SIX

had seen enough.

I rush back into the house after feeling an urgent need to be sick as I felt the alcohol unsettling in my stomach. I run through the hallway and burst into the downstairs bathroom before throwing up straight into it. I was coughing up sick for about forty seconds until I finally find peace. I flush the toilet and slam the lid down before unravelling a bit of toilet roll and wiping my mouth. I sniffle and shut my eyes, pressing my wrist against my forehead, the tissue crumpled up tightly in my clenched hand. I hated being sick it was honestly one of the most horrible feeling ever.

Quickly, after cleaning myself up, I wobbly stand back up, using the wall for support and make my way back out into the chaos of the house. A lot of people were mostly outside now but I see girls crying and rushing towards the front door, holding onto each other.

I grab my phone at that point, the tears blocking my vision and go into the Uber app straight away and immediately order one to go home. Within a minute it confirms and the driver was five minutes away. I shove my phone back into my pocket at that point just as Tom comes into view.

"Selena." he starts.

I flick my eyes at him and study him. "What just happened?"

Around me, I could still hear the screams and crying from everyone, a random girl telling her friends that someone had just died. I couldn't bring myself to say anything else and neither could Tom, we just stood in silence. The music had stopped now so it was bad enough when the screams were all you could hear.

After about five minutes, I see blue flashing lights from the window and open the front door and the horrible high pierced siren from it until it came to a complete stop. My head was absolutely pounding and my eyes felt super heavy. I just needed to go home.

"Doooo you want to come back to mine, Sel?" Tom asks as I take my phone back out of my pocket and key into it.

"I've got an Uber," I mumble, looking down at the screen and seeing it was here. "It's here I'm gonna go."

"Sel." Tom starts as I begin to walk out of the front door and back out into the night air. As I stumble out the driveway the paramedics walk past me and then two police cars pull up, luckily I wasn't the only one leaving the house either, a few other people were stumbling out and sauntering down the street. My feet were starting to hurt and everything just ached. My head was starting to pound and everything got rapidly dizzy again.

I see the registration of my Uber and it was parked just a few feet in front of the first police car and I soon clamber into it as soon as I reach it. I don't bother with the seatbelt and slump into the seat. My whole mind went completely blank as the driver starts to drive down the street.

"What's happened there then?" The driver asks in his thick welsh accent, obviously questioning the ambulance and police cars.

I don't answer him and just stare ahead at the seat in front of me.

I spot the driver quickly looking at his mirror and furrowing his eyebrows in genuine concern. "Are you okay, love?"

I could barely give him a nod and he just sighs in response and continues to drive towards my house. For the next ten minutes I didn't speak and neither did he ask any more questions.

Once he halts outside my house, he gives me a small smile as I open the door. "That's you home, take care, love."

Weakly, I smile and thank him quietly as I stumble out of the car. I slam the door shut and soon make my way wobbly into my own drive, thankful to see my house in front of me. It was a mission to get to the front door as I was still terribly drunk but I manage and open the door before slamming it shut. As soon as I turn the lights on I jump in fright to see my dad sitting on the bottom step. What is he doing? Has he been sitting there the entire time since I went out? He was sat with a glass of whisky in his hand.

"Had a nice time with your mates?" He questions downing his drink.

"What's going on?" I ask drunkenly.

"Course your drunk." He slams the glass down on the floor and stares at me. "I didn't expect anything less though. I need to tell you some news when you've sobered up tomorrow."

I gave him an icy look. "Why not now?"

"BECAUSE YOU'RE DRUNK NOW GET UP THEM STAIRS!" Dad bellows.

I was slightly taken aback at how quickly dad lost it like that. Whatever the news must be it must've been really bad for dad to be like that. As I make it up the stairs I walk past Kelly's room to hear her crying. What was going on? I walk into my room and slam the door shut behind me. I get undressed and grab a thin floaty black jumper that reached high above my knees from under my pillow and shoved it on. I took my hair out of my pony and rag it out, I then tie it in a very loose low messy bun and stumbled my way into bed. I didn't bother taking my makeup off it was pretty much off anyway.

My head was spinning extremely fast and I shut my eyes, soon falling straight into a dream world, away from the horrific reality.

