The Changes

   Kim Seungmin

    I left them, with my crying heart. What should I do to make her feel about me. To make my place in her thoughts. When I don't try she is happy, with her clear sky. A smile that makes my heart to shine.

  But, when I try she thinks nothing of me!

  But I should try and try until one day she will have her thoughts for me. I should try!

  Next day, I saw her with most curious she can be. I was afraid she will tell her freinds about special performance but she is good at keeping secrets.

   Later, Minho Hyung asked her to visit Chan Hyung. I saw she was smiling. Just what she was thinking. BongCha wanted to follow her but she made her wait.

  Bongcha and Chaewon were teasing Hyunjin. I guess the rumors are spreading widely. It's not that it affects me. But in certain way it does.

  I will do the same thing as Hyunjin does. Spend a lot of time with her. Then I guess everyone will see me with her. And not anyone else.

  I went to follow her. She was standing, with a lot questioning clouds over her head. Just like the first day of our college. But they were not that dark just as first day. She was confident now.

   I went close to her. To blow the bubbles in her mind. My hand just about to ruffle her hair when thought came to my mind, the thought of nothingness! I retrained myself.

  And in about time she turned. I was about to fall. Maintaining myself seeing her eyes observing my each and every move. I made every expression of mine to hide.

  Maintaining myself I asked the plain question, "Do you know where is Library?"

  And with that I left my sigh of relief. She was again confused. A state of nothingness that was about to come was now almost gone with questions.

  She don't know where is Library? Eun Seoyoon! Oh! She is Eun Seoyoon! She and Hyunjin are similar. Why will she ever come?

    I made her follow me. And she came. Just like a small rabbit with fear she took her every step. Looking left and right. Her clouds above getting dark and dark.

   Is it the quitness or is it me you scared of? We entered into the Library. Seeing Chan Hyung her mind finally cleared. The sun rose again!

   If I could, I really want to hold her tight let others not to even see her. Just nothingness at my time and that sun shines seeing others!

   Why am I angry ?

   She sat, and I answered Chan Hyung's question. I guess I can no longer hide my emotions from Chan Hyung. He guessed it right. Well I can't hide anything from him.

  Chan Hyung talked to her, serious he can be. He knows if he lacks in seriousness no one will take him ever seriously.

  When I first met Chan Hyung, he did scared me. That face which only smiles when you are allowed to have conversation. He smiles but that smile if different when he considers you one of his close.

  And he already gave that smile to Eunsoo, but he is pretending she is not close. And I guess he succeeded. She is somehow tensed. The conversation goes on and I, observing her each and every reaction...

   Then she smiled. She tried to smile like I did earlier! When I smiled I forgot to see her reactions. But now she was smiling the same as I did! She was CUTE! I can not get hold of my happiness and my emotions.

   I was happy as I could be, when Chan Hyung..., I know he did it intentionally. He asked her to call herself 'oppa'! I remember when I told Chan Hyung one junior called me 'oppa' and it was flirtious as I could hear.

  I'm confident he wanted to test my patience! And with side eye he looked at me. When she turned toward me. Her eyes shining bright with sunrays.

  Felt like those two wide eyes will open as wide with those long lashes. Her lips slightly curved. When I moved my gaze to find something else who could help me to keep my composure.

  Few strands of her hair, floating in air. Even few of them, took my whole attention. She was looking at me. Again with no thoughts. But these gaze do not speak nothing. She was looking at me the way I find myself looking at her.

   Does she feel the same emotions? But why then her clouds say nothing. Or she just look at me always like this. And to everyone just the same. It feels like I'm universe to her but then her mind speaks nothing.

   She did showed the emotions but her thoughts explained nothing!

   She called him 'hyung'! And not 'oppa'! I smiled. Internally laughing. Trying not to let her know that made me laugh.

   Few moments passed. With not having my eyes over her, for these long when she is so close. How can I not?

   She started to move. What? Our meeting is over? But, Chan Hyung! When Chan Hyung suddenly stopped her.

    Her clouds! The sun shine it's brightest! She was that happy. She was looking at Chan Hyung with that sun. This sun shines when she is with Hyunjin, with Felix and now Chan Hyung too! But why it isn't, when She looked at me!

     She was excited. And I unintentionally said something! Somehow with anger. I didn't wanted to! But the fact she thinks of me nothing makes me little angry these days.

   I shouted and her, sun rising high set down in a moment. She sat quite. With now nothing in mind. I tried to speak as calm as I can. But it sounded rude. Kim Seungmin get hold of yourself.

