Should it Have?

Genesis

8:34am

After about half an hour of arguing and exchanging spiteful words. My mother and I finally chose to seat and talk calmly.

"If he makes you feel great about yourself that's that. You don't have to date him. " my mother told me when we were both sitting at the kitchen counter.

The worst happened. My mum was home early today to grab clothes for her and my brother. She was back from the hospital at four in the morning.

I only sneaked Caesar out my house at five.

She had already seen us. With our clothes on the ground and shit, us sleeping in my bed together.... she knew what transpired.

"Relationships come with their own troubles. As friends you two get through things easily, but with a relationship. " my mum continued to advise me as though she knew anything about Caesar and I's friendship.

I just listened this time. I wasn't trying to compete with her.

"And honey, sex. Now. I don't think its a smart idea..... Both physically and emotionally. Sex comes with an attachment. " she added.

It was so embarrassing that she knew I had sex with Caesar. I was never going to tell her.

"I think you should break up with him." my mum said.

"No. " I answered bravely.

"I'm not saying this as the Crystal who dislikes that boy but as your mother who loves and cares for you. I have lived long enough to know that this relationship will end in tears. " she told me.

I just looked at her. She wasn't saying this as a "caring mother". She hates Caesar. And who cares how long she's lived on this earth, it doesn't justify much. Every situation comes with its own probabilities.

"What if his my soul mate. The person I'm actually supposed to be with forever?" I asked her.

"Genesis. You are breaking up with him and that's it."she said looking angry. " You are sixteen, you don't know anything about soul mates. This relationship ends today. " my mother commanded.........................

"Were you safe? " she asked me with a hint of fear in her voice.

I honestly don't remember any condoms being worn but...

"Yah, for sure. " I lied.

Caesar didn't use a condom.

My ass might be pregnant right now.

Shit.

"Its over. " my mum emphasized." Don't disobey me, you don't want to see the worst of me. " my mum added and left.

My breakfast was cold now and I was too pissed off to eat.

My phone was on the counter.

Our relationship status was a call away.

I wasn't going to break up with Caesar.

I was willing to try my mother. I'm not scared of her. I'm a grown ass woman and I can make decisions of my own.

2:16pm

My mum wasn't home and wasn't going to be home till tonight.

I invited Caesar over.

We were in my pool enjoying the weather and each other.

We were so in love and my mum was so wrong.

Caesar

I had never seen her in a two piece before but she looked sexy.

They were two days before the big event.

I never thought Genesis and I would be together but we were.

I loved her and I loved how she made me feel.

"So can I tell you something? "Genesis asked me, making me snap out of my thoughts.

We were at mid depth of the pool. I could still stand without the water covering me completely.

However Genesis was on me, her legs wrapped around me because of her short ass.

Her arms were around me too.

"Talk to me. "I said, replying to her question.

"Don't freak out okay. "She told me making me freak out. "Relax. " she said in hopes to calm me down.

"Is it something bad? "I asked.

"My mum knows what happened last night. "She confessed.

"You told her, bro what the hell. "I replied in anger.

"No I didn't tell her "bro", she was home at four to pick some shit up and I guess she walked into my room. " Genesis told me.

This felt like the scene in a romantic movie were the love song cuts and the disaster comes in.

At that moment I was cursing. I think I said every curse word there is.

I knew I was fucked up.

Crystal hated me.

What if she fires my dad because of me. She was going to do something crazy for sure.

"What did she tell you? "I asked.

Genesis mentioned the whole break up thing and I freaked out.

Genesis

From having the best time in the pool to arguing.

He was yelling at me for a break up I wasn't planning to impose and I was losing it.

I didn't let nobody my age yell at me so I yelled back in my defence.

Caesar

I was out the pool in a minute.

This was our first argument as a couple. This was new. Our old arguments were never really driven by too much emotion.

I knew that she was very emotional but she was crying hard and shouting at a nigga at the same time

This girl was being so disrespectful and I was too.

Genesis

He was being childish.

The argument went from my mum's suggestive break up to.....

"I'm probably the only guy who can date you without any factors of toleration and inner beauty shit! "He yelled.

Then there was silence.

He fucked up.

I was already crying from start, however, reached my highest peak of emotion.

I got out the pool as quickly as I could, I wasn't trying to look at his face for another second.

Caesar

As true as that may have been. It was the worst thing to say.

I tried to apologize but she wasn't having it.

Her mum's wish was granted.

Shawty broke up with me and I couldn't blame her.

As I walked out her door I was crushed for a minute but then I remembered the big event.

This break up was probably for the best.

"Hey baby. "My mum said to me when I got into the house.

"Hi mum. "I answered.

"Can we talk? "She asked me.

I knew what this was about.

