Chapter-10: Pulled Together, Like Magnets

Vedhansh

Everything in the world has a magnetic field. Humans do too.

Maybe it's this magnetic field that brings certain people close and keeps certain people away. Maybe what we call fate is just how magnets work. But I know. I am no magnet. Yet, I am being pulled, and I don't want to be pulled by anyone, let alone someone whose face I don't know. Well, that's not true. I do know her face; after all, I saw her up close. I know her face with her face half an inch away from mine and her body on top of mine with Kiran's fist flying towards me, but still, nothing should be changed by anything, least of all, an accident.

Yet, like a magnet, I followed them. I left the conference hall after the debate, which was successful just as I wanted it to be, and saw her coming out, being pulled by someone. Aadhira. Now that I know her name, it keeps popping up in my head. I knew she wasn't being forced or anything by the looks of it, but I couldn't resist. Why? Who knows? I don't know why, but it felt like I should go after her. Everyone's busy at the event, enjoying it. Somehow, it didn't feel secure to leave her to go with anyone, forced or not. So, I went after them and found the guy crouching over on the ground. I knew immediately what was happening and took charge. After all, I am a doctor. What struck me was the expression of extreme concern on her face and the panic there. The fear was very similar to the one she had on her face when she tried to protect me the first time we met.

I had to ask myself. Why care so much about someone? I don't know if he is a stranger to her or not, but I know I was when she shielded me. So, even though it is my duty as a doctor, I know I did it for her. For someone who was in panic herself, she followed my instructions pretty well. When the boy got better, so did she. I left silently, not wanting to face her any more than needed. As I looked at them sitting there as she held his hands in hers, they looked good together. The perfect couple And I didn't like that thought, so I didn't look back. Not even once.

I went straight to my room and shut the door behind me. I listened to songs for a long time before I realized how I was wasting my time with these thoughts and took out my books to get back to studying.

***

Holidays are supposed to bring families together, and physically, they do. Pongal, or Maghi, as we call it in Himachal Pradesh, has arrived. Everyone went home to celebrate, and so did I, but I am not exactly celebrating right now. Everything was going well for the past two days, but I know that's not going to last because today is the big day. Today, Aarti is getting married, and I agreed to attend their wedding. Everyone's happy about my decision, except my father, I guess. He'll never be happy about any of my decisions; that's his life's motto. Honestly, I'd rather avoid this wedding at any cost, but I need to know. I need to know what's going on in my chest compartment, and I know there's a lot going on there. What's more confusing is why I feel like I am being pulled on both sides.

Both? Before I can contemplate my thoughts, my mom taps on my shoulder to get my attention. She's busy talking to someone on the phone as she gestures towards her watch, indicating we're getting late. I nodded in agreement and got my car keys from my room. We all got into the car and drove in silence.

"No, Radha said she'd get the thali being presented for the groom. Yes, we're on our way there. Ha. Ha. Fine." My mom was occupied with her phone the entire ride. So, I can't even turn in the music.

As we reached the ceremonial hall, I looked at the entrance from my driver's seat and contemplated whether this was a good idea as my parents got down and started walking inside. My mom turns around and signals for me to come.

"I am going to park the car," I say. An excuse, and a lame one, because as soon as I said that, a valet tapped on my glass window to get the keys. I hand him the keys and mentally slap myself for being so obvious. I know there is a valet service available. I came here two days before to check the venue to see if any modifications were required. My mom gives me an awkward smile that says she saw right through me. I enter the hall, feeling jittery all over. My body is tensing, and it's so awkward. It's so awkward that I can smell it in the air. I try to avoid everyone, fake-smiling and passing them by. The hall was big enough for 800 people, with a twenty- to thirty-square-foot dais in the middle front, against the hall. The color theme must be based on flowers. Pastel colors are all around with flower decorations. The green carpet is used for the floor and the red for the dais. The chairs have white cloth and reddish-brown ribbons tied to them. It was beautiful.

Even such beautiful decorations weren't able to distract me from the people on the dais. There she was, sitting on the small stool with her hands on her knees. Aarti doesn't look up, and the wedding hasn't started yet. There is this anxiety in me about the wedding, but I sit down on one of the front chairs and watch. I watch as she smiles and talks to her friends, and I watch as she gets up and leaves the stage to get ready for the wedding. I watch as she returns in her wedding sari and jewelry as she sits beside Kiran, who came while she was getting ready, and I watch as they begin the wedding chants.

The ceremony goes slowly, at its own pace, and I watch as my ex gets married. The entire time, she didn't notice me and was happy. They took the vows, walking around the holy fire and putting cumin jaggery on each other's heads. The wedding continues and comes to an end, and as Aarti is getting down the stage, she looks up, and our eyes clash. She looks at me and gives me a smile. There was no anger there, no resentment. Not even for hitting Kiran. I felt good for her and her smile, and surprisingly, I wasn't jealous nor angry. No, nothing. I felt nothing but happiness for her, just like anyone would, and I know. I know what it means. It means I am finally free of this relationship; this feeling of betrayal that I used to feel looking at her was gone, and with that went my love for her. The imaginary chains I felt around me for the past two years were no longer holding me back. I am free to be happy, free to meet new people, and free to love. Aarti is happy, and I cannot think of anything better for her. Pain is a strange feeling. I felt it every day since it came into my life, but when it left, it went silently. I didn't even realize when the pain was replaced by peace.

