Bokuto 10

"Have you both calm down already?" Tsukishima asked both Akaashi and me after we washed our face in the nearest comfort room that they dragged us to, after I make a scene earlier.

"Atsumu can't contact Osamu. Suna said that he lost Samu in the crowd somewhere. Why don't you try calling him, Akaashi?" Omi-kun informed us that made me feel guilty when I saw the sadness on Akaashi's eyes while a fake smile plastered on his lips.

"Don't worry. He will come back." Akaashi said that made me smiled bitterly on how he trusts that fox.

If only I was like him...

If only I trusted him like this...

I sighed and asked Tsuki and Omi-kun to leave us for a moment. Tsuki hesitated for a moment to leave Akaashi with me, which I truly understand, but he let us be when Akaashi is the one who asked Tsuki to go. We both sat silently at the bench in front of the carousel that we made a scene to, and stayed like that as if we're both waiting to who's going to talk first.

"I'm sorry." I broke the deafening silence first and looked at Akaashi who's just staring at the bright carousel so I continue telling him what's all in my heart for the last time.

Yes, for the last time.

"I know that nothing would change even if I tell you that I regret everything that I did. I already know now that I can't take you back. The way you looked at him, says it. The way you say those words to him. It was so different when you last told me those three words. I envy him because I could see in your actions how you assure him that he's the only one for you. And your smile..." My voice cracked when I tried to suppress my tears upon remembering his smile that I longed for since we started dating.

"The smile you gave him is the kind of smile I wanted you to give me since we started dating. The smile that I took away from you because of my destructive feeling. I regret treating you that way. I'm sorry. I should've trusted you and not Konoha's lies. I should've believed it when you told me that you love me. I should have said how much I love you instead." I said in tears that made Akaashi's tears fell again on those gunmetal blue eyes of his that made me laugh wryly.

"I always make you cry. I'm sorry. But this will be the last time you'll cry because of me." I said in a voice that sounds like a sad song that about to end.

Akaashi looked at me and smiled sadly.

"You don't have to say sorry, Bokuto-san. We're both wrong. We both didn't show our love properly. We started our relationship in a wrong way." Akaashi said while looking at me in the eye with those sad eyes of his.

"When I decided to set you free, I admit that it's hard to unlove you, Bokuto-san. I get nightmares every night chasing you in my dream. And Samu was the one who stopped me from chasing you by just being by my side. It's really hard. If you stopped me from leaving the last time we talked, I probably stayed. So, when you didn't, that's when I start to unlove you... slowly... It's hard. but you know what's harder? It's to love you again." Akaashi said while looking at me with guilt written on those lonely eyes of his while tears keep on falling on those beautiful eyes of his.

I looked away because I don't want him to see me hurting. I don't want to give him any reason to feel guilty for unloving me. I don't want to burden him with my unresolved feelings.

I deserve this pain.

I sighed and tried to smile at him after getting a hold of myself.

"I know and it's alright." I said praising myself for not cracking up because of the tears that welled up in my eyes. I stood up and pulled him up while I tried to be tough. I only have a few more words to say.

My farewell words.

"Can I get a hug?" I asked with a forced smile plastered on my lips. Akaashi smiled sadly and hugged me tight. And for the last time, I tried to remember his warmth. The way his heart beats while hugging me. It makes me want to cry and begged him to love me again but I stop myself from doing it.

Akaashi deserves to be happy. My heart whispered as it slowly dies for finally letting go the only person that made it keep on beating.

"It took me this long to tell you this but, I really love you, Akaashi. Please be happy. I know it's too much to ask but..." I pushed him away trying to stop the tears from falling in my eyes.

"Will you please...forget me not?"

I looked up a bit to suppress my tears and laughed wryly while wiping the tears that escaped my eyes after asking that. Akaashi smiled sweetly at me for the first time. As sweet as the first time.

"Half of my life, I spend it with you. Of course, I will Bokuto-san." He said with a smile that somehow... lessens the pain I feel.

"Thank you, Akaashi. I'm sorry and..." I gently cupped his face and smiled sincerely before I say my final words.

"I'm setting you free." I said before planting a soft kiss on his forehead and leave that place without looking back at him.

And even there's a smile plastered on my lips, tears raced down my cheeks after I finally bid goodbye to my one true pair.

Goodbye... My world. I whispered in my head.

And in every step I take, I recalled all the happy memories we have. From the moment I first saw that beautiful smile of his, until that I finally see him smile finally for me.

And so, I smiled... A peaceful one.

Smile more even it's not for me, Akaashi.

I stopped from walking and looked back to where I came from and smiled sadly when I saw him still sitting at the bench, waiting for the man he now loves so dearly.

Maybe...

Just maybe in another universe...

I sighed and take a one last look to the ring that I never had the chance to give him, before I finally had the courage to throw away the ring at the nearby pond and left that place while in my mind is carved, Akaashi's beautiful smile while saying the words that I wished for.

"You're smiling just forme."