Chapter 6

    I  was so sad that day,not that he left but what he did to me and it was so hard to keep this secret. I kept checking my private part for any damage because I felt funny.

   Luckily it was time to go home,my joy knew no bounds,I went home with the hope of never facing such nightmares again,and today I was reminded of the same act,am I just unfortunate or I brought this upon myself?

   I didn't notice I was crying,until my mom's concerned voice brought me back to reality, "Reth dear why are you crying?". I just looked away feeling embarrassed I have never cried in the presence of anyone for a long time,I just wiped my tears quickly.

 " I bit my tongue, and it's painful" I said she knew I was lying but still decided to accept, she told me to always come to her when I want to tell her something or feel worried.

    I loved her so much,she would always calm me down it felt like magic her words sounds like music to my ears,if I could grow up to be a mother as an occupation I would do it in my entire lifetime on earth,and if I come back again I will still be a mother and nothing more.

    It's the greatest achievement,a job that doesn't require school or certificate,it's just a natural gift.

   I never felt the absence of my father because my mom would play every role so perfectly,anytime I felt low or intimidated she would call me and tell me how my life would be like if I had all I ever wanted, though it was more of fantasy I always feel contented anytime she tells me how I will ride on horses,and lick ice cream anytime I wanted to,I would travel abroad and I would be a grown up.

    Anytime I am free I would close my eyes and imagine my mom telling me all the good things in life.

 The next day I pretended to be sick so I won't go to school,I can't face my principal,I know he won't keep quiet since he didn't succeed. Three days passed and I seemed to be cured of an unknown sickness and I had to return back to school.

    I felt like I was going to jail for an unknown crime. I was scared,but relieved when I entered school without seeing him.

    Two weeks passed and he wasn't in school. I was happy that I didn't have to face him,just to hear an unexpected news that he was dead,he died by road accident,I don't know if I should be happy that he was dead or sad that he died. I still kept quiet about the last scenero, since he wasn't alive no need to feel threatened or pressured.

      Two months after his burial,I didn't see my menstruation and I became scared maybe I was pregnant because he touched me,or my menstruation stopped because I hated it So much I was so worried until my mom told me it's totally normal for me to not see my menstruation for at least two months since I just started menstruating.

   Though I felt relieved,I was still conscious. I prayed everyday for me to see my menstruation,it seems I only believe in God when I am distressed. 

   When it finally came out, I was happy for the first time to see my menstruation since that day henceforth I was grateful every month I saw my menstruation, even though I know it only stops when you are pregnant, but you can't be pregnant if a man doesn't touch you.

    And I never allow men to touch me. I still had the idea that a skin to skin touch can make me pregnant,just like my mom said, or how I understood what she said.

    Luckily my bad dreams seemed to stop for a while,I didn't care, I just moved on with my life, and before I knew it the year came to an end. And I became a year older.,

 A year closer to pain