Chapter One

2015

Knightsbridge, London.

Joshua's mansion.

New years party.

As all the guests partied downstairs I was in the smallest bathroom in our house...... Smoking a blunt, looking at a clown in the mirror feeling sorry for her. I was an idiot..... A fool...... A run over. However to the world I was the girlfriend to Joshua Kingston...... The amazing and hot vocalist..... The step mother to his eleven year old Royalty and the mother to his five year old son King and his three year old daughter Leigh. To the world we were this phenomenal duo..... Ride or die. Perfection. But this son of a bitch is a total pussy. As much as I wanted a simple life with no worries...... Id trade everything I have to have that disgusting apartment life back at least then he loved me unconditionally and he couldn't afford all these whores he has.

When I finished my blunt, I walked up to the mirror to look at the clown closely. The huge joke of a woman. Me.

I had gained some weight after I had Leigh. I guess I wasn't as attractive as I was before, that's why Josh doesn't want me.

"So this is where you are? "Josh said to me after he walked into the bathroom. He was in a navy blue suit. His hands in his pocket, showing the watch on his wrist.

"Yah. "I answered and felt tears form in my eyes. When I said 'whores' it was an uncalled for exaggeration. Joshua cheated on me with one woman and once only. But shit had me feeling inadequate ever since. It happened at his first ever tour for fucks sake..... He has many more to come.

"Babe are you okay? "Josh asked as he walked up to me.

"Is it the thicker cheeks or the love handles...........do I need to go to the gym or something? "I asked him and looked at him as tears run down my face. When I looked at him all I saw was a stranger. When I looked at him he looked irritated and agitated by my question. "You know if you want these side pieces I can just leave you to have them. "I told him.

"Then leave Vanessa. "He responded crossing his arms. "Leave...... With all your shit..... Leave..... To no family, no friends, no job...... No life...... And my kids are staying with me because we both know who has the favor of the courts yah? "He told me with all signs of arrogance. He was drunk but from all he said nothing was false. I had no life without him..... No family.... No friends. "Come down stairs I don't want people to start talking. "Josh told me and left. Three quarters of the guests down stairs were total strangers yet he cared more about them than me.

"There she is! "One of my "friends" yelled in excitement as I walked down the marble staircase in my silk designer dress and glass heels. To everyone I was happy. I am a really good actress. I should have considered film because my acts were top tier.

"Mummy I'm hungry. "King told me after he reached me. I wasn't in the mood for the celebratory crowd so I left with him. Before I could reach the kitchen Leigh came along too. She was hungry as well.

As my babies ate, I watched them. I loved them to death and I know they loved me too. They were the only reason I haven't killed that son of a bitch.

"Mummy can we go to montes tomorrow? "King asked me making his sister excited.

"Sure baby. The three of us will go in the morning. "I replied and smiled. Two years ago I wouldn't have even dreamt of eating breakfast in such a place. This life was a blessing I guess.

"I want to thank all of you for coming. "Josh told the crowd with his wine glass raised. He was making a toast. I could just feel everyone glancing at me. I could just feel them justifying Josh' disloyalty. I didn't feel beautiful so how could he see me as that. I was an emotional wreck. I could literally cry for hours at the expense of my own negative thoughts. So I brushed them off.

When I was finally out of my trance I noticed Josh looking at me. He had just started the speech he surprisingly had for me.

"To the love of my life....... Thank you for always being with me....... For never leaving me when I was at my lowest and blessing me with my beautiful children. "Josh told me making everyone clap loudly and cheer. I smiled as I would if I was happy about his speech. King and Leigh were even happier because he added them to the speech. Royalty however had her bitch face on. I don't remember when her resent towards me formed but it was strong and bait.

Anyway..... I had bigger problems.

"You're so lucky. "A random woman told me with a pat on my shoulder. I smiled in courtesy of her comment knowing all too well that I wasn't all so lucky.

After the bogus speech most of the guests started leaving slowly. The party was over.

Hello 2015.

I hope you won't be as shitty as 2014.

"I love you too baby. "I told Leigh after she told me that she loved me when I tucked her in. I played with her hair until she fell asleep. I gave her a kiss on her forehead and headed to her brothers room.

"Teeth brushed? "I asked King as he jumped into bed. He smiled big giggling to show me. "Good boy. "I complimented him and tucked him in. "Can mummy sleep here with you tonight? "I asked him making him lower his eyebrows.

"You're scared? "He asked me.

"Yah. "I replied for the sake of it.

"But you sleep with daddy and daddy is so brave. "He told me. What was I supposed to explain to a five year old. I couldn't tell him straight up that his dad and I were falling apart.

"I just miss sleeping with my baby. "I told.

"Okay you can sleep here.... But I'm not a baby anymore..... Leigh is the baby. "He told me making me chuckle.

"Sorry Mr grown up. "I told him and got under the covers with him. I hold him tight in a cuddle like I used in the repulsive apartment, on the old shaggy bed. "I love you so much okay. "I told King.

"I love you much also. "He replied obviously sleepy.

I usually shared a bed with Leigh on bad nights but I didn't want her to have difficulties sleeping alone.

I wished my life was different everyday but that only added wood to the fire.

Everyday I woke up feeling the pain of the day I saw pictures and videos of my boyfriend with another woman.

Feeling unseen.

Feeling inadequate.

Feeling unappreciated.

I hate feeling like this.

Before I could get any shut eye, I was disrupted by a call on my phone.

When I picked my phone from under my pillow and checked who it was calling me it was my favorite caller.

As much as I hated lies and disloyalty I loved love.

I admired the love in movies and novels and I just wasn't having anything close to that with Josh so I happened to run into someone.

Oktober was a childhood friend.

Not really my friend but that's all I can reveal for now.

Talking to him that late made me happy.

Our conversation made me forget just how fucked up my life was.