IV: Trusted Confidants Part 2

I frown. “I am still hiding it from view. Please allow me a moment and you shall see what I speak of.” I stand and walk to my changing screen. I unfold it, stepping behind as I do so. I take a deep breath as I carefully release the charm I cast upon my beautiful form. I flinch at the pressure and expanding feeling inside my stomach. I have, no doubt, forgotten how it feels. I nervously watch as the belt on my robes is forced to untie itself, the fabric parting. My solid-red under rive is exposed. It takes me a short bit to make sure I’m balanced before presenting myself. I dare not look at Li Jie for a few heartbeats. Insecurities flood my mind and choke my heart as I stand before him with the truth of my pain exposed.

Li Jie hurries over to steady me. My friend forces me to meet his lilac eyes. “Xiao Meng, are you alright? Is this why you allowed Sisi to use her curse? Because it is actually yours that you created because of Lingruo?” He reaches out a hesitant hand to touch my stomach.

Frustrated, I take his hand and press it to my belly. I make him feel the restless kits I carry. “This is what I have been hiding from everyone for all those years. They were weak and so was she.”

Li Jie assists me in getting back to the bed. “Was there not another way?”

I shake my head as I sniffle. “I had no other choice if I wanted my young to live. I admit that I’m ashamed of it all. I despise others flaunting their happiness in love because I am cursed like this.”

“But you did this to yourself,” Li Jie argues.

“I had to curse myself this way else what little happiness I had would’ve been destroyed. We all must make sacrifices from time to time. And this one is mine. Lingruo left me once she learned of what I did,” sobs rack my body as tears blind my sight, “I did it all to protect her and them, but she didn’t understand; being horrified instead.”

Li Jie does his best to console me through physical touch. “And that is why you stole her memories of your time together and sent her down as a mortal?”

“Ever since, I swore I would never fall in love again. I must prioritize the safety of my kits. I’m telling you all of this because I cannot hold it back any longer,” I finish my confession. The guilt I’ve carried for hundreds of years vanishes as I look into the most caring eyes I’ve ever seen.

Li Jie helps me sit comfortably before joining me. “Does your brother know?”

I shake my head. “Only you and Qing Yuan know. Jingyi is only aware of the changes to his duties,” I tell the honest truth.

“Xiao Meng, I am serious about this. You ought to tell your brother about this. He is pushing for your wedding to be held soon and if something happens there is no telling what the consequences will be. I can assist and support you, but you must be willing to allow it,” Li Jie’s expression phases into darkness, “Is that not why you summoned me here?” The Dream Immortal has a point in what he says. He makes sense when he says that Hao should be informed, but Li Jie should also know why I haven’t told my brother.

“I beseech you to speak nothing of this to the Heavenly Emperor. I do not wish for him to know anything unless absolutely necessary. We spoke shortly after I left the council and his chase. He only suspects I have an illness.”

My friend gets back up, pacing with ivory hands behind his back. “According to what Hao disclosed regarding your conversation, you had been smoking,” a hand moves to his forehead, “I think it’s time to reach out to the Medicine Immortal. If anything, Lord Huan can assist you until birth.”

Trembling captures my body at the mere thought of needing help.

Weak as I am, I still do not desire any help, I scold myself.

Li Jie reaches into the left sleeve of his robe. He pulls out a summoning talisman.

I attempt to lunge for the parchment. But I can only return to my seat. I watch with bated breath as Li Jie summons my uncle. I quickly do the only thing I can do and turn away from my friend. I cross my arms stubbornly as I pout like some child. I have never been so embarrassed in my entire life—abused some, yes—but not embarrassed.

“Xiao Meng, please turn around,” coaxes a gentle voice.

I refuse the request. It’s difficult to not waver while the kits move around relentlessly; however, I manage. I slowly begin to fidget a little bit. “I’m fine. There’s no reason for you to interfere. You may take your leave,” I protest slightly out of breath. I suppose I’ve set myself up for this. I hold back as long as I’m able.

