chapter twelve

Saturday rolls in way too fast without my notice.

I look at the dress that I'm supposed to wear tonight and a small crease forms between my brows when I realize I didn't get shoes to match it.

Biting on my lower lip in a bid to suspend some of my frustrations, I plant my hands on my hips and drag out a very much needed sigh.

This is what I get for allowing everything with River to cloud my mind.

I've been in a hazy state of mind since River's rushed excuse to leave my apartment on Thursday as well as his equally rushed promise to come back later that he never honored.

Everything from the hug he gave me on the day of my arrival, to holding my hand in his car, the house viewing and the nice room, the heated complaints about Marcello and I's friendship, everything seems a lot to take in.

I was in denial. I mean I practically live in denial but this time I was in this huge state of denial that opposed to any sign of River wanting more than friendship.

My mind reels back to the present and I immediately begin to look for a pair that will suit the dress just fine. A maroon dress could practically go with any pair of black heels I have in my wardrobe and that makes it easier for me to choose which one I want the most.

River: Hey?

Me: Hi...

I know I should probably take a minute before I reply but I can't help myself. If I decide not to text back, I will probably forget about it and later feel bad that I didn't reply in time.

Plus, I really need any form of communication from him.

One that comes at twelve on a Saturday noon is not off the list either.

River: still going to the meeting?

My first urge is to correct that meeting to party but I decide against it. He can call it whatever he wants.

Me: Yeah, why?

River: Are you wearing a dress?

Me: Where's this going?🤨

River: What color is it?

Me: I'm not wearing a dress.

River: Just tell me the color.

Me: Nope. Have a nice day😊

Both fortunately and unfortunately for me, River doesn't give me time to overthink my emoji choice because the phone rings before I can put it back on the mattress.

I stare at the screen for a moment before blowing out a shaky breathe. It's just River, no need to shit yourself.

"Yes?" I huff out once I pick the call.

"Hello to you too," His voice sounds heavy and hoarse and it takes everything in me not to let out a dreamy sigh.

The hell is wrong with me!?

"I'm kinda in the middle of something," I tell him as I bend down to pick a pair of black heels that catches my eye from the floor, "Is this important?"

"Yes," His voice sounds serious and I pause from fumbling with the heel of the shoe I was holding, "I messed up and I need your help."

"What did you do?"

"I'll tell you at the party. Just come find me when you get there," he says and I'm about to snap at him when he continues, "what's the color of your dress?"

"Maroon," I tell him, suddenly feeling drained. It doesn't matter how my heart flatters everytime he shows interest or how he turns almost every situation into me almost having a heart attack or thinking about that certain moment for a while but he does and I'm beginning to feel very drained.

It's like I don't even know if I hate him or not.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" he teases over the line and I just huff out a half muffled curse at him as I try to rip my mind away from the possibilities of what he could have messed up.

I'm sure I can handle almost any media issues he might have messed up but if it's beyond that, I'm afraid there's little to no chance of me being any great help.

As it is, I can't even help myself sometimes.

"You okay?" mom's soft voice snaps me away from the whirlwind that is my mind.

"I'll call you back." I hurriedly say into the line before hanging up. I faintly catch River asking something over the lines of "What's wrong?" before I hang up on him.

"Yes." I tell her a little too quickly before turning back to the dress on my bed, "What do you think?"

"I think that might have drained my bank account," She says while stepping closer to inspect the dress, "But it looks so beautiful." She gushes out while running a hand through the soft fabric.

"This is the only time I've used your credit card," I tell her as I place the pair of shoes I've decided to go with the dress on the side.

"That's why I'm letting you get away with this," she says, eyes still on the dress. "By the way, have you taken your medicines today?" Her voice goes from chirpy to concerned real quick and I take a moment before I reply.

"Yes, mom. I have. I'll see Helen before going to the party as well."

"That's my good girl," Mom Pat's my head lovingly and I move out of her reach.

"I'm not a kid," I complain.

"I never said you were," she counters with a small chuckle.

"You treat me like one." I continue to complain.

"That's because you're my child. Who am I supposed to treat like that?" She asks rhetorically, "Besides, we've been away too long and I miss the little you." This time she pinches my cheeks together forcing my mouth into a pout.

I wait for her to let go before stepping back with my nose scrunched at her. "What do you want?" I ask curiously.

My mom is always touchy and she says everything a mother should say but she is also playful and airy most of the times that you hardly ever notice.

So for her to be touchy and a little distant all at once only means she's about to tell me something I won't like.

It has happened before, I know the drill.

"Well," Here it comes, "Max wants to visit for a few days."

"You talk to Max?"

"Yes, honey and he wants to visit." my mom pointedly avoids explaining why she keeps in touch with him.

"Well, he can visit you. I don't see why you have to tell me about it." I brush off the subject and immediately begin to put away my shoes.

"Lily," my mom pleads and I shake my head. I won't promise her I'm going to make any effort to reach out. She knows why I don't like him. "He really is a good kid."

So she says.

"I'll take your word for it."

"You're not being fair. He wasn't at fault." Mom is becoming agitated but I've been past agitation the moment she brought him up.

