Princy_Prince2

I have yet to start preparing for my demise. BUT I'VE DUG GROUNDS IN MY MIND FOR THESE GRAVES. In an effort to prevent anyone from seeing me the way I see myself; I try not to scream while holding my mouth shut while I sob myself to sleep.

I WORK HARD TO GET AWAY FROM THESE BRUTILIZING THOUGHTS, BUT THE MORE I WORK AT IT, THE HARDER IT BECOMES. I wish there was a way for me to get out of this never-ending living hell. A MAZE THAT TWISTS MY GUT, HOWEVER, HAS NO ESCAPE.

I WORK DAILY TO BE OKAY AND TO GET BETTER THAN I WAS THE DAY BEFORE. However, at the end of the day, suicide is all I can think about. 

SUICIDE AND HAPPINESS... 

They just seemed to fit in perfect harmony for some strange reason.

SUICIDAL HAPPINESS

Who knows when I might leave this world permanently, according to a note I keep under my bed:


You are the best friend I have ever had, and it is so unfortunate that I had to make you feel so hurt. You are an inseparable part of me that I have never once thought of as just a buddy. Always keep in mind how much you meant to me and how much you occupy a special place in my heart.


Now it's time for me to go, I am running out of words to write, and yes, I have lost and given up the fight. But please my friend, hold on; I am watching over you from the clouds above.


It's going to be hard to hold onto the memories of our days; I am sure you will find better friends who will be ready to stay. I love you, and that will never change. I am so happy for you that you found your forever half. I hope he takes care of you better than I ever did. Unfortunately, I had to be so selfish to leave you behind in this rotten world.


When you read this note, I will be gone, out of sight, beyond your reach to the stars above. I want you to know that you were the best thing that ever happened to me, but sometimes I must let go of the people I love to see them in a better place.


I love you and will always do. Now we are adults, not children anymore. Although, I miss the times you made me laugh until I became contagious. Now all I feel is alone and broken.


I will be ending my life at the place where it all began. I know I sound harsh to ruin a memory so beautiful. But I want you to know that I have tried. I am glad to see you here with a future, but some people like me don't have one; I have envied and been jealous all along, I have to admit.


You four made me feel at home, thus you will always hold a particular place in my heart.


I wish I could express my feelings to you, but I didn't want to make you frown since your grin makes the whole family smile.


One day, we'll run into each other again, whether it's in paradise or hell.


I will always love you, but I don't want to stay alive on this battlefield.


I know you have a wonderful future, unlike me, so be safe, love. Things will change eventually, and I know you will too.


Just keep in mind that I am always there for you even when I am invisible.


A SUICIDE NOTE