Chapter Six

ACCEPTANCE OF SELF

Self-acceptance is a stage of rebuilding and a turning point in your life. Self acceptance is liking yourself and becming content with who you are and where you are in life. Self acceptance is refusing to let another person affect you. For more of us self acceptance is easier said than done because we often claim to be in the self acceptance stage long before we actually are. Then something will come along and throw us a couple of steps backward. A lack of self acceptance is when you choose not to get involved in activities. You find yourself thinking, "Those people have been divorced," or "They are going to get a divorce," or "They are hurting too much," or "I am past that now." One way of checking your self acceptance is when you no longer say, "Look what they did to me." You are able to start going on with your life by doing normal things again such as routine tasks. You are beginning to see light at the end of the tunnel. Another check point is being able to accept what your ex- spouse did to you. The harboring of the feelings of animosity bitterness, and resentment is a way of holding onto your past life. Your ex-spouse can not only ruin your day but continue to push your buttons and ruin the rest of your life. Your decision to continue to harbor these feelings will block your progress of self acceptance. Abnormal grief prevents a true acceptance of yourself. Abnormal grief usually begins with under-reaction. This is when someone is very quiet and calm and seems to be preoccupied with little or no feelings. This type of person is fearful of losing control. They have a personality that has been crushed by an abusive mat. They have an intense anger level and

fear they will overreact. They also have a need to show the ex- spouse they are not hurting and will make it.

Self-acceptance is a freedom found in a kind of indifference. It is necessary for divorced people to free themselves from the emotional ties to their ex-spouse or they will find themselves avoiding going to certain places for fear of running into them. Your identity is no longer connected with them but ho you are. They do not have the ability to upset your life. Reaching this stage could be the focal point of difficulty if children are involved. Children sometimes become a struggle between former spouses which could turn into a battleground. Their battle schemes and your mind conversations start to run rampant. Example: your ex-spouse is totally irresponsible or they are totally inflexible. Once you have reached the point of self acceptance, you won't continue to have negative mind conversations. Your relationship has now changed with your ex- spouse so that your identity is no longer connected with them, an their personality flaws are not your problem anymore. Self acceptance can be best summarized by, "I will be content in whatever state I am in." That is a great survival strategy to learn and means taking one day at a time. Once you reach the point of self acceptance, you will no longer wait for the damage to be undone. You will no longer feel rage at them or feel desperation for things to change. You will begin to hope for and expect future happiness.

SELF ACCEPTANCE

Summary

Definition of self acceptance: Knowing who you are. Being comfortable with your own identity.

Ways of checking self acceptance: Being normal – being abnormal.

Summarizing acceptance: Being content, reaching a point of acceptance.

Self-Image: How has divorce affected you? Place yourself in your new life as a single person.

Dealing with rejection: Which of the following have you felt?d. Refused, rebuffed, turned down, denie