Chapter Seven.

It had been over a month since Buhle left. As much as Buhle said he'd keep in touch, he didn't really do as promised. He barely called and when he did, he was almost always tired and ready to end the call. I got my text sometimes........most of the time ........ okay every day, but it just wasn't enough. I got used to a pattern of getting calls or texts in the morning and at night, and when I didn't, it made me overthink .......maybe he met someone else, I would think. Other than my problems with Buhle, I had trouble going to visit my sister. After I watched Luthando cut her thumb off some days ago, I was traumatized. Torture isn't my best work. firstly, I was supposed to do the big chop, but Sindiswa's crying and wailing put me off. All I did was watch, and that was enough to traumatize me. I'd planned to see her less anyway. I didn't want to raise suspicion in the neighborhood. You never know who's breathing down your neck. Over all that, Nelisiwe' s birthday was coming up...... she wanted a butterfly theme. I had to make sure my princess got everything she wanted.

'QHAMANI'S OFFICE'

"See....... This is why I didn't want to date a friend of yours..... you always ask about him." I told Ayanda who had just joined me at my desk during my lunch break.

"I'd ask even if he wasn't my friend." Ayanda blurted.

"Whatever...... his busy...... I haven't talked to him today so I don't know how the hell his doing." I told Ayanda. "Sorry for being rude....... I just..... I miss him and I feel like he doesn't miss me at all." I confessed.

"No need to apologize love...... I get you."

"Just please don't tell him I said that."

"I won't ........ I promise. That's immature and since we are all grown........I'll respect you both by not playing mediator." Ayanda told me.

Lunch was now over. It was time to return to work.

"We're meeting in room 126." Alex told me. Alex was one of my workmates, she wasn't a friend, she was more of an acquaintance, her and three other ladies on my team. We had a group presentation to show case next week. I hated being a subordinate. Top management always made us do their work for them.

"I'll be there in a minute....... Let me just get my notes." I told Alex and searched for my notes. When I found my notes, I took a breath. This was the worst work week ever.

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'QHAMANI'S CONDO'

From as early as four in the morning, I set up the needful for Siwe's birthday. I made sure all the tables were in place and that every decor item was in arms reach so that the decorators job would be easier and faster. I collected all the snacks and finger food from my trusted restaurants and stores. Rebecca got the birthday girl ready as I run my errands.

When all the work was done and Siwe's friends started arriving...... the entrance was trailed with balloons and colorful ribbons. Little white Chairs where organized around circular tables that had bowls filled with butterfly shaped and creamed cookies. There was a gift table. A music system. Kids paint sets and paint brushes. Siwe wanted to paint with her friends so I got them all artist sets. I had a transparent shelter put up over the whole set up too, I didn't want the babies to be scorched by the sun. The best feature was the large built wall that was margined with balloons and it's center having 'Nelisiwe's 5th' nailed in a beautiful font and her cakes placed in order of size right in front.

I loved to go all out for my baby girl, just like my father did for me.

"Happy Birthday to you......Happy Birthday to you........" Little kids sang for my princess. Siwe sat on a butterfly decorated couch that was placed on a high base, wearing a beautiful purple dress, with low cut oldskool vans and a tiara, which was over her shoulder length curls. Siwe had a big smile on her face as the kids sang to her, she was so excited to blow out the 'five' candle on her cake. My baby was getting so big. As everyone sang, I was taking a video of the whole thing until my phone started ringing. It was Buhle, I couldn't walk away right now, because Siwe kept a glance, so I declined the call. Buhle called again but I declined once more. The singing was finally done and now I called out Nelisiwe's best friend to help her cut the cake. This moment was simply priceless. After the cake cutting Buhle called again, I just had to answer this time. I left Rebecca in charge and walked away.

"Hi." I spoke into my speaker, I had my phone set to speakerphone. I left the center of the party, but the noise was just too much.

"Hey." Buhle responded. "Where are you?" he asked.

"Home...... it's Nelisiwe's birthday." I told him.

