Uncertainty vs Hope Part 2

"Alright, Ms Castillo. You appear to be in good condition despite your...uh..incident,"

The physician at the walk in clinic says with a friendly giggle.

No shit.

Okay, to be fair if I was him I would probably expect some damage to be done.

"Cool." I say through a tight grin.

I leap off the examination table and head straight to the door.

"Oh, uh..thanks" I double back, grinning tightly again.

All I could think about during the check-up was where I ended up during my workout.

That house.

When I was there it didn't feel like a new place. It was like I noticed the light tropical scent, the art on the walls, the red, brown and black furniture, but I didn't give it a second thought.

When I was there it was home. Nobody said it but I knew it.

Now that I'm not there anymore I don't feel like the home was mine. Yet, I recognize it.

What the hell is going on with me?

As I drive up the street I manage to keep my eyes on the road, but my processor is still on that house...and that girl.

Aroha.

"We've only been together for, I dont know, two whole years now!"

Together?

Like how Mama and Daddy were?

Two whole years.

That's how I know her?!

How could I have forgotten her?

Wait, but when did I even meet her?

And why does she keep coming back then disappearing?

I pull up to the hospital and prepare to sound like a fucking idiot.

But hey, Cindy won't be allowed to laugh at or belittle my experience while she's on the clock.

Considering she lives in Superhuman Sanctuary I really could see her any other time she may be free.

I mean, everytime I've gotten those chemical syringes from her, she had been off the clock in the Human Mechanics department and neither of us have been outed for it.

I wouldn't expect Cindy to gossip about me, but I don't want to take the risk of this thing turning into a rumor. The thought alone makes me feel exposed and uncomfortable.

At least if I tell her I can not only get it off my chest but also get some answers.

Along with the security of her not being allowed to tell anybody about what her patients share with her.

Well, I guess I'm not technically her patient but I'm sure the rule still applies.

"Excuse me miss, do you have an appointment?," a lady with a blunt cut bob and big round glasses at the front desk spots me walking right passed her and towards the transportation sectors on the far end of the entrance.

"Uh, yeah. I mean, no. I mean I have to see Cindy McCallow. At this time, specfically", I try to make it sound as if this visit had been planned weeks in advance.

"You have to see her but you don't have an appointment? Are you aware we do not provide walk-in services?" The lady squints her lenses suspiciously while looking me up and down.

"The appointment was kind of a last minute emrgency type thing. That's probably not on an official list or anything but she knows I'm coming," I lie harmlessly.

"Mhm? Your first and last name,please"

"Moon Castillo"

"Just a moment Ms. Castillo"

She glides over to a telephone near her desk,

"Hello Cindy, there is a woman here by the name of Moon Castillo who does not have an official appointment booked but says that you have agreed to meet with her around this time.

Mhm. Mhm. Oh?....alright then".

"Dr. McCallow says you can come right up to her office. Do you know the way?"

Cindy comes through once again.

"Actually, I do. Thank you," I flash the lady a snarky smile and turn to walk towards transportation sector 2, headed to the second floor.

Snobby bitch.

Lucky me. I have the whole sector to myself.

Alright so how am I gonna explain this?

So lately I've been... seeing things?

No, I been seeing this girl that keeps disappearing...

No, it gonna sound confusing.

Ummm lets see....

I step out on to the second floor. I take deep breaths to prepare for the embarrassment that I feel is about to come over me and make my way to the third door on the left.

Cindy's office.

The door is left open and Cindy sits there with her usual perfect posture and her walk rods crossed. She welcomes me with a perky smile.

"Well, if it isn't Moon Castillo paying me a suprise visit! I believe this is a first. What's the occasion? There aren't any concerns with the syringes are there?"

"Look, I'm not gonna hold ya. Something weird has been happening to me these past couple of days," I blurt out.

