Good Luck for This Goddess!

1

""They're not coming."" I wasn't even sure how long it had been since we'd gotten ourselves sent here. Aqua and I had been in a corner of the room, passing the time by playing children's games, but there was no sign that anyone else was about to show up.

"What's going on here?" I said, scratching my chin. "Does this mean not even one of them fell into that cunning trap? No, that's ridiculous…" Aqua nodded along. "It's so cunning, maybe they didn't even notice it. We're talking about Megumin and Darkness here. Megumin only thinks about breaking things, and Darkness only thinks about running into things. They're not exactly the brainiest pair."

Ah, yes, that made sense.

"Well, this sucks. They get lost, and we have to work our way back to find them."

"I guess so. Gosh, we take our eyes off them for one second and they practically disappear. They really can't survive without me, can they?"

Considering that we were separated from the others, we could say whatever we wanted about them, just between the two of us.

Guess we can't hang out here forever, though.

But how were we supposed to find the others again? I glanced around the room, but there was nothing that looked like it would teleport us back to our starting point. Nos had said this was the highest floor. In other words, that teleporter had sent us to the final part of the last dungeon.

"Hey, Aqua… Which is better? The two of us searching blindly around the Demon King's dangerous, deadly castle all by ourselves? Or just teleporting straight home?"

"I vote for teleporting home."

It was nice to know we were on the same page when it mattered.

"I'd really like to vote for that, too… But I can't imagine Megumin and Darkness giving up on their love interest (namely, me) and just going home.

What to do; what to do?"

"Good question… And I can't believe they would go home without finding me, whom they worship."

We continued to say things that would have made the other two very angry if they'd been there. And we kept waiting.

That was when it happened.

"…? I heard some sort of scuffling in the distance. Wait here a second," I said.

I could hear someone running outside the room. I activated my Eavesdrop skill again to get a sense of what was going on.

"Reinforcements! Call for reinforcements!"

"Everyone from the upper floors, head downstairs! The intruders are making a real mess of things! They broke through the barrier, and they're forcing their way up!"

"Nooo! I heard that working as castle guard was supposed to be easy and safe! The elite of the elite! I, uh, just remembered I forgot to feed my pet Neroid!

Can I go home?!"

It sounded like Mitsurugi, Yunyun, and the others were on the hunt for us and getting violent. So…did that mean it was better to wait here a while longer?

"Sounds like the others are fighting their way up here and making good time," I said.

"Ah, I'd expect no less from my chosen legendary followers. Mm, heroes rescuing a goddess trapped in the Demon King's castle. The saga practically writes itself, doesn't it?"

"Yeah, except it's more rescuing a goddess who ran away from home, got lost, and finally stumbled into a trap, so that she was stuck in the Demon King's castle and didn't know which way was up." Aqua, sitting and pulling her knees into her chest beside me, gave me a displeased shove in the shoulder. That reminded me, though. "When we see Megumin and Darkness again, make sure to apologize, okay? I can pretty much promise you you're going to get a good long lecture from Darkness when we return home. And I know Megumin is usually right with you when you get that kind of scolding, but I don't think she's going to cover for you this time."

"Hey, um, Kazuma… When we get back home, I'll give you my very special, strangely shaped rock if you'll speak up for me. The truth is, even I know I kind of screwed up this time."

Just kind of? Even I wanted to give her a lecture for that, but starting her weeping here and now wouldn't solve anything. Anyway, I was sure the other two would give her more than enough grief to cover all three of us.

Besides, there were so many other things I'd meant to say when I saw her. I was going to tell her how I, the consummate slacker, had trained myself up in a dungeon just for her sake, and how I'd bankrupted myself to bring down that barrier, and how she'd worried everyone in Axel—and that was just for starters.

I could tell her how Wiz and Vanir, the typical goddess's archenemies, had helped me help her. I could gripe about what had happened on my most recent journey and how hopeless the Axis Church was. There were lots of other things I could say, too, but when I saw her dumb face just looking completely relieved… "…? What's going on? Why are you giving me that weird look? Are you that profoundly moved to see your goddess in the flesh after being apart for so long? If you've finally started to revere me a little, then you can prove it by making whatever side dish I want at dinner every ni— Ow! Ow, that hurts! I'm sorry—I didn't mean to get carried away! Ooh, but then again, we haven't shared a moment like this in a long time, either!"

