love you", she said with a small smile.

Derek crawled back into bed and wrapped his arms around her body. "I love you too. So much", he said before kissing her on top of her still damp head.

"Der?", she asked softly.

"Yeah?"

"What if I had been…pregnant I mean", she asked.

He pulled back and looked into her eyes. "It would have been okay. Our plan would have just been a little out of order, but it would be okay", he assured her with a small smile.

"What is our plan?", she asked innocently.

Derek swallowed hard. "Well, I was thinking we would…once we were both ready…we would get married, build the house, then start a family", he told her softly.

"I like that", she said with a small smile, a single tear running down her face.

"Yeah?", he asked, the hope evident in his blue eyes.

Meredith nodded before kissing him softly. "I think I like this whole talking thing", she said as they parted for air.

"Me too", he said before taking her hand in his own.

"I feel like we've turned into this old couple. The one that replaced sex with eating soup in bed on a Friday night", she joked.

"That's okay with me. As long as you're here with me, I don't care", he said sincerely, kissing her cheek.

Meredith bit her lip to fight back tears and stared at him. "That's why I know you're the love of my life. Because being together is enough for us."

Now it was Derek's turn to cry. Meredith had never called him the love of her life before. "Yeah", he said with a tearful smile before capturing her lips with his own for a long and passionate kiss. The kind of kiss that sends sparks through your body, and makes you never want to part for air. Neither had ever experienced that kind of connection with anyone else before. They both knew it was something special that only occurred between the two of them. And they knew it would last forever.

Eventually, they both laid down in the bed. Meredith spooned against Derek's body so that every part of them was touching. She felt Derek's hand on her abdomen as he held the heating pad in place for her. Meredith placed her hand over his and snuggled closer to his body. "I love you so much, Derek", she said in a soft voice.

"I love you too, Meredith", he said as he nuzzled his face into her neck.

As Derek slept, Meredith was overcome with intense love for him. Even while he was sleeping, he managed to hold the warm heating pad up against her aching body. He made her feel safe and warm and loved all at the same time. All of the sudden, her faith in their plan for the future was sealed. She knew they would make it.

A/N. Yeah, I'm a sucker for cuddly bedtime scenes. I wasn't going to make Meredith pregnant, because in my opinion, and unexpected pregnancy is not part of their love story. I want them to have a stable, healthy, committed relationship, and then have a baby on their own terms and when they're ready. This was just supposed to deepen their commitment and love for one another. I hope I was successful. I also thought it would be nice to save Bailey's marriage. That's one ship that shouldn't have to sink due to Shonda's antics. :)

Also, in my ongoing attempt to redeem Derek Shepherd, I want to believe that he'd be the McDreamy guy that would go out and buy her tampons and hold the heating pad on her stomach. To me, that's who Derek is. :)

Reviews make me a happy camper. :)