"Oh...... I've been waiting on you." Buhle told me. "I've texted you a thousand times...... are you coming?" Buhle went on. I was confused at first but then I remembered that I promised to pick him up from the airport last week. I got my dates mixed up. I only realized that Siwe's birthday was on a Sunday not Saturday two days ago. Fuck.

"Oh my God........ oh shit......... I forgot about the pick up........ you can call a ride home though right?" I asked.

"Uhm...........................yeah..... yeah...... I can do that." Buhle replied and cut the call.

"Mummy........ it's time to open some presents." Siwe told me after running up to me and grabbing my hand.

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It had been two days since Siwe's birthday. No calls no text or visits from Buhle. I didn't know what was going on and I wasn't going to ask. I watched Buhle's instagram story every single day, he was home for sure. What hurt me the most was that all the content he posted showed that he wasn't at all busy.

"I thought you hated talking about Buhle with me." Ayanda questioned.

I invited Ayanda to my house on a Wednesday night because I didn't know what to do and I needed someone to talk to. We sat comfortably in my couch, eating ice cream.

"I do........ I just.......... I want to know something." I told Ayanda.

" Okay." Ayanda responded waiting for me to talk.

"Is he married?....... Or dating someone?" I asked making Ayanda scoff.

"Qhamani what's really going on?...... like both of you are not making sense right now.......... Buhle won't tell me what's going on, but he asks about you and now you are doing the same thing.......... Why aren't you talking to each other?" Ayanda questioned.

"I feel like he's lost feelings for me." I answered.

"Qhamani come on......... did he tell you that?" Ayanda asked. "This isn't high school, Buhle is grown......... You too......... he wouldn't just go ghost." Ayanda told me.

"If he hasn't lost feelings, then why hasn't he come to see me?" I asked poking my spoon into my ice cream with no attempt of eating it.

"He didn't tell me anything and you're not being clear either.......... Instead of wasting my time asking me questions I can't answer, you and Buhle should talk to each other........ Like now." Ayanda told me and started collecting her things. She got her purse and keys. "I'll call him to come over right now........... I don't care if he's busy and if you don't want him to be here......... you two need to talk."

Ayanda told me now standing up.

I said nothing I really wanted Buhle to come over, even if I had no idea what to tell him. After Ayanda left. I walked up to my room and took a shower ......after I put my night set on and strapped my silk robe over, I went to Nelisiwe's room, she was already sleeping so I just kissed her cheek and left. When I got back to my room I received a call. It was Buhle so I answered it. He called to tell me that he was outside my house. After a quick inspection of my silk night set and robe. I went to my front door.

"Hi." Buhle greeted me first.

"Hey." I responded and let him in. We sat on my couch in my living room. We sat quietly for a while.

"So....... Uhm...... how was Siwe's birthday." Buhle asked.

"Great." I answered, not knowing what more to say.

"............ why did you tell me you'd pick me up from the airport on Sunday if you knew you wouldn't make it?" Buhle asked.

"............ I got the dates and days mixed up and I'm really sorry about that....... That's why you're mad at me?" I concluded with a question.

"Well, other than not showing up when you said you would......... you didn't seem sorry at all........ you told me to call a car like it was some casual shit......... I was tired from work and my flight......and honestly I missed you so much....... So I didn't get all that." Buhle told me.

"............. Our calls didn't give that impression though.......... like you say you missed me, but I didn't feel any of that." I defended myself.

"I was busy........ I told you that....... And I always called and texted you when I could but you?....... You didn't even call me once." Buhle complained.

"I didn't want to bother you........ you were the busy one remember?" I blurted.

"Yeah I was busy but you could have sent a text at least...... I'd see that even in a meeting and reply." Buhle responded making a point. "I felt like you had another man honestly.... Since I had gone for so long, I concluded that you found some sort of replacement ....... And when you still didn't bother to call now that I'm back....... The thought just marinated." Buhle told me.

"I didn't get any replacement......... I thought you found someone else too...... or that you already had someone else." I told him.

