1
Seresdina: Dark Priest and general of the Demon King's army.
Normally, a former-NEET adventurer like me couldn't hope to beat her even if she had both hands tied behind her back. But at this moment, I was crouching in an abandoned field with the pitiful general who had been outed by Wiz and then fleeced of all her money by Vanir.
Serena kept putting her pointer and middle fingers together and gesturing at me with them. She seemed annoyed that I didn't know what she was getting at.
"A cigarette, damn it, a cigarette. Surely, a guy with a reputation as bad as yours keeps a few on him, right? Give me one. I haven't had a smoke since I got to this town. I had to keep up the innocent act."
"N-no, sorry, I don't have any."
What even were cigarettes in this world? I doubted they had rolled cigarettes like in my world, so maybe she meant pipe tobacco or something. What was this girl anyway, a street punk? And why was I, a former shut-in, acting polite to someone like her? I wondered why I wasn't the same way with that other punk, Dust.
Serena looked at the ground and scratched her head angrily. Not a trace of her pristine image remained. Finally, she heaved a sigh. "Guess there's no point trying to hide it now… I'm Seresdina, general of the Demon King responsible for strategy and secret intelligence. I'm a Dark Priest who worships Regina, the Dark God of puppetry and revenge."
"Even you call her a Dark God? I thought religious types usually believed their own god was absolute and everyone else was an evil heretic."
Serena looked at me. Her face was nothing like before: She wore a neutral expression like a bleak, emotionless doll. She was still beautiful, but being ambushed by that look freaked me out.
…Y'know, I was feeling all right with Wiz and Vanir around, but now that I think about it, am I all alone with a general of the Demon King, without even some decent equipment to protect me?
Yikes! I might be in a pretty tight spot.
"I said she's the god of puppetry and revenge, didn't I? It doesn't get any darker than that." Grim as her words were, Serena gave me a perfectly pure smile. Now that I knew who and what she really was and that she served a deity who specialized in manipulation, her smile really did look like the sort of grin you might see carved on the face of a puppet. It had been so comforting when she was acting calm and sweet, but now it seemed completely out of place.
The knowledge that the woman in front of me could kill me on a whim made my blood run cold, but I tried to maintain an outward appearance of calm. "…So puppetry. Are you saying that, like, those zombies at the graveyard that Turn Undead didn't work for…?"
"Oh yeah, that was me. Those weren't zombies; they were my puppets. And let me tell you, it wasn't easy, digging all those corpses up out of their graves one by one in the middle of the night. They were just ordinary bodies being controlled by the Dark God's power. That's why none of the other priests could do anything about them, leaving me to save the day… I pull that trick a lot; it's a great way to get people in a new town to trust you quickly."
This girl was bad news. I mean, maybe I shouldn't have been surprised. She was a general of the Demon King.
"…So that whole story you gave me about the Demon King actually being a beautiful girl under a curse…" "Huh? Wait, you actually believed that? I pull that story out anytime I see a capable adventurer who looks like they might try to fight the Demon King. You know, you don't have to go through all the danger of slaying the Demon King;
the curse will end in good time; the king will be gone, and peace will return to the land. That's enough to get most would-be heroes to keep their hands to themselves. Nobody wants to go out and risk getting torn to shreds. Give them half an excuse to stay home, and they'll pick the path of least resistance."
Appealing to their sympathy, though—that was low. Even if someone persisted in chasing down the Demon King, they might hesitate at a crucial moment if they thought the enemy was really a sweet young woman in disguise.
I was actually sort of impressed. I guess you don't get to be head of the Demon King's intelligence service by playing nice. (But give me back the emotions I wasted believing you!) "But why are you telling me all this? Sure, Vanir and Wiz let slip who you really are, but that's not necessarily a reason to let me into your inner circle or whatever…" Serena's smile never faltered. "Aw, it would only make things harder if I kept lying. If we're going to negotiate, we should do it with all our cards on the table.
I've seen what you get up to now, and I've got to say, I can't for the life of me imagine why the Demon King is so worried about you. Let me ask you straight-out, okay? You're just a NEET who wants nothing more than to never have to work again—am I right?"
"Completely," I said immediately.
"You don't have the slightest desire to risk your life fighting the Demon King for the sake of humanity, do you?"
"Of course not."
