37.1: Heat

Xavier's POV

Celeste's body seemed to turn against us both not long into the second day. One minute she would be so hot that she almost didn't want to touch me and the next she would be shivering, no amount of blankets or heating pads seeming to help her; all of it accompanied with aches and nausea. I would hold her to me, massaging her back or legs or arms while my wolf howled and huffed internally. Her scent seemed all the more enticing. One of the only reliefs that seemed to settle us both was the tracing of kisses up and down her neck, stopping to give generous attention to where I'll one day mark her forever. While this did bring a sense of relief to us both, it also brought me my own difficulties. The airy moans and little whimpers she let out had me testing new limits of my control. Control of my wolf. 

Another relief found for her was sleep which seemed to find her easier in these moments of physical exertion and her unwell state. I struggled to find sleep, an instinct in me having more energy in order to protect her from a harm I knew was unlikely. Sure, we had enemies to be cautious of at this moment of time but the instinct came from another place. An unnecessary move of possession and jealousy. I found myself growling at every little noise while she slept atop me, her legs splayed out across me while her hands laid on my shoulder. Little snores left her lips that I found ultimately adorable. 

Part of me took great pride in the fact that her wolf seemed content to rest as well, remembering that moment in her first week here when I caught her wolf watching over them both in Celeste's sleep. My eyes scanned the room, part of my brain looking for threats, and the rest merely observing this moment. The clock said it was just past noon. We didn't have breakfast, we couldn't skip lunch too.

'Who's on lunch duty today?' My mindlink went out to the full kitchen staff, having no clue as to what day it was or what the schedule is. 

'Me, Alpha,' Hannah's voice rang into my head. Perfect. 

'If you could bring the Luna and I lunch to my room. Not anything too heavy, decent protein with maybe a soup,' I sent, thinking of how her stomach isn't feeling too great right now.

'Yes, Alpha.'

'Thank you.' I cut the link.

I let my own eyes close for what felt like a moment. I was surprised when they opened only at a knock on the door. A loud growl rumbled out of my chest, only stopping at the sound of Celeste whimpering. I craned my neck as best as I could, casting my eyes to see her brows furrowed. Her hands clenched my shirt tightly. I rubbed up and down her back, mumbling soft reassurances in her ear. Her hands slowly loosened and her furrowed brows relaxed as she went back to steadily sleeping.

'Lunch is outside your door, Alpha.' 

'Thank you, Hannah.'

"Celeste," I mumbled in her ear. "Wake up, little one. We need to eat." She mumbled something incoherent and I gave a small laugh. "C'mon, get up." I knead my fingers up and down her arms as she begins to stir. She groans.

"Xavier. ." Her voice comes out seemingly as a protest and she presses her face into my chest. "It hurts."

"What hurts?"

"Everything," she mumbled out. 

"I'll link Zay, see if there's anything she can give you." She nods. "But for now, we need to eat." She nods again, pushing herself slowly up. The sight of her, hair frizzy from sleep and eyes scrunched up as she rubs one of them with a fist. I rest my hand on her hips and sit up, pressing my lips to hers. She squeals in surprise, her hand slowly moving from her eye to the side of my face. "Sorry," I mumble against her lips as I pull back. "I couldn't help myself."

She pulls back a bit further, hand falling to my shoulder. She studies me for just a moment. "It's okay." We stay that way for a bit, just watching one another in this close space. She glances at the door. "I smell chicken noodle soup. ." I smile, helping her off of me. 

"Hannah made us lunch." I shuffle out of bed and to the door, opening it to find a wooden legged tray with two covered serving dishes on it. I bring it into the room, setting it on the bed after making sure Celeste was comfortably seated. I remove the covers from the food, revealing not only a chicken noodle soup but also two grilled cheeses on what is likely fresh focaccia. To Celeste's delight, there's also several small chocolates in a little glass dish. She immediately plucks one from the dish, unwrapping the colorful plastic and popping the chocolate in her mouth. She lets out a satisfied hum, closing her eyes as she enjoys it. "Okay, okay, make some room for me." 

I take a bite of the grilled cheese, enjoying the combination of cheeses between the soft herby bread. Celeste reaches for another chocolate but I take the glass dish from her, giving her a stern look as I set it on the nightstand by my side. She glares at me and huffs. "I was only going to have one more."

