CHAPTER 25

      Graduation week came by and everyone was so excited for having reached yet another milestone and in preparation for the next height in their young adult life,Dylan and Carly included. Well,Carly was still in a state of confusion after the night of the senior prom as she kept replying the scene over and over in her head.Questions flowed through her head non stop and she couldn't stop to wonder what had actually happened. Who was he?Why had she been so taken by him and with Dylan holding her so closely. Had she been lying to herself that she was attracted to women while all along she wasn't? But no,she had felt the same thing for Dylan and she didn't regret anything that had happened to her.Was she attracted to both women and men?Was that it?She was already beginning to feel like she wasn't true to Dylan and it hurt her to think about it. Dylan's love for her was beyond what she felt she deserved and she knew if she allowed it to go further than where they were,she wouldn't even be considered a person. Sometimes she found herself crying whenever she was alone and the thoughts about Dylan came to her.What she knew and felt was the worst thing was when they were together. She always put up a front and pretended like everything was okay.

  So some minutes to graduation, she was standing alone in the girl's washrooms thinking and trying to figure out how she would broach the subject to Dylan. She would be heart broken and if that happened again,Dylan wouldn't ever want to see her again.A tear escaped from her eyes and she quickly wiped it away.

        "Afraid you are going to miss this place?" A random girl asked her.They hadn't even said a word to each other through their entire highschool life.  

         "Maybe," Carly replied absently.

          "What I say is you only live once.And because of that,we are supposed to enjoy the present,live life like you will never do it again.The past is left in the past so,if you ask me,I am so happy I'll be leaving this hell hole in a few." She then went back to her make-up.

     Carly laughed a half hearted laughter. "Yeah,how do you do that?The moment I decide to live life,enjoy what's right there,something else happens and fucks it up."

    The girl shrugged, "All I do is just the normal teenage stuff.Steal beer,sometimes get a smoke and best of all,fuck all the boys I want. That life is pretty easy and fun.I bet college will be even more fun.Hotter and more mature guys," she looked at her and seemed to recall something, "Girls too in your case."

    Carly looked away and bit a lower lip in guilt.

        "What's wrong?"

  She shook her head and decided to say something. "Everything is wrong. But mostly my relationship with Dylan."

        "Oh right,commitment sucks," she replied as if it was meant to make her feel better. "Let me guess,you are going to different colleges and you see as if it's not going to work blah, blah,blah," she paused. "Well,if you thought I was going to make you feel better I'm not going to.Teenage love is crap,you are both kids who don't know anything about life,let alone what you really want.It's stupid,sorry not sorry."

     Carly wasn't even a tiny bit offended by her words.There was some truth to them and she saw it clearly now.She nodded,"You are right,I don't even know who I am right now and I need to find myself first." 

  The girl smiled, "That's what I'm talking about." She replaced her makeup in her sling bag and turned fully to Carly. "I'm Aimee by the way."

  Carly smiled,"I know. " Then,"It's crazy how we have been in the same class since freshmen year and we are just talking to each other now,on the last day of senior year."

        "Yeah but doesn't surprise me though," she pointed to Carly then to herself. "Popular kid and the class weirdo,the most inferior person."

         "High school life,I'm definitely not going to miss any part of it," she said then laughed but thought silently,'Except the wonderful moments she had shared with Dylan,who she was about to break up with.'

        "We are having a little party,beers,guys and all at the edge of town in celebration of getting to the end of senior year.You can come if you want to,although I should warn you that we are not the type of crowd you used to walk with in here."

       "I don't do that anymore," she then thought for a while before asking. "Can I bring a friend?"

      "Of course,if he or she is cool."

 Carly smiled, "Okay."

         They walked out together towards the hall the graduation ceremony was being held.She looked up to where Dylan was seated amongst the other classmates. There was an empty seat next to her and she knew it was meant for her but here was Aimee inviting her to go seat with her.She pondered over, thinking which decision would be the best to make and decided to walk up to Dylan. There was no need to begin alarming her before the graduands had been announced. Another girl has beaten her and she had missed the class valedictorian at the last moment so she wasn't going to make any speech.

          "Hey,where have you been?" Dylan asked her as soon as she had settled next to her.

         "Just in the washrooms. I had a little pre graduation fever but I'm okay now," she lied but looked straight ahead.

  She felt Dylan touch her hand then take it into hers.She closed her eyes but didn't turn.If she kept doing that,she knew she wouldn't be able to go through with her decision.

        "You can talk to me you know," Dylan went on."You are not okay Carly,there's something bothering you.I have been observing you for the last few days whenever you weren't looking and your thoughts have been so occupied."

   She remained silent but her thoughts were working. 'Dylan,we need to break up? I think we should take a break.I'm bisexual? I think I might have thought about someone the same way I think about you?'

         "You are right, we need to talk but after this."

   Dylan's voice faltered,"This is not going to be good,is it?"