"And when you hear that people you don't know and have never met are suffering under the thumb of the Demon King's army, how do you feel?"
"Bad for them, but…," I answered, taking more interest in my ear wax than our current exchange.
"...…" Serena looked at me, expressionless. I had given all my answers without a moment's hesitation. And even though her face was neutral, I couldn't shake the sense she was looking at me with scorn.
Truth be told, even back when I lived in Japan, if someone said to me that less fortunate children were doing this or suffering that, I never felt particularly indignant about it and never felt any special need to do anything. If I'd been given a ton of money back then, I don't think it would have occurred to me to use it to help kids I didn't even know who lived on the other side of the planet.
But I didn't think I was monstrous or anything—just an ordinary Japanese person.
…I think.
…I'd like to think… "…Um, I'm sure it's not just me… I bet most people say the same thing. So maybe you could stop looking at me like that?"
"Huh? Oh yeah, sorry. I've known people who gave similar answers, but you're the first to give them so quickly…" Serena's expression didn't change, but she sounded apologetic. "The king told me to investigate this town where his generals kept disappearing and the man whose name kept coming up in connection with the foiling of his schemes… But now I see it was just you in the middle of it all. And on top of that—" "Hold on a second. I can't let you act like this is all my fault. I don't start these things; I get dragged into them."
"Yes, as I was going to say, on top of that, I understand your personality very well now," Serena said and smiled. "Kazuma Satou. Why not make a deal with the Demon King's army?"
"Oh?"
Serena stayed seated on the ground. "Let me be frank. Thanks to a certain someone, the long stalemate between the Demon King's army and humanity seems like it's about to come to an end. Quite a few of the king's generals have been taken out, and the barrier around his castle will crack sooner rather than later."
"Oh-ho. And am I correct in assuming this 'certain someone' is yours truly?"
"…Ah—ahem, yes, it's you. Why are you puffing your chest out? Don't act all proud of yourself."
Serena could glare at me all she wanted, but I saw it now. I was sort of a big deal. "I get it. The Demon King and his army are in a tight spot. If that barrier comes down, Crimson Magic attack squads are going to be teleporting in day and night for hit-and-run attacks."
"It's true. I don't mind saying we're backed against a wall. But the same is true of humanity, is it not?"
…Huh?
"Up until recently, a series of overpowered brutes with weird names and no regard for common sense kept popping up out of nowhere. Each time we encountered them, they would send us home crying… But not long ago—maybe around the time our fortune-tellers sensed a particularly peculiar aura—those would-be heroes with the weird names suddenly stopped showing up."
Would-be heroes with weird names and no common sense… That had to be people coming from Japan, like me.
Except I guess they'd stopped coming.
...…Oh.
"…? What? Don't act like it suddenly all makes sense to you… H-hey, why do you look so freaked out? …Oh, who cares? The point is, that's why I want to make a little deal with you."
Considering the timing, I couldn't shake the feeling that I might have something to do with why the cheaters had stopped showing up. Was it because I'd brought Aqua to this world?
No, couldn't be… They'd assigned an angel to take over her job. The angel had looked perfectly competent; I was sure they were doing fine work up there. This couldn't be my fault, I insisted to myself, trying to keep up a calm front.
"Wh-what sort of deal?"
"Your voice is giving you away. Seriously, what's going on?" Serena said, bothered by the unnatural tremble in my tone. But it didn't stop her from saying, "I want you to join the Demon King's army."
She sounded casual, as if she was inviting me to check out the latest nightclub… "...…Huh?"
What did she just say?
"Don't 'huh' me. I said you should join the Demon King's army. I know you have more in common with us than you do with humanity."
Hey now, that was unfair.
"I can't have you misjudging me here," I said. "I'm sure your investigation has revealed that people call me monstrous, and awful, and a NEET, and a lolicon —" "I hadn't heard about the lolicon thing actually."
I ignored Serena, clenching my fist emphatically as I went on. "It's true, I have a few more feelings than most… And yes, I have plenty of money, a lifelong spot reserved at my favorite dirty shop, and I would love to lead a cushy life being fawned over by my party members (who definitely have a thing for me). I do burn through money sometimes, and every now and then I think about renting out the entire Guild tavern for a day for no reason at all, just to show that I can and to make life harder for everyone else…" "…You're an even worse person than I realized."
