Chapter 117

"Are you sure you are okay?" he asks, and I consider his question for a good while. Am I really sure I am ok?, Am I really sure I am still well mentally balanced?.

I do not know why this sudden aura of depression and confusion has overcome me. I feel like someone who is at confusion as to what life brings and wants to know how to take the next step forward.

I feel like someone who's tired. Someone who's direly tired of all this drama and complication life loves to throw at me at each and every turn.

I wish I had my father and mother back with me. I wish they would be here to pat my head, and put me to sleep whenever I came back home after being broken.

I wish they would be here to give me enough advice not to impulsively do things that I would never have done in the first place. I wish I had someone whom I could lay my head on their shoulder and cry my heart out without being judged, or without feeling like I was the weakest amongst all of us.

Scott takes my hand in his and I realise that I'd actually been silently crying. Actual tears had begun to slip out of my eyes and one of them fell on his palm.

I looked into his face to see pain raw and rugged there

"Is this about Aron, or is it about something else?" he asks. I can only imagine the sort of scene we would be creating in the bus right now.

Two siblings who just randomly cry while everyone else was in something of a considerably happy mood.

"Exactly how do you do it?" I ask him. "How do you keep on pushing yourself to live, day after day?".

I can hear my own questions very audibly, and even to me they do not make sense. It does not make sense for me to suddenly be asking my brother how he manages to wake up every morning and continue living this horrible reality that is our life. My relationship with Aaron I would like to say, had probably barred my eyes to the cruelty that was life, but now that I was free of that veil over my head, I saw life for what it truly was.

Even with all our comfort and the huge heritance our parents had left us, we are both broken, we are both broken and sad but yet we are not able to talk about it with anyone.

I do not know what makes me ache more, is it the absence of my parents, or exactly just how much pain I've gone through ever since they had left. I can't say I blame anybody but myself for getting involved with four different boys, and now the fourth one is making me even more anxious and worried than the others.

"How do you summon up the courage to live?" I ask Scott. It seems he gets the true meaning of my message, and as I look into his eyes expecting an answer, what I find in there utterly surprises me.

I see uncertainty and insecurity weave around each and every corner of those eyes. I feel shocked, as for once my brother actually let me see exactly who he is.