Chapter Two

2009

I was now four months pregnant. As Josh worked his jobs I stayed home doing what society has categorized as wifely duties. His daughter had school. Royalty attended a really expensive school away from Camden. Josh's parents paid for her schooling. His parents cut him off but they weren't going to allow their grand daughter have a tragic upbringing.

I had a baby on the way. He was coming soon, yet Josh didn't tell his parents a thing. I wanted my child to be taken care of too.

Today was my laundry day. I cleared out my clothes as well as Josh's in our room.

Royalty didn't have her own room. We all shared the sleeping space.

Josh however painted her little side pink so that she could feel a little in her own space. That was probably the cutest gesture ever.

As I picked out Royalty's clothes for the wash I realized something.

"This is Gucci Gucci. "I said to myself as I held out a T-shirt of hers. Her grandparents dealt with her whole life I thought.

Not even I had clothes this expensive. Finding that shirt made me dig up for more. I found myself checking her drawers and tiny barbie doll suitcases. As I thought I found brand news clothes of all expenses. All this would surely save us of this months bills and rent.

Today's night was mine and Josh's night. His parents had Royalty over for the weekend. During nights like this we usually walked around the apartment half naked and made love to our tire.

"Rough day? "I asked Josh when he got out the shower. He looked a little upset and he barely said anything to me since he got back home.

"Why the fuck would you sell the clothes my parents bought my daughter? "He asked me before he took his towel off to wear his underwear.

"Rent..... Bills..... Babe she wears £250 worth of clothes."I defended.

"I don't give a fuck Vanessa...... That's my daughter..... I'd never sell nothing that she owns for my own needs even if I'd die if I didn't. "He told me. He was obviously not thinking right now.

"Josh you barely make that much money in a month yet she wears it and spills sauce all over it. "I told him.

"SHE'S MY DAUGHTER OKAY!....... YOU DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING OF HERS AND THAT'S THAT! "he yelled.

"Josh you just showered....... HOW THE FUCK DO YOU THINK THAT'S POSSIBLE HUH!........ THEY'RE FUCKING MATERIALISTIC OBJECTS!...... ITS FROM THESE SAME SALES THAT SHE'LL HAVE FOOD IN HER MOUTH! "I told Josh and walked away. The apartment was barely three rooms so I didn't have much space to walk away from him.

After a while Josh walked up to me fully dressed, sat down beside me and laid his head on my lap.

"I didn't mean to make you mad or disrespect any boundaries with your daughter. "I apologized.

"They are materialistic items..... You were right and I was wrong to curse you out like that. "Josh apologized. "Work was rough. "Josh told me.

"I could tell...... I want to help." I told Josh as I played with his hair.

"Babe........ No...... You're not working anytime soon. I want you home healthy.... Taking care of yourself so that our son is born healthy. "Josh told me after he sat up making me smile.

"Come here. "Josh told me as he pulled me closer for a kiss.

"I love you. "I told him.

"I love you...... By the way my parents are coming here tomorrow. "He told me making me numb. "Its last minute I know sorry. "He told me.

"Babe whats last minute?..... Last week?... You forget too easily so which is it? Last week? Two weeks ago? . "I told him.

"Okay yah..... They may have told me two weeks ago but at least I remembered. "Josh told me making us both laugh.

"You're such a piece of work. "I told Josh and hit him playfully.

"Hey what's for dinner? "Josh asked me.

"You can have the left overs in the fridge. "I told him. By 'left overs' I meant a small lunch box barely filled with pasta.

"What will you have? "He asked me concerned.

"I've been eating all day baby I'm good. "I told him and smiled. After what I said his joy left his body quickly. We were really struggling to juggle our lives. It was times like this that I wished God would just come back. This science theory better be bullshit because Josh and I have had about enough of life.

"Pretty fucked up huh? "Josh asked me avoiding eye contact. I didn't know what to say so I grabbed his chin and led his lips to mine, kissing him slowly. I hated seeing him so sad. For two minutes I took his tongue down deep in my mouth making me moan out in hunger for him. Soon enough we were laying naked on our bed, tired out from all the rounds. At least I got him to forget about the food problem. I hated it when he got sad about our situation.

The whole time I just watched him sleeping. He was as hot as he was when I was in eighth grade, crushing on his twelfth grade self.

Of course he wasn't as broke as he was now but that didn't matter so much to me.

The next morning.

Josh's parents come over as they said they would. Josh and I cleaned up the apartment so good after our karaoke beat down. We even borrowed a better couch from his neighbor. For the first time in four months the apartment looked less disgusting.

His parents brought a thousand bags of groceries. The fridge never looked this full. Josh told them about me and my baby. These two loved kids so much and I was more than glad they did.

"How are you coping in this dump dear? "Josh's mother asked me when she sat at the little table. We were having a girl talk as I cooked. Royalty, Josh and his father sat in the "living room".

"I just am..... I've never been so choosy and I have no one else so. "I explained as I cut the peppers.

"What do you mean? "Josh's mother asked me. I didn't want to be a charity case but I didn't want to lie either.