I raised my fist higher, letting passion take the wheel. "But even I have an ever-so-slight sense of justice. If someone I don't know and have never met is in trouble in a place I've never even seen, then I couldn't care less. But when someone right in front of me asks for my help, even I'm not terrible enough to ignore them. I can understand why you would want my power on your side. But even so, I can't stand against those who helped me get this far!"
"…Um, I don't remember saying we wanted your power…" "Wait, you weren't trying to get me to join you so you wouldn't have to face my fearsome strength anymore?"
"Hell no. I'd be perfectly happy just to leave you to your own devices. But remember what I said earlier? The guys with the weird names have stopped showing up." Serena stood suddenly, shoving her face right next to mine. "And those weirdos? Some people claim they were sent here by the gods."
Well, they were.
…Not that I was going to say anything.
"They'd been popping up like daisies, but then you got here, and suddenly they stopped. It's like the gods felt you and you alone were enough. The Demon King is convinced you're like one of the heroes from those old fairy tales."
So the cheaters stopped coming after I brought Aqua here with me, and at about the same time, my name started showing up in connection with the defeat of a lot of the Demon King's generals. I could see why that would put a person on guard against me. What a nasty mix-up, though.
"I don't have it in me to live my life at the Demon King's castle, surrounded by monsters," I said. "You tell His Majesty that I'm not that important. All those generals I trashed… Those victories were just the result of dumb luck. Luck is my one worthwhile stat, y'know. But I'm an Adventurer, the weakest class, so you let him know I'm totally freaked by the idea that he thinks I'm his enemy and ask him if he'll stop."
A small smile came over Serena's face. "I thought as much. And now I've seen it with my own eyes. The Demon King is the only one itching to get you into the army. The guy's just overthinking it… Are you sure, though? I think you'd find it very profitable to join up with us… Ah, I know. You're a virgin, right? If you join us, you can lead as dissolute a life as you want. It isn't lost on me that many of those Crimson Magic Clan women are easy on the eyes."
"...I...…I won't do it. Before, that offer might have swayed me, but I'm popular with the ladies these days. I-it'll take more than that to make me dance to your tune."
"What's with the hesitation in your voice?"
Curse this general of the Demon King…! I should have known she'd be an excellent negotiator! Anyone who lacked my iron will would have given in already.
"…Meh, doesn't matter. I'll let the king know that you're just a shrimp, not worth his time. That should stop him from paying so much attention to you. I'll even get his goons to stop bothering you."
"Thanks, that would be great!"
"Um…sure. But in exchange, you can't tell anyone who I am, not even your friends. And you can't interfere with the plan we're about to set in motion in this town. And as for your two little friends—especially Wiz—you can't let them know I'm planning anything. Not a word, you understand? Those are my terms."
I agonized about it for a moment but then said, "Grrr… You leave me no choice. My sense of justice and my goodness of heart rebel against it, but if we were to have an all-out battle right now, the town would only suffer…" "Yeah, whatever. Point is, you'll take the deal, right? I knew you were a smart guy." Serena smiled quietly, then got up, brushed off her butt where she'd been sitting on the ground, and walked away lazily, leaving me there.
"…Erm. Sorry, but, um… Could you…lend me some change…?"
Without a word, I handed money to the general of the Demon King my colleagues had taken for all she was worth not long ago. "You owe me one."
"...…Grrr…" I was on my way home after talking to Serena, thinking hard about the future.
"A general of the Demon King, huh…" I sort of had the sense that I was secretly betraying humanity, and everyone else, but at least I would be safe now. All right, so the adventurer part of me, the part that was used to fighting with monsters, wasn't sure how I felt about this, but it wasn't like I could do much fighting against her all by myself. Sure, I'd been involved in the downfall of a number of the Demon King's generals, but if I was being honest, for the most part, I'd only been giving directions to everyone else.
It was Aqua who had weakened Beldia before I finished him off with Steal.
Megumin had taken care of Vanir with an explosion.
Hans? Darkness had protected Aqua while she purified the hot spring, and Megumin had exploded him, too. Sylvia actually got more powerful after I'd locked her in that underground shelter.
That lady Wolbach, Megumin had handled most of that… Each of those situations turned out for the best, but it was never thanks to just me. The reason I'd accepted Serena's deal was because otherwise we would have fought right then and there. And if I tried to take on a general of the Demon King head-to-head, all by myself, I was sure I would be killed on the spot.
