Chase

Nicotine. It's an escape that people take. The drug helps the mind calm down by blocking the rising levels of cortisol in your blood. Is this true? Probably. But nevertheless, it's a drug. Taken only by those at the precipice of mental breakdown as the overwhelming feeling of anxiety bubbles deep within one's body slowly climbs over one's back.

The sight of the hue of frilly pinks contrasting with the dull grays and blacks is a sight to behold to the uninformed and untrained eye, but for a certain someone it brings comfort. It's strange how these colors clash in both vibes and aesthetic and yet here she revels in both mirrors of the sane and insane. A personal safe space where the cracks in her facade could be carefully plastered with a brand new reassurance that everything will be alright if she simply weathered the storm.

The room was a clash of vibrant pessimism that takes in the brutalist nature of the world and decorated it with a mixture of frilly pink cuteness and gothic lolita; her bed is littered with small cute characters from noticeable mediums that came out of Japan and the United States.

As posters and works of art littered her walls, she took a massive puff and then breathed out a large cloud of smoke. The feeling of a familiar white plushie with two large blue eyes and long fluffy ears gave comfort to her wandering mind; she clutched it tighter to her chest with a small sad smile. The scent of tobacco and lavender clashed in the room as the calm midnight breeze made its way in, rustling the curtains slightly with a gentle sway that also made her messy hair move slightly.

The music blasted out of her headphones as she scratched her left tit; Despite not wearing a bra, the weight on her chest never seemed to ease itself out. As problems stacked atop problems, the constant anxiety on the weight of her actions caused her to be on edge for about a week now. Moonlight peeked through the passing clouds and grazed her sickly pale skin, as the vibrations of the bass of her earphones kept her distracted long enough; a thought emerged from the depths of her mind that she tried so badly to lock up.

A sigh escapes as she couldn't contain the disbelief of the past few days, after getting out of a car crash of emotions; meeting that damned fool that was ready to throw himself off a bridge and now at her very feet. It was an intense mixture of the most intoxicating concoction that God had to offer to her, a vial of uncertainty in her already chaotic lifestyle. 

Before she could continue to even ponder at this ridiculous shitshow with her as the main character; Her door creaked open slightly revealing a silhouette of the only person she could trust.

As the light from the hallway entered into her bleak and contrasting room, a figure stood by the door and casted a large shadow against the wall that might as well devoured her whole. Lyanna smirked, it was a familiar shadow; A shadow she so gleefully chased for over a decade, trying to imitate somebody that she could never truly copy. The one thing that irritated her so much was the fact that she knows the truth; an imitation can never be as good as the original piece.

Pride and Prejudice would swell when she would be outshined by a star that was far brighter than what she can ever hope to be. The blood, sweat, and tears of their beloved mother; Groomed to perfection at every opportune moment of their existence while all Lyanna could do is live in the shadows of her older sister.

Silence made its way in before her sister asked a single question that made Lyanna turn her head from the window. "You're still awake?" 

Lyanna loved her sister dearly, yet she detested her voice. Not out of anger or envy towards her sister, but because it's a massive contrast between the two of them. A voice far mellower and soothing than hers will ever be; she hated the fact that she could sing better than Lyanna could even dream and yet she barely did anything with it.

But as tired and battered as she already was, all Lyanna could speak was a simple nod before the gloom in her eyes settled back in. A temporary respite from the never-ending toil of reality to her fragile psyche, Lyanna was glad to see her sister once more. 

After all, her sister felt more motherly than their mother. A maternal figure to both look and challenge was something she welcomed; with a directionless life and still reeling from everything, Lyanna was just glad to still have someone to cling onto.

"I brought some food if you're hungry." she spoke and then carefully closed the door.

Before her sister could leave, Lyanna waved at her and with a small smile spoke:

"Love you sis."

The darkness returned from the corners and once more Lyanna was alone and at the mercy of her thoughts. The whispers of the void lingered all over the parts of her head that were still functional and rational; though crying wouldn't do much, she had already broken down earlier in the week.

The strongest wills face the hardest challenges; Lyanna kept telling herself that. Despite all the misery and suffering, she can never give up on everything. He had already shown her the purest form of love that she could ever hope to achieve, and yet she still yearns for all.