Chapter 11

Eiharu’s hurried steps nearly toppled him as he glided down the stairs. His leg muscles are hurt from the pace, but he cannot stop or decrease his speed. Even as he leaves the hospital building, he doesn’t slow down at all, taking a different road and not heading home as he was supposed to. He doesn’t know where he is going yet, wherever will do. He just needs to go somewhere and hide. Somewhere that isn’t his house.

-Why… does it have to be him?-

When he notices, he is already at an unfamiliar cross-section. He makes a random turn where there are fewer people and finds a small alley near another section. When he enters the dark alley, he only stands there momentarily, looking breathless and loudly panting. When was the last time he moved his body that fast? He hardly remembers doing any activities with such strain on his muscles. He is already sweaty and dizzy. It’s harder to breathe while wearing the mask, so Eiharu lowers it, showing his glistening face from hard-sweating. Cold and hard-sweating.

-Why the hell is he…-

Eiharu involuntarily touches his chest. His heartbeat ran so loud and fast, it hurt just by inhaling. The cold sweat rolling down his back, the shivers that send his hair standing, the anxiety, the unreasonable fear he feels whenever he is faced with old acquaintances, Eiharu can never get used to the eerie sensation creeping from his legs and freezes him on the spot.

-He doesn’t even remember me anymore-

Technically speaking, who will? Eiharu never left an impression in anyone’s mind. Still, he never regrets that, as he is the one who doesn’t want to be remembered and refuses to remember. But, unfortunately for him, there are people he wishes to forget yet couldn’t.

-Yukisada… Kanryou-

His memories about Kanryou are muddled, but Eiharu always remembers the kindness Kanryou once offered. It was short but deeply imprinted in his consciousness. He understands Kanryou was simply being nice to him because he was that kind of person. What he did to Eiharu wasn’t special. However, that short moment of kindness was Eiharu’s sole leverage.

Eiharu squats down and buries his face on his knees, trying to calm himself. He didn’t expect to see Kanryou again after a decade. He still didn’t even expect to recognize the man. Unlike back then, Kanryou looks much more mature now. While he retains his old friendliness and smile, his aura has changed for the better. Compared to Eiharu’s memory of him, present Kanryou is…

Eiharu inhales deeply. Instead of feeling happy, he feels an extra weight just dropped over his head.

-He looks good. He looks… cool-

In the past, when Eiharu heard about Kanryou’s dream for the first time, he had already imagined how good Kanryou would look wearing a white coat. He was genuinely prying for Kanryou to reach his dream, to work on things he loves the most. He prayed for Kanryou’s future success and wished him a good life.

-Seems like… he got what he wanted-

Knowing it is a tiny bit of relief, though a seed of envy grows in Eiharu’s heart.

-If only… I have just a pinch of his quality, then maybe Mom would…-

Eiharu’s phone has vibrated in his pocket for a while, and he only notices it by now. When he sees Hakaru’s name written on the screen, the thing he tries to suppress suddenly bursts out.

‘Hi, sorry I’m late to call.’ Hakaru’s cheerful voice sounds like a painful noise in Eiharu’s ear. ‘Do you still need me to pretend? Am I late?’

Eiharu already forgot about the plan to use Hakaru. He didn’t even tell Hakaru when he was about to see Kanryou. The meeting happened in less than five minutes, and Eiharu fled from the scene almost immediately to care about the rest.

“... It’s over. I met him.”

‘Oh? How was it?’

Eiharu fell silent. He doesn’t know how to answer that. How was it?

‘Ei, are you okay? Was it a bad idea, after all?’

“I don’t know.”

‘Where are you?’ Hakaru’s voice reeks of worry. ‘Are you home? Are you alone? Do you want a company?’

“I… don’t know. Don’t ask.”

Eiharu feels his eyes heating up. He dislikes being asked whether he is fine or not, as he never feels fine. But openly admitting he isn’t feeling good is out of the question. He is a good liar, but that question is the only one he can never lie to. His heart would force him to be honest, and he doesn’t want to be honest.