Cindy's face goes from perky to concerned,

"Uh, okay. Do you wanna sit down and tell me more about what's-"

"So I injected myself before the presentation then afterwards I stayed in the ship. I don't know when or how but I found myself in this weird room with red flashing lights beaming down on this girl that I swear I know from somewhere but I couldn't figure it out. When I tried to to get near her the ground and walls started spinning in opposite directions. Then eventually she started walking straight towards, but the room was spinning around us. She asked if I knew her and right as she was about to tell me her name everything faded. Next thing I know I'm back on my ship and the girl is nowhere to be found,"

I rambled, letting out a deep sigh at the end of my statement.

"Mhm. So, you tried to find this girl after you left this weird room?"

"Yes, but that's not all. Earlier today at Power Palace I was on the treadmill and it happened again except I recognized the setting. I've been there before but I can't remember when. And the girl was back except she was mad at me. She was going off about how I'm always going on trips or something and I was feeling really paranoid. I felt like I had to keep doing all kinds of things because I was running out of time. Oh, and I got her name! Aroha. But I don't understand 'cause I don't remember stepping into the house or her telling me it. We were just arguing and I said it. Without a second thought or doubt about it."

"Hm. It sounds to me that in both events you experienced alot of overwhelming emotions. Feelings of paranoia, anxiety, vulnerability.

Would you say that's right?"

I go back to the way my sustainer pounded when I first saw Aroha and how desperate I was just to get her name. The feeling of doom that ran through me during our conversation the second time I saw her. I felt this taunting fear but couldn't direct it to a specific person, place or thing. Still, the feeling of something bad happening lingered inside and around me.

"Yeah. Yeah, that's pretty accurate".

"Hmm. Well, considering you were blacked out in both scenarios these very well just be really vivid dreams".

"No. No, you don't get it. When I was In those places I could physically feel things! Like when I saw her in that weird room. When I left and got up I actually felt like I had been running around in circles. And the second time in that house! I could actually feel her touching me. I could even feel her breath and smell her scent-"

"Well, Moon that has been said to happen to people when they're deep in a dream-like state."

"No! It was different...it was like....like.....okay,"

I take a deep breath to gather my thoughts and try to explain myself better,

"When I remember my dreams, it's as if I'm observing it, ya know? I remember how I felt and what I saw but don't feel as though I lived it out. These experiences I'm telling you about are things I lived and moved through. I know it! When I think about that girl, I don't just see her. I sense a whole personality! I know her traits and tendencies without her having to say it or really do much to show it. When I blacked out on that treadmill, I didn't even feel myself fall or hit the ground. Oh, and get this-when I woke up I wasn't sore, like, at all! I felt the same as I did when I started the day.

I've had chemically induced highs and I've felt the training high a million times. Those things don't make me hallucinate!

C'mon Cindy you have to-"

"Wait, you weren't sore after falling off the treadmill?"

"No, not at all."

Cindy pauses.

I notice her blank, shocked stare.

"You see what I'm saying Cindy?! The shit's crazy!"

She remains silent. Still staring blankly into space. Her lenses slowly fall upon a shelf of psych books, then at her laptop, then back at me.

"You believe me don't you?! You know how this is happening," I feel an excited smile creeping onto my face.

"Shhhh" Cindy suddenly breaks her gaze and leaps towards me, "come with me".

She anxiously locks the door and swiftly searches through one of the drawers near her desk. she pulls out a key and motions for me to follow her towards the door at the back of her office.

Ah shit, is it really that severe? She has to keep me in a closet for examination?!

She plunges the key into the knob and swings open the door. I pause in shock.

"Cindy, you mean to tell me all this time you a had a whole lab in the back of your office and let me think it just some kind of closet!"

"Suprise?" she smiles innocently

I follow Cindy inside as she sets up a projector and computer. Around the room are holograms radiating from machines showing moving visuals of different parts of the processor. Against the walls are books. Not the digital one's that speak to you when you press the right buttons or the ones that create holographic visuals as you read them. I mean the ones with paper pages that they get from the trees. The ones that dont need to be charged.

"Cindy, you read these types of books? I don't think I've read any like these", I reach for one titled Recharging the Processor: Guide to a Sharp Mind.

