Chapter Seven

LONELINESS

The dimension of loneliness goes deep inside of us. It is the most difficult part of the grief process to work through . . . simply because we are so vulnerable and are still hurting. We feel the loss of a deep sense of belonging to another person. We miss the presence of a familiar face, voice or surrounding and we need for someone to be there. We are experiencing social alienation in a couple-oriented society. We try to reach deep and meet this need through single groups and with sexual and other relationships. Single groups are good and they are needed, but most often you will use this to try to fill a void. You do not want to become dependent on any one thing. The trauma of loneliness is isolation from others. A time of quietness is good and is needed but not for long periods. Long periods of sleeping and crying spells that linger are harmful. However, crying is sometimes necessary. We continue to depend on our ex-spouse for our validation as a worthwhile person. The loss or absence of a significant person in our life raises a question about our value and worth. Women get their self worth from the man in their lives. Men get their self worth from their jobs. When we get our self worth from another person it is a mistake. Wherever you are, whatever you are doing, and who you are should make you feel worthy. You are an important person and there is a plan for you to accomplish and a purpose for your life. Loneliness starts when we are unable to share ourselves with someone else, either because we are afraid to be ourselves for fear of rejection, or because there is simply no other person we can talk with. The way to end loneliness is by building new and strong friendships with people you can talk honestly with, and with people you

trust. You can then be yourself with them and feel accepted unconditionally. Learn to be sensitive to them and they in turn will be available to you. Learn to have a true affection for another person, without just sharing a common interest. Learn to have empathy for others. Learn to develop self-love. When you do this, your loneliness will end. Make contact with who you are and where you are headed in the future. You cannot love another person and not love yourself. If you need to build your self worth do so with positive activities that will help you feel good about you. Learn not to depend on others. Do things that you like and enjoy in your own company. Make the choice to accept yourself and what you were created to become. The cure for loneliness must begin with you. It is natural to be fearful at first, but start to think positive about yourself. Fear becomes unmanageable only when you run from and deny it. Conquer this fear with healthy action. You must remove all negative thoughts and people. These are blocks which will hinder your progress.

LONELINESS

Summary

The dimension of loneliness goes deep inside of us. Discover the positive aspect of loneliness through quiet time. Find ways to end loneliness.

The trauma of loneliness:

• Isolation from loneliness

• Absence of your significance

• Loss of your self-worth.