•

I woke up that morning and my head felt like it had a constant hammer to it. Last night was a bit of a blackout to be fair and nothing was coming back to me. I knew I went to a party but that was about it. I wasn't that drunk surely. But to be fair I usually was like this and then through the day, everything would slowly come back to me. I swing my legs out of bed and rub my forehead, I felt extremely sick. Fuck hangovers. I stand up and look in the mirror. My eye makeup was smudged all under my eyes, I looked like a fucking vampire. Then my attention turns to my neck. Bruises. Oh great. Thanks, Tom. If my dad saw these I was dead. I quickly grabbed my foundation and squirted loads out onto the back of my hand before grabbing a blender sponge, I dab my foundation over my bruises and luckily it covered them perfectly. I put about three layers on before grabbing a baby wipe and scrubbing the stained foundation off my hand.

After a minute, I make my way downstairs and into the kitchen where dad and Kelly were. Kelly looked really down, I mean she wasn't a morning person anyway but something was seriously up. Dad was in a mood and he had his work clothes on.

He turns to me as soon as I got his attention and glares at me. "Sobered up then?"

Kelly lifts her head and I look to see her eyes were red underneath. She'd been crying. All night as well by the looks of it.

"Right sit down." Dad demands.

I fold my arms. "Why?"

"Just do as your told!" Dad snaps.

I glare at him and storm over to a stool in front of the counter and sit down on it. "What?"

Dad seemed to be psyching himself up. It was pissing me off now I just wanted to know.

"Well-"

"Will you just fucking tell me!" I scream.

"Mums left!" Kelly breaks in, her voice cracking at the same time.

My heart drops. I felt a really horrible pit feeling in my stomach. I was feeling sick anyway but this made it a hundred times worse. Mums left?

"W-what?" I breathe out.

"She said she wants to spend some time apart from me and for god knows how long. She's taken Alaia with her and they've gone down to live with your aunt in Brighton. She could be gone weeks, months...maybe more than a year...but she's gone. She didn't take you or Kelly with her obviously, your lives are here. She left you both letters. Here's yours." Dad fishes out an envelope out of the drawer and chucks it carelessly at me.

"I've been called in for a meeting so I'll see you later." He walks out of the kitchen and I lift the envelope, tears blocking my vision.

"She's gone." Kelly sniffles. "You weren't even here you were at that stupid party. Mum wouldn't even speak properly to me when she left she just gave dad the envelopes and her and Alaia were off in a taxi."

She shakes her head and turns the TV on, it was straight into some headline local news.

"It happened at a house party that took place in Chestnut Crescent." A man says.

"Isn't that where you went last night?" Kelly asks.

I lift my head and stare at the telly my eyes wide.

"He was believed to have fallen out of the top window, straight below onto concrete. Investigations are still ongoing as to whether it was an accident...or murder."

"Oh my god!" Kelly gasps. "Selena!"

I just stare at the telly, my eyes fixed on it. It came back to me. Everything from the night before. Including Logan lying on the ground. The blood seeped out of his head. Everyone screaming and crying. Everything.

I look down at mums letter. Everything had taken a huge 180. And it was only going to get worse.

•

That Monday morning was actually horrific. Obviously, everyone knew about Logan's death and it affected the whole school. I still hadn't gotten over the fact my mum had left. My dad's turned into a workaholic more than he already is to the point it's actually unbearable. I just blanked everyone out all weekend and switched my phone off.

I felt like death, I had only just recovered from my long hangover too. I fiddled with my hair which was in a loose low pony as I made my way down the corridors to go to the assembly hall. There was a really horrible atmosphere in the school. A student had died. Of course, the atmosphere was going to be terrible.

"Hey." A voice starts, I turn my head to see Tom rushing up and stopping next to me. "I've been trying to ring you all weekend I was gonna go over to check if you were okay but you know...your dad and all that."

"I had my phone switched off. Didn't feel like talking to anyone." I shrug, folding my arms.

"You still tryna get your head around what happened?" Tom asks quietly as if he didn't want anyone else to hear.

I shake my head. "Not just that."

Tom stops and grabs me by the arm. "Has something happened?"

I look away from him because I knew as soon as I was gonna look at him I was going to end up crying. I blink back the tears desperately and Tom rubs his large hands over both the top of my arms. "Baby, tell me what's happened come on."

"She...left." I mumble looking down at the floor, making the loose strands of hair fall in front of my face.

"What?"

My throat was hurting with the fact I was forcefully holding the tears back. But I couldn't even hold it anymore, I felt like a river about to burst its banks. And then I did. I melt down into tears, putting my hands over my face and Tom brings me straight into a hug so my hands and face were on his chest. As soon as I started crying, that was it. I just couldn't stop. I took mum leaving really hard, I hadn't even read her letter yet.

At that moment I heard a voice but it was quite muffled because I was buried in Tom's arms and his arms were slightly over my ears, but the voice was clear enough for me to know who it was.

