THE AGONY IN ME

I tried being different, I Tried to fit into the new norm of society.

I just wanted to feel wanted, And yet I still got rejected.

How am I supposed to feel?

Unwanted thoughts have left me crippled inside my head.

A guilty pleasure ran through my spine,

Wanting to feel loved but leaving most of me behind.

Seeking friendships but being humiliated,

Am I just not enough to be defined as a human being?

If I had stopped pretending to be somebody else,

Would you have stayed?

Would you have loved me for who I am?

Would nothing ever have to change between us?

If I wasn't alive today,

Would you still visit my grave?

Wanting me to be alive with you till this day,

To share the moments of your memories.

Or, would you be happy that I was gone?

A burden-free life you chose to be in.

Letting all the negativism consume me,

Wishing it never had to be this way.

Eagerly hoping for death to bring me to my grave,

Painful thoughts just haunt me again.

Till I disappear from the face of this world.

Seeing you there, Oh how I wish I were better at this,

Keeping my distance is the only way,

For me to never get hurt again.

Your happiness or mine, Oh I wonder which I would choose.

But in the end,

It all comes down to this question,

Would you have still loved me as a girl who cuts herself in agony?