Chapter 10

It was a four-hour drive from the bunker to Wichita. We'd stopped once to get snacks and gas, and even though there was a rule against it in my brothers' car, Elly got to pick the music while I drove. She was pretty good at it and the entire drive ended up being pretty pleasant. We eventually found a decent motel in a neighboring town to crash at. Elly immediately flopped down onto one of the beds after I opened the door. I smiled, placing my pack on the other bed and going to turn the tv on and flick through the local news stations, looking for anything new on our monster.

I felt my phone buzz again in my pocket. This would be the fifth time Ketch had called since we left. I sighed, taking the phone out of my pocket and turning it off before slipping it under one of the pillows on the bed I'd chosen. I didn't blame him for trying, not one bit. It was just bad timing on his part and my fault for not being ready to confront those feelings yet. It had been rude of me to just drive off. But I had to think about the citation as a whole too. He could be lying. I wasn't sure why he would lie about something like this, but it would make more sense than he loved me. Who could love a hunter like me anyway? We didn't need love. Anyone who admitted to it ended up dead. That was how it always worked.

I turned off the tv, nothing of importance was coming up in the late-night newscasts and I was hungry anyway. I looked at Elly, she seemed to be sleeping softly. I got to my feet and dug through my bag for a pen and pad of paper. I quietly scribbled down a note about going out and left it on the side table next to her bed. I snatched up the spare room key and left the motel room. The cool night air felt good against my face and in my lungs. It reminded me of the autumns I would make leaf piles with my dad. We'd pile all the leaves in the backyard up into one tall tower, then take turns jumping into it. It was a time when I didn't have to fear anything. We were both safe.

I shook my head, shoving my hands into my pockets and walking into town. It wasn't a long walk, but the chill in the air made it a brisk one. By the time I'd found the small bar, I was glad I'd remembered to grab my sweatshirt. The bar was across the street from a nice diner, and the smells of homecooked food wafted across. I could've gone there, sat down and had a good meal, taken something for Elly when she woke up. But that wasn't what I wanted right now.

I pushed into the bar and welcomed the smell of cigarettes, old blood, old wood, and alcohol. It was dimly lit, and surprisingly empty for this time of night. It was an oddly comforting thing. I walked up to the counter and flagged down the barkeeper. I didn't need to look around to feel the eyes on my back, and it only took a guess to know I was the only woman in the bar. Or at least the only one who wasn't trying to worm her way into free drinks and a drunks pants.

"Whiskey, no rocks," I said once the bartender came up to me.

"You sure? Wouldn't you like something fruiter?" There was a sneer on his face as he asked.

"As sure as I can be," I said.

He placed a rocks glass in front of me and filled it with honey-colored liquid. I picked it up and downed it in one shot, never breaking eyes contact with the man. When I put the empty glass back down on the bar I made an effort of licking my lips before asking for another. I downed it as quickly as the last and glanced around the bar. There was something else I needed to do. Needed some fun. There was a small group of men around the pool table. Looked like they had just started a new game. I turned back to the bar to ask for another round but found my glass already filled again. I nodded at the bartender and stood, walking towards the group of men.

When I was close enough ot them, I grabbed a pool stick out of one of their hands and twirled it in my fingers, smiling at the guy I'd stolen it from. His eyes never left mine, but his friends protested as I interrupted their game. With a bit of flare, I set my glass on one corner of the table, took the stick, lined it up, and shot the six-ball clean into the right corner pocket. The protesting stopped.

"I want in. What's the wager?" I asked.

"A hundred." The man I'd stolen the pool stick from said. He was tall and skinny, like Sam. But his hair was cut army short and a deep midnight black. His eyes were a pale green, contrasting against his tanned skin.

"Wait!" One of his friends objected, he was a little shorter and had blonde hair and grey eyes. "She can't play."

"Why not?" Green eyes asked, still staring at me.

"Come on, Mat." The last man said. He was in between the other two in height, but had a better build, like he could rip out of his shirt at any second if he wanted to. His hair was shaggy and red, and his eyes were amber-colored. "We just started this game."

"I say if she has the cash, she can play." Green eyes, Mat, said. "We weren't that far yet. It'll be easy to rerack and start over."

Before the other two could protest again, I pulled a wad of cash out of my pocket and peeled a hundred-dollar bill off the top. I placed it in the center of the table. "So I'm in then?"

Mat scooped the bill off the table and stacked it on top of another pile of cash in another corner. "Of course, doll."

