V: Adjusting to Life Part 1

A few suns have passed since Uncle Huan's first visit when I was forced to promise my compliance with his orders.

I have finally gained the courage as I walk to Jingyi's room in the palace. I go through the halls and cloisters of my home with my head held high. I watch as servants bustle about to tend to their duties. What will Jingyi think? Will he remain loyal? I shake the insecurities off. I cannot keep succumbing to them every time I get over them.

Jingyi is going through letters when I slide the door open. He looks up with shock and rushes over to my side. "Is everything alright? What happened?" My attendant leads me over to his bed.

I sit down with great care. "Nothing is wrong," I begin quietly, "I have just not told you the full truth. This doesn't change your duties; I only wish for you to know why they changed all those years ago."

Jingyi kneels down at my side with his head bowed low. "I will serve you no matter what slips from your lips."

I breathe in slowly. "Jingyi, I carry young and have been since that day." My confession leads me to think about other things. I've not heard a single sound from Hao or the Flower Immortal.

A terrible feeling builds up inside me. It eats away at my confidence and replaces the positive emotion with a negative one.

Shame.

They're most likely ashamed of me. I believe with my fragile heart that my marriage to Ai will be called off. I pathetically allow fear to spread throughout the very core of my being, thinking that the worst will happen. I finally get up and take my leave of Jingyi's chambers. I walk in silence as I return to my room. I refuse to pay any mind to the many bustling servants. I do not dare draw any more attention to myself than what I already have.

There are many words I could use to describe how I feel, but none do my situation justice. It's all laughable.

The most beautiful immortal in all the realms is found pregnant and intends to marry a flower fairy.

I laugh dryly to myself as I step back inside my room. I hastily order the maids to draw me a luxurious bath using the proper oils and petals. I untie my robes, letting them slip into the floor while I wait silently. It's a miracle my home has not been invaded by Hao and his merry band. I had suspicions that my brother would love nothing more than to get an up close viewing of my pain. I shake my head. Focus, Xiao Meng. My right foot is the first to sink into the warm water. I lower myself into the floating petals with care. I wave over a servant to wash my hair with closed eyes.

The young girl hurries over enthusiastically. A gasp escapes her lips as soon as she sees my exposed body. Her reaction isn't completely unexpected, but a servant should never lose composure.

It's an universal rule in this harsh world that someone of that status cannot reveal any emotions when attending to another. Most are harsh about the enforcement of this concept.

But I am nothing like the others. I allow it to go unnoticed this once.

"Is everything alright, My Lord?" she asks once she regains her composure.

My eyes fly open to set her straight through a dark glare.

The servant looks ultimately terrified of what lies before her.

"Nothing to concern yourself with," I answer rather coldly. The sting of my words lingers in the air as I follow new instincts. My slender fingers wrap around a wash cloth that's draped over the basin's edge. I resign myself to gently scrubbing my swollen belly. I don't understand why I have not told the other palace staff the truth and I suppose it is because I am not obligated to tell them anything. I just have not found the need to do so quite yet. I am expecting a visit from Uncle Huan and it's possible that Qing Yuan may accompany him. I stand up as soon as the maid has finished her tasks.

The poor thing shakes in horror of what she sees in her presence. She is most likely a new member of the household staff.

I ignore her fear and glide behind the changing screen. I pull on the white inner robe with hesitance before picking up my signature outer robe of red and gold silk. I make sure to tie both loosely as I slide my feet into pristine white shoes. I take my fan out of its box that sits on my vanity and make haste to my study.

Jingyi waits right outside the door with impeccable posture. "My Lord," he bows respectfully, "Lord Huan has arrived accompanied by Lord Qing Yuan. They await you in the entrance hall."

I silently follow my advisor. Perhaps seeing Qing Yuan will lift my spirit from the abyss of suspicion and speculation.

Two tall figures bow gracefully as I enter the entrance hall. They stand with bright smiles and their eyes on the part of me I wish no one could see.

I return their bows to the best of my ability at the moment as I flash a smile. "Welcome. I have been expecting you, Uncle Huan. I am also very glad to see you again, Lord Qing Yuan." I unfold my fan, delicately cooling myself. The extra body heat has become wretchedly unbearable. "What brings you to such an isolated place as Fox Haven?"

Qing Yuan folds his fan with a laugh. His eyes travel the length of my body, worry fading as his gaze reaches my face. My friend makes no move to do or say anything.

I suck in a breath, praying that he makes no comment on my appearance. My pale fingers tangle in the cloth around my waist.

The Water Immortal finally smiles. "My dear friend, I have come to see how you are faring. Is all well?"