RudyGasparrini

I got used to death before, after my grandmother, my uncle Peter, and a few of my parents' high school friends. I thought I'd be able to get used to it out here too, but I guess things are different when you're the one causing the death and when you have no one to help you get over it.

I wish I could do things right. For myself, for the people around me, the people I love. It never works out that way though. I do stupid shit and it has consequences, I know it does but I keep doing it. It's like my body will do anything to survive but my mind wants the exact opposite. 

This is not a story about love. It is not a story about heartbreak but my life revolves around that. After what I did to him it's all it can revolve around. I deserve death. He deserved to take me with him, but he didn't. Unfortunately I'm still here.



---A spin-off to the After Death series. This story focuses on a new group of survivors, including an apocalypse-orphaned 17 year old boy from Ohio named Valentine Evans, as they struggle to make a life for themselves. 

Warning: This story contains adult content and is intended only for mature audiences

FEAR WHAt I'LL BECOME AFtER DEAtH

"We got away from the dead, Blake! We're gonna be okay now." 


"We just have to make it to Texas. I don't know how we'll get there but Maverick said it's safe and-"


I turned around to see him, his legs had collapsed and he knelt helplessly on the ground, his knees bled from the rough pavement. He couldn't bring himself to even look at me as I stared at him in horror and concern. His breathing became heavier and his lips quivered. I walked towards him but he backed away and reached out his hand to convince me not to come any closer. 


"We'll be safe there, you've been through a lot, you need a break."


"King, you're not listening to me. I'm not going to Texas."


"I...I love you, you mean- you mean so much to me, so that's why I can't. I can't go with you, King."


"Yes you are. I can't control myself. I don't remember putting Macie in that bag, but I remember why she's gone. I killed her. I- I don't even know why. I wanted her to be safe, but nothing I did kept her safe, so I killed her so nothing could hurt her ever again. I don't want to do that to you too. I want you to be alive and happy. I can't go with you, Kingsley. I can't go anywhere."


"I can't just leave you here. The dead, they'll kill you... like they killed my brother." 


"I can't keep hurting people like this. Just please... please make it stop." 


"I can't do it myself, please, Kingsley." 


"I can't do this without you. Please, Blake, don't make me do this, please."


He grabbed the barrel of my gun and rested it on his forehead as I held on to the stock gently in my arms. Tears rolled down my face, everything became blurry except for his smile, so warm and comforting, it made me cry more. 


"That's it. It'll be okay, Baby, you don't have to cry, it'll all be okay, I promise."He wrapped his hand over mine and slowly moved my index finger onto the trigger.


"You'll go to Texas and you'll have such a beautiful life and you'll be safe. You'll have food every night and there'll be so many people to love you."


"I don't want them to love me, I just want you. You're all I have left, Blake, I don't wanna be without you." 


"I need you to pull the trigger, Baby. Please."


Chapter 18 (Nothing Ever Last Forever)