‘...I see. Sorry.’ Hakaru’s tone changes a bit. ‘Well, why don’t you take a shower and get a rest? We don’t have work anyway. Oh, how about that game I told you about? Have you checked the link I sent you?’

“...I haven’t.”

‘You better check. It’s good, I tell you. But some stages are hard to beat. Since you’re better than me at that setting, I think you can help me a bit.’

“...mm, later when I feel like it.”

Eiharu inhales. He knows Hakaru purposely shifts the topic. And Hakaru did it so swiftly without a second thought. Hakaru understands that Eiharu is still too shaken to talk, and he needs something to distract his mind the most. It has happened often; Hakaru’s subtle help has helped him through difficult situations. But this time, it was barely enough to calm Eiharu’s mind.

“...Hakaru.”

‘Mm?’

“Can we… meet?”

A moment of silence.

‘Sure. I’ll check a good place and send you the location. Is that okay?’

“Don’t be too far from my house.”

‘Okay. Wait a bit.’

Eiharu stays there for another moment after ending the call. His heartbeat is still racing, but the shiver has long disappeared. When he clenches his fists, his fingertips are still cold. He doesn’t want to be alone in this situation, yet he doesn’t want to show Hakaru how bad his condition is. They never met directly outside of work, after all. Hakaru thinks the first impression matters the most, so he doesn’t want to look so buttered in their first face-to-face meeting. His eyes feel hot, but he’s glad he didn’t shed a single tear despite feeling like crying ugly.

-How pathetic to feel like crying over a short meeting-

His phone vibrates; a text from Hakaru about their meeting place’s location and a sticker tell him Hakaru is on his way. Eiharu spends another ten minutes squatting there until his legs turn numb before slowly getting up and walking away.

=====

“Oh, thank you.” Hakaru smiles at the waitress who brings up his drink when the door opens. Even though they only met twice before, Hakaru immediately recognized that person. “Ei!”

Eiharu finds Hakaru waving at him, and he walks towards the table, taking the empty seat and hanging his head low. He doesn’t say anything to the same waitress asking for his order, leaving everything to Hakaru. Hakaru immediately understands his assignment and orders another thing according to Eiharu’s taste. As soon as they are left alone, Hakaru quietly sips his drink while observing Eiharu. He can’t see Eiharu’s face from this angle, but he can tell how bad it is.

As much as he wants to cheer Eiharu, he knows it isn’t the right time to spew meaningless encouragement. Eiharu surely doesn’t want to meet, but he knows he isn’t in the right mind to be alone. It’s already a big move that Eiharu is brave enough to ask to meet him.

So, they spend quite some time in silence. When the same waitress returns with Eiharu’s drink, they mutter their thanks to her yet remain silent to each other for another few minutes.

“He was nice,” Eiharu’s low and shaky voice averts Hakaru’s attention from their surroundings, “Good looking, calm voice, friendly… you name it.”

“But you don’t seem okay after seeing him.”

“Mm…” Eiharu inhales. His chest hurts. “I… didn’t expect it was… him.”

“Who?”

“Someone from… my high school.”

Hakaru knows a bit of the story despite not knowing all the details. Eiharu told him once how Eiharu dropped out of high school after a bullying case that almost ended his life. Since then, he has rarely left the house and barely socializes to avoid any familiar faces.

“Hold on. Do you mean the bastard from your school?”

“What?” Eiharu raises his head and frowns in confusion before remembering the details he purposely omitted. “Oh… no, not him. I don’t want to remember him, but it wasn’t him.”

“Oh… then who?”

Eiharu is still trying to figure out how to say it. He never mentioned anything about Kanryou to anyone, not Hakaru or his mother. They only know about the bully who destroyed his teenage life, but not about the one who saved the little sweet time he had.

“I didn’t tell you before, but… there was someone who kinda helped me through the shit.”

“Really? And he was the one your mother wanted to meet?”

“Mm.”

“Then why are you acting like you just saw a ghost?”