"Eat the soup." I hand her a spoon and she takes it with another huff but then hums again as she eats a spoonful. 

"Try this," she says as she fills the spoon and holds it to my lips. I wrap my lips around it, nodding my agreement with her on the taste. 

Zay comes knocking on the door just as Celeste and I are finishing up the lunch. "Hey," she says with a smile as I open the door slightly. "How are you?"

"I'm okay right now, thank you for asking Zay." My long time friend nods as she tries to peek around my shoulder. 

"And Celeste?" Against my instincts, I open the door up further. I turn around, Zay following behind, in time to see Celeste leaning over my side of the bed in order to grab the little glass jar of chocolates. She looks up at us, her face flushing as she pulls the jar to her and sits back down. 

"Hi. . ." 

Zay chuckles, "Hey, Celeste." She sits down on the bed and it's only then that I notice a basket she's carrying. "These are for you," she sets the basket down on the bed and Celeste peers in as she unwraps another chocolate. "There's some tea and other herbal remedies. Unfortunately, there's no medication I can give you to really help with your heat. Our biological evolution works against us in that manner." Celeste nods, starting to sift through the teas and packs of herbs. "The ones in the white bags can be thrown in the bath and should bring some relief for aches. Similarly, the ones in the mesh bags can be combined with a small amount of water to make a paste you can apply to your stomach. I find it works best when your mate applies it for you." Celeste glances over to me and turns that beautiful shade of pink. 

"Thank you, Zay. Really. I've been miserable most of the day."

"It's only going to get worse as the week goes on," she tells her and Celeste frowns. 

"It's okay, Celeste." I take the food tray from the bed, put it on the nightstand, and go to sit beside her. She notably sighs as I wrap my arm around her middle, tugging her closer to me. "I'll be with you the entire time." I press my lips to her temple.

She looks up at me, as if there wasn't a third person in this room. "Thank you," she says quietly. I smile, rubbing my thumb in circles on her waist. 

"Alright, I'll leave you two love birds alone." The bed dips as Zay pushes herself up.

"Thank you, Zay." She pauses by the door, nodding. "For everything." A smile hits her lips.

"Do me a favor?" I nod, telling her to go for it. "Don't get her pregnant." I glare at her as Celeste turns fully red in my peripheral. "I don't think I can handle two pregnant she-wolves in the family right now." I chuckle, picking up a pillow and throwing it at her. She ducks out the door, closing it just in time for the pillow to hit the wall. 

Celeste takes another pillow and hides her face in it. I take the basket, putting it on my nightstand where I had previously placed the little glass chocolate bowl. I lay down, tugging Celeste with me and away from where she was hiding in the pillow. She opts to, instead, hide her face in my chest. "How is Lesa?" Her voice is muffled against me but I can still make out her words. 

"Last I checked, she's okay. She's getting pretty far into the pregnancy so I've had Zay check on her regularly. Last time we talked, she had tried to rope me into finishing setting up her nursery for her. Unfortunately, I was pretty busy so I sent over some pack members to help. I was supposed to come see it but then everything happened. . ."

"You should go," she says, pulling back. "See your sister." 

I shake my head. "I'm not leaving you right now." 

"Okay so when my heat is over, we'll go over there. I can bake her a pie or something. . ." 

"Or something?"

She pouts, her bottom lip sticking out. "Pies are hard."

"You realize you don't have to make the crust from scratch, right?"

"Hannah says everything is better when it's made from scratch." 

"How about," I take her hand in mine, "I teach you how to make my mom's fruit tart."

"Fruit tart?"

I nod. "She used to make it for us when she still lived in the pack. I think it's best with fruit at the end of spring but you can use any seasons'." I don't mention how Celeste's smell reminds me much of this tart from my childhood. 

"Let's do that." A small smile graces her lips as she toys with the buttons on my shirt. 