I smile back at her. My real smile, and I know what I mean by the smile. It's to congratulate her on the wedding, for not just a happy ending but also a new beginning. Both of us know that the girl standing in her wedding sari before me with unshed tears in her eyes and a huge smile on her lips that's not fake is not my ex-girlfriend but my best friend. This is not our love story; Aarti is not my story. We were each other's cautionary advertisements, and we have a long way to go in our lives. And I am sure we will do so with our heads held high.

***

With the realization that I no longer love Aarti, comes the confusion of the other thread in my life that has been occupying too much space in my head. Aadhira. The girl who should mean nothing A stranger. Someone I know nothing about, but why does it feel like I know enough? What is it enough for? To get to know her, like her? I don't know. I know better than to fall for one kind act, but is that what it was? A kind act? I don't think putting yourself in danger for someone you don't know and genuinely feeling protective of them is just an act of kindness. And if it was, I shouldn't be thinking about it so much.

Right, I shouldn't be thinking about it—about her—but I am thinking about her, and I can't stop. On that night, when I saw how panicked she looked, instantly I knew she cared, and she looked like a human. More human than the ones I know. People are very ungenerous with their kindness. They rarely share it with others, but whenever I see her, she's always genuine with her feelings. She's not too feminine or too fake. She's just human, with no tags attached.

"Vansh, dinner is ready. Come downstairs." My mom's voice breaks my chain of thoughts. I had to remind myself that I came home to spend time with family, not think about her.

"Two minutes, Mom." I clear my head of all her thoughts and try to be attentive during dinner, but somehow, I don't remember a thing about dinner. Instead, I find myself in bed and holding my phone, looking at its blank screen like it has all the answers to this weirdness. As if she'd call me. She doesn't have my number, and she shouldn't. A stranger. But that is the problem, isn't it? I don't want to be a stranger for the first time in a long time. I don't know, but I want to.

I don't know what this is that I feel for her, but I want to watch it grow. I don't want her to be the sand slipping away from my fingers. She's the sky I want to reach out to, but I won't compare her with the clouds. Because clouds fade away with rain and the sky disappears with night, She's not a flower because they wither away with time. I can't describe her because I don't know her, but I want to. I want to hold on, stay back, and tie myself down to this moment, not thinking about the future. I want to relive my present hope for a better future. I want to move forward. I want to be able to love again, and I want it to be her.

The thought shocks me. I am not someone who rushes into a relationship. In fact, it takes a lot of time and effort for me to simply trust someone, let alone want to be with them. This is too fast for me.

***

The next day, everyone went to attend Aarti's reception, except me. Not because I can't handle seeing them together. I am truly happy for her, but I am too confused to be able to focus, and I simply can't care about the ceremony. They are together and happy, and it has nothing to do with me anymore. It's something I can't think about, and there are things I don't want to think about.

Days went by in a flash. It didn't feel like I ever went home as I stepped into my apartment. But time didn't stop, and neither did the earth. Nothing changed, but to me, nothing was the same. A month has passed, and I haven't seen her. No, I didn't search for her; I didn't go and wait outside the tech park looking for her. But, still, I hoped we'd come across each other. Why would she come to this side of the campus? Only if she's sick, and I don't want that either. I try hard not to let her thoughts consume my time and concentrate on my work. This semester is very important for me. After this semester, I have one year of practice before I complete my MBBS. This is a crucial learning phase for us, and I need my IQ back.

I engrossed myself in studies, not looking over my shoulder all the time, hoping to see a certain someone, but nothing could've convinced me of what I saw as I entered the ER. Aadhira was sitting in a chair, and my heart leaped out of my chest with the fear that she was ill, and I started moving towards her. As I move towards her, I check her for any visible wounds, but there were none, which both calmed me down and hyped my worry. Before I approached her, she noticed me in the room and stood up.

"Vedhansh? You are going to treat Ganesh?" That's when I noticed the rest of the crowd in the room. A group of people are gathered around a bed, on which lies a person holding his left arm in a clutch. He must be Ganesh. I feel a sudden rush of relief, for Aadhira is safe, though I shouldn't, as a doctor, be relieved as there is still someone hurt who needs treatment.

I immediately got to work on the boy named Ganesh. I instruct the others to wait outside, letting only one other boy stay behind. The boy fell on top of a broken old bench while playing, which caused a laceration on his left arm. The cut is deep enough to bleed, but stitches are not required. I give him an antiseptic to avoid infection and a sedative before cleaning the wound. It must be really painful since the wound is located on the underside of the arm and the tissues there are sensitive. After cleaning the wound, I bandage the wound to keep the torn-up skin together for healing. He's totally out of it by the time I'm over. I informed the others that he was fine and not to disturb him.

"He'll be fine in a few hours. I've prescribed some painkillers and some ointments to help with pain and recovery. Let him get the bandage changed regularly, and do not let the bandage get wet. You can get him discharged when he's up." I passed the prescription to a student and got on my way to leave. Yet I couldn't help as my eyes fell on her. She's standing beside some guy, and I realize he's the same one from the other day, the one who had the panic attack. She's smiling and saying how glad she is that Ganesh is okay as the other guy rubs her shoulder in a calming gesture. I don't know why it made me really uncomfortable standing there, and I watched her as I left the corridor. I looked at it until the corridor was out of my sight.

The way she looked at that last moment as I turned into another corridor was ingrained in my memory. Her smile, her posture, his hand on her shoulder, and the warmth in their embrace. That was the last time I saw her before my heart was broken.