Much Joy Than Sadness

     I continued when it was obvious she is not going to say anything until I am done

    "It was like nature was with me, your stay back home lingered and school wasn't opening anytime soon. I was initially at Tasha's place and her mom being a nurse, she was getting closer to knowing the truth so I looked for an alternative and that's when Miss Celine came in. My spirit accepted her the moment I saw her and I knew I was going to trust her, so we told her about my pregnancy and the circumstances surrounding it. She took me in without questions. I found out she was unmarried and which I found odd.

  I was eight months gone when you returned back home, I had to keep lying to you to let me be at Tasha's place. 

  "After I delivered the twins three months to my sixteenth birthday, I could not keep lying to you so a month later I returned home and three months later school was reopened."

She let go of my hands and sat on her bed" so how did they survive without you and what about the money for their upkeep"

She questioned.

   "Before going to school every morning, I got to Miss Celine's place to pump out milk for them and pump out extra too. The money was not an issue because Miss Celine took it upon her to look after them. 

  I had constant fear everyday that you were going to find out but you never did. I was a breastfeeding teenage mother under your roof but you never found out. It could be that my prayers worked because I prayed day and night for you not to find out. I wasn't ready to spoil what Zain had going on with Susan and after six months of breastfeeding them, I stopped and we started buying milk for them. It was not easy but Miss Celine pulled it through. I had to visit them from time to time till this moment."

  I ended my long speech and walked up to her on the bed," Mom, I am really sorry for not telling you. I did not have the courage to"

She pulled me to herself and sobbed," I should be the one apologizing. I am a terrible mother for not realizing what you were going through. You had a relationship I was never aware of, got pregnant by the same man who gave your first heartbreak. Carried the pregnancy, delivered the babies,fed them and now they are grown and I was never aware of it. What was I doing all the while you were going through all that? What kind of a mother am I?"

She lamented, broken heartedly. 

  "Mummy, it's not your fault. Don't be hard on yourself. I was the one who foolishly fell in love with Zain"

  She pulled my face to look at her"will you ever forgive mama?"

    I smiled and brought my hand to her face,'' There is nothing to forgive, mother. My involvement with Zain had brought me so much joy rather than sadness. The twins means the world to me and same as you that's why I chose to walk away from Zain to have you guys alive for me"

  "This poor child of mine has gone through alot"

She cried out, with tears streaming down her face. Mine welled up and I let them flow.

  We stayed like that crying our hearts out until we heard Miss Celine clearing her throat. She stood at the door with Michael and Mitchell staring at Mom and I.

  I quickly wiped my tears and mom did the same too but Mitchell and Michael had noticed I was crying.

  "Auntie, who is beating you?"

Mitchell asked with her tiny little voice. She was standing right in front of me looking sad as well

I smiled in my tears.

  "Nothing is beating mama, you hear" 

 First time I am acknowledging I am their mother. I did not know why I did not want them to know I am their mom and yet they didn't refer to Miss Celine as their mom, we had tried several to make them call miss Celine mother but they never did and we gave up. Mitchell nodded at me then brought her little hand to my face and wiped my tears away.

  "You told me big girls don't cry right?"

"Right, I won't cry again. I promise"

I promised her and she jumped up laughing happily.

  I could see the admiration in mom's eyes watching them.

  "I can't believe I was a grandma and I never knew about it" she whispered, smiling.