"I'm sorry I made you feel like that." Buhle apologized. He really shouldn't be apologizing at all because this was clearly all my fault.

"No, this is all on me...... I'm sorry for the lack of effort and the assumptions....... The pick up too........ I didn't think about it because I had Siwe's birthday on my mind and I should've set my dates right ....... I should have communicated and I'm really really sorry." apologized.

"You know what hurt the most was having had told everyone that you were coming to get me and then you just.... not showing up...... that was........that wasn't even embarrassing that was painful actually ....... So many of workmates offered their rides but I boldly said and trusted that I had a ride........ I even told my driver not to bother bringing my car to the airport....... My dad asked about how I'd get home......... he was worried, but I told him that I was covered..... I told them all that they could leave..........I had to wait at the airport for an hour for my driver to arrive...... and you know the whole flight back I kept thinking about just how much I missed you and what I'd say when I saw you and how I would hug you......... I don't know." Buhle continued. He was hurt for sure. "I'm so invested in you already Qhamani....... The thought of losing you before even having you........ it ruined my mood for two whole days, I couldn't even go to work because I didn't want to let out my frustration on the staff." Buhle continued.

"I'm so sorry........ I really am....... And I know it feels like I don't care because I forgot and got the dates mixed up but I swear to you...... I would never just forget on purpose and trust me...... I missed you too, so much.......... And I have no explanation for not sounding and being as sorry as I should have been on Sunday......... I just........ You haven't lost me and I hope I haven't lost you either." I apologized sincerely and held Buhle's hand.

Buhle was quiet for a while but then he nodded his head yes.

"I missed you." Buhle told me again making me smile.

For the first time ever I initiated the kiss. I had my palm resting on his beard, sucking on his bottom lip.

"I want to try something." I told Buhle excitedly.

"What?" He asked and smiled.

"I want to make you feel good........ not sex though...............I want to touch you..... rub on you and maybe take you in my mouth." I told Buhle and immediately felt mortified. I don't know where I got the courage from. I guess I was still feeling guilty about the whole pick up mess up.

"You're sure you want to take me in your mouth?........I'm pretty big." Buhle told me humorously after which I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah........ I think I'm ready enough." I told him and got off the couch. Buhle stood up right after I did, and walked behind me to my room. I walked into my room and Buhle followed, after he walked in I locked the door. After a long session of kissing, Buhle sat on my bed, I untied the strings to his shorts, he watched me the whole time and help me take his shorts and boxes off. This was my first time seeing him bare, his bottom half anyway. His penis was large........ I'd consider any penis large. I don't know any better, I have never seen a penis up close . When I looked at Buhle's hard I got nervous. I knew what to do in my head but I had never done it practically. Buhle sat calmly, waiting for me to take him in. I knelt down between his legs and like most people, I lubricated his tip with my saliva first and rubbed it all over. I tried to take him........ most of him, but ended up getting tired too fast and he didn't moan at all so the little I did wasn't enough either.

"You hated it" I asked Buhle rhetorically after a long awkward silence.

Buhle put his boxers and shorts on. I was still kneeling on the floor before I sat next to him on the bed. I felt so pathetic.

"I didn't hate it......I didn't.... It was jus .......Come on....... Don't get all sad about it." Buhle encouraged my devastated soul.

"You did hate it...... I didn't even hear you moan..... let alone breath in a way." I told Buhle.

"I don't really moan.......... And I've just never been a fan of receiving head." Buhle told me.

"Why not?......... like why don't you like it?" I asked.

"I don't know........ bad experiences maybe." Buhle told me making me scoff in shock. "No no no no...... you weren't bad, I promise....... I just didn't get there....... It wasn't all that bad." Buhle told me.

"Babe you were hard just now and now you're not....I turned you off." I told him and looked down. Now I was genuinely sad. All jokes aside. I bet he compared my failure to an amateur experience.

"No no no...... that's what we won't do." Buhle told me and put my left leg over his thigh.

"This is exactly what I was insecure about......... .....not being able to please you." I admitted.