"When is he coming?" I ask her, suddenly feeling depressed.

"Tomorrow," mom let's out hesitantly. "Please just try to reach out." She begs. "Sweetie, you don't have to get along if you really don't want to. Just say hi."

"Okay mom." I agree quietly.

My mind is already going into its ugly dark cage and I'm trying to hold on to everything that I possibly can before it all spirals downwards.

My father's son is coming to visit and for some reason she thinks it's a good idea to push me into talking to him.

I've locked up so much memories of the family I used to have when he was around that I seriously don't know how my mom expects me to look at the face of his illegitimate child and act like he didn't leave us for them.

My mom's goodbye hug feels too draining and she leaves me in a mental state that's worse than when she found me.

River's promise for trouble at the party and mom's request to reach out to Maxwell in person just completely shuts me down.

By the time I wade through the sea of unfamiliar people at the party and the flashing camera lights, my head is a muddle of thoughts and nerves.

I don't even notice how people try to subtly stare at me until a young guy comes my way asking for a dance.

With a polite shake of the head, I decline and continue to search for River among the crowd.

I'm way too stressed to even feel good in the dress I have been dreaming of wearing ever since I got it.

I feel some warmth behind me and fervently pray that it's some guy who's got alot to drink but is about to leave.

With my back pinned straight and stiff, I try to very elegantly step away from any sort of advances when a dark low chuckle emanates from behind me.

Okay, maybe I don't want to move.

I'm thankful the dark theme of the party and the lights are merciful enough to help me hide the small blush that tints my cheeks.

"I like maroon on you," he says and I turn to him with a small cordial smile.

"Thank you," I decide to say instead of the snide remark that was brewing in my head.

"How long have you been here?" he steps to my side and immediately starts leading us to a different direction from the party.

"Around ten minutes," I say distractedly, "Where are you taking us?" my brows furrow up at him in confusion.

When my eyes finally take him in, I take a moment to remind myself not to stare or choke on my own spit.

River's snazzy black suit and the white dress shirt he has on almost drains my mouth dry. What however makes my head almost spin out of control is the small elegant maroon tie that holds up his entire outfit together.

I should have known that was the reason he wanted to know the color of my dress. Only he was capable of doing something as juvenile as matching his tie with my dress like we were teenagers going to prom together.

"I'm tired of everyone approaching me every two seconds. I haven't even had time to take a sip of any drink here," he tells me while leading me along a wide corridor with a decent amount of lighting.

It's a shame I don't know this part of the castle well, I could have totally guessed where were going.

Ever since we were kids, this was the one place we were not allowed to be at. River only got his first chance to be at the main Royal offices when he was fifteen and even then, the security was so tight he couldn't sneak me in like he did with all the other places civilians weren't allowed to be at.

"Won't your parents get mad?"

"That I'm with you or that I skipped the party?" he asks, nodding at a security guard to open a very heavy looking door. I practically live in a castle, I'm well acquainted with heavy doors but I'm glad the apartment and office they gave us were more modern and less barbaric.

"Both?" I ask unsurely as I follow his gesture to step into the room first.

"If they know I'm with you, they won't mind."

River eases into the room just as the door closes behind him.

I turn away from him to take a good look of the room we are in. Just like every other room on this side of the castle, it is huge and has the highest ceilings known to man. I always feel dwarfed when I walk into rooms like these.

A few bookcases filled with old books line the very highest of the walls, a crystal chandelier giving the brightest glow to the room.

I turn back down to the small desk that has a laptop and a few scattered papers on top of it, a comfortable looking chair tucked beside it.

I feel River's footsteps approach me until he is only a breathe away from my back. I bite down on my lip to muffle the hum of appreciation that wants to so badly rip out of me when he runs the pad of his thumb over the exposed part of my shoulder.

In a soft lazy motion, River continues to draw circles on my shoulder and it drives every sane thought out of me.

"Are you okay?" He asks softly, his breath fanning my ear.

If he notices how stiff I go from our proximity, he says nothing and I appreciate it. I'm still struggling to find my bearing with him.

"Yeah, why?" I ask softly, subtly trying to step away from him.

As if taking the hint, River takes his hand away from my shoulder but doesn't make an effort to step away from me.

"I heard your mom on the phone." he states and I let out a shaky sigh at the reminder of everything that had clogged my mind before he'd approached me at the party.

"I'm fine. I was a little worried about my dress," I tell him quickly and step away from him with a short clearing of my throat to ease the uneasiness that creeps up my body.

"One of these days you're going to tell me the truth without pushing me away," he says, his voice distant and withdrawn which only makes it sound like a threat.

I turn to him with a confused look but he only shrugs and walks to the desk on the side of the room.

"Dance with me," he says softly and I roam my eyes around his face hoping that this is just one of his jokes.

When he smiles down at me, my throat goes dry.

"But there's no music," I point out, "You could have just asked while we were at the party."

"Moments like these need to be private." he says as he steps closer to me and I fight the urge to step back.

It's just a dance. We've done this a billion times.

Then why is my heart squeezing out of my throat?