Chapter Five

2015

My days had become better than usual. Josh and I were still at odds but I was blessing myself with self care. I got my hair done, my nails. I even started going to the gym.

I wasn't going to wait for Joshua Kingston to see me. I wanted to look at myself in the mirror and be happy about me.

The situation with Oktober really drove me to a whole new level of positivity. That situation opened my eyes to realize that I didn't need a man to feel great about myself.

01:14am

"Daddy..... Daddy. "I heard calling and knocking on the door. Soon enough the person knocking walked into the room. I sat up immediately and saw that it was Royalty.

"Vanessa there's something wrong with Leigh.... She's crying... It looks like its her stomach. "She told me. That made my brain wake up completely. No yawn, no stretching, just me grabbing my things to get ready to go to the hospital.

"Wake your father up! "I ordered Royalty and left the room.

When I got to Leigh's room King was sitting beside her telling her that She'll be fine. Leigh was twisting and turning in her bed. Her cry was deep.... She was clearly in pain. When I picked her from her bed she felt extremely hot in body temperature. "Mummy is here baby. "I kept repeating as I looked for a coat in her wardrobe. "King get your sister a coat and blanket! "I yelled at King in my own frustration of not being able to find anything.

I stepped out of the room and started heading out. Royalty followed behind with her father.

"I'll drive. "Josh offered and I tossed him the keys. Leigh was still crying. I could feel her little body shivering.

"King! "I yelled and saw that he came with what I asked. "What the hell took you so long! "I yelled at him and grabbed the coat and blanket from him. King hated being yelled at so the reaction was as expected. He was in tears.

"King not now..... Come here. "Royalty stepped in and took her brother with her. Josh drove out the G wagon and we all got in quickly.

Hospital.

We arrived at the hospital in ten minutes. It was a forty minute drive but the roads were pretty cleared.

"No!...... Mummy!...... Mummy!....... Ahhhh! "Leigh screamed as the nurse took her away for examination.

"She'll be okay. "Josh told me with a pat on her shoulder. I hugged him and found myself crying right under his chest. He held me tight. I remember this feeling all too well. I always felt so safe in his arms and I loved that I did.

"RoRo go get some water for all of us at the refreshment center... Take your brother. "Josh told Royalty and she did as she was told. "She'll be fine baby. "Josh told me again and kissed my forehead. This made me miss him. Not only emotionally but physically too because I could feel his print brushing against my tummy. "Look at me. "Josh told me. I looked at him with our arms still wrapped around each other. "She'll be fine. "Josh assured me again and kissed my lips. I thought the kiss would be a peck but Josh had a whole other plan. He took advantage of my sadness but I was craving me some kisses with tongue and didn't mind.

"Mr Kingston..... Leigh Kingston. "The nurse finally walked into the waiting room after an hour of waiting and called making the four of us stand up. She explained that Leigh had a minor irritation in one of her kidneys but there were meds for that luckily. I was scared that it was a kidney problem. It was minor but she was three years old for crying out loud. It was too early for kidney problems.

"Can we see her? "Royalty asked. The nurse led us to her room. When we got there Leigh was asleep.

"She really wasn't having anything.... She didn't want anyone to touch her so we just had to knock her out. "The nurse said with a hint of wit making Josh and I chuckle.

"I was so freaked out. "Royalty commented not really directing her words to anyone.

"Thank you. " I told Royalty. I owed her everything. Leigh's room was so far from mine. I'd never have heard her calling for me. Royalty just shrugged her shoulders and smiled.

After we were sure that Leigh was fine and that she had to stay for a day we left the hospital.

When we got home emotions and urges led me to do things I vowed not to do until I found Josh worthy of it.

"Hey do you know where my charger is? "Josh asked me as he looked everywhere in our room for it. I didn't reply. I heard him very clearly but my mind was in debate at that moment.

From the time Josh and I were in each others embrace all I could think about was how much I missed his body.

I missed his touch, his taste and the feeling of him inside me.