"Look at me."

I looked at Buhle.

"Don't beat yourself up......... you'll learn with time..... I'm not even pressed." Buhle told me.

"............. That doesn't make it any better."

"It should..................was it your first time?" Buhle asked.

"Yeah." I answered barely audible.

"..........You'll get better." Buhle assured.

"................."

Buhle grabbed my face by my chin and started kissing my lips.

"I'm not in the mood." I told Buhle after pulling away but he pulled me back and continued kissing me. His neck kisses made my eyes roll backwards, I forgot that I was sad. Buhle made me stand up on my feet and unstrapped my robe, he took it off me and tagged on my top. I helped him take my top off after which he got a hold of the hem of my shorts and took them off, being that I had no underwear on, I was completely naked. For a while Buhle looked at my body and kissed me at random spots. Unlike the first time, I was more comfortable with being naked in front of him this time.

"Lay down at the center of the bed.... Lay on your chest." Buhle instructed and I did as he said.

Buhle took his shirt off before joining me on the bed. He spread my legs apart and knelt down in the middle of my legs.

Buhle kissed my back, my waist and my neck.........without hurry, taking his precious time........ Each kiss felt better than the previous one. Buhle's breaths before his kisses sent tingles to my spine. I could feel his bare chest partially brush up against me too which made every kiss even better. I was already wet and I could feel it. After the tour of kisses, Buhle inserted two of his fingers at my entrance with a third rubbing against my clit. My moaning got louder and breathing became heavier with every entry.

"You like that?" Buhle whispered in my ear a thousand times. His voice was so sexy.

"Mhm." I moaned in agreement each time he asked.

After I came. Buhle placed his hands on my hips and lifted me up, making me arc.

"Stay arced." Buhle commanded and I obeyed. After ten seconds of wondering what would happen, I felt Buhle's tongue between my legs. Shivers were sent all over my body and I let out even louder moans than earlier. Buhle ate me up in that position for a while, before he flipped me over and continued devouring my pussy, now gently squeezing my breast too. I wanted to close my legs so bad and back out but my legs were spread apart over his shoulders. Buhle had a firm hold so I knew he wasn't going to let me run.

"I'm about to cum." I announced amidst a moan.

I felt my throbbing getting faster. After several twitches I finally came. I was so powerless.

Buhle went to my bathroom and got out with a towel. He wiped me clean and kissed my inner thighs before he took the towel back to the bathroom.

"I got you something." Buhle told me as he walked back to me.

After helping me sit up. He showed me what he got me. It was a necklace that read 'will you be mine' in cursive. I smiled and blushed so hard.

I never expected to be his girlfriend today.

"Of course I will be yours." I answered and kissed Buhle.

I probably won't wear it around for obvious purposes but I was going to frame it for sure. After I put the necklace on my side, I picked my robe up to wear it, but Buhle stopped me.

"Stay like this." Buhle told me.

I had no energy to fight him so I stayed naked as we talked.

"Can I sleep over?" Buhle asked me.

"Uhm.........uhm........." Was all I could get out of my mouth.

"Oh it's okay......... no pressure, I can go." Buhle said hurriedly, and I immediately felt bad. "I should go now actually........ it's pretty late." Buhle announced and got up. I picked my robe up from the floor and wore it.

I walked Buhle to the front door. The walk to the door was awfully quiet.

"You can sleep over next time." I told Buhle without thinking. I felt the need to make him feel better.

"Why can't I today?"

"I have work tomorrow and........ I don't know..... I'm not really ready yet. I know that sounds immature or whatever but......... I don't know, I'm sorry." I added an apology to make Buhle feel sorry for me instead of mad at me. I'm not manipulative but the situation at hand put me in a difficult place.

"You don't have to apologize....... It's your house." Buhle told me.

"I know....... I just feel like I'm a little too slow." I admitted. " I mean........ 15 year olds are out there having sex and I can't even share a bed with you." I explained.