  It was then that she finally turned to her.She could already see the pain in Dylan's eyes.She could almost feel her heart breaking. But she had to do it,she had to set her free.Each one of them needed to find their own path and she somehow felt they never would if they continued being together.

   She shook her head sadly, "I don't think it will be Dee." It was the first time she had called her that and it expressed the amount of emotions going through her. "It's gonna change everything."

  Dylan stopped her by squeezing her arm more firmly.

       "Can we at least get through this first?" she asked.

        "Yeah,we can do that."

 Dylan nodded and they brought back their attention to the ongoing ceremony. None of them said another word up to the final moment when list of the graduands was read.Surprisingly, their names followed one another, Dylan first then her.They walked to the front together in between cheers from the rest of the students and their parents. Dylan took her hand and she didn't resist.

     When they were standing on the platform in front, she looked across the hall and located both her parents. They were clapping and cheering along with the rest and when their eyes met,she saw her mother smile at her.That was new.She never did that whenever she was with Dylan and now they were not only close,they were holding hands.She smile back then turned to Dylan. 

           "Congratulations!" Dylan said, raising her voice to be heard over the noise. "You deserve it."

   Carly smiled at her,"You too Dylan. We have come this far. I hope the next journey will be as good."  To her she felt like she was already saying her goodbyes and Dylan seemed to understand but she didn't say anything else. 

        The seconds ticked by,turning into minutes and it was finally time to end the ceremony and go back home.They parted ways to talk with their parents and agreed to meet up later in the gym.

      Carly walked towards where her parent's and her brother were waiting.

      "Congratulations sweetie," her mother said and embraced her.Carly was surprised at first because it had been so long since she had done that.

        "Thank you?" She said questioning the whole thing.She however broke the hug and stood back.Her father being the man of a few words just parted her  the arm and gave her a tight smile, "I'm proud of you."

          "Thanks dad."

           "Where's your friend,Dylan?" her mother asked curiously, looking behind her.

         "With her mom,why?"

          "Just asking," Carly furrowed her eyebrows and squinted her eyes.

          "You've never asked a question about her.Why the sudden interest?"

          "I guess she has grown on me."

 Carly observed her mother's reaction and saw that she was struggling too hard with the situation. She decided to take the opportunity to antagonize her but she didn't get to say anything before her father commented.

        "What your mother is trying to say is that she wants to thank her and apologize to her for being so impolite whenever she was around with you. We can't change who you are but we can support you and show our love for the person you chose and who chose you just like we did for your brother and his girlfriend."

 Carly looked between her parents and since she knew they never played tricks,she believed them.Her brother and Taylor were going to the same college and they seemed so excited about it.For the firs time in her life,she was going to a separate school from her brother's and she wished it wasn't so.Dylan wouldn't be going with her either and she would be alone amongst strangers. She however was determined to see to what end she would go on her own.

    She shook her head, "Too late,I'm breaking up with her."

         "What?" 

It was from her brother. She turned to him. "It's what I need to do,what's best for both of us."

Carl looked at her questioningly, "But you just got back together."

         "What happened sweetie?" her mother asked and the question had some sincerity in it.

        "It's complicated," she said sadly then excused herself the moment she realized that they wanted to follow up with the situation. "I have to go meet her."

        "Carly," her brother said. They walked a few paces from their parents. "There will be no coming back from this you know,you already broke her once."

         " I know but if I don't do this now,then it will be much harder and painful later.I need to set her free."

         "Free from what?Don't you love her?" 

         "It's much worse than that and I feel like I'm not being true to her."

          "Why?"

         "I'll come tell you about it later.Right now I need to go meet her,she must be waiting for me."

             *****

      Dylan was standing in the gym waiting for Carly. Sitting had only increased her anxiety and nothing but negative feelings came to her.Somehow she felt like this was the end she had so much dreaded and she didn't know if there was escaping it.She recalled the night of the prom,how they had gone back to her place. Carly had slept over and that night had been different. The sex had been steered by much deeper emotions. Then she had thought that it was their connection returning but now after observing her for a whole week,she knew it wasn't that.Carly had probably been trying to push something away,maybe some thoughts away that day.And now she couldn't take it anymore.

     She saw her approaching and she stood still.

        "Hey."

           "Hey,sorry I took so long to get here."

           "It's okay," she replied and stepped forward to meet Herr halfway, "Also I think what this is about so just don't try to go the long way."

      "We are so young Dylan. None of us has a clue about what life or love really is about."

         "Stop it Carly.No one ever said there was an age of falling in love. It doesn't make any difference whether we are teenagers or grandma's.".  Tears flowed from her eyes freely and she let them.

          " Except there is a difference when we don't know who we are.I don't know who I am Dylan,"Carly clarified as she tried to fight back her own tears. "I need to do this."

          "Please Lee,don't go," Dylan begged. "This is too much to handle." She made a step to close the gap between them but Carly moved back and increased it.

        "I'm sorry Dee."

      Present day...

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