Chapter 34

Dinner is held downstairs with pleasant company and witty humour. Scott prepares the dinner and it tastes delicious and I almost wonder how he has that gift to just keep on making delicious food.

I can never seem to manage it as a gobble down more of his food through my gullet. Eras looks at me like I'm some sort of wild animal, and I giggle at the surprised grin that he gives me. I think I eat even more than the boys, and Oakley pats me on the back in a well done gesture when I'm done.

I don't know if it's stress eating or if I'm just eating because I'm hungry but I sure feel good after it. It's almost nightfall and Eras has to get going so we escort him out the gates with Scott dropping subtle hints that he shouldn't come back anymore. The animosity between both of them is some hot dogs down and maybe it's because of the small drama that happened this evening, or maybe they just don't want to upset me, but I feel really thankful for it, it means they actually take my emotions into consideration and Scott acts on what is best for me.

I give Eras hug as he goes into his car, not to make sure that there is any familiarity between us but to assure myself that I don't feel anything for him, I'm not ready to start feeling anything for anybody at this point, he gives me wink as he drives off. Scott is already halfway into the house and we spend the rest of the night cleaning up. Oakley suggest that we watch a movie and Scott suggest that it be a romantic movie, I should see Miguel and he laughs it off.

We watch an horror flick in which the guy and the girl get killed at the end. It seems to have that tone of finality which I think is what I need at the moment. It makes me know that there is truly something like a resolve, and if I keep close to it, there's nothing that you can't achieve.

I sight and unfamiliar object by the side of the kitchen and when I look at it closer, I see it the umbrella, the same umbrella that he had asked me to bring back to school for him. I debate going back tomorrow and telling him curtly that I had lost it but that will be lying, and it would not be fair to both of us. So I decide at the bottom of my mind.

I will make the meeting as short as can be. I will go there and hand him back his property and get myself away from him. I will keep as far a distance as I can from him as possible.

As I don't trust myself just yet, I go to sleep with a recalcitrant smile on my face. I don't think if I get broken again this time I'll be able to peice myself back together. I'm not ready to be broken again.