I was profoundly grateful that, being as weak as I was, I was finally free of the Demon King's attention.
"Heeey, I'm home!"
I was still letting my thoughts wander as I opened the door… "Waaah! Waaaahhhhh!!"
"Come on. Stop crying already. Kazuma should be here s— Oh, Kazuma!
Welcome back! Your timing is perfect…" I didn't go inside. I just gently shut the door again.
It immediately flew open. "Hey, don't you shut that door! It's rough in here!"
Darkness exclaimed.
I had a bad feeling about this, but nonetheless, I asked, "So what did you do this time?"
I obviously wasn't going to get anything out of Aqua, who was perched on the couch, sobbing, her feet bare. Megumin explained instead with a sigh. "I guess she went berserk at the Guild or something, and the other adventurers and the staff chased her out… I don't know exactly what she did, but she's not welcome there for a while."
…Maybe she really had changed the Guild's wine to water after I left.
Darkness elaborated. "When Megumin and I got back here after investigating that woman, Aqua was crying and clutching some kind of bill." An invoice for the wasted alcohol, maybe.
…Wait, investigating?
"By 'that woman,' do you mean Serena? Is that why you and Megumin have been going out every morning?"
"That's right!" Darkness said excitedly. "And just listen, Kazuma! There's something strange about her! I figured any priest powerful enough to take out that many undead must have a bit of a reputation, so I started working my connections for any information… But there's not so much as a rumor of a priest named Serena in any of the towns around here!"
Megumin stroked Aqua's head and picked up the story. "What's more, according to the Guild's employees, she hasn't redeemed a single reward. Not one—and no matter how good-hearted a priest someone is, they wouldn't go that far. But you have to show your Adventurer's Card to receive a reward… I'm starting to wonder if there's some reason she doesn't want to show anyone her card."
These two were normally blathering idiots, and this was when they chose to get sharp?
"I wish you would use those brains a little more often… But anyway, listen.
Don't do any more investigating. Everything's settled. Serena's going to keep her distance from me, and she isn't going to ask to join our party anymore," I said.
Megumin and Darkness only looked at each other in amazement.
2
The next day.
"What a novel feeling, to go out—just the two of us. What do you want at the Guild, though? Planning to have something to eat at the tavern?"
I'd brought Darkness down to the Guild. We'd left Megumin at home to look after the still-fragile Aqua. Besides, even if push came to shove, she wouldn't be able to use her Explosion spell downtown. So it seemed better to have Darkness with me, but… "What's with your outfit?"
Darkness wasn't wearing her armor, for once she had dressed up like the noble girl she was. Instead of her normal tight skirt—easy to move around in— she was wearing a white dress and long gloves. And instead of a weapon, she was carrying a parasol.
"What do you mean? You're the one who invited me. Everyone in town already knows who and what I am anyway. I've decided to turn over a new leaf." She looked at the ground, a little embarrassed.
"…All right, well, never mind." I didn't think it would escalate to a battle.
That's right: I was going to keep an eye on Serena. I didn't mention to Darkness that I'd made a deal with a general of the Demon King. With her strong sense of right and wrong, it would only complicate things. I hadn't told Aqua, either; she'd have been all too happy to go pick a fight with Serena if she knew the truth. And Megumin… Well, do you have to ask?
I'd made a deal with an agent of the Demon King in exchange for my personal safety. Even I thought that was pretty low, but if Serena got driven out of this town on top of all the other generals who had come here and disappeared, we would get the king's attention for sure.
This wasn't only about my safety. This entire town could be in serious danger.
Then again, I remembered what Serena had said to me. About not interfering in what she was doing here. That nagged at me, so I'd come hoping to check out what she was up to, but… "I doubt any of you have heard the name of the great goddess Regina, but I promise she can be of immense benefit to you all. Lady Regina's power is the real thing. She can grant any number of wishes!"
"You mean it?! Could she help even me get a boyfriend?! I always have to sleep in the stables, so whenever I ask anyone but an adventurer to go out with me, he tells me, 'I dunno, you smell like horse…'!"
"She can; she certainly can. Bring me a lock of hair from the man you fancy.
Lady Regina's power will turn it into a charm that will make the two of you fall madly in love."
"Oh, Serena, I need one of those! Make a charm for me, too!"
"Hey, wait your turn! I was here first!"