I bristled a little at the name. I hadn't been called that in a while and the last time hadn't made the best memories. I tried to hide my distaste for it the best I could, just in case it would affect my ability to hustle this game.

Blondie reset the table as Muscles and Mat decided who's team I was on. It was not a shocker when they put me on Mat's team. He seemed all too eager to play with me now. I watched as the other men each placed another hundred on the stack of bills. Was that because of me? Had that one shot intimidated them? This would be interesting if it had. I stood propped against the pool stick, resting my cheek against the top of it and smiling as I watched them work. It was always so entertaining what you could do to men in a few simple words. I downed the glass of whiskey, enjoying the warm feeling it gave me, and got ready to play this little game.

"Mind if I break?" I asked.

"Not one bit, doll," Mat said, watching me with the eyes of a wolf watching its prey.

I bent over the table slowly, taking my time setting up the shot. I could feel all their eyes on me as I broke the racked balls, sending several into pockets.

"We'll play solids," Mat said, giving me a wink as I straightened up. "If that's ok with you, doll."

"Of course," I replied with a forced smile. If he kept that up I was sure I wouldn't be able to keep my cool. I detested that name a lot. It dragged back thoughts of another time. Another devil in my bed.

The game continued, shot after shot Mat got bolder. The use of the word 'Doll' became more frequent, and he started caressing me. I let them slide. It wouldn't matter how hard he squeezed my waist or slid his hand across my back, I wasn't into him and that would be clear enough when the game was finished. Pretty soon we were down to the last few balls.

"Are we calling pockets?" I asked, stepping around the table to drink another whiskey that had been delivered to me.

"Are you that confident, Doll?" Mat questioned, "You look like you might be struggling a little."

I rolled my shoulders. I wasn't sure what he was talking about. I wasn't sore in the slightest and I knew this amount of alcohol was nothing to me. I might have been a little buzzed, but I was nowhere near drunk enough to be sloppy. Certainly not with pool.

"I'll sink the eight in the corner pocket," I mumbled.

I twitched when Mat came up behind me, leaning in close with his arm draped over my back, his hand on my ass. "If you sink that ball, I'll get a room and you can sink me all night long." He whispered in my ear.

I looked up at the two other men. They were snickering and whispering to each other. I'd been too friendly tonight. I focused on the ball again and made the shot, easily still sinking it. There was a cheer from Mat as the other two groaned.

Mat grabbed up the pile of cash and started counting through it, "You did amazing Doll." He handed me some of the money.

But when I reached out for the cash, Mat grabbed my wrist and pulled me into him, kissing me. The others laughed as I struggled in his grasp. Why did men have to always feel superior? I pulled an arm free from my side and swung my fist at his face. I made contact and stood free as he tumbled to the floor.

"Dude you got punched by a girl!" His friends roared with laughter.

I wiped my mouth clean with the back of my hand. I could feel my heart pounding, anger and alcohol feuling me. Mat glared up at me from the floor, blood gushing from his nose.

"Give me the money," I said hotly, "And I'll go. No fuss."

"You're a bitch." Mat hissed at me, getting from the floor, "A no good hunter bitch."

I looked down at myself, my shirt had gotten bunched up in the scuffle and my ward peeked out from under my jeans. I shrugged, "What can I say? We don't like being harassed." I watched him closely as he wiped at his nose, not making much of a difference. "Just give me my cut." I pressed. "And I'll leave. You can have the bar back to yourselves."

Mat came closer to me, getting in my face. "We don't like hunters here. You cause too much trouble."

I looked him over. He and his friends seemed completely human. "You're humans," I laughed, "We don't hunt humans. So why are you so worried?"

"This town has seen enough shit from you. Get out." Mat hissed again.

I put my hands up to show I didn't want trouble, "Give me what you owe me. If you know hunters then you know how much I could use the money."

"Get out." He pulled his fist back and punched me in the face.

I hit the floor in a daze, but when my head cleared a smile came ot my face. Maybe this was what I needed, a good fight to wake me up. Something to tell me I was still alive. Something more normal than a hunt. I could taste the blood in my mouth and spit it to the floor. I grinned at Mat before rushing to my feet and tackling him into a table. It broke as we crashed through it. Mat groaned as I sat on his chest.

"I tried asking nicely," I growled through my teeth. I threw another punch, but Mat blocked it and sent his fist into my shoulder, knocking me off balance enough to slide out from under me.