"Tom." Mrs Lowsly starts. "If she can't handle sitting in the assembly then just sit with her in my classroom, Okay?"

Great. Mrs Lowsly thought I was crying over Logan. Just because he was dead didn't mean I stopped hating him. An awful thing to say but he wasn't a nice person, I was shocked at his death but I wasn't gonna be crying over it anytime soon. I managed to calm myself down and pull out of Tom's grip turning to Mrs Lowsly. "N-no Miss...I'm fine."

"Really? It isn't a problem to sit in my classroom."

"I'm fine, Miss!" I suddenly snap out. She seemed taken aback but just nods and walks away. I honestly didn't mean to take it out on Mrs Lowsly but I was upset and angry. The bell suddenly rings and Tom sighs. "Come on. Assembly."

After five minutes I sat in a row with Tom, Chris, Claude, Amy, Luke and Halle. I was sat in between Tom and Chris which comforted me a lot. The others saw my eyes red from crying but Tom gave them all a look to say don't say anything and they never burst out with any questions. However, Chris just gave me a really worried look and I knew he was desperate to ask me what was wrong. Next to Tom, Chris was always one to turn to if I was upset. Me and Chris always had a brother and sister bond between us. It never came between me or Tom or Amy and Chris because me and Chris were just best friends. Well, brother and sister pretty much. He always made me tell him what was wrong so I could tell it was frustrating him when he couldn't ask what was wrong with me when it was clear as day that I had been crying.

"Morning, everyone." Mr Graham starts gloomily. "As you may know an incident occurred over the weekend. Which unfortunately followed in a student's death. Logan Bates."

I glimpse my eyes over to see Clara sitting with her fellow year nines and again, her face was expressionless. Yet there was a glimpse of no remorse in her eyes. But actually to be honest I don't blame her. He did ruin her life. And then I remember. Another flashback to the party. Clara. Walking away slowly and I see that slight smirk on her face. I jump back into reality to see Clara shifts her eyes down and stares at her hands, and then I notice they're shaking. I turn my head back to the front. I had to shake off this constant gut feeling that Clara was somehow involved in Logan's death. If it was deliberate murder. But Logan had pissed so many people off that week, there were a few I think would wanna take him out.

"The school and the whole community are very saddened by his death."

"Pfft." Halle scoffs. "I ain't."

Amy thumps her as a few students that heard her turn their heads to look at her. I was with Halle but of course, I was smart enough to keep my mouth shut.

"We do have some counsellors in here especially for the rest of the week to help you through this difficult time. So if any of you wish to speak to them throughout the day and the course of this week, you're very welcome to."

I see Halle shaking her head angrily and I just stare back ahead at Mr Graham. I knew this week was going to be terrible and I just wanted to skip it. I just wanted to skip to the part where everything was okay again. But nothing was gonna be the same again. Not after this weekend.

•

The day was dragging terribly slow. We were only at break but it felt like lunch, they'd extended our break and lunches probably for the "grief" but it just dragged the day out more and made it worse. The gang were all sitting around the table and I was tearing the fuck out of a bagel I hadn't bothered to eat.

"So do you reckon he was pushed?" Chris starts.

"Why do we have to jump to stuff like that?" Claude questions. "He probably just drank too much and fell out of the window. Rational thinking."

"Yeah." Luke agrees. "It doesn't always have to be murder."

I lift my head up and just stare at them both.

"Shut up, you two!" Chris snaps. "Claudio, what even happened to you at that party?"

"I think I passed out in a cupboard." Claude answers, pushing his glasses up to the bridge of his nose.

"So you didn't see the body?"

Claude shakes his head. "No, and I'm glad I didn't anyway. Who wants an everlasting image of a dead body embedded in their brain? Not me."

"You're really not making us feel any better, Claude." Tom says quietly, tapping his fingertips on the table.

"Fuck all that. I'm more bothered about the fact they're glorifying Logan like he was a big celebrity just because he's died. He was a horrible person so why should we feel sad about him?" Halle speaks out.

"I'm not sad." Chris answers. "It's just a shock that's all. One minute he was alive and the next we saw him dead on the ground."

"Yeah but no one should be feeling sad about the maggot. Rest in peace my ass I hope he's burning in hell." Halle continues.

"Halle!" Amy snaps. "Okay yeah, he was a horrible person but don't get ahead of yourself saying stuff like that!"

Halle's face holds a look of pure anger and she leans back in her seat, staring ahead at the wall.