I wake up around midnight, Celeste gone from her side of the bed. A panic strikes me until I hear it. The bathroom light is on and, beyond the cracked door, I can hear her crying. I shoot up out of bed, running through the bathroom door. Celeste sits on the floor next to the toilet, tears streaming down her face as she holds her stomach. I slide on to the floor next to her, pulling her hands to me. "Hey," I whisper, "hey, it's okay." She shakes her head several times. She curls into herself, her breaths starting to come out uneven. "Celeste, you need to calm down." I keep my voice as soft as possible. "Look at me, okay?" She doesn't. I put a hand under her knees and my other around her back, lifting her into my arms. I set her in the tub, putting in the plug and turning the water to a warm temperature. "I'll be right back," I promise. I run back into the room, grabbing one of the mesh bags from the basket Zay brought. I throw it in the filling tub. "Scoot forward for me, yeah?" She kind of follows, wrapping her arms around her legs and curling back in on herself. I take my shirt off and climb in behind her, pulling her between my legs. An aroma of chamomile fills the air along with steam from the hot water. 

"It hurts," she cries. 

"I know, I know," I murmur into her ear. I lift her shirt above her stomach, running my fingers in a massage I'm hoping can bring her a sense of relief. She leans into me, tears still streaming down her cheeks as little cries leave her lips. She opens her neck to me and I obey her wish, planting my lips softly on her slender wet skin. She sighs as I pull her even closer to me. Eventually, her tears subside, occasionally little hiccups leaving her lips. "Are you okay?"

She stays quiet. And we sit in the tub until the water turns cold. 

The sun comes up on the third day and I rush out of bed to pull the blinds close. I'm reluctant to leave her but she sleeps peacefully. I shower quickly, rushing back into the room in only my towel. She's pulled my pillow to her but still rests. I breathe a sigh of relief and go to change my clothes. "Celeste," I murmur, kneeling beside the bed. "Baby, I'm going to go get us some breakfast." She doesn't wake and I give a small smile. She was up most of the night, in too much pain to get any rest. 

I make my way down to the kitchen, thinking of what to make. I settle for some oatmeal, buttered toast, and smoothies. I was plating the food on one of the trays when a crashing noise came from the living room. I raise a brow, looking toward the door, scoffing as I think of what pack members are causing chaos out there. A ruckus of shouting makes its way through the door. I pick up the tray, needing to get back to my room. 

'Alpha,' a voice makes its way into my link. 

'Unless it's an emergency, you'll need to go to Ja-'

'It's the Luna.' The bowls clatter in my hand, banging against the counter. 

I rush out of the kitchen and her scent immediately hits me. The ruckus in the living room had died down but her scent came from the corner of the room. Several people were in the living room, seemingly frozen in a panic. The lamp that usually stood by the entry of the living room was on the ground, the bulb shattered. Likewise, a plant that was on one of the shelves was also knocked to the ground, dirt surrounding the now broken pot. A growl made its way out of my throat and the three men in the room cleared the way. And there she was. Celeste cowered in the corner of the room, her body trembling as she held her head in her hands. 

"Alpha, I-" one of the men started. I rushed past him; I think my shoulder hit his but all I could focus on in this moment was her. I fell to the ground in front of her.

"Hey," I whispered. I put my hand on hers and a shriek left her mouth as she tried to shrink further into the corner. I wrapped my hand around her wrist, pulling her palm to my lips. Her eyes shot up as I rubbed my thumb up and down her wrist, they were filled with tears. She seemed to study me for a minute. I continued to run my thumb up and down her wrist, putting her hand on my cheek. She took only a minute to let her hand fully cup the side of my face before she threw herself at me, wrapping her hands around my neck and crying into my shoulder. I fell back, putting my hands around her waist and hugging her trembling form to me. 

I shifted our position, turning so I could stare at the three men in the room. "What happened?" My voice came out in a growl. 

"Alpha, we didn't- she just-" 

"She wandered down here, Alpha," one of them finished for the other. "She seemed lost. We tried to help her but she-"

"She freaked out when we tried to approach her," the third one finished. 

I try to breathe as I feel Celeste begin to calm in my hold, breathing in my scent. One of her hands goes to my hair, playing with the locks on the back of my neck that are probably getting a bit too long. "Celeste?" I try to pull her back, to look in her eyes, but her hand still around my neck tightens. I sigh, looking at the men. "I'll discuss this later." I run my hand up and down her back, "C'mon baby, let's go." She stays rooted where she is and I sigh. 

"Alpha, is she okay?"

I study the three men in the room, looking for any signs of dishonesty or ill intent. I find none. I trust my pack members and that makes this moment all the more confusing. 