One of his friends pulled him to his feet, while the other kicked the same shoulder. I yelled out as I slumped forward, barely having time to roll to the side to avoid another foot coming down on my head. I got to my knees, one hand nursing my shoulder, it was going to sting a bit. I gritted my teeth as I got to my feet and stepped toward the bar. Muscles came at me next, but I easily sidestepped him and watched him fly over the bar. There was a crash of glass as he went over the counter. I caught a glass of clear liquid as it slid down the bar to me. I looked up at the bartender before downing the shot of tequila.

"Fifty on you." He laughed.

I closed my eyes as the alcohol burned down my throat, "Fifty." I nodded.

I turned my attention back to the two who were waiting for me. The other friend still getting up from behind the bar.

"I'll need another shot," I said, sliding the glass back down the bar.

"Coming up." The bartender said, getting to work.

I rolled my neck and tested my shoulder. It was sore but nothing I couldn't work with if they wanted to do this. I had been in worse fights.

Arms wrapped around me as the man that had fallen behind the bar finally rejoined us. Mat and Blondie rushed forward. I used the counter to lean against and kicked Mat out of the way and to the ground again. Blondie threw a punch that I ducked away from, causing him to hit Muscles in the face instead. It was hard enough to make Muscles release me and send him into the back shelves. I spun on Blondie as he grabbed an empty bottle off a table and broke it. I was quick to grab to small handgun from my side holster and point it at him.

"Drop the bottle," I said, catching my breath. Blondie did as he was told, the rest of the glass shattering on the ground. "Get out."

Without a word, he walked to the door and left, leaving his friends behind. I stepped over to Mat, who was still clutching his stomach on the ground. I reupholstered my gun and bent down to pull the cash from his pocket.

"Sorry 'bout the mess," I said to the bartender as I put a few hundred on the bar.

"Don't worry about it toots. Haven't been that entertained in weeks. You're welcome back anytime." He said, sliding me a beer and winking. I nodded, taking the bottle and heading for the door.

I stumbled into the night. The cool air hit the small cuts that now littered my arms and legs, making them sting. I sniffed, my nose didn't seem broken, and when I rolled my shoulder some more nothing seemed too wrong with it either. Just bruised. I walked to the diner and ordered a takeout box for Elly, several patrons inside gave me odd looks. I walked back to the motel, listening to the night's silence. I was about the open the door when it opened for me, Elly on the other side.

"Where have you been!" She demanded, "I was about to send a search party on your ass. What happened to your face?"

"I got into a fight," I said, shrugging past her and into the room. Elly closed the door and I placed the plastic container of food down on the side table, "I'm ok."

"Ok?" She sounded exasperated. "You're face is covered in blood."

"Split lip. It's fine." I waved it off, "I've had worse from better."

"You're bleeding through your sweatshirt." She came to me and took my arm, showing me the deep red stain on my tricep.

"That would explain the weird looks when I picked up food." I winced as she pulled at my sweatshirt sleeve, trying to pull it off. "Just leave it."

"It's going to stick to you if we don't remove it," Elly said, ignoring my protests. She wasn't going to let me just pull away from her.

"It's fine Elly, really." I tried again.

"No, you're not. Where's your knife?" She asked, walking towards my bag now.

"Ok, ok." I gave up, "I'll take it off. You're not cutting my favorite sweatshirt."

I shrugged out of the bloody garment and threw it to the floor. I sat on the edge of the bed I'd chosen earlier with a sigh and looked over myself. Blood had soaked the side of the tank top I'd been wearing underneath, but most of it seemed to have dried already. "I'm ok, Elly. Really." I said.

"You're drunk, shut up." She said, coming over to me with a small bottle of something.

I didn't fight when she poured the clear liquid onto the cut, although it did sting a lot. I was too tired to care though, all the fight in me already used up. I examined it more when she got up again, throwing blood-soaked cotton balls into the trash. The cut was long, stretching most of the way down my tricep, but it didn't look deep. At least I wouldn't need stitches. Elly returned with the first aid kit she'd thrown in her bag. She sat beside me and ruffled through it.

"I don't need anything special, Elly." I told her, "I think it already stopped bleeding. If I want to, I'll have Cas close it up when we get back."

She dumped a dark golden liquid on the cut, I yanked my arm away from it as it burned. "Calm down. It was just a little iodine." She ignored me, pulling my arm into her lap and continuing to clean the cut. "You're the one who said they've been through worse."

I winced as she dried my arm off, putting slight pressure on it. It was going to bruise, and probably look worse than it was for a few days. I understood why she was being rough with me, I must have scared her leaving with such little notice and coming back covered in blood. I would have the same reaction if it was Dean or Sam. I had had the same reaction many times. And they were the same way I was about all this. It felt unnecessary to treat anything, but they always stopped complaining after the wound was dressed.