…What was this commotion about?
Serena was standing in the middle of the Guild Hall, the absolute center of attention. Her smile never slipped as she entertained the woes of the various adventurers around her.
"I can help you with any worry, any concern. That's what a priest does…" "…Uh, um…! I can't seem to make any friends…! I came back here with my best friend, but she's been so busy lately… F-friends—! I wish for friends who will have dinner with me! I'm so lonely, eating all by myself…!"
"I'm afraid even the great Lady Regina's power might find that a little challenging…" "...O-oh. Okay. Sorry to bother you…" Serena was the very image of how a priest should act. Other than a certain Crimson Magic Clan member dejectedly walking away, she was solving the problems of virtually every adventurer there.
Darkness tugged on my sleeve, saying uneasily, "Hey, Kazuma, what's going on here? Did you bring me all the way to the Guild to see her…?"
"…? Yeah, sure I did. We're here to keep an eye on Serena. I'm worried about what she's up to."
"Wh-why, you…! Yesterday, you said you'd talked things out with her! You were the one who ordered us not to keep investigating her! And I…! I got all dressed up, and now…!" Darkness stared at the ground, her voice going up octave by octave.
...… "…You thought I was asking you out on a date?"
"N-no…! N-n-n-no, I didn't…!" Darkness was blushing furiously (it was pretty obvious what she really thought); meanwhile, Serena noticed me and beckoned me over. She led me straight to a corner of the tavern. The other adventurers, out of consideration, gave us some space, leaving Serena and me alone.
Serena was wearing her usual pasted-on smile. "Looks like you kept your end of the bargain and didn't tell anyone about me. I want you to understand something. This is for all your benefit, too, okay? I'm not a very good fighter, but I've still managed to become a general of the Demon King. Remember, the Dark God Regina's areas of expertise are puppetry and revenge. If my life ends, payback won't stop with the person who kills me; a curse will befall everyone around them, too. I'd say at least half the people in this town would end up cursed."
She sounded totally nonchalant about it. She seemed amused by the disturbed look on my face; she kept smiling and continued. "The curse could take on different forms for different people. Some might just result in a bit of bodily harm, but a few lucky individuals might be petrified or killed outright.
And if anyone other than you finds out who I really am, I'll have no choice but to fight. Just think how many casualties that might produce, eh? Think hard about it and keep your promise."
I wondered why she was willing to speak so freely to me personally. And this stuff about a curse if she died… Could it be a bluff? Otherwise, she could have just said that up front, and nobody would have killed her.
My thoughts must have been showing on my face, because Serena held out a hand to me. "Try stabbing me with a dagger or something. Go on, try it. Ahem, gently might be best."
…?
"What are you talking about? I can't stab you in public. You're not Aqua."
Nonetheless, instead of a knife, I grabbed a toothpick from the tabletop and poked Serena's hand with it… "Hrk?!" The instant I did, pain coursed through my own hand. I looked at it and saw blood dribbling out of my palm. I had the exact same wound Serena did.
Wow… So this was the power of the god of revenge.
"And there you have it," Serena said.
"…I like living a nice, safe life in this town. I won't fight you, so whatever you're planning, maybe you could leave Axel out of it and just head back to the Demon King's castle?"
Serena didn't say a word; she just kept smiling at me. I sighed and got up, going back to the table where Darkness was waiting… "Sorry about that, Darkness."
"Young Lady! Young Miss Lalatina, what in the world is this?! What is this adorable matronly outfit you've adopted, Young Miss?!"
"Awww, Lalatina, those frills look perfect on you! C'mon, don't hide your face;
let us see you!"
"Hey there, Young Lady, why are you turning red? You should be proud of your clothes!"
Darkness, in her fancy outfit, sat in her chair, red up to her ears; her hands were over her face, and her shoulders were shaking. All the other adventurers were ribbing her relentlessly about her look.
"Hey, don't tease the young lady! This isn't the zoo! Shoo, shoo!" I said, dispersing the crowd, but all the time, I was wondering what Serena was plotting.
"Hurry! Lady Serena will be talking!"
"Come quick, or we won't get to see her precious face!"
It was several days after my visit to the Guild. Aqua was allowed back in now, but meanwhile, the whole town had started to go a little…strange.
"This way! Lady Serena's sermon will be starting! C'mon—let's go!"
