Chapter Three

'JSD MARKETING'

(OPEN OFFICE)

(QHAMANI'S DESK)

"Good morning love." Ayanda greeted me and handed me a box of cupcakes. The box was well decorated, so were the cupcakes. It had been three weeks since Joshua up and left. No text, no call. He packed all his belongings the night I told him about my condition and left the next morning. I've never seen him since and to be honest I'm over everything. After a week and some days of grieving our relationship, I healed and I realized that I wasn't actually in love with Joshua. I was in love with an idea and mere fantasy of him. I admit they were a few things he did with love but he left. It must have not been real after all. Now that I think of it, he was more of a room mate. A jobless room mate that lived in my home... rent free. He lived with me for two days but he for sure consumed more of my food than a usual human being.

"Good morning and thank you so much." I responded taking my cupcakes.

"I'll see you at lunch...... I have a whole story for you." Ayanda told me and left.

Ayanda is four years older than me, she's my only friend at work. The other people I talk to here are more of acquaintances. Ayanda is like an older sister to me really. For the passed three weeks she's been helping me nurse my heart. I'm grateful for her.

'8:30 pm'

"Ayanda..... you don't have to wait for me to finish up." I told Ayanda as I concluded with my work on my computer.

I had a busy day today and so did most people at the office. The office was full of workers, all looking exhausted.

"I want to wait and I have something to tell you...... it's a walk from your desk to the car park long." Ayanda told me and got comfortable.

"I think I've done enough." I finally said and wrapped up making Ayanda smile big. She was excited and I couldn't wait to hear what she had to tell me.

"Okay so I'll get straight to the point." Ayanda started as we both walked to the car park. "There's this man, a friend of mine....... Single" Ayanda added after a pause making me cut her right after.

"No thank you."

"Qhamani his different." Ayanda went on. For ten minutes of our slow paced walk, Ayanda tried her best to convince me to meet her "friend" but I had no will in me whatsoever.

"So you'll just never love again?"

"I'm twenty years old......... there's no rush or pressure...... and I just lost a relationship I was so invested in...... I don't think I want to invest in anyone right now or any time soon." I responded after a sigh.

I was pretty much over this section of my life. Besides, it's not like I'm lonely...... I have Siwe and I don't mind being a single mum forever.

"Okay since you don't want my friend, you should at least come for the cocktail party I'm hosting at my house next Friday...... a friend of mine wants to advertise the cocktails he serves at his bar and restaurant."

"He won't be there will he?....... Your single friend?"

"He will be...... maybe..... but you don't want anything so I won't introduce you guys."

After an extra twenty minutes of talking, Ayanda and I finally got to our cars.

"You let me know when you get home!" Ayanda yelled from her car before she got in.

"Always!" I yelled back and got into my own car. I drove a black Audi A6. It was a gift to myself after years of saving.

Ayanda drove away quickly but I was in no rush. I started my car and connected my music, adjusting the volume so that the rhythm was just right. I pulled out a blunt from my purse and lit it up. This was one of my favorite parts of everyday. It was calming.

After an hour I was home.

"Hi Rebecca...... you good?" I greeted.

Rebecca was in the kitchen. She was in an apron, she was probably getting dinner ready. Rebecca lived at the house on weekdays, other than taking care of Siwe she cooked too. I had cleaners assigned for the house, both inside and outside. I wanted a chef too but Rebecca offered so she got a double.

"I'm fine thank you..... how was work?" Rebecca asked politely.

"It was okay...... where's my princess?" I asked her.

"Her room..... she's doing her homework."

Rebecca's answer wasn't convincing. Her response seemed rushed. I know she said the first thing that came to mind but I just agreed and left.

When I got upstairs, I checked Siwe's room and no she wasn't there. I decided to get out of my heels before continuing my search first. As I took my heels off at the front door of my room, I heard fidgeting near my closet. My closet doors were wide open and it was pretty obvious Siwe was there.

"What are you doing?" I asked Siwe once I got to my closet. It was obvious that she was searching for something and I knew it was probably the iPad I had confiscated. I got no words from Siwe, instead I got tears. She knew better than to go through my closet messing everything up.

"I just wanted the iPad." Siwe said between sobs.

I was so irritated. My closet was in such a mess. When Siwe finally told me what she was looking for, I had already started putting everything back in place.

"I'm sorry mummy." Siwe apologized but I said nothing...... I didn't even look at her.... My eyes were fixed on a discovery. In my hands was Sindiswa's journal. It was in the box that had my novels and books. My father packed this box on my behalf. That's probably why I never took notice of my sister's journal. Sindiswa carried this journal everywhere...... how did it slip my eyes all these years. My sister had a whole drawer for this journal and she always locked the drawer. The behavioral traits that my sister portrayed around this book and the way she acted when it was talked about made me curious to know about what type of content it had.

"Mummy are you angry with me?" Siwe asked and cried even more.

