Cave of Shadows
There is a dark cave, in which one may enter but will leave forever changed. Beaux Poncè was from a family of decent standing in the lower lands. Conscripted to serve in the Tethya government. He must travel across the land to join and serve under its righteous rule. Beaux is a man who cares only for those he loves most, and would be torn apart to keep them safe. Evil lurks in the mountains and caves he has to journey through to destroy the daemons haunting Tethya. Once he gains the power to protect all those he loves, will he crumble or conquer?
*Authors note*
This work is the prologue to a main story that I have been working on for quite some time. Please let me know how you like it, and where you think it’s going. The main series is more fantasy romance focused, while this is more fantasy adventure. ^.^
I'm here for a review :3 So, due to having only 5 chaps, I can't give much, but I'll try... Right in the first chap, I saw some minor, let's say "mistakes..." But it's nothing that can't be fixed :3 Sadly, sometimes, I felt like... I was reading a newspaper article... It's not 'cause of the story but rather due to almost everything being glued together... Personally, after each sentence, I give a space and use a new line= "words that Mc or other character say" who said that and what expression, gesture, or tone they used/did. "And a new line"... "and again..." ..... ........ - space for the story... Mc might walk somewhere with others so I explain/describe that... Between that, I'll throw some dialogue again, etc... U know? Use some space, it will look better, and even when the story is not boring, after I saw those glued-up articles, I felt bored... trust me... It's our natural thing... We don't wanna read long and boring stuff... and even if it isn't boring, our mind already thinks that from just seeing it... But if you divide it, it will look easier and give your story more "space for breathing" as I say... Anyway, also, u might use some definition/boundary for your Mc's thoughts. "..." = Dialogue, things you say in our normal voice... '...' = This might be the sign for things your Characters say with their inner voice, thoughts they think about, etc... It will brighten your story a bit as well... [Don't take this as a criticization, rather understand it as a way how I'm trying to help u :3 ] And now the review itself... I really liked your story~ The writing quality is good [like your description style] and only saw minimal minor mistakes here and there... 5 fallin' stars for that :) Stability? IDK, I'm here for the first time and read this in one row- I'll give u 5, 'cause I can :3 Story development is a surprise tho, [for me at the very least], and I actually like that, but it's cut in the best [awaiting more] 5 for that... Character and World design and background are the same ... [Good yet I miss more chaps] [But 'cause I little roasted u at the start, I'll give u five... If not, I would give u 4] And that's it, hope u like it... Work on yourself and understand that the critique was necessary for your progress. I am glad I could read your story, see ya in the forum :3