"Awww, wait! What's going on? Lady Serena this and Lady Serena that.
What's wrong with everyone? She's just a priest…" Serena's name seemed to be on everyone's lips. In no time at all, she had practically set herself up as the holy woman of Axel.
"…I don't get it. What happened to this town while I was sealed away at home?"
"'Sealed away' is way too cool a term for what happened to you, you shut-in.
While you were under house arrest, Serena made herself the face of this town," I told Aqua, who was shocked to discover the vibe in Axel when she finally got out of the house.
"I don't know why, but something feels off about that woman. I guess I won't do or say anything to her, though, since you told me not to," Megumin mumbled, trotting along behind Aqua and me.
Even Darkness was in on it. "The things she's doing seem praiseworthy, but… I know it sounds strange, but I just don't like her somehow. I'm with Megumin, though. If you say to keep out of it, Kazuma, then I will. Your warnings always seem to be on target. I'm done ignoring the things you say."
…Gee, my heart kind of hurt. What would the two of them think if they knew I'd made a deal with a general of the Demon King in secret? Would they berate me? Maybe beat me up?
Much as I'd made that deal out of fear for my own precious little life, though, I'd had their safety in mind, too. Aqua in particular: If the Demon King found out she was a goddess, he would never leave her alone.
Yeah, staying out of it was the way to go. The four of us headed for the Guild.
"Lady Serena! Lady Serena!"
"Lady Serena, please grant my wish!"
"Very well, very well, there's no need to shove. Wait your turn, everyone!
Lady Regina can grant all your wishes, and she does so freely. Come on, now."
"Thank you so much, Lady Serena! What I wish for is…" There in the middle of the street was Serena, surrounded by a crowd of adventurers. She was like a pop singer being mobbed by fans. Aqua hid herself behind me when she saw it. I guess she'd finally developed an aversion to Serena after being outwitted so many times.
When Serena saw me, she gave a small, polite bow.
At that moment… "Lady Serena! I'm so sorry to interrupt, but this man was injured on a hunt!
Seriously injured…! Please, can't you help him?!"
Two adventurers came rushing from the direction of the town gate, carrying a third on a stretcher. His wounds were obviously grave; his eyes were glazed over, and his breath was ragged. Then, in a barely audible voice, he whispered, "…qua… T-take me to…Aqua…" I wasn't the only one who heard him—Aqua picked right up on it. "I'm over here!" she said. "Just leave this to me; I'll have those wounds healed up in no time!" Obviously pleased that someone was turning to her, she bounded toward the injured man, beaming… …but for some reason, Serena's crowd stopped her.
"Hey, what are you doing? Get out of my way! I'll smite your front teeth right out! That man needs healing…" As Aqua fumed and shouted, Serena knelt by the injured adventurer's side.
Then she intoned, "Heal! Heal! Heal!!"
Each time she invoked her spell, the adventurer's wounds closed up further.
Finally, the light came back into his eyes. "Oh… Ohhh…," he said. "Thank you, Lady Serena…!" Tears poured from his eyes—even though just a moment before, he'd specifically said he wanted Aqua to help him.
What was going on here?
Adventurers got their wounds healed with magic pretty much all the time. It wasn't usually enough to bring on a crying fit. Heck, Aqua had literally brought people back from the dead, and you saw how they treated her. They were grateful and all, sure, but they were risking their lives fighting monsters. It was their job to stand up front and shield priests, so it was a priest's job to heal the wounds they sustained doing it. It was only fair. No priest could take on a monster alone, but by the same token, no party would survive for long without a priest.
In other words, Serena had only done a priest's most basic job. Not that a guy shouldn't be grateful, but it wasn't exceptional. At least, it shouldn't have been… The formerly wounded adventurer went over to Aqua and held out his hand. I could see scars still left on his skin. I guess Serena's power hadn't been enough to heal them. But when Aqua tried to fix them… Smack.
The injured guy slapped away her hand.
"Wha—?" Aqua squeaked.
"I only want Lady Serena to heal me. Butt out and leave me alone," the man said.
3
Aqua shuffled back to us, her shoulders slumped. I couldn't help feeling a surge of anger as I watched her.
Everything about this moment felt wrong.
Darkness and Megumin were watching Serena's hangers-on, conflicted.
Serena was still smiling beatifically.
