Konoha 1

"I fell in love with you at first sight." I finally admitted after years of hiding it to myself. After years of just watching over him, ruining everything for him just to make him mine.

Akaashi Keiji. The recipient of this selfish love, just stared at me blankly. And I feel so pathetic. Because his expression didn't change even after telling him those words that he craved to hear from Bokuto-san. It didn't faze him at all. My words. When he was so ecstatic when he heard it from that former Inarizaki wing spiker.

What made my words different from them? I asked myself but couldn't voice it out.

"Before Bokuto had feelings for you, I've been loving you all along." I said and drink on the mug of beer I'm holding. I don't know how many glasses I've drink so far. But even so, I don't feel drunk at all. It seems that, no alcohol could make me drunk now that I'm confessing all the wrong doings I did just to get the person I love.

"Then why didn't you tell it to me instead of making me be with Bokuto-san?" Akaashi asked with his still cold gaze.

I smiled bitterly. "Why? Will you love me just because I confess to you? I could see in your eyes that no matter what I do, not unless he hated you, there's no way that you will look in my way."

"Is that why you helped me to be with Bokuto-san? You want me to give him up on my own?" Akaashi asked furiously.

"It's what I planned to do. To make you give up on him. But then I realized that he's in love with you too. So, I lied to him when I told him about what I did to his relationship with Yukie. I told him that we're sleeping together in exchange of me helping you to be with him. I know how dumb and coward he is, that's why there's no way that he will ask you about it. But I didn't expect him to keep you. And I didn't expect you to stay with him even after all the things he's doing to you." I admitted that made Akaashi looked at me blankly.

I feel tired and defeated when I saw his expression. It's as if he's telling me that I meant nothing to him. That he couldn't even gave me even just a little bit of hatred.

"I'm sorry, Akaashi. I just love you too much." I said sadly but it seems that my feelings won't reach to him no matter how loud my voice is.

"Your love is so selfish. That is not love, Konoha. That is just your pride disguising itself as love. Because if you really do love me, you won't be that evil. You won't put me in hell just to make me yours. It's a good thing that I didn't run to you." Akaashi said in a voice that is as cold as December.

No words escaped my lips because it's true. The way I showed him my love is wrong. All the things that I did just to make him come to me and where it all started flashes in my head bit by bit.

I fell in love with him at first sight.

He has the most beautiful set of blue eyes that I've ever seen in my life. And those pale lips that flashes the sweetest smile makes me out of breath. I also want to ruffle those messy hair of his that seems fluffy when you touch it.

At that moment.

What I have in mind is that...

I shall have him.

I befriend him, with a plan of making him fall for me in mind.

But everything changed when I saw those pair of blue eyes gaze lovingly to Bokuto.

At first, I tried to deny what my instinct is telling me. Not until he flashes those sweet smiles whenever we talked about Bokuto.

I feel devastated.

I am overwhelmed with jealousy...

And I got scared.

Because I know Bokuto is also falling for him. I could see on his eyes that he's falling slowly yet deeply with Akaashi.

And that's how this hateful feeling called jealousy took control over me.

I helped Akaashi to get together with Bokuto but little did he know that I planned to ruin them. I know Bokuto is jealous over me. That's why even when they got together, I still ask Akaashi to hang out with me. And because Akaashi sees me as his ally, he always let his guard down with me. He always tells me what's going on with them.

That's why I know that Bokuto never once admitted his feelings to Akaashi. And that's how everything works perfectly for me. What I just didn't prepare myself is the fact that they might end up living together.

I got scared once again. Because it just made Akaashi to stay with him.

That's when I made a move. I pressured Akaashi to admit what we did to Bokuto and Yukie's relationship. I lied to Akaashi that I'm feeling guilty for what I did. I always go to their home acting drunk trying to barge on their house. But he didn't know that Bokuto could see us that made that stupid owl bring a girl on their home.

I regret it. Because I didn't know that it will lead Akaashi to hurt himself. That's why I stopped coming to their home in late hours and thought of another way to break them up. But then Akaashi went to me and asked to have a drink with him after they had a fight that lead to him to hurt himself.

I couldn't suppress my feelings that night and end up making a pass at him when he's drunk. I brought him to a hotel and tried to make love with him but when he called Bokuto's name, I totally went soft. I cried that night because even on his sleep, even when it's me that's with him, he still sees Bokuto. So, I put a mark on him and send him home.

I remembered how many punches I got from that stupid owl when he saw the hickey that I put to a drunk Akaashi. He told me to stay away from Akaashi and that's when I started blabbering lies to him.

I told him that in exchange of helping Akaashi, we always have sex whenever I want to. And that's how their relationship changed drastically. And it became more complicated when Yukie came back. But because of that too, Akaashi got mad at me.

I was deeply hurt. When he starts to ignore me. I just want him to be mine. But why can't he see that Bokuto isn't the one for him?

I tried to keep on pursuing him specially when I saw how his health gets affected on their relationship. But he just pushed me aside and told me that whatever my reason is, he doesn't give a damn of it all. I was hurt but you know what's more painful? It's when I heard that he left.

He left Bokuto.

But he run away with someone else.

He run away from Eden not with me.

I tried to sabotage Bokuto's plan to see Akaashi again. I paid the investigator he hired twice as much as he paid and asked him not to report anything about Akaashi and instead, report to me. That's when I learned that Akaashi left with Osamu Miya.

Osamu Miya, the other guy who loves Akaashi silently.

I got mad.

Who won't be? When all the things I worked hard for just to get Akaashi, he was the one who claimed it.

He got Akaashi easily.

Without getting his hands dirty.

That's why this time, I tried to ruin them.

I went to his place when Akaashi's not around.

"Break up with him if you don't want to get hurt further more." I said to him without blinking an eye.

Osamu Miya just looked at me blankly as if what I'm saying is impossible. He's just like Bokuto when it comes to giving up Akaashi, it's hard for them to budge. So, I stir him up.

"You'll just get yourself hurt. Do you think Akaashi totally gets over with Bokuto? He loves that owl for so long and knowing that owl, he will soon make a move to make Akaashi his again. Do you know what is Akaashi's weakness?" I asked that made him silent so I continue.

"Akaashi's weakness is Bokuto's tears. If that owl cried asking Akaashi to get back with him, telling him that he can't live without Akaashi, for sure...it will make Akaashi soft. He will hesitate to push that owl away. So, if I were you, end your illusion because you..."

I grinned mockingly. "You are just Akaashi's temporary happiness. And Bokuto? Bokuto will always be Akaashi's world. Then and now, it will always be him." I said before I left.

I really thought that if I break them up...Akaashi will come to me.

But they didn't break up.

And Akaashi come to me...

He came to me but neither love or hate could be seen in those blue eyes of his that I loved the most.

It's nothingness.

Just like how I am to him.

I am nothing.