Jumping Around

I went through a lot of foster homes. One week here another week there. Sometimes I made it all the way to 6 months before they moved me. I was just turning 14. On my birthday. I tried to kill myself. I drank a bunch of pills and swallowed it with alcohol. I was so done with everything in life. When I woke up I was in the hospital. They had pumped my stomach. I had tubes in my nose, mouth and arms. My throat was a dry as ever. When I opened my eyes I saw my sisters dad. He was sitting next to my bed holding my hand. It looked like he was praying. Then he kissed my forehead and went to get the nurse. While he nurse came to remove my tubes from my nose and mouth. I got the scoldings of a lifetime. Then he hugged me and told me he would be right back. He said the same thing my father told me the last I saw him. I'm going to get your birthday present. Which I knew was just a code phrase of I'm leaving but can't say it. My eyes began to water. The nurse asked if I wanted to talk about it. So she gave me water and I let it all out. How my life was before foster care, how my life was in foster care. How I learned a lot but loss just as much. I mean I had fosters that pretended they didn't know we were getting used as escorts and sometimes forced to do more. How my fosters had us selling drugs at school. They gave us jelly roll pens. In the cap was the tiny bags of drugs. How I felt worthless and unloved. I explained how my mother has or might have bipolar, schizophrenia, multiple personalities. Like some days she was amazing and others she was beyond saving. I talked about how much I missed my siblings. Though I had a no contract order because my fosters lied and so I got into trouble as well. After lunch my social worker showed up with my mom. Half of me wanted to jump out of bed and hug my mom the other half wanted to run away. My social worker let me know that after this visit she needed to take me to my new placement. After about 2 hours we got checked out and I got into her car. She took me to lunch. We ate some really good Chinese food. Then she let me know they I had court coming up. She's sorry but they didn't have a place to put me at the moment. So she was taking me to juvenile hall. She promised it would only be for a short while. Up until my court date. Once we got through that she would place me in a home. Well they kept pushing my court date further and further back. I didn't mind it too much. I had a place to stay that lasted longer than a month. So honestly I was content. I made friends, got to work with saws, leather, wood and enjoyed it a lot. Sure I had chores, sat on a map so day, could only use electric razors that couldn't cut out hurt me, showers had no real privacy and we had no outdoor activity's. So I mean in a way it sucked but it was a under aged jail. What can one expect? At least I knew and liked the staff. I got to work in the kitchen. I had long term adults that we considered family. For the first time in a long time I felt like I belonged. Life had some meaning to it. I was even enjoying school while in there. Then after about 18 months. My court date came up. The judge said it was time served. I was released into my social workers care. She took me to my new home. Nothing like before. This time it was a girls home. Not a group home. Since group homes had both genders. This one only had girls. The staff itself had males but mostly in the office. I loved it there. We had an on-site therapist. I loved her as well. She made me feel heard, seen and understood. I completed that program at least 5 times. Then finally one day I heard from my grandma. She said she was going to take me into her home. I was excited to say the least but very scared as well. After everything my mother told me about them. What little memory I had of them as well. I wasn't sure if it was the right choice. I went anyway because I wanted to know my family. Like really know them.