"She will be. Thank you boys, for your concern, but if you could clear the room." They nod and in seconds it's just her and I. 

My brain swims with the possibility of what could have happened to get her to such a state. I hold her to me tightly, breathing in her scent to calm myself.

"I'm sorry," she murmurs against my neck after what felt like forever. 

"What happened?" She finally allows me to pull back. Her cheeks are red, eyes puffy from crying. 

"I- I had a nightmare." A sigh passes my lips. "And when I woke up, you - you weren't there."

"I'm sor-"

"I tried to find you," she sniffles, "but I felt s-so lost. I couldn't trace your scent. A-and everything felt blurry." A tear makes its way down her cheek as her lip trembles. "I'm sor-"

"Don't be sorry," I try to assure her. 

She glances around the room, pausing on the broken pieces of glass and ceramic not far from us. "Did I-?" 

"It doesn't matter." 

"But I-"

"It's just stuff, Celeste. What matters is that you didn't hurt yourself or anyone in the process." Her lip wobbles. 

"I don't know what's wrong with me," she whispered, staring at her hands. 

"Nothing is wrong with you. Your brain is just being. . ."

"Stupid?" I shake my head, pulling her hands to my lips. 

"Mean," I suggest. "Let's get through these next few days and if you still feel this way then we can talk about it some more, okay?" She nods, not seeming to believe me. "Have you been journaling? Like we talked about?" She hesitates before nodding. 

"It's in my room, on my nightstand." 

"Let's go, I made breakfast. It's probably better hot." I give her a small smile and she returns it. Our breakfast is warm at best when we get it from the kitchen. We eat it there, Celeste sitting on the counter and me leaning against it right beside her. She holds the toast up to my lips, letting me have a bite before eating a bit of it herself. 

"I'm sorry, Xavier," she mumbles for maybe the third or fourth time that morning. 

"Stop apologizing, Celeste." I give her a stern look. "There's no need."

"I probably scared those poor boys," she tries to reason.

"I'm sure you worried them." She looks away. "But that only means that they care about you. You're their Luna, Celeste. Every wolf here? They're on your side. So if you have a breakdown in front of them, their first thought, their first feeling, is going to be concern. Nothing else, I promise."

"Promise?" I give her a smile, bumping my hip into her knee. She takes another bite of toast. 

I stop by her room on our way back up, grabbing her journal. I stare at the green cover, it was some kind of felt and had a carefully burned out design of the moon and several stars with a wrap around tie that seemed to be a leather cord. The first fourth or so of the journal was already filled out, as told by the used state of the warped pages in comparison to the line up of the rest of it. I toyed with the cord for a moment before letting it go, grabbing her cup of pens and going across the hall to my room. Celeste was already bundled in my blanket, seemingly looking for something on the bed. She found the remote under part of the blanket and turned on the TV before looking at me and giving me a small smile. I tossed the journal on the bed, set the cup of pens on my nightstand, and dramatically jumped in, causing her to squeal as she bounced several times. I pressed a playful kiss to her side as I laid beside her sitting form, taking the remote from her hands. I switched the TV to spotify, turning on my instrumental playlist before grabbing the book I'd been working through from the drawer in my nightstand. She grabbed a pillow, setting it in her crisscrossed lap. She made a grabbing motion towards the cup. I raised an eyebrow. She raised one back. I groaned in a false dramatics, leaning up once more to grab the cup and hand it to her. Opening the journal, she chose a pen and clicked it three times and bit the end of it. 

"Stop it," she shot a glare at me. "I can't write when you're staring at me." I frowned and turned toward my book. I skimmed two, maybe three paragraphs before looking up at her again. Her pen was paused on the paper. She was biting her lip. "I said," she whined, "stop it!" 

"I wasn't doing anything!" I reasoned. She huffed, pushing my face away. She began writing, slowly. The scratches of her pens made decisions as they went, deliberate -- meditative -- choices. 

Celeste shivered in the bath that night, the water steaming around our clothed bodies. She shivered. 

I never learned much of a she-wolf's heat outside of what they taught me in grade school. However, that night I had Zay send me academic papers and reputable links. All of her symptoms were normal, if not on the harsher side of reality. The temperature changes, the anxiety, the pain. I didn't understand how a Goddess of wolves, mother to daughter, could bring this upon her children. Then again, maybe she never did.