Insecurities Hana(Revised) (1) – Insecurities Arc (2)

This has happened 4 years ago before we were transported into this world. I can't remember all the details, but most of them. Unlike Hikaru, my memory is more stable than his.

The first thing that I can remember is that I was living in a big house with Hikaru and his parents, I didn't know where my parents were at that time or what happened to them, I don't know to this day but what I can assume happen is they left me when I was young, Hikaru's family became my foster family since I was little. Hikaru and I grew up seeing each other as siblings, well the truth is more complicated, when I was a kid I thought just that, I met a girl named Ayame and I overheard her talking with someone named Nanano and then I confirmed more information by asking around when I was older, turn out Hikaru and I share the same father. I couldn't find anything about my own parents or where they were, I only had rumors that they had died but no corpses were found.

"Hey, Hana. What are you thinking about?"- I am now on the school roof, thinking about nothing in particular. There is this girl that always sits in front and is the teacher's favorite, Kirara, I get along with her pretty well, you can say we are best friends, at least as best of friends an 8th grader could get.

"I am ok. I just thought about something"- I had a book with me there, I turned my head to look at the ground but ended up looking at the book instead.

"You sure, you don't seem like it"- I didn't know she could see through me, but at that point in my life the loss of my parents still affected me, I just found out about the fact that I had parents as well, I was mostly kept in the dark about it, well, looking back at it now, I don't know exactly what happened, it was like a thought I pushed back for a long time.

What was I thinking back then was why my parents left me with Hikaru's parents, and why couldn't they take me with them, I didn't know all the things I know now. I can't keep relying on Hikaru's parents. And by that point, I started to get attached to Hikaru, how to explain it, he was my emotional support through everything that happened, I didn't understand what was the deal with his mental disorders back then when they first started showing, I didn't want to get into too much detail but I think this memory will replay some things, or at least those things will be left forgotten. Sometimes I wish I could forget things like Hikaru.

"There are things on my mind, but can we maybe discuss it later? I don't feel too well now, and class is about to start, maybe we should head back."- Kirara nodded but she kept her eyes on me, we went back downstairs toward the class and we took our seats.

"Sure"- That's the last thing she said before grabbing one of her notebooks and starting to write something in it. I don't remember too much about the class, I can't be bothered to remember boring things.

I looked around the class again before the teacher could come, I could see Hikaru, he was staying in a corner of the classroom, laughing all by himself staring at a wall. I forgot I was in the same class as him, I wonder why? Even when we were kids this didn't bother me about Hikaru, I still cared about him. The thing with the classes was that Hikaru was frequently moved to a new class every year due to some morons making fun of him, or framing him for something that he didn't do.

Things with Hikaru are special, to say the least. He sees shadows or hears voices when no one is talking, and he often speaks in ineligible sentences that no one will understand, but he is trying his best at school every day of the week. When I was in elementary school with Hikaru I was often by his side, people really didn't see that he was trying his best.

The class wasn't fun, like most classes are, I mostly stared at the teacher and noted down boring information, well most of that information is useful for me down the road but the way it is being told is very boring.

The class had passed, and Kirara had gone to the rooftop again. The rooftop has a bad reputation, why, well. Every year on this rooftop a student of this school commits suicide, and the principal does nothing about it, it seems like she doesn't care, she managed to cover up a lot of the things that happen at this school, I don't know for how long will she manage to hide all of them, she put a "fence" on it but that fence isn't even properly placed since students can get over the fence or under the fence with ease. And not even taking into consideration the fact that she removes the fence for special occasions, I don't know what is going through her mind.

"So, what is it that is bothering you Hana?"- Me and Kirara went to the furthest part of the rooftop to have a conversation, away from everyone else, the part of the roof that is the most dangerous to sit on.

"Well, it's about my biological parents. You don't know how I live or what family takes care of me right now do you?"- Oh, so this chat with her was about my biological parents, well, It doesn't matter now, but as a kid, I thought that the only people that can love you are your biological parents, but then real life struck and I realized things aren't as easy as this. Thinking about it now, your parents aren't anything special, neither is your family, everyone is just a bunch of strangers that got together and are now very close, it's all just a ruse put up for the eyes of others, others do the same, I don't know why people do this.

"No, I don't know"- Kirara leaned in closer to me.

"I live with Hikaru's family, they are my foster family, they took care of me for a long time, since I was little"- Kirara didn't make any facial expression, she looked at me like she was frozen in place.

"So, you and Hikaru grew up together. I never thought that weirdo had a sister like you"- Why does she call Hikaru a weirdo? Well, everyone called him a weirdo no matter where he was

"Why do you call Hikaru a weirdo? I am curious, most people seem to think that something is wrong with him"- I looked at Kirara without changing my facial expression.

"Well, I guess since you lived with him everything that he does may seem normal to you, it's very weird, he hears voices, and he sees things that aren't there. It's very odd and not normal to be this way, Hana. I am sorry to break it to you but Hikaru isn't normal, he is very odd. Whenever he is trying to make friends he has a weird way of interacting with others, I can't describe it"- Kirara whispered in my ear. I know what she is talking about, Hikaru can't have normal human contact like the rest of us.

