BOTTLED UP INSIDE

I have to keep my difficulties within because that is the only way I can physically prevent myself from trying to commit suicide.

Is it not preferable to be physically dead but mentally dead? I am currently accustomed to being mentally dead, and no one would know unless I made an effort to tell them otherwise. If being deported means leaving this world, I should keep my true emotions and personality hidden from this world and act as if everything is well when it is not.

Verbally, emotionally, physically, and mentally. My entire identity was ruined. My understanding of reality was destroyed.