What was a general of the Demon King doing in a town full of weakling novices? What in the world was she planning?
If she'd been nice enough to do something obvious and easy to figure out, I might have been able to act much sooner. Then again, I could just do my usual thing and pretend not to notice what was going on. But that made my chest feel even tighter. It was an irritation, almost like a really annoying itch… The people around Serena were completely obsessed with this priest who'd appeared out of the blue, almost as if something was controlling them. This goddess, Regina, was supposed to be in charge of puppetry and revenge. That's what Serena had said.
…Just a guess, but did puppetry literally mean controlling people?
While I racked my brain about this, Aqua came up beside me and gave Serena and her followers a venomous look, then turned away sadly. We'd been living in this town a pretty long time by this point. Even Aqua, whom many people had treated as a troublemaker at first, had become something of a Guild mascot by now. She always used to drop by to have a drink with the other adventurers when she had some downtime, but suddenly no one seemed to want to have anything to do with her anymore.
She was a goddess who always found some way to cause problems the moment I wasn't looking, then expected me to clean up her mess. She was a goddess who never listened, always did exactly what I said not to do, and meanwhile acted like a total diva. She was a goddess, it sometimes seemed, in name only, without a shred of holiness or even sweetness about her. She was the goddess who'd sent me to this world in the first place, dooming me to this life of eternal struggle. She did something to piss me off every single day, and she was also the one person in this world I'd known longer than any other— …Arrrgh, dammit!
Seeing Aqua so subdued, the exact opposite of how she normally was, it just pissed me off!
Aqua was the one person of the opposite sex in whom I had zero possibility of romantic interest. No matter what kind of terrible thing happened to her, it was always her own fault, so I never paid much attention, and I sure didn't get all upset.
So why was I feeling that way now?
…Dammit, maybe I should forget about my deal and just take a swing at Serena. But I was dealing with a general the Demon King had sent specifically to investigate this area. If I didn't let her get out of town safely, he and his army would really be on my tail.
Let's be honest: I would have been shaking in my boots if I tried to pick a fight with even a particularly mean-looking street punk. What would I do if the Demon King himself came after me?
At that moment… Poomf! Someone clapped me on the shoulder.
"Kazuma. I don't know exactly what's going on or what has you so thoughtful, but whatever you did, I'm sure you did it with all of us in mind. I should say that's well, then. The choices you make always turn out all right in the end."
It was Megumin, but instead of making me feel better, her words only made me angrier.
"She's right. When you told us not to get involved with that woman, you must have had your reasons. So please… The one thing you shouldn't do is have any regrets. Follow your heart."
Knowing who and what Serena was, I could only take Darkness's words as further provocation. But then there was that thing about Serena having the power of revenge. She'd claimed that stopping her would put a curse on this town, but maybe Aqua could do something about that?
No, no, don't do anything rash. It was too dangerous a gamble; if things went poorly, I wouldn't be able to make them better with an Oops, guess I messed up.
Serena was human. Maybe we could catch her with Bind when she wasn't expecting it, then wrap her in a carpet and fling her in a dungeon or something.
No, she might be only human, but she was still a general of the Demon King and a Dark Priest to boot. Even if we surprised her with Bind like Aqua had done before, she could probably get right out of it.
Argggh, what was I supposed to do? I didn't even have anyone to talk to about this!
Maybe I should break my promise and ask Wiz or Vanir? But if Serena found out and cursed the town…!
Serena came over to me smiling, as if she had no idea how gloomy my thoughts were getting. Aqua flinched and hid behind me. Serena walked right past us, her entourage in tow.
But before she got out of earshot, she stopped and whispered so softly that only I could hear:
"You remember your deal, don't you? Don't forget that if you break your promise, disaster will befall this town. My…" She gave a little giggle. "You look like you're absolutely agonized. Hmm, you know, I do owe you for that money you loaned me. Tell you what: If you try to interfere with me all by yourself, without leaning on Vanir or Wiz and without telling anyone who I really am… If you can do that, then I won't hold the town hostage. I'll face you alone, as my pride as a general of the Demon King demands. But I know you. You're a coward and a realist, a man who knows on which side his bread is buttered. I'm sure I can trust you not to do anything so foolish, can't I?" Then she whispered, "With this, we're even."
She seemed to want to be especially emphatic about that. Then she smiled again and left me behind.
