Chapter 30

“Uh… why are you here?”

“I told you I will come after sending my brother off, right?” Hakaru raises an eyebrow. “Are you okay, though?”

“Yeah…” Eiharu blinks. “I mean, why are you here now?”

“Do you even look at the time? It’s already past noon.”

“Oh.” Eiharu averts his gaze from Hakaru, looking straight at the horizon once again, despite looking at particularly nothing.

“Just that?” Hakaru quotes using his fingers, “Just ‘Oh’?”

“What else do you want me to say?”

“Whatever else?” Hakaru sits next to Eiharu. “What are you looking at?”

“Nothing.”

“Yeah, clearly there is nothing to see here aside from the high gate.” Hakaru nods in understanding. “Why are you dozing off here? It’s hot, right?”

“I got bored.”

“Hmmm….”

Silence for a while. Only the sound of a cicada in the distance can be heard as they are busy with each other’s thoughts. Since Eiharu is still on his day off, he surely doesn’t want to touch his work just because he is bored. On the other hand, Hakaru has many things to do, yet procrastinating is the most he is going to do, thus he sits there next to Eiharu and accompanies him dozing off and being unproductive.

“Say…” Hakaru breaks the silence after a long while, “Let’s take a stroll.”

“Where?”

“Just around the neighborhood. The weather is nice right now.”

“It’s too hot.”

“Let’s get ice creams on our way.”

“No.”

“My treat.”

“Rare occurrence, but it’s not about that.”

“You need to move around, Ei. Or else, your muscles are going to rot.”

“It won’t--! Don’t pull me!”

And thus how the two sitting under a big tree with ice cream in hand. While Hakaru looks happy enough despite his rolling sweat, Eiharu’s expression is totally the opposite.

“If you’re not gonna eat it, I will.”

“If you touch it, I’ll bite your hand.”

Hakaru laughs openly and doesn’t feel even slightly intimidated. “Eating ice cream in this weather feels great.”

“I hope you get brain freeze.”

“Already did, but I like the sensation, so it’s fine.”

Eiharu stares at him weirdly. “I know you’re a weirdo, but I didn’t think you’re also a masochist on top of that.”

“What the hell are you trying to say, huh?”

“Exactly what I just said.” Eiharu shrugs his shoulders and casually eats his half-melted ice cream. Next to him, Hakaru pouts though he says no retort.

With silence taking over, Eiharu lets his mind wander again despite he thinks about nothing in particular. The weather is hot enough for him to squint his eyes. Fortunately, the wind breezing cools him better than Hakaru, it seems. When Eiharu glances at the other man, Hakaru is clearly sweating badly. If it was Eiharu, he would already complain about the heat.

“I’m gonna buy something cold.” Hakaru stands. “Ei, do you want something?”

“Just water. Cold.”

“Okay.”

As Hakaru leaves, Eiharu’s eyes follow Hakaru’s back getting smaller towards the nearby roadside stall. If it were Eiharu, he would simply buy whatever he needs and leave. Hakaru seemingly chatted with the owner briefly despite he was done with the transaction. Eiharu only met Hakaru a few times. In those short times, there will always be moments when Hakaru cheerfully greets strangers and does meaningless chitchat. Eiharu could never.

Is he jealous?

Probably. He has never been good with words, so he doesn’t want to talk unless he has to answer some questions or respond to others. Starting a conversation on his own, and maintaining it, is something beyond his capability. Eiharu tried doing so and failed miserably. He is too awkward, so he doesn’t even know what kind of things he should ask or say.

“Hey, why are you dozing off again?” Hakaru waves his hand in front of Eiharu’s face. “Your ice cream has melted for real.”

Eiharu says nothing, just stirs his ice cream cup and then gulps the melted ice in one go. “Are we going home yet?”

“Not yet. I still want to stroll around.”

Eiharu sighs. “You can walk around on your own.”