"I still think he was pushed," Chris speaks out, making Tom roll his eyes. "I mean look at all the people he's hurt. They've all got motive."

"Well as far as we know, he fell. So that's the end of it. Now can we talk about something else this whole place is turning into a funeral directory." Tom snaps.

The whole table renders in silence. Halle still looked incredibly pissed and now so did Tom. The rest of us just had straight faces. I felt incredibly sick. I just wanted to go home at that point. I hated this. This whole depressing atmosphere. I just wanted to go home and listen to my music and block out the world. I was sick of it.

At that point, my bladder turns and I naturally erupt out of my seat, making everyone look at me in concern.

"I need the toilet." I tell them all before running out of the canteen. I make it into the corridors straight away and towards the girl's toilets. Every person I walked past was either crying or discussing the weekend with their friends like they were on an interview on a talk show.

However, I end up slowing down when I see someone familiar. Clara, at her locker. I couldn't help but feel this weird emotion take over me. My mind once again flashed back to her at the party. How she looked. How she was in assembly and without thinking any further I was making my way up to her forgetting about my need to pee.

She starts to walk off as I eventually reach up to her and within a swift motion, I grab her by the arm, pulling her sharply to the end of the lockers behind the wall, making her gasp in fright.

She turns so her ponytail swings around in a full circle nearly hitting me in the face and as soon as she sees me, she glares at me. "What are you doing?"

"Clara listen." I start. "You might not wanna hear this but it's been bugging me all weekend. I saw you at the party."

Clara shakes her head giving me a muddled look. "What?"

"I saw you when Logan's body was lying on the ground you were standing there. You were the only person that had no expression and then I saw...I saw a smirk like you...I don't know! Explain, Clara because it's bugging me! Why did I see your hands shaking in assembly today?"

Clara scoffs. "Wow. You think I pushed him out that window don't you? That's cool because rumours are already starting to go around with people thinking it's me."

I narrow my eyes. "What?"

"Yeah, they say I have a perfect motive because of what happened to me last week. So thanks for believing I murdered him too."

"No, Clara...it's just you seemed weird and I was just concerned. That's why I wanted to ask you."

"Weird?" Clara scoffs once again. "I-I had nothing...to do with it."

Woah. I heard a hesitation there.

"Clara listen-"

"No, you listen!" Clara suddenly flips. "As far as I'm concerned it's not just me, a lot of people had beef with him last week and who does that include? Oh yeah, you!"

"Wha-" I laugh in shock. "You can't seriously think I had anything to do with it?"

"You got angry with him because of what happened to me and you punched him in the face. You could've been capable of a lot more for all we know. And what about my dearest big brother? I think he'd do anything to get revenge and protect his precious little sister."

"Tom wouldn't do anything like that. Yeah he was angry with Logan for what he did but he would never kill him and he was with me when it happened so."

"You still think it's me, don't you?" Clara folds her arms. "Because of how I 'acted' how would Tom feel if he found out that his girlfriend thinks his sister is a murderer? Wouldn't end well, would it?"

"I don't think you're a murderer! But after everything that happened the way you were...I dunno, Clara please you need to be honest if you were involved somehow."

"I'm not listening to this bullshit anymore! You're a toxic bitch and I don't want you anywhere near me again!" Clara screams.

With that she turns away and storms off down the corridors, leaving me biting the inside of my lip harshly. Maybe I shouldn't have confronted her and kept my mouth shut. She seemed pretty triggered when I asked her. Despite all of that though, I still knew she was hiding something. I knew her inside out. She was burying something in that head of hers that she really wanted to keep in her head. I head my way back to the canteen feeling more guilty than I was before. Tom really couldn't know about this because this could ruin our relationship alone.

•

It had rolled around to third period and at this point, I was done. In the past two lessons, we didn't even learn anything everyone was just talking about Logan. It was PE now but I really wasn't up for it. I wasn't one to skip lessons but right at this moment in time, I couldn't care so I was wandering around to the back of the school. As I did I see a familiar blonde sitting against the wall on the ground, legs up and watching everyone running laps in PE. I edge closer to see it was Chris. I expected him to be in PE, it was his favourite lesson and he was skipping it? Something was really up.

"Chris." I call out softly, making him turn his head in my direction.

He just stares at me, his face was blank I couldn't tell what emotion he was experiencing. Chris wasn't much of an emotional person. You're probably thinking he's just putting up a strong front but it really has to take a lot to make him cry. His dad's death didn't hit him until I'd say six months after and he was crying but that's kinda normal if someone loses someone close to them. It affects people in different ways. "Skipping PE?"