   She rested. And finally the sun shone again. I can't. I want to look at her. And want that sun, to rise for me too.

   I want to be there too. I asked her, "Felix says you love to write too!"

  She said, "Yes!"

     "But it was so back then. I don't think I love it much now!" She added.

   I slide the book aside and slide down resting my head over my hand and asked her, "Why don't you?"

   Her eyes quivering. To look at me or not. Does she wanted or not! Her clouds with nothingness, but her eyes don't want to deny anything.

   Her eyes, they say she thinks of me. More than anything. But her thoughts comes up with nothing. She wants to deny those thoughts for me. Or her eyes wants to show me those things I'm seeing.

  Or those are just my emotions, who wants her to think about me. I guess it's my emotions. Emotions do play tricks on minds. And her mind with no thoughts for me.

  She answered but, I was too emerged in my thoughts that I didn't listen to her. Her eyes now not on me. But I don't wanna move. She makes me to want to stare at her. Without blinking.

  Chan Hyung clear his throat. Like he wanted to break me free from what I'm thinking. I looked at him. And he gestured to sit properly. I smiled at him and sat quitely.

   "You should try!" Chan Hyung said to her.

   "Um, there's no problem in trying I guess!" She said with smile.

   I took a book and again sat to sit. While Chan Hyung slided a pen and paper to her.

   "Show me what you got!" He said.

   "Eh? Me? Now!" She was somehow scared but excited.

    "Um!" Chan Hyung nodded.

    "What you want me to write?" She asked.

    "Yo!" When I was looking at her here comes voice from my back.

    "Yo!" Chan Hyung answered.

    I turned when cold hands landed on my shoulder. It was Han.

    "What's going on!" He asked.

    "Trying her to write!" Chan Hyung answered.

     "Oh, so she writes?" He questioned.

     "No, no! I used to!" She answered. Giving him smile. Her clouds like sunny day not so bright. So he is not like those three. Okay! That's good.

     "There's no used to!" He answered.

      He then sat beside Chan Hyung in front of mine.

     "Look, just write whatever you feels. And then it will somehow turn into rhymes!" Han was explaining her.

     "Oh...Kay!" She was slow.

     They both then engaged in conversation about verse and rhymes. I have never seen Han talking to other persons like this. So he too finally let his bounds low down for her.

     I sat quite not listening what they talked but thinking of how I can talk to her so her thoughts for me should change. But it is hard now as my mind is playing games with me.

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Eun SeoYoon

    Han is super talktive. I never guessed he talks these much. He smiled. And he smiles cute. He have that aura which makes you listen to him more. And the thing he talks all are bound in emotions.

   I feel there's nothing which he considers without emotion. He discussed various matters. Like I having my thoughts there's need to learn various things to make song.

   But he eased my emotions just saying, 'you don't need to worry! Play with words and we are not doing it professionally right!'

   That make my heart settle! I was scared!

   But I'm looking forward for it. It will be much more of fun. After one session we moved. We three went to classroom together. And I unconsciously was talking a lot to Han.

   When we entered I saw Bong's reaction. She was shocked. Just like the first time, when We saw Han smiling. The same way. As we were enteribg classroom. Han's smiled somehow condensed and then disappeared.

   Seungmin was in front, but being busy in his own world. That is rare Seungmin. When he is too much comfortable, he loses his sanity. Not exactly! But he does not pay attention to talks much.

   It was different from last year. He used to pay attention but do not talk. But now, it was different. He just doesn't care what person is talking about.

   The jolly side of him, I wanted to witness. And I'm glad I'm that close to him that he can be careless like this. Like a small kid he was just there letting us adult talks.

When I entered I felt that bubbles of questions in Bong's heart. Not only I was not here for one session. But I was with Han and Seungmin. The two mysterious boys!

She was just waiting when I sit there and she will ask a lot of questions. We entered and Hyunjin just swayed his way toward us. Seeing which Han exclaimed, in slow voice heart by Us three! He moved outside not to show his reaction to class. But I guess some others saw him doing that.

He opened his arms and seeing Hyunjin he said, "jhagiya!" And Hyunjin too saying, "jagi" went to hug him.

Wait, Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait!

So much to interpret! Did he and Hyunjin just talked. Not normal one. The one tone you used to call each other as lovebirds. Ok, let that aside. They met each other like they are freinds from so long.

But I never saw them together!

And Han hugged him. He not only talked to me for the whole session but also he hugged Hyunjin! Hyunjin? Like weren't they cat and mice once!

Is Han possessed! Or was he!

Not the reaction Bong gave to me was all over my face!