I winced again when she tapped a piece of gauze down and then wrapped my arm in an ace bandage. She was good at this. She would be a good mother one day. If she lived through this experience. I would make sure she did. I promised.

"You won't need stitches," She said, patting my arm. "Whoever, or whatever, you fought better look worse off." Elly picked up another alcohol wipe, reaching for my face.

"Thanks." I mumbled, flinching away from the cold alcohol, "I brought you food."

"I saw that." She said, a sarcastic tone to her voice, "What were you thinking?"

I sighed again, waiting to answer until she was done, "I just needed something." I laid back on the bed, "It sounds stupid, but I needed to do something to feel alive." I rubbed my tired eyes, "Do you ever feel suffocated? Feel like you're drowning in your head? Like you can't wake up from a dream no matter what you do? I've felt like that since we left the bunker. I just needed to hit something."

"That's called anxiety," Elly said, voice muffled. I moved my hand from my face and looked over at her. Her cheeks puffed with food. I smiled a little.

"You're cute," I said, unthinking.

"Shut up," Elly grumbled, swallowing her mouthful, "You're still drunk."

"Your point?" I teased.

There was a light blush on her cheeks now as she took another bite. "I think I figured out at least where the ghost is. All of the deaths came from that hotel up the road."

"Ya, Sam said something about a room on the top floor." I sat up again, "Did you find anything about the victims that would link them? Anything we don't know?"

"No, I had to take care of your ass." She pointed the plastic fork at me but there was a smile on her face, "Is this what it's normally like?"

"Is what normally like this?" I asked.

She gestured to the room, "Hunting."

I paused to think for a second. I guess the show never really went into too much detail about this part of it. I don't blame it, it would make for some boring and long episodes. But every hunt I'd gone on with my brothers had been something like this. Get into town, find a motel to lay low in, study the research, make notes, visit a bar or two. Occasionally we got into fights, but it was usually over quickly and never very bloody. Nobody seemed to want to take the three of us on. I shrugged, "I don't usually hunt with anyone other than the boys. If I do it's Charlie." I smiled, "And those trips are nothing like this." I winked at Elly.

"What has gotten into you?" She said, laughing a little.

"Alcohol," I said, laughing with her.

"You realize I left a boyfriend behind right?" She asked, standing up to retrieve the laptop Sam had bought her from her bag.

"He's not here though." I stood up again, wobbling a little before walking over to the table and falling into a chair, and opening my laptop. I quickly slapped the mute button as the sounds of a porn sight played loudly through the speakers. "Whoops."

"You're just like Dean." Elly giggled, sitting across from me. "Yes, that means you're attractive. Don't ask."

"I wasn't going to, but that you for confirming it anyway." I winked at her again, "I was going to ask if that meant I had as big of a dick as he does."

"I don't want to know how you know that," Elly said, closing her eyes.

"I've accidentally walked in on him and Cas before." I laughed. "Eight, to help your imagery."

Her eyes shot open again, "Did you have a fucking ruler?"

"He's a very proud drunk." I shrugged.

"And you're truthful and flirtatious." She pulled another bite of food into her mouth, "Do I want to know what you've done with my body when I'm drunk?"

"I would never do that to you." I said, acting offended, "I have respect for a body as gorgeous as yours. I would never put it in such danger."

The blush was hot pink across her cheeks. It made me smile more.

"I'm kidding El. You're very pretty, but I respect your privacy." I waved a hand in the air, trying to dismiss her embarrassment.

"Sure." She hid her face in her hands.

I focused my gaze on my computer, still smiling. "Your blush is adorable."

"Shuddap." Elly grumbled from behind her hands.

I laughed again. She was cute. Much cuter than I remembered. I had never expected such a reaction from her. After all the time I'd spent in her head I'd imagined she'd be used to my antics. But maybe it was different seeing me than it was just hearing me. It had to be. I'd never imagined she'd think of me in that way. She probably didn't, it was just the alcohol messing with me. I shook my head, clearing some of the fog.

"What's the name of the ghost again?" I asked, looking through some of the old papers Sam had sent over.

"The Blue Handkerchief ghost," Elly answered, peering up from behind her hands.

I smiled at her, "You won't be able to research properly if you keep hiding." I said, reaching across and taking one of her hands.

"You'll just embarrass me again." She said, pulling away from me a little.

"I'll stop then." I dropped my hand, searching for the ghost. "Just look at your screen and pretend I'm not here."