Two days from now it would be four years since my sister passed.

"You coming with right? " she asked with hope in her eyes.

"Yah, sure. "I answered.

I knew I wasn't going but I said yes anyway. I was going to go see my sister but alone and in a special way and probably not in my mum's car with my dad.

Genesis

8:54pm

I guess my mum was right. Maybe we shouldn't have dated.

"Hey baby Adam. " I said grabbing my brother.

"Demetrius. " my mother corrected.

My eyes were swollen from crying. The bags under my eyes looked like swells from a bee sting at least.

"What happened to your eyes sweetheart? " my mum asked worriedly.

"I had a swim. The chlorine probably acted up. "I lied.

I had a standing for this though.

It had happened a lot before back in DC.

My mum believed my little story.

Only I knew how hard I cried over Caesar.

I tried texting him like the goddamn fool I am.

He said shit to me. He was supposed to be texting me. He blocked me like I was the wrong one.

Fool.

"Demetrius baby, show Judith your little dimple my baby. " my mum said snapping me out of my agony.

Adam actually smiled and showed me his honestly quiet fade dimple.

He was so tiny and precious.

Made me ignore my mum calling me Judith.

If I'm pregnant Imma keep it.

Wait.... ew, hell no.

I played with Adam for the rest of the night because this little nigga seemed to have no sleep in his schedule.

He was wide awake till two in the morning.

Them eyes were big too.

And honestly I needed a distraction.

My mum also needed a rest, she was obviously tired from all the hospital shenanigans.

Two days later.

07:12am

This was the last weekend of summer and I was gon enjoy it by sleeping for at least twelve hours today and Sunday.

"Judith, Judith, Judith. " my mum called as shook me too, trying to wake me up.

I was deep in my dream. I was on a mission and because of my mum's interruption I didn't get to save the prince.

"What? What? " I asked rubbing my eyes, partly asleep.

"Did you break up with Caesar? " she asked me.

Was she serious right now?

I could have saved the prince.

"Mum really? That's what you gon wake me up for? On my last weekend really? " I asked now frustrated.

There was something wrong. My mum looked scared.

"What's wrong mum?" I asked after I finally studied the expression on her face.

Caesar Ramìrez committed suicide this morning. Or rather tried to.

He didn't die.

His mother woke up to the worst thing any parent would imagine.

When my mum told me about Caesar she was shaking and almost crying.

Did he do this to himself because of me?

My mum made me break up with him......

Was that why she was freaking out?

September 11th 2006

Library.

"Why are you so sad today? You usually hype my dry jokes. " I told Caesar.

"Ssh. Its a library. " he answered.

"Its summer break stupid. Nobody is here. " I replied with a little laugh.

"Today is the day my best friend left me for nirvana. " he told him.

"Where's that? A country?"I asked totally confused stacking books.

"Its a uhm... A state. "He answered.

"Oh. " I answered. "Hey do you wanna go to the park after this? "..

"Yah, sure. "

................

2009

Without a word to my mum I checked the date on my phone and looked up nirvana state.

September 11th 2007

Library.

"You have like a draking week right? " I asked Caesar.

"I'm not even draking and everyone does. " he replied with a small smile.

"No. You did this last summer too. Right here in this library. I'll mark the date. "I said before I looked at my phone. "11th September. " I added to say.

"You're being extra. I get mad like every week at least. " he defended.

"Mad for sure. I'm talking about draking. Last time you said some shit about your best friend leaving for uhm... "I said trying to remember.

"Nairobi. "He reminded me.

"Yah Nairobi. " like get over it. Best friends leave all the time. My best friend was a back stabber......

September 11th 2008

Library

"If your best friend left you for Nairobi and you really loved and cared about them would you follow them. " Caesar asked.

"Today is September 11th ain't it? "I asked and checked the date.

"Just answer the question. " he said laughing.

"If my best friend who I loved and cared about left me....... I would get over it. I can't follow nobody around. "I responded.

"I would follow my best friend anywhere. " he replied.

"Then why are you still here fool. Go to Nairobi. "I answered.

"I will, its just timing. The family gotta be complete. "Caesar added.

"Huh? " I laughed in confusion.

"Never mind fool. Now let's sign out and get out of here. Why do we even do this shit? " Caesar asked.

"Volunteering is good. This is our library, our school. We gotta take care of it. "I answered.

"Or we're not seniors and its our imposed duty. " Caesar corrected making us both laugh.

"True, next year we ain't doing this shit. " I said and then cheered.

2009

Caesar was never talking about Nairobi. How didn't I notice the switch 'nirvana' 'Nairobi'.

Nirvana was the code word for heaven.

Just how obsessed was he with his best friend.

Suicide? That was hella deep.