“Eh, it’s not fun doing it myself. Besides, you know this neighborhood better. I won’t get lost if I’m with you.”

“You won’t get lost even if you’re alone. And if you do, you can just ask the passerby.” Eiharu gives him a look. He wants to say something more but halts at the last second. “...whatever. Let’s go, while the cloud is hovering above us.”

“Oh, you’re right.” Hakaru covers his eyes while staring at the sky. “Let’s go. How about we start from that crossroads? Will we come out from that intersection?”

“Do you want to walk in a circle or what?” Eiharu frowns but he follows Hakaru anyway. “By the way, don’t you have any deadline?”

“Ugh, don’t remind me…”

“Won’t Miss Rui say anything?”

“It’s fine as long as I didn’t pass the deadline.” Hakaru grins with his thumb up. “I can just cram at the last second.”

“...you know it’s not something you can proudly announce, right?”

“As if you have the right to talk!”

“Well…” Eiharu averts his gaze, “At the very least, I don’t proudly announce my irresponsibleness.”

“Hmph, you only say that because you currently have no deadlines. Don’t think I already forgot how nasty you were chasing the deadline after procrastinating.”

“Shush.”

“But… it’s good to know you have improved.”

“At what?”

“Work efficiency?”

Eiharu frowns. “Elaborate.”

“It’s something I accidentally heard, so I might heard it wrong. Take it with a grain of salt.”

“Okay, tell me.”

“I had overtime when Senri was evaluating your last work. You know she tends to murmur to herself when she’s alone in her office, right? That night, she didn’t close the door properly, probably because of the heat. I heard her complimenting you.”

“Or criticizing me.”

“Eh, that’s impossible. I’m sure she was praising you.”

“You said you might misheard things.”

“Can’t you be optimistic for once??” As Eiharu shrugs, Hakaru glares. But he ignores Eiharu’s pessimism and continues, “To be fair, I don’t think your work is messy or anything, but we’re bound to improve, especially if we keep doing it. And--”

“Is that your personal philosophy, or are you quoting?”

“It’s my personal philosophy, okay?? Don’t cut me off, I’m not done!”

“Okay, okay. Chill, geez.”

“Thanks to you, now I don’t remember what I want to say.” Hakaru disgruntled. “Anyway, both Senri and I love having you as part of the team. I think it speaks a lot about your capabilities.”

Eiharu says nothing. He isn’t used to compliments. If he tries to speak, his crude words will have the opposite effect and Hakaru would probably think he is being rude. Being silent is something he learned to do after a long while retorting to any compliments he received. In return to his sealed mouth, his brain works hard looking for any technical questions he can think of.

“Let’s say what you said was true,” Eiharu clears his throat, “It doesn’t mean I will… do well at the monthly evaluation.”

“Ah, about that…” Hakaru scratches his cheek awkwardly, “Senri already noticed you’re not good with that kind of test, so she’s thinking about another way to do the evaluation. I made an input about that.”

“What did you tell her?”

“Not telling you yet since I’m unsure about the result. However, I don’t think we should do that kind of assessment anymore. The company doesn’t try to recruit new members. We have been working together for quite some time, so we could see each other’s capabilities on a daily basis. The test itself doesn’t work well even as a formality.”

“Well… I don’t think a mere employee as myself can say such a thing, but…”

“Mm, I get what you mean. We are all learning how to keep this company working; Senri too. Things that you guys can’t speak openly, tell me. I’ll relay your thoughts to her.”

“...I work for the money, though.”

“That works too.” Hakaru laughs. “I mean, you’re paid to work. But having a good environment is important.”

“I guess so.”

“So? How do you think so far?”

Eiharu thinks briefly. Before joining Senri’s start-up company, he worked freelance on his own. The limited connection gives him barely enough clients to work with, if not less than desired. He tried working in a studio and such, but the environment and work demands stressed him so much, that he often disappeared after finishing his projects. He thought, if he couldn’t find any group to work with, he would give up trying to work in a group and going solo despite the payment wouldn’t be enough to cover his expenses. Yet, surprisingly, he stayed with Senri for more than three years already. And he hasn’t thought of leaving even once since he joined.