"Babe....... you're not them...... don't compare yourself to anyone...... and I didn't mean to pressure you.......................I don't mind taking things slow." Buhle assured me and kissed my lips.

"You're just saying that because you have to...... I couldn't even please you today maybe you should pressure me."

Buhle proceeded to hug me. I knew he didn't know what more to tell me.

"It was one bad time....... You'll get it right one of these days."

Buhle gave me a kiss again. And another kiss and another kiss. After we said our goodbyes, I watched him leave. After a good smoke, I put myself to bed.

'AUGUST'

It was now August, the month of my birthday. My birthday was on the 27th of the month. Growing up with no friends and sisters, cousins and neighbors that looked down on me. I never had party's. I had no crowd for it and growing up at a time when every child had a birthday party, I was crushed. Nonetheless, I got used to the loneliness. My fathers gifts were always amazing though. The gifts didn't move me too much though, my dad gave me everything I wanted at anytime I wanted it so.

After I moved to a different city, my birthday was still kind of the same, Ayanda and a few friends from my job and Siwe's school always got me gifts. I don't mind not having a lunch or dinner or whatever people have these days because I love my own peace. A big party or any sort of fuss on my birthday wasn't necessary.

"What do you want for your birthday?" Buhle asked over FaceTime.

I was in my bathroom brushing my hair getting ready for work. I use my bathroom mirror to get my hair done because there's the best lighting in this room.

"Nothing honestly." I answered.

"Baby you can't be serious." Buhle told me.

"I am....... I can't think of anything anyway."

"Mummy the braids." Siwe popped up in my bathroom with her hair all over the place. She was still in her pajamas.

"Siwe why aren't you in your uniform?" I questioned feeling myself getting annoyed.

"Hi Buhle." Siwe greeted with her whole face covering my phone.

"Hi princess, how are you?" Buhle answered and greeted with a smile.

"I'm fine!" Siwe exclaimed.

"Get dressed now!" I commanded, and Siwe rushed off. I hated yelling at her, but sometimes I had to.

"Okay since you don't know what you want....... I'll do what I want for your birthday." Buhle told me.

Instead of fighting Buhle I agreed to his terms. I didn't want to explain my lack of interest for my birthday and the history of my indifference. I was curious to see what he'd prepare too. After I finished with my hair, I cut the call and went to check on my daughter. Siwe had on her uniform on, which was a good thing, but she was crying over God knows what. Rebecca seemed to have been trying to calm her down when I walked in.

"What's wrong?" I asked Rebecca.

"She doesn't want to use her old school bag. She wants to use the new one but it's wet right now."

"Siwe" I called in a firm voice, and Siwe looked at me.

"Take the bag Rebecca's giving you right now!"

Siwe did as I said, even if she didn't want to. I proceeded to tie her hair in a bun because of time.

My baby was now mad about two things, the bag and her hair.

The car ride to school was very quiet. Siwe talked so much but not this morning, She didn't even sing along to the music. When I parked the car Siwe didn't get out. This little girl was playing with me, when I looked back at her, her eye-lids were swollen and her face was pink ...... she had tears running down her face and some mucus from her nose too.

"Clean yourself up." I told Siwe handing her a hand kerchief.

I watched Siwe clean herself up slowly before I lost my patience, and grabbed the handkerchief to clean her up myself.

"I know you're upset." I started after I was done cleaning her up. "But you can't always get what you want......... your bag was wet and I'm sorry....... sweetie you won't die using your old bag okay." I added. " And I know I yelled earlier, but you were misbehaving." I concluded.

"Sorry." Siwe apologized and let out more tears. I wiped them off with my hand. I lifted her up from the back to the front seat and put her on my lap for a hug. "Mommy loves you so much okay." I comforted. "I love you too." Siwe replied, barely audible. "I'm sorry your bag was wet my baby...... and I'm sorry I yelled okay." I apologized as I rubbed her back. "Okay." Siwe answered and started wiping her tears.

After five minutes of cheering my baby up, I gave her a million kisses.

I helped Siwe out of the car and she was on her way. Kids are really something.

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