"I know already that those things aren't normal, but that doesn't make him unusual or anything. These problems can be treated from what I know. I wouldn't say I like how people treat Hikaru. You weren't there with us to see how he suffers every day. All that you people do is judge and exclude others"- My tone got louder and Kirara got up and took a step back from me.

"Well, I can't comprehend the way you think, but anything goes I guess. Now back to the real topic, your parents, do you not know anything about them?"- I got closer to Kirara as more people came to the same part of the roof. I didn't notice that I stirred up some curious eyes on me.

"Well, from what I know they have abandoned me and I don't know where they are, I don't have the slightest idea of what happened to them. Hikaru's parents always told me that they don't know what happened to them, that they just vanished into thin air. I don't know anything else, I want to find who they are"- I looked up at the sky, I didn't want to make eye contact with anyone here, I didn't want any unwanted attention. I put my hand on Kirara and hid with her behind a giant AC unit.

"To me, it doesn't seem that they had abandoned you. Maybe something bad had happened to them, it's rare for parents to do that"

"You may be right, but still, I want to hear that from them, not you"

The bell rang, and Kirara went back to class. This whole discussion was weird. Why can't I speak properly in this dream?

!Your language is affected since this is reconstructed from old memories, you won't be able to speak properly or form coherent sentences all the time, you will instead hear replacement words for them

The class that we go to right now is supposed to be the last class for today.

"Hana, are you going home alone?"- Kirara put her hand on my shoulder, I turned to look at her.

"No, I am going with Hikaru, I can't leave him alone"

"Ohh, ok"- Kirara walked in front of me. I went to the class where Hikaru was.

I am walking home with Hikaru, he's looking left and right, and he is paranoid about being followed home.

"It's ok Hikaru, no one is following you, I promise I will keep watch. Please rest easy"- I don't like seeing him like this at all, this illness that he has and doctors wouldn't even tell him what he has, if he is told what he has we can at least rest easy knowing his condition and how to treat it.

"If you say so. I am still going to look from time to time to make sure"- Hikaru walked a little closer to me. Well, with the knowledge I have now, I would probably have acted differently.

When he is at home Hikaru always wants to be isolated from society, and I barely can do anything about it. He is pretty neutral about me entering his room. I was the only person that he didn't care to allow in his room, even if our parents entered the room Hikaru would get either angry or start crying and speaking in sentences you can't really understand, I mean he does say words but the meaning of those words is still unknown.

"Sure, but don't bother yourself too much"- I am the one bothering myself with 2 things at once now, where my parents are and Hikaru's illness that I have to deal with.

We reached home, we changed and we went straight to doing our homework. Hikaru paused for a bit and looked at me, he put his right hand on my left shoulder.

"I am sorry Hana, I know you have to deal with a lot. I am aware I am bothering you"- I should have seen this coming, well, I was a kid but I am saying this as an adult. I wish I could back in time and hug both myself and Hikaru.

"Well, you aren't bothering me. School and all makes me tired, don't worry about me too much"- I didn't notice it right away, but I started to cry, it's easier to notice things when you look from a 3rd person perspective.

"I know, about your parents as well, I have no idea what happened to them either. But I am sorry for any problems I have personally caused to you"- I turned away from Hikaru so he couldn't see me cry, I needed a break from all of this. I couldn't let him know too much at that time. As a kid Hikaru always listened in on our parents' conversations, maybe he heard it from them.

"If you want to be alone I will leave you to it. I will go and learn in my room"- Hikaru was preparing to go to his room, I don't want him to be alone, I want him to stay here with me.

"No, I want you to stay here"- I was silently crying, it was a slower cry, I wanted to discharge as much emotion as possible. I leaned on Hikaru's shoulder and I continued to cry for a while until I fell asleep. It was one of the moments that made me appreciate Hikaru, looking back at it, he was and still is considerate.

Current day, in the other world:

"Sia, why did you have to remind Hana of this?"

!Note that your emotional intelligence is higher now because you no longer suffer from schizophrenia, also your mental functions are normal right now because you were reincarnated here. Please note that your lost memories due to Dementia cannot be restored, I can improve your memory but that's all I can do for now!

"Yes, but still that doesn't answer my question"

!I gave her that memory because of the same exact reasons, plus you need something to get your emotions in check. Monsters that let their emotions run wild can lose their sanity.!

I look at Hana while she is still sleeping, she slowly opens her eyes and looks at me.

"Guess you saw my memory too?"- She slowly stands up

"Yes, I did. Those were a lot of things I forgot. Anyway, it would help if you got some sleep. I was awake because I heard something"- I got up to go outside but Hana caught the sleeve of my shirt and gently dragged me closer to her

"Just sleep here, Hikaru. I would feel better if I could have you near me"

I did as Hana said, I didn't want to fight her on this, plus, I also felt this need. And the moment I laid my head there she wrapped her hands around me. I don't want to get too used to it but, it doesn't hurt to indulge in something like this from time to time, right?