⇢ CHAPTER 42

Meredith were the two resident's on Derek's clinical trial, they had come up with a routine for someone to evaluate the possible patients in the morning so every few days the other would be in charge and scrub in with Derek for the surgery.

It was Holly's day to evaluate the patients in the morning while Meredith went into surgery with Derek. After evaluating all the patients for the day, Holly was assigned to Altman's pre-ops.

"Hello, Mr..." Holly checked the chart to make sure she was in the right room, "Sullivan. I'm Dr. Kepner, I'm on Dr. Altman's service today and I'll be prepping you for surgery."

"Call me Richard." The patient, who was no more than thirty years old, pleaded, "Or Ricky-- Mr. Sullivan makes me sound like I need a hearing aid."

"Well..." Richard's boyfriend joked.

"Tim!" Richard rolled his eyes as Holly chuckled lightly and checked his vitals, "Don't you need to go sign some papers?"

"Oh, yeah." Tim nodded before looking up at Holly and lowered his voice, "It's 'cause he's too lazy to fill them out himself."

Holly held in a laugh as Ricky yelled, "Tim!"

"I'm kidding!" Tim chuckled, giving him a kiss on the cheek before walking away.

Holly lightly chuckled and brought her stethoscope off of her neck, "Alright Mr-- Ricky, I'm gonna need you to take a nice deep breath."

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Jackson glanced over at Holly from his spot in the Nurse's station, watching how she treated her patient and laughed at a joke as someone left the room. He sighed heavily, his thoughts trailing back to a piece of advice a patient had given him.

"" The patient's voice rang, ""

He didn't want to face that truth— that Holly couldn't be as interested in him as he was to her, and then he remembered Lexie— the girl that he had gotten closer to in the past few weeks. The girl that was still hung up on Mark although he asked her out to a game.

Holly was an easy choice— the right choice, the girl he had liked since the moment he laid eyes on her. The girl he was willing to wait years for. The girl who's mind he could practically read. The girl who he could see himself happy with for .

Yet all he could think about was Lexie.

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"My boyfriend had a super dorky crush on me." Ricky started as Holly wrote down his vitals on the chart, "I never really noticed how much I liked him until I realized how much I missed him." He shrugged, "My family disowned me and some of my friends left me so I was used to being alone. And it sucked. But with him, I never found myself alone-- the dark hole that I climbed into now had a ladder. And as corny as it sounds, he made me whole."

Holly looked up from her charts for a second, "Aww." She rested her head on her hand as she leaned in to hear more of the story. 

Ricky moved his eyes over to his boyfriend, who was filling out papers with a nurse, "He was on a date with some guy and my friends told me they were surprised that I wasn't the guy on the date with him." He chuckled, "I realized, I didn't want to be the 'old Ricky,' the one that would just wait for something to happen-- the other shoe to drop, so I'd always be afraid of taking risks." He smiled, "I wanted to do something about it, so I marched up to that bar and told him I'd love to go on a date with him if he'd let me, and he did."

Holly's face held a faint smile as she looked up at him, "How.. How did you know?" Ricky quirked an eyebrow, "I mean, h-how'd you know he liked you?"

Ricky shrugged, "I just... knew." He shrugged again, "He would listen to all of my problems, he'd help me when my stress got so big I'd practically swim in it." He chuckled, "Some people said he'd gaze at me from a few feet but I never caught it." He exhaled, "He... He was there for me and still is. And when he left to go on that date, I felt empty without him."

Holly, who hadn't brought her eyes back down to the chart, responded breathlessly, "Wow."

"Yeah." Ricky turned back to Holly, "I--" Richard's coughs seem unending as he sat up and Holly's eyes widened before rushing over to grab a bucket as soon as she saw him begin to cough up blood.

"What--" Tim rushed back over, "What happened?"

Holly looked at a nurse at the station, "Page Altman, now!"

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Thankfully, Holly and Dr. Altman were able to save Richard's life-- which brought much joy to Tim, who hadn't left Ricky's bedside since he got out of the O.R.

Holly glanced at the two with a soft smile before she decided to walk over to the resident's lounge since her day was over. She hoped to catch Jackson before he left, but upon arriving, she realized he'd already gone home.

"Apes," Holly called out to her sister as she began to change into her civilian clothes, "do you know where Jackson went?"

"Nope." April shook her head, a shocked look on her face.

"...What happened--?"

"Stark asked me out." April admitted with wide eyes as she looked at Holly, "H-He asked me out."

"Oh, my God." Holly chuckled, tying her shoes, "What did you--"

"I said yes."

✧

Holly opened the front door to Meredith's house as April zoomed past her, muttering, "Gotta pee. Gotta pee. Gotta pee."

Holly chuckled at her sister as she turned around and locked the door behind her before rushing up the stairs with a determined look on her face. She first checked Jackson's room before checking her own-- his disappearance made her frown her eyebrows in confusion until she reasoned he may have been taking a shower.

Not wanting to waste any time, Holly began to walk towards the bathroom that she saw April rush out of.

"Lexie's kicking me out to the bathroom downstairs." She sighed, rushing past Holly to go downstairs and muttered, "Gotta pee."

Holly held in a laugh as she snorted before she paused in her steps.

There was only one shower the group of friends used since the other was in Meredith's room, and seeing that Lexie and Jackson both don't use Meredith's bathroom, Holly grew concerned and confused.

Inhaling sharply, Holly opened the door to the bathroom and frowned her eyebrows as she closed the door behind her and stood in front of the shower doors, "Lex?"

"Yeah?" Lexie responded, opening the door and used the towel next to it to cover her naked body.

"...Jackson?" Holly asked, quirking an eyebrow.

Jackson stepped to the side to reveal himself behind Lexie, "Yep?"

"Oh." Holly awkwardly chuckled at seeing them both in the shower-- reality coming down on her like a meteor on her earth as they stared at her, expectantly waiting for some type of question, "I... I, uh, April!" She chuckled again, pointing behind her, "April wanted to know if you guys wanted, um, pizza. Pizza!"

Holly faked a bright smile as Jackson nodded, "Y-Yeah."

Lexie shrugged, glancing back at Jackson before looking at Holly, "Pizza sounds good."

"Great." Holly nodded her head with a smile, "I'll, uh, go tell her now."

Holly practically rushed out of the bathroom and closed the door behind her. She stared at a spot on the ground as she continued to have her hand on the door handle and leaned against the closed door.

"Whew." April commented as she walked up the stairs before going into her room.

Not knowing where else to go, Holly slowly walked over to April's room. When she got there, she shut the door behind her and faced her sister, "I'm stupid."

April, who was now lying down on her bed, frowned her eyebrows, "What--?"

"I'm the old Ricky-- old Holly-- old." Holly answered, jumping on April's bed before grabbing a pillow to bury her face in, "I'm old." Holly spoke, her words slightly muffled from the pillow, "And old fashioned. And oblivious."

"Holly," April laughed, stealing back the pillow Holly had under her, "what are you--"

April paused, her words stuck in her throat as she saw Holly raise her tear-stained face, "I'm an idiot."

April's face softened at the sad look on her sister's face, "Holly--"

"I'm gonna order pizza." Holly spoke out of the blue, momentarily confusing April, "I need you to act like it was your idea." Holly begged, grasping onto April's hand, "Please."

"Okay." April nodded, "Okay, I... do you want a hug?"

Holly sighed, planting her face in April's bed before she scooted closer to April and nodded with a whimper. Hugging April, Holly realized she had the perfect guy in front of her the whole time.

And now, he was gone.

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i'm in pain