Li Jie climbs on my bed, making sure he gets directly in my line of sight. “Please trust that no one will judge you and turn around,” he sighs, “We only wish to help you.” My friend gently puts a hand on my shoulder and another on my back. He carefully forces me to face my Uncle Huan.

My uncle is one of the oldest gods currently alive. He’s tall with eyes of gentle jade and raven hair in a simple coronet with some gray strands visible. A mere shadow of stubble graces his chin. White and green cloak his body, a matching pendant hanging from his waist. “My dear nephew, why haven’t you said anything about your pregnancy?” Huan inquires.

My eyes widen. I never once mentioned anything about the matter in his presence.

“I’ve had my own suspicions as to what medical condition you have.”

I struggle, but manage to somewhat find my voice. “How do you know about this? I have only confided in Qing Yuan and Li Jie.”

Huan shrugs. “Have you forgotten the many times I had to make medicine for you because of daily sickness? I didn’t want to pressure you into telling me anything,” Huan shakes his head and continues, “Did you believe I wouldn’t find out? You know very well that you may always tell me what’s wrong—no matter if what ails you is physical or mental.”

I flinch at his soft, yet firm, words.

My uncle kneels down in front of me and summons unfamiliar tools. “Please allow me to see how you are faring,” Huan begs.

I hesitantly grant his request.

The Medicine Immortal undoes my last robe and parting it, reveals my bare stomach. He reaches out a fair hand to feel my pulse under two dainty fingers.

I can’t help but ponder how he learned the truth. I am such a fool for trying to outwit someone so perceptive. I was hoping he’d forget. I never once intended for family to know until after the kits were born. My mind begins spinning from one thought to another. Fidgeting overtakes me again.

Concerned eyes cut through the twister. “How often do you smoke?”

Confusion is conquered by panic.

I fumble for a way to blow off his question. “N–not often…I only do it wh–when agitated. You know me better than anyone, dear uncle,” I quickly add the last part.

Huan sighs dejectedly as he snatches up the object in question. “You need to quit. I’ll have Jingyi lock up your pipe in its box and keep it in his possession.”

I don’t even dare make a grab for it because no one can go up against Huan when it comes to his duties.

“You must take extra care of yourself. No rigorous activities or shifting for the time being. In terms of your shifting, I am unaware of the effects whether negative or positive. Continue taking your medicine and, above all, do not—and I mean do not—suppress them.”

I’m struck with the horror that everyone will know the truth. I fear that my beauty will be diminished. “But–But—”

“They are in a weak state due to having been suppressed for two centuries and I have my fears that you may lose them,” Huan’s frown is deeper than the darkest depths, “That is why you haven’t given birth yet.”

The horror already planted grows as it wraps tighter around my heart.

I’m such a terrible father. How could I do such a thing? If only I knew! I lament inside.

“Xiao Meng, I will brook no arguments. I will check on you every other day. Stress is bad for the kits and you may need to call on help,” my uncle finishes.

“But–but I’m fine now. I promise to—”

A fair hand rises. “You heard my words, cherished nephew. This is a serious matter and I shall inform all who ought to know.”

I tremble under the unfamiliar harsh voice. I want to cover my ears, but something keeps me in perfect check.

“Promise me and swear that you will listen. I will take drastic measures if I must.” He puts a hand on my shoulder with a stern look. Huan won’t take his leave unless I do as he asks.

But I do not wish to be treated like a ceramic piece. I abhor being seen as less than I can be. I have a reputation within the three realms and so I will not swear unless I receive a compromise. “I will as long as I get something reasonable in return.”

“And what do you speak of?”

“I will not lose face and never be viewed as weak,” I respond in an assertive tone. I stand my ground quietly. I hold my breath out of possible rejection.

But my children will not be brought up in a world of rumors that declare their father a pitiful god.

Huan finally nods. “Very well. I grant your request if you do all I have said.”

“I promise and swear it. You have my word.”