16th Chapter

Finnja

One week later:

I've been thinking a lot about Lukas lately and decided to reveal my feelings for him to Sandy. Actually, Jessi pushed me to do the whole thing, because she already thought from the beginning that I should tell her. Still, it took me time and I realized that I really cared about Lukas. I thought of the jealousy, my actions and all the signs that point to, ,,in love" all over again. Her reaction would change a lot, maybe even end our friendship. After all, she would never have been as mature and understanding in this situation as I was. That was clear.

At recess, we met as usual, by the tree in front of the entrance hall. Although Ariana did know that I was about to bring up a serious topic, she started to completely distract and interrupt Jessica, all the time. This kind of disappointed me and also overwhelmed me. Nevertheless, the time had come and without hesitation, I confessed everything. At that moment, however, I had no concerns about our friendship, nor did I fear for her reaction. Honestly, I didn't care what she would think. Her reaction was as predicted and she started to make fun of it, shouting: "I knew it!". At that moment I realized that Sandy was simply no longer a friend to me, but a detestable person. My anger was so great that I would have loved to go to Lukas and tell him what a lousy rat Sandy was. At the same time, I was just upset and my tears were streaming down my face without any of the three of them noticing. At that moment I would have loved a hug from someone close to me. Someone who would put his arm around me and say that everything would be all right. I didn't care about the silence that came afterwards, I just wanted to go home and it was all because of her. My best friend had hurt me so badly inside that I started to doubt everything I had done so far. I immediately regretted the whole thing and I think Jessica saw it all on me too.

The following days were different. Sandy started to want to talk to me less and Lukas ignored me completely. There were only two people I didn't feel left out of and that was Jessi and Ariana. Both of them tried to make something clear to me in some way, but even that did not interest me much. Jessica started to worry about Jannik and questioned every decision she made. This also became too much for me, but I suppressed everything. Ariana was completely in despair because of Eren and pushed a lot of reproaches against her head, while I also had a lot of other problems. As I am, I didn't let myself notice the whole thing, although a hug from the two of them would have done me good, due to my current meaningless life. My life as a 14 year old had begun with a final heartbreak and despair and there was nothing I could do about it.

The next day finally extinguished my last spark of hope when I went to see Sandy and Jessi, who were having a conversation. I needed distraction and most of all company and the only thing Sandy, my apparent best friend said to me was: "We can't talk to you because we are talking about Lukas." I lost all support and this time not even Jessi was there to comfort me. No, they were sitting with Sandy talking about the reason I was heartbroken. I wasn't angry with Jessica, I was disappointed.