"No! I mean, yes I do but don't touch," she smiles sweetly again,"I keep them all here to avoid anyone catching me reading them".

"Catching you? There's no rules against reading paper books"

"Yeah well, people tend to have pretty tense reactions regarding it so I like to keep it to myself" she admits with a sad sigh.

"Anyways," she continues in her usual energetic tone, "the only reason I brought you in here is because I think what you are experiencing is a quite unique case."

"Unique?", I ask slightly alarmed.

"Yeah, girl! This is something I have been looking further into on my own time, but everything I'm about to tell you is scientifically backed. Though, oddly enough is very hush-hush. Hence why I've been digging deeper into the topic. Based on the phenomena you experienced there may be a strong chance that what you are experiencing are called Blastbacks,"

Cindy announces excitedly, but I'm still lost.

"Huh?"

"Alright, you know flashbacks right?

Well blastbacks are basically that but times 10! It's not just memory and visuals. It literally being put in back in to those moments. "

She began motioning to the processor diagram on the projector with different parts highlighted.

"See the hippocampus..."

I hear her voice jabbering but none of it is sinking in or making sense to me.

"Blah Blah amygdala Blah Blah Blah memory blah Blah there some case studies I can show you!"

"Wait! I'm confused. Why does it feels so real if it just a memory? And why does it all seem new even though it's all happened before?"

"Well, blastbacks are usually re-enactments of events that were deeply suppressed. It's like instead of replaying the moment you're re-enacting the moment. The processor is fighting to relive it to bring it back to memory. Even to the point where you're body reacts as if you are physically in that place and time, which explains why you felt no pain after falling off the treadmill. Oh, and contrary to a flashback, a blastback would occur during a state of unconsciousness and often triggered by an increase of dopamine or endorphins. Which is why you would experience it after injecting youself with the chemicals or during a workout. You know, that's probably why you suddenly collapsed while running. To an outsider, you would probably appear to be sleeping, but inside your systems are experiencing the same reactions as they would if you were running, jumping or whatever you happen to be doing in your blastbacks. It's not an indicator of any disorders or anything. Just your processor's unique way of reacting to some seemingly significant events."

"Wait, but its still weird. That girl, Aroha, she kept talking about Earth. Actually we both were. I was telling her I don't know if I could stay there and I escaped from this planet, but I don't understand. I mean, I understood when I was talking to her but now I don't even know what I was talking about".

"Wait, you're saying you and this girl were on Earth during this blastback in the house?"

"Yeah. Yeah, something about how I have been there for years with her and I was afraid 'they' would come after me"

"They?"

"I don't know either"

"Okay but, you realize that would mean you had been living on Earth at some point....which is literally unheard of and hasn't even been proven to be duable"

"Yeah, well apparently I did it for a couple of years and was doing just fine. You know what's even weirder? Everything seemed normal. The cars, the grass, sidewalks, roads outside the windows. It didn't even look like a different world"

"I've heard conspiracies about life on other planets but I always figured it would be aliens or some other creatures, but you're saying this Aroha girl she's, like, human?"

"Yes! And she's not the only one 'cause I saw other people through the windows walking around, riding bikes and stuff"

Cindy let's out a long sigh,

"I don't know Moon. Don't get me wrong I believe you and what you have told me are very strong indicators of blastbacks but.....Earth? Maybe Earth is the name of a facility or some other place you used to be at. Maybe since you just snapped into the moment then out of it you're missing some context. I'm sorry I just find it really hard to believe that this all happened on a different planet."

Cindy tries to reason with me but I know what I heard, said, felt and understood.

"No", I say firmly, "I fully remembered context in that moment. Hell, half the things that I'm trying to piece together are the things that came out of MY mouth!"

"Alright, alright you don't need to figure it all out now. It's all pretty new. Just take some time to process it. I recommend looking up some videos of people who have experienced the same thing and call me if you experience any blastbacks you find concerning or questionable."

She smiles kindly once again,

"You're gonna be fine, Moon. Now let's get out of here. My next patient should be coming in any minute now."