“...good,” Eiharu replies meekly, a bit embarrassed. “I mean, I haven’t thought of… resigning.”

“That’s already a good thing!” Hakaru pats Eiharu’s shoulder a bit hard, and Eiharu gives him a protesting glare. “Despite your reservedness, I’m glad that you like working with us.”

“Mm. That’s a relief for me too. I just… don’t want to keep moving here and there.”

Hakaru looks at him, a bit puzzled, but doesn’t ask further. Eiharu also doesn’t try to elaborate on his vague words. The silence once again takes over, and Eiharu thinks about why he lets Hakaru do this much; invading his room, stepping over his personal boundaries, letting the other guy drag him around, and more. Normally, Eiharu would be fed up. He would lash out and say mean things coldly about how he hates having others trying to get close to him. He would always regret his words, but nothing he despise more than unsolicited kindness that disregard his comfort. For Eiharu, his comfort zone is everything; his only leverage to stay sane and feel human. His only ground.

However, despite his protest and open disgruntle, he tolerates Hakaru more than he normally does. Despite his earlier rejection, he was still glad that he relented. Even though his mental battery took a toll from Hakaru’s constant disturbance, Eiharu didn’t feel the usual animosity. And he wonders why.

-Is this how it feels to… have a friend?-

Eiharu always regards others as a mere acquaintance. He puts a clear distance between himself and others and doesn’t care if he ends up being hated for what he did. However, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t want a friend. Oh, how he always longed to have one. As far as he can remember, others see him as a weird one. Abnormal. Hard to deal with. Whatever else. Years of hearing the same thing even from his own family makes him believe that he is as bad as they described; probably worse. He believes he deserves no one in his life, and he gives up trying to build a proper connection with anyone. After all, no one seems to want to return his feelings.

Still, Hakaru is here; scolding him, laughing with him, worrying about him, and even someone like Eiharu believes that Hakaru is genuine. Even someone like Eiharu feels grateful. Even someone like Eiharu… wants to return that kindness.

Does he ever doubt Hakaru’s kindness?

Of course, he does. It’s pretty normal. However, his guts tell him that it’s fine to lower his guard and bare his heart albeit slowly. His guts tell him to trust Hakaru.

“We’ve walked quite far, haven’t we?” Hakaru breaks the silence, looking around. “Where are we?”

“There is a small park around that corner.”

“Let’s go there. Do you often come here?”

“...not often, but…” Eiharu inhales, “I used to hide here when I was a little.”

Hakaru turns his head. He tries not to show much of his expression, but he isn’t used to mask his face. Eiharu knows, but he pretends like he hasn’t noticed. His eyes were on the said park in the distance, lamenting a bit.

“I usually sit under that tree.” Eiharu points at the said tree, not too big, but enough to hide a child well. It still hurts when he recalls how he tried not to cry while hiding. “When my Mom was busy in the hospital but my Dad was at home, I waited here until my Mom returned from work. I waited no matter how dark it became.”

“...don’t you want to be around your Dad?”

Eiharu shakes his head. “He didn’t want me either.”

Silence.

Hakaru is unsure of what to say.

“Do you… want to talk about it?”

Eiharu looks at him. His lips curved into a smile, but he looked sad. “Is this already oversharing time?”

“Don’t say it like that. I will always listen to whatever you want to say.”

“Figured, huh? I mean, you give off that kind of vibe. The type who’s ready to become other’s trashbin when needed.”

“I am,” Hakaru replies firmly. “Since you’ve found the bin, better take the trash out of your mind already.”

Eiharu lowers his gaze. He walks closer to the tree and places his hand on it, pondering.

“Well… it’s going to be a long story. But I probably can’t even recall all the details anymore.”