Ugh, this was killing me. I wasn't some sort of do-gooder, and looking out for number one was definitely my life philosophy. But I did have an attachment to this town.
…No, wait. Think. Don't do anything rash.
If I did something reckless at this moment, I could get the entire town in deep trouble. But wasn't the town already in deep trouble? What really bugged me was that I was the only one she'd told about her identity.
Dammit, what am I supposed to do…?! Why should I be saddled with the destiny of this entire town? Why should I have to sweat it out all by myself?
I was standing there with my fists clenched, immobile, when Megumin put her hand gently on my arm.
She was looking at me intently. I was sure she was about to say something, so I preempted her by asking, "Y-yeah, what is it?"
"..." But she still didn't speak, just kept looking at me.
Then I felt a sensation on the other arm. "...What, you too?"
"..." There was Darkness to my left.
"What's with you two? If you've got something to say, then say it!"
I guess after all this time together, they knew when I was hiding something.
And they probably guessed that there was some reason I couldn't tell them what it was.
…Maybe I should just go ahead and do it. I'd faced plenty of big bads in my time. But I had always been forced into it by circumstances or dragged into it by someone else. And now I was thinking of challenging a general of the Demon King, on purpose, all by myself.
Normally, I would have had the others to back me up, plus Aqua as an insurance policy if the worst should happen. But if I went into this alone and died without anybody knowing… The thought was enough to make my knees tremble. This wasn't like me.
Yeah—could I let a moment of emotion make me cross a Rubicon like that?
Me, a member of the weakest class of all? If I could bring myself to just close my eyes for a little while, I could keep on living as a rich man, with everything just the way it had always been.
But what if there was one more thing?
One more thing that could push me over the edge… Oops… "What, even you? Come on—say something already…," I declared to Aqua, who had come up and was touching my back. I wished the three of them would stop staring at me with those pleading looks in their eyes… "Kazuma, Kazuma."
Unlike the others, Aqua spoke in a small voice. I looked back at her. Normally, she buzzed with energy, like she didn't know the meaning of the word depressed. She never seemed to think too hard about anything; she knew how to make you feel like you shouldn't have a care in the world.
Yet today, for some reason, she looked distraught; her eyes were full of anxiety. On the verge of tears, she said:
"…Does this town not need me anymore?"
...… "Let go of me," I said to the three of them.
"Oh…" Megumin and Darkness didn't look as upset as Aqua, and when I gave this brusque instruction, they didn't even complain (very unusual) but just took their hands off me.
I turned to Aqua, who was looking at me like an abandoned puppy. "Give me your best magical buffs. Something to make me stronger and faster."
Aqua didn't seem to wonder why I was asking; she just obediently cast her magic on me. I wasn't looking at any of them anymore. All I could seem to see was the enemy's back up ahead. So I didn't even know what expressions were on their faces as I said, "Hey, Aqua."
"…? What?"
Without taking my eyes off Serena, I turned to Aqua. "I think I'm about to take some serious damage. I'll probably pass out. So make sure you keep me healed up, all right? And, Darkness, when I'm out cold, I want you to take me to the police precinct. Megumin, Serena's groupies might get a little upset, so I want you to threaten—I mean, calm them down."
"Wh-what?" Darkness asked. "Kazuma, what are you talking about?!"
"Kazuma, what…? What are you planning to do?!"
Instead of answering, I crouched down like a runner on the blocks, getting ready for the starting shot. I focused on the woman in front of me, Serena, gradually getting farther away.
"Kazuma, what are you going to do? Tell us! I have a bad feeling about this for some reason…," Aqua said.
"H-hold it, Kazuma! I don't know what you're planning, but…! I know I said you could do what you wanted, but as suspicious as that woman is, she hasn't done anything illegal! We can't just—" Darkness was still talking behind me as I, magically buffed, went racing off toward Serena.
"K-Kazuma, I don't know what you're planning, but you're awfully cool right now! My Crimson Magic heart is fluttering!"
My name is Kazuma Satou. A man who believes in gender equality so strongly that I don't mind drop-kicking a woman in the face.
"Megumin, don't get all excited! And, Kazuma, wait…!"
I could hear my friends, but I just kept running toward my target… "Let's both get some sleep tonight! Starting tomorrow, I really bring the hurt!"
Serena turned in surprise, and I drop-kicked her right in the face.