“...I don’t know. Maybe I’m just shocked because… I didn’t expect him out of all people I know. I was overreacting, I guess. I shouldn’t have done that. Maybe right now, he already thought of me as a creep. Maybe he would think his coworker has a son like me is already a disgrace and--”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Ei, stop. You let your mind roam free again. Hold those thoughts.” Hakaru pushes the glass. “Drink. Calm down.”

Eiharu hesitates, but he grabs the glass of cold water and lets it slide down his dry throat. He only notices how desperately he needs to rehydrate after leaving the hospital in a hurry. A sip, another sip, and he gulps down the whole glass empty. It doesn’t calm him, but his throat feels much better now.

“Thank you…”

“Here, your Ice Chocolate.” Hakaru pushes another glass. “How about we eat something too? It’s already past lunchtime, but I bet you haven’t eaten.”

“I have no appetite.”

“You still have to eat, even if just a little. Come on, let’s grab something. The food here is nice.”

Eiharu hesitantly follows Hakaru to check the display. There are so many cute cakes and snacks. If Eiharu is in his right mind, he probably dries his wallet instantly. However, with his ruined appetite, he only chose a slice of cheesecake and a small bread. With the Ice Chocolate Hakaru ordered before, he doesn’t think he can finish them all. The sweet combination is deadly for his empty stomach.

“Can you eat those? I’ll order a platter for you.”

“There is no way I can finish everything.”

“Then we’ll take the leftovers home.”

And Hakaru orders so many more. Eiharu doesn’t speak much despite trying hard to peek at the total cost. He won’t let Hakaru pay for everything.

When they returned to their table and waited for their food, Hakaru urged him to start eating before continuing his story. Eiharu is still wearing that unwilling face despite he doesn’t protest. With the small bites he takes and his wandering thoughts, Eiharu ends up unable to taste the bread he is eating, even though Hakaru says it fits Eiharu’s taste.

“By the way, your mother didn’t say anything?”

Eiharu shakes his head. “Surprisingly… no.”

“That’s good. I mean, with how she normally comments on everything, I was kinda worried if she made everything harder.”

“I want to avoid the meeting because of the same thought. But… when he stood before me and introduced himself, Mom was silent. I could feel her strong gaze, though.”

“She holds back, huh? That’s good.”

“I wonder.”

“Ei,” Hakaru taps the table twice to stop Eiharu’s mind from wandering again, “Aside from his identity that I’m sure is shocking enough for you, was there something else?”

“Like… what?”

“I don’t know. Did he do something?”

“No.”

“So you’re shaken because you didn’t think to see an old acquaintance?”

“...yeah.” Eiharu looks at him. His eyes are dejected. “I was overreacting, wasn’t I?”

“It was unexpected; I wouldn’t say you were. But knowing there is no other reason than that is good enough.” Hakaru leans on his chair. “What did you do?”

“I… gave him my number.”

“That’s good.”

“How so?”

“If it were someone else, you wouldn’t even say hello, right?”

Eiharu fell silent again, thinking briefly, then nodded.

“It means there is a chance for a second meeting.”

“Hah?”

“If you need to apologize for your reaction, do it later.”

“Hah?? No way!”

“Do you feel bad?”

“I.. don’t. I just thought I should respond better.”

“So you didn’t regret it?”

“Ugh… a bit.” Eiharu averts his eyes from Hakaru’s peering gaze. “I was shocked and knew he was confused about why I made that face. Other than that… not really.”

Hakaru observes him. Since Eiharu is calmer, he seems rational enough to recall the event and trace back what happened. It wasn’t as bad as Hakaru had imagined and that’s good. It means the meeting wasn’t a failure. Haruna’s effort to give EIharu a new friend probably succeeded.

“You said he helped you in the past, so I assume he isn’t a bad guy, right? Do you want to see him again?”

Eiharu’s expression twists. Does he want to see Kanryou again? When he stopped coming to school and Haruna finally forfeited his documents, he never told Kanryou what happened to him around that time, as they didn’t exchange contact information. He just vanished.

“I… don’t know…”

“He had your number, right? If he tells you he wants to see you, will you go and see him?”

Eiharu doesn’t know what to answer.