Chapter 114

"Will you at least forgive me for all I've done then?" he says and I flush at the way he smiles. It seems he's still looking for a way into my heart, but yet I find I am still picking up the pieces one by one. I already have two people who make me go crazy in my life right now, and I don't think I need to make things more complicated than they already are.

"I forgive you" I say, and I let the word hang in the air between us. He wipes away the wetness over his eyes and escorts me back to the car. I see Scott looking into the sky, lying down on the bunk of Eras's car.

The moment we come out Clay's eyes shift to mine with something of worrry and understanding. I wonder why he does that, is there any faint possibility that he might also have felt the way I am currently feeling now.

I feel like a villain was just dashed someone's hopes against the wall, and yet is walking away free of all consequence and peaceful in mind. I feel horrible for what I have done right now, I do not know why I feel this way but I know that is exactly what I am feeling.

I feel so horrible at having rejected Aron and his offer at a second chance. Some small part of me keeps on telling me that this isn't his fault, it isn't his fault that he's this pent-up at this stage of his life, that is exactly what everyone thinks the teenage years are about.

They're about exploring the vast world and exploring the bodies of others, it is about finding what you like and what you do not like, but yet I cannot bring myself to take that kind of risk again. I find I cannot bring myself to place my heart in the hands of someone who hasn't clearly figured out what they are doing in life yet, I cannot bring myself to place my heart in the hands of someone who has broken it once before, however he has explained the situation is, betrayal still looks like a betrayal to me.

For crying out loud he could have told me all this months ago, and we would have resolved it. I would not have had to feel like trash the day he so gladly dumped me to roll around in the mud with his new girl, I would not have had to feel like a cast off the next day as I went to school. We would have saved both ourselves a lot of drama, and tension between us, but yet it seems he didn't.

He did not deem it fit to grace me with any sort of attention or trust as to what exactly was going on. However he puts it I still feel betrayed by his heart, and as I walk back to the car, I find I am shedding silent tears myself.

Scott notices this and wraps me in a hug, this is surprising enough for me to forget why I am crying and just marvel at the shock of it all. it seems I have become something so fragile like glass that everyone seems to be wary for, everyone seems to be watching for when I would break down so they can come comfort me, and I do not want to be that sort of person.

I do not want to be the girl who is always breaking down because some guys broke her heart before in the past. I do not want to continue being the girl who doesn't have her own happiness. All that is going to change.