Chapter 4

( Lucas★ ) - ( song to this chapter only love can hurt like this)

After Maria asked me about why I didn't eat I felt a little anxious …but thought to myself that she finally wanted to care about me for once…but it wasn't what I thought….Right when she asked me I saw a mark on her neck….a mark that looked like a kiss…I got really hurt and shocked, Could Maria cheat on me? …Why?… I thought to myself that I should stop being dramatic. I decided to go home because I felt negative vibes and thought that it was not good for Autumn to see us like this after what he went through….

I said goodbye to both Maria and Autumn, I tried to stay calm even though I started overthinking what Maria said….did she think I was fat?… I walked into my car and looked in the car mirror, I saw myself in the worst way I had seen myself before... I took a deep breath and started driving. The way was really long and heavy …. I stopped at the red light and looked at myself in the mirror again…. maybe I wasn't good enough for Maria…maybe she hated me…..right then I remembered the kiss I saw on her neck….was she cheating on me?…why?..did I do something wrong?…

Right then a car horn behind me got me to reality, I started driving again…

When I got home I parked the car, put my keys on the table and got to my bedroom. I tried to sleep, it was 01:30…I couldn't stop thinking about the mark on her neck…was it a kiss?… I don't remember the last time she even let me hug her… it can't be me... if not me then who?… maybe I hurted Maria and that's why she cheated on me….but still…I haven't done anything to hurt her, right?….all these thoughts got me awake for a long time….

03:10…still didn't sleep...I looked at my computer and decided to play video games, when I opened the computer I saw my picture with my mom when I was younger.. it was my only picture with her….it's was before both of us got homeless….before the suspicious man who was supposed to be my father decided to not give us money…. I never saw him…I'm happy I didn't….I'm sure he was an awful person … even though mom says I looked like him...I don't remember any of my happy days…mostly just….when mom got sick when I was 6…..6 and had to work... I worked for my mother's treatment in the hospital….or that is what she told me she was going…one day I was at my work…I was 12 back then...my boss was an awful drunk man who had a horse and 10 dogs…my job was to take care of his animals but..turns out I had to clean his house and cook for him as well….one day …the same day my mom dead …I told him I couldn't work today …. I was crying and then he told me: "Stop being a child and be a man already! " A man? …huh ..if he was a man himself he wouldn't slap me until my nose bled…..that's one of the reasons why I hated any touch..after he slapped me…I couldn't stop crying..but suddenly his dogs started chewing his legs hard….they helped me run away…after that, I started a life all along…no food, no money, no family… nothing… 

I got teary eyes but was trying not to cry…I was trying to comfort myself by saying it's over now…. I rubbed my eyes and got outside to smoke a cigarette. I needed fresh air and to tried relax. I couldn't let Autumn or Maria worry about me. I tried to tell myself that I'd See Autumn and maybe he would open up…I looked at the sky and there where only one star… it was brightening the whole sky even though it was small..I started thinking that if Maria was actually cheating I'd be with her still…she is the love of my life and everyone can make mistakes sometimes...I'm sure she still loves me. 

04:00..finally, I got home and slept…I was dizzy after all my thoughts and probably because I didn't eat anything that day….

Tomorrow is a new day…. A new start...

Naya♤