Now that I did three weeks of consistent gym, I felt more comfortable with my body. I wanted him to see my body today. I wanted him to have me and me have him.

"I'm going to take a shower. "I told Josh and got off the bed. "Come with me. "I finally said in confidence. Josh turned slowly and looked at me in shock so I repeated myself. "Come with me. "I told him again making him smirk. We hadn't showered together in ages. I didn't walk to the bathroom until Josh walked up to me. Josh let me into the bathroom first and closed up after me. Right at the door Josh pulled me closer and kissed my lips. He understood the assignment.

Josh always took things slow and I loved that about him. He didn't rush to undress me. He made sure my body begged for pleasure before he actually gave it to me.

From my lips Josh moved to my neck. He licked and sucked on my neck making me moan lightly. His hands gripped my neck firmly giving him all control over me when he kissed my lips. When we rushed to the hospital I had on a hoodie and sweat pants with nothing underneath..... No bra.... No panties.

After more and more kisses on my neck, Josh's lips met mine again so I let my hands reach for his shirt. He let me take it off him. I proceeded to taking his jeans off. I know I said I loved it slow and easy but I was hungry for him. After I got Josh Naked I tried to take my hoodie off but Josh stopped me.

"Don't..... rush. "Josh told me in his sleepy voice. I was wet. I could feel my juices rubbing against my thighs as Josh and I backed up slowly for the shower.

Soon enough we were in the shower and the hot water run down our naked bodies. My body still begging for satisfaction. After Josh kissed my lips.... My neck..... My nipples..... My middle. He finally picked me off the floor and leaned me against the glass wall. He started with slow deep strokes then he went harder and stronger, making me scream for release.

When it was all day Josh lowered me slowly and kissed my forehead. "I love you. "I heard Josh whisper.

"I love you more. "I answered between breaths. That was a great round. Nothing feels more satisfying than making love after a long time.

Josh grabbed the shower gel and handed it to me. It was now time to actually shower.

8:15am

"Good morning beautiful. "I heard Josh say in half my sleep. He had a tray of breakfast. I was getting tired of this pity gesture.

"What's the time? "I asked and quickly got up to check my phone. "Shit shit shit. "We're late..... Leigh was supposed to be out by now. "I told Josh. I grabbed my phone and car keys, wore my slippers, grabbed my hoodie and rushed out the room.

Joshua Kingston must have gotten the wrong message earlier this morning.

I was horny and I wanted to have sex but that didn't mean all was forgiven.

I left for the hospital alone. There was so much traffic in the morning so I spent even a longer time on the road.

When I got to the hospital Leigh was crying. Leigh was a spoilt child. She was two when Josh hit the lottery so she knew nothing about being broke.

She's only three now but kids never really remember anything. She cried about anything and everything.

"I'm so sorry baby.... There was traffic. "I explained to Leigh and she stopped crying. I thanked the nurse and got Leigh ready for home. Leigh apparently hadn't eaten anything at the hospital so I took her for breakfast at montes. We ate our food and left.

When I got home Josh sat me down at our balcony. He obviously wanted to talk about all the confusion.

"I thought you had a great time in the shower. "Josh told me.

"I did.... I missed that honestly but Josh I just... I...... I don't even know how to explain it." I told Josh.

"I slept so happy today you know..... I thought I got you back. "Josh told me. I didn't have any reply to that statement so we both just sat quietly. For the first time in a while I looked down at our house from the balcony. It was beautiful and peaceful." We'll you ever forgive me? "Josh asked me.

"I never hold a grudge. "I told Josh and left the balcony.

In this life we are taught to forgive and forget but no one ever emphasizes on just how hard it is to forget. In fact one can never forget a passed pain. When you tell you brain to forget you constantly remind it by trying to forget.

I forgave Josh for his disloyalty. Not because I healed from it but because I put our kids first. Because I approved his disloyalty when I looked in the mirror and looked down on myself.

I hope that one day I can walk passed his mistake and move on.