"My parents canceled me when I got pregnant...... I've tried reaching out so many times but they don't want to hear it. "I told her.

As we talked more I realized that her character was quiet contradictory. She loved children but disliked her ONLY son. She was polite and caring but also rude and provocative. She gave me mixed feelings.

"Royalty...... Cuppie. "Josh's mother called Royalty making her rush in from the living room.

"Sweety go change your school clothes...... Wear that white Gucci T-shirt I got you.... Match it with the shorts. "Josh's mother told Royalty making my eyes widen. I sold those things just yesterday. Royalty run to the room. I could feel my face getting moist and sweaty. When I looked at Josh's mother she had this look on her face. She looked like she knew. All I did was smile at her.

"Nana Nana. "Royalty run into the kitchen calling. "I can't find them. "She reported.

"How's the food going? "Josh's father came into the kitchen and asked. He was standing beside his son.

"When we were walking to this floor..... I saw the outfit...... The custom ordered outfit that I gifted my grand child on the body of another child. "Josh's mother brought out.

"I sold it and I'm sorry... We needed the money. "Josh said quickly, taking the blame.

"Oh really okay....... We're done with the hand outs then. It seems that you abuse your own daughters happiness. You are a selfish man that would do anything for money. I bet you've sold half of her belongings by now. If you pregnant girlfriend needs food she can eat at our house..... RoRo too...... You can keep rotting here until you choose to listen to your parents. "His mother said and got up. "James let's go. "She addressed Josh's father.

"Ava. "James tried to object but got interrupted.

"Let's go now. I need fresh air. This dump is getting too much. "Ava said and started leaving.

"I'll handle my family...... We don't need your hand outs..... We don't need Royalty going to that bloody school either. "Josh told his mother without even looking her way.

"Music to my ears. "His mother said and left with her husband.

When I looked at Royalty I could tell that she was confused and partly scared because of what just happened.

I knew Josh didn't want to hear any words of comfort or encouragement. Not at this very moment at least.

"Royalty how about you go do your homework baby..... If it gets hard I'll be right there. "Royalty left the kitchen without saying a word. Josh left too but he went out of the apartment. He said nothing either.

His parents were trash but mine were even worse. Josh's parents supported his kids lives..... Mine kicked me out because of my child.

8:40pm

"Does it make you mad or sad that daddy sold your shirt and shorts? I asked Royalty after I tucked her in.

"A little bit. "She answered honestly.

"Do you like your school? "I asked Royalty.

"A little bit. "Was her answer again.

"Uhm....... Do you like your Nana and Papa? "I asked her.

"I like my Papa a lot...... Nana yells at me too much.... But I like her too I guess........ She says a lot bad things about my dad. "Royalty told me.

"But you know that daddy loves you right?..... He'd never do anything to hurt you. "I told her.

"I know. "She answered. "Can I tell you something? "She asked.

"Anything sweet heart. "I told her.

"I kept thinking about my mum today....... She killed herself right? "Royalty asked me. I was frozen of course. I wasn't expecting anything outside the box especially not about her mother.

"Sweetie that's a question for your dad okay..... I don't know what happened to her...... I never even met her. "I told her. "But you're okay?...... Do you get sad? "I asked her.

"Not really?..... I didn't really know her so I don't get too sad. "Royalty said making the moment a little awkward. "Is that my brother? "She asked excitedly when she caught sight of a movement in my belly.

"Yah. "I answered in delight. "Put your hands on the belly. "I told her making her do as I said. She was so astonished as she felt the baby circle around.

After all the amusement, Royalty finally fell asleep. I was sleepy but I couldn't sleep till I saw that Josh was okay.

01:54am

"Why are you still up? "Josh asked me after he walked in on me dozing on the couch.

"Hey. "I greeted Josh with tired eyes, waking up.

"You shouldn't have waited on me. "Josh told me when I got up and walked up to him.

"Are you okay? "I asked him when I was close to him. I could see that his eyes were glassy. He was probably crying.

"Yah. "He answered and looked down. "I'm not. "He told me barely audibly. I could see his eyes tearing up which made me tear up too.

"We'll be okay babe. "I told him as tears rolled down both our faces.

"I want to give you the world you know........ But I'm so fucking broke I can't even buy you anything you'd love. " he told me as he let his tears flow down his face freely.

"I don't want anything...... I just want you. "I told him and began wiping off his tears.

"You should have just aborted the baby........ Stayed with your parents....... You should have studied law like you wanted to........ You should have found a man that doesn't work thousands of jobs for barely any money. "He told me. I wiped off all the tears off his face and mine and bent his shoulders down to lower him for a kiss.

"I love you regardless babe........... And trust me when I tell you that I wouldn't want it any other way....... I'd never kill a child. Not when its a combination of you and I. "I told him making him give off a small side smile.

"I love you so much. "Josh told me and hugged me. We stayed in our hug for such a long time. Allowing each others embrace to fill the other up. I know we were struggling but I knew we'd make it through.

"Do you want to sing the baby something?..... I think he misses hearing his daddy sing songs to him. "I told Josh making him smile big.

He was so talented. I wish someone would realize that and give him the opportunity his dreamed of all his life.