I was so drawn to the journal I forgot all about Siwe.

"No....... I mean yes..... you know why I got the iPad from you........ and I told you that you can only have it back when I see that you've learnt your lesson." I told her.

Siwe was addicted to her screen. Before I took her iPad she'd give Rebecca a hard time with baths, eating and homework too. I wasn't going to allow my child to disrespect anybody.

"I do everything I'm supposed to do now." Siwe told me wiping her tears.

"It's only been three days mama...... I can't give you the iPad just yet, okay."

"Okay." Siwe agreed with a gloomy face.

"Have you done your homework?"

I got a head nod. No.

"Have you taken a bath?"

I got another head nod. No.

"Exactly................. do you want mummy to help you with your bath?"

"Okay."

After I got out of my work clothes, I went to my baby girls room and prepared her bath. I made sure the bath was perfect because I know Siwe was probably still sad about the iPad. I wanted to lighten the moment.

"Siwe the bath is ready!" I announced after which Siwe came hoping in. I guess she wasn't sad anymore. Before I helped Siwe into the tub I noticed a dark blemish on the side of her stomach.

"Sweetie how did you get this?" I asked concerned.

"I fell at school...... on the swing." Siwe reported.

The first thing that came to mind before Siwe explained the fall was that Rebecca or one of the cleaners was putting her hands on my child. I was prepared to fire her. Child abuse is so traumatizing even after it's over. I wouldn't wish that on any child..... especially not mine.

"Mummy put me in.... The water will get cold." Siwe whined impatiently. I grabbed and put her in the tub. I loved bath time with my princess. She told me so many stories about school and her shows too.

"Mummy.... I want to be a princess on Wednesday." Siwe told me making me confused.

"I want pink princess pajamas and a tiara and then I'll carry my pink princess bag and my pink slippers." Siwe went on and on, reminding me that it was pajama day at her school. I had totally forgotten but at least it wasn't too late to get her everything she wanted.

"I'll get it all for you tomorrow." I assured Siwe making her excited. She continued with her stories. I think Siwe is vocally blessed for a four year old. I actually have multiple proper conversations with her and get a good laugh out of it too. She is so full of energy and she catches onto a lot of things I like so quick, like my music, some of my shows and my taste in clothing. She has my whole aesthetic. She is the definition of a mini me.

After dinner with Siwe and Rebecca I remembered just how tired I was and went straight to bed. I needed all the energy I could get so that visit my sister.

I missed her.

'WAREHOUSE'

"Hi sis." I greeted Sindiswa after I settled down in my chair and put my hand bag on the ground beside me. Sindiswa was cuffed to her chair today. She wasn't on sedation . I had a special activity in store for her.

" I have something to share with you." I told her and took out her journal, her eyes widen a little, so I knew that I had her attention. " I read the first page last night, from the ' I hate Qhamani' introduction I knew it had to be good." I concluded and placed the book on my lap, opening it.

" Dear diary.........." I read. 'I don't think I'm supposed to be feeling like this but I hate Qhamani. Why is she prettier than me. We have the same parents don't we? How come she has the better skin, better hair, better teeth, better height, better weight.

I'm not jealous of her'....... "you clearly were and do journals start with the whole dear diary introduction?..... anyway." I commented taking my eyes off the book and focusing them on my sister.

I continued to read.

'But I think........ I should have gotten the looks. My sister still wets the bed, that bitch wears diapers to bed...... (pause)......... She should be the ugly one."I finished and closed the journal. After reading I took a minute.

" so you were fake too huh?...... I thought I was the fake one." I told her. Honestly what I read, hurt me. It hurt me to read that. I deserved to be ugly because of my condition. Physically, I was beautiful but my condition made me feel ugly.

"Don't compare us." Sindiswa told me.

" You showed me fake love...... You and me literally made the world think that we were best friends........we are alike." I told her.

" I'm not the freak that has had her sister locked up for four fucking years Qhamani! ......., You're a monster!...... I haven't seen my family...... My friends!....... My daughter!" Sindiswa went on, crying now. Her tears never moved me. In fact, I was filled with joy when she was in pain. I love to see her hurt like I did. For thirty minutes, she cried, yelled, hit on her chair, cursed at me and tried to spit on me. She had a whole meltdown.

" Okay........... uhm. I'll catch you next time I guess because you're a mess.......I've been here long enough........I miss my daughter......... we'll read the next page tomorrow or whenever I come."

I told Sindiswa as I packed my things, she was catching a breath. She looked like a crazy person, staring at the ground breathing like she just ran a marathon.

"Luthando!" I called out. " I'm off now, love you." I told Sindiswa and blew her a kiss....I left when Luthando walked in. The drive back home was quiet and long. The first page of Sindiswa's journal brought back a lot of bad memories but I was done crying, right? When I stopped at a red light I cried for a while. I hated that I did.

When the light was finally green, I wipe my tears and continue driving.