"I…" She trailed off a little, her voice small. "I like…that you were flirting with me…"

I looked up at her again, "Good." I pulled her hand to me and quickly placed a kiss on her knuckles. "But you do have a boyfriend."

"And a girlfriend," Elly mumbled.

"Girlfriend?" This was news to me.

"I…have a weakness for gingers." Her eyes locked with her computer screen, "And Charlie came by once while you were out."

I nodded in understanding. "She does have a way of getting into hearts that aren't hers." I looked back at my screen, and Google finally showed me the results. "How was it?"

"She's much more of a nerd than the show lets on." Elly laughed, "And a really good kisser."

"Oh trust me, I know she is." I smiled at the screen. "I think I found something, come look at this."

Elly stood and walked around to my side of the table, "I'm sorry I never mentioned going out with her." She didn't need to apologize, I knew how Charlie was. "You were always busy with Ketch or the boys."

"To be fair," I said, focusing more on the screen now. "He is also a very good kisser." I smiled, "But enough about that for now. This page seems to have some more information about our ghost and why she's killing."

"What about it?" Elly asked, her eyes flicking over the screen. "You still have a tab of porn playing." She teased.

"I refuse to close a good tab." I teased in return and poked her in the side, "Focus on this. All of the people who dies were men who paid for a woman to spend the night with. All the reports say they saw the men disappear with a woman in a blue dress."

"That would make sense if she was a prostitute," Elly stated. I stared at her as she spoke, "I'm not sure if one of us could pose as a buyer. But we could probably find someone to use as bait." I felt my chest tighten as she licked her lips. "She likes ot hang around the third floor…"

She froze when my hand took hers. I could feel the heat in my cheeks, but I wasn't sure anymore if it was just the alcohol. She turned to face me, a knowing look in her eyes.

"Please. Don't. We'd both regret it in the morning." She pulled her hand from mine, "Why don't you go take a shower? Cool off a little. I'll make some tea and we can watch a movie or something."

I nodded and she stood to walk away. She was right. I knew I'd drank a little too much to be completely coherent. The adrenalin was gone, and I shouldn't be acting the way I was. I had a partner who'd said the loved me, and I'd ditched them. Who knows what hell my brother's had out him through since I'd left?

I stood and headed for the bathroom. "Wanna join me?"

"Alex…"

I smiled and raced over to Elly, playfully pulling her to me and placing a small kiss on her cheek before running off to the bathroom.

"Alex!" She yelled, running after me. She shoved me through the door before I was able to close it. "You're gonna pay for that!"

"How?" I snickered.

In a swift move, Elly raced around me and snatched the shower hose. She turned the cold water on and turned the shower head on me, blasting me with ice-cold water.

"Elly!" I gasped, "That's fucking cold!" I slipped on the water-soaked floor as I tried to get to her.

"That's what you get for kissing me!" Elly laughed.

I put my hands over my face to block the water, the smile on my face was starting to hurt my cheeks. "I'm sorry!' I called out, laughing.

"You better be." She turned the water off, still giggling. "I'll go get more towels." She said, stepping over me before helping me up and hedging for the door.

"Elly," I said as she left the room.

"Ya?" She asked, turning around again.

"I might have looked at you once or twice while you were in the shower." I smiled.

"Alex!" She laughed, racing towards me again. But I was faster this time and shut the door before she could get back to it. "Jerk!"

"Bitch!" I called back, "Love ya, Elly."

"Ya ya." I heard through the door, "I'll be back in a few minutes."

I waited until I heard the motel's room door close. When I heard it click closed I slumped against the bathroom door, sliding down it to the still wet floor. Only then did I let the emotions I'd been holding back come through. There wasn't a sound as the hot tears ran silently down my face. I hadn't realized just how much I'd been keeping in. I knew I'd swallowed it down but this felt like so much rushing back to me. It wasn't fair to do this to myself. But what was I supposed to do? He couldn't just say that to me. He couldn't just love me. He'd just said it to trap me, to make me feel like I was wanted for the first time in my life. Like it wasn't just another job for him.

I pulled my knees to my chest and let my head fall onto them. The tears came faster now as I started to sob. The wasn't fair at all. I wasn't supposed ot feel this way. I was a hunter for fucks sake. We were supposed to hunt monsters, not get attached to anyone. Because when you fell in love, that's when it died. We weren't supposed to let our guard down for anything or anyone. That's how people got hurt. We hunted and killed things. We kept emotions bottles up forever so they never hurt anyone. We weren't supposed to feel like this.

I wasn't supposed to love him back.