He just simply nods and then I see his eyes, I could've sworn I saw a glint of a tear.

"Snap," I say, making a small smile raise on Chris's lips.

"Sel." Chris begins, studying me. "How come you were upset earlier? Before assembly. You'd been crying. I just needed to ask you but you don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

I had to tell him. He was my best friend after all. "Mum left. Took Alaia with her."

Chris's eyes widen.

I nod. "Yeah. She wants a long break from dad or just wants to split from him and she's taken off to Brighton. Gave me and Kelly letters."

Chris gives me a sympathetic look and moves his head to beckon me over to him. I smile and walk over to him before sitting down against the wall right next to him, sitting in the same slightly hunched position he was in. I rest my head on his shoulder and sigh looking at everyone else running and hearing my angry Scottish PE teacher screaming at the girls which echoes across the whole field and relays back to where me and Chris were sitting.

"What's happened, Chris?" I ask quietly.

"I dunno, Sel." He slightly rests his cheek against my head. "Everything's just going shit innit."

"Mhm." I sniffle. "Don't die on me."

"I'm not going anywhere. Don't worry." Chris reassures me, he lifts his head a little so he could kiss the top of my head. He really treated me like a sister and I was honestly so grateful to have him in my life. I knew he always had my back and I always had his.

"You seem pretty down too," I say nestling my head further into the crook of his neck. "Hence you're skipping your favourite lesson."

"Just tired, Sel. I've not got much sleep since the party." Chris admits.

"You should listen to music," I suggest. "It helps."

"Yeah?" Chris curiously replies.

"I feel sick." I mumble.

Chris laughs. "Not pregnant are you?"

I lift my head and give him a hard look. "No."

"I'm only joking." Chris elbows me. "Your mum will come back. I know she will."

"I don't think so." I sniffle. "She sounded pretty determined from what dad and Kels told me."

"Well, if you need a mum figure, you know where mine is." Chris gives me a sweet smile and I return it before resting my head back on his shoulder.

"Can I come over Wednesday then? I want her homemade Mac and Cheese."

"You don't need to ask, you're always welcome at mine." Chris grants.

"Am I pushing it if I can stay over?"

"I've got football training really early before school so unless you wanna get up earlier than usual." Chris chuckles.

"Can't I just stay even when you go out? I'm close enough to your mum and I've been to your house countless times. I'll just let myself out for school." I suggest, looking at him.

Chris rolls his eyes. "You always get your own way, don't you?"

I grin cheekily. "Yep!"

Chris's face goes back to serious again. "You just avoiding home?"

I look away and stare ahead. I think he was right you know. I was avoiding home. It was too quiet and dad was always in a mood and it just wasn't a place to even call home anymore. "I dunno, I guess I am. I don't know what I'm doing, Chris. Everything's just gone weird."

"I feel that." Chris sniffs before standing up. "Come on, I need to be fed, let's grab a burger."

I give him a small smile. "Okay."

I stand up and link my arm with his as we start to head out of the school.

"I believe that everything will figure itself out in the end, Sel. Even this." Chris starts.

"No," I mumble. "I'm not sure about this one. I'm really not sure."

•

| |

I arrive home that afternoon. It felt like night. The school day had dragged terribly. This whole Logan thing was all anyone could talk about. And then having Chris thinking it was a full-on murder like we're on an episode of Luther. Nothing like that happens here. Cardiff is just Cardiff. It's a normal city in Wales. Nothing like this happens. Especially not so close. I still reckoned it was an accident. So did Claude. Logan just fell out the window probably really drunk. There. Rational.

I make my way straight into the kitchen and head to the fridge, grabbing out a bottle of orange juice. I unscrew it and turn round to see dad standing at the counter watching the telly, Gran was sitting on the sofa watching it, and Clara was sitting on one of the high stools at the counter. I turn my full attention to it and it's some woman detective with two police behind her at some conference thing. The camera lights constantly flash at her.

"We don't know much as of yet about Logan's death. But what we now know." She starts and I hold my breath. I look over at Clara and no reaction was coming from her. No emotion. Blank. Nothing. I found it a bit odd. I look back at the telly ready for the next sentence.

"We are treating this as suspicious. This was no accident." The Detective woman says sternly.

My mouth opens a little. I really thought it was just an accident and he fell. But now it was changed and...he was murdered? So someone pushed him out that window.

I look back at Clara and she now had an expression on her face. Worry. She was worried. Why was she worried? I was panicking internally. The fear in her eyes said a lot.

As I continue to look at my sister, the seed of doubt had set in.