I grabbed Aqua by the cheek, and even though I was angry with her, she looked a little bit happy about it.

At that moment, though, my Eavesdrop skill let me in on another conversation… "All right, listen up, everybody! As you well know, the Demon King's honored daughter has taken a huge army to settle the score with humanity. At this very moment, she's smashing through an entire squadron of human knights! If anyone found out that while she was grinding an entire army under her heel, those of us who are supposed to be protecting the castle couldn't even corral a handful of intruders, there are going to be some very uncomfortable questions!

So starting now, we're going to go through every room on every floor with a fine-tooth comb! We're going to find those invaders and tear them apart!"

"Uh, Kazuma, are they really going to do that? I've been in some tight spots before, but I've got the bad feeling to end all bad feelings right now…" "Yeah, well, if they come looking in this room, we're finished. I'm scared, too, but I'm not the one who went toddling off to the Demon King's castle. Besides, this might actually be our chance to take down His Majesty himself, right?"

At this rate, they were going to find us eventually. So I decided to try an all-or-nothing plan.

"Yeah, you're right, but I'm sort of finding I don't really care about the Demon King right now. I was so relieved to see you, and now I want to hurry up and find the others and go home."

Some goddess! What was that letter about, then?

Still, I totally understood how she felt.

"I'm not exactly eager to go running off to the Demon King myself. But everyone else is, all right? What do you think will happen if the two of us show up like, Hey, we're kinda scared of the Demon King, so we're going home?"

"I think they might just stone us to death. And I'm not sure we'd be able to object."

"Right? So first things first, we have to get out of this room and link up with the others. After that, if we can just make it to the Demon King's chamber, I've got an idea. I'll show you my real killer move." As I spoke, I carefully adjusted my helmet.

By which I mean the helmet I'd taken from the pile of armor left behind by the knight I'd teleported earlier.

I didn't know what kind of monster had really been under this armor, but the suit didn't smell like an animal, so maybe he'd been more human than one might have expected. The armor was a little big for me, but it wasn't like it was so heavy that I couldn't walk.

"Ooh, your killer move! What is it? A beam? Are you going to use a beam weapon this time? Or… Don't tell me! Will you use my party tricks?!"

"The hell I will. Just pipe down and get ready. And hit me again with that great-performer magic. As for me… Heh-heh-heh! It looks like the time has finally come for me to use…this." With my most villainous smile, I took out the poisoned potion I'd gotten from my good friend the assassin back in Axel.

"Kazuma… Um, Kazuma? I'm not sure a hero destined to defeat the Demon King should be using something like that. My goddess instincts are crying out for me to purify that potion…" I practically had to force Aqua away. "H-hey, back off. I'll be honest with you.

Even I'm not sure about this. But the assassin who taught me this killer skill said I should take one of these, too. I'm willing to get my hands dirty if that's what it takes to keep this world safe. For my friends, for everyone, I'm not going to leave anything off the table. I don't want any regrets."

I dipped the tip of Dust's sword into the potion.

"You seem to think you can talk your way out of this, Kazuma, but I can tell you're straying further and further from the hero's path. You have to be careful of the company you keep, you know?"

"Considering that I live with the incarnated deity of the Axis Church, I think it's a little late for that. Hey, stop that—that potion was expensive! Don't try to purify it!" I hurriedly slid the potion-coated sword back into its scabbard. "Okay.

Ready to go? Let's get moving."

"I'm ready anytime. Say, Kazuma, don't hit me too hard, okay? If you get a big head about this, I'm not going to just play along, all right? I don't mean to brag, but I'm not very good at keeping a stiff upper lip."

Yeah, thanks, I figured that much after a lot of firsthand experience.

Wearing the black armor, I opened the door to our room. Then I called in Nos's voice:

"Hey! I found the intruders!!"

2

Aqua and I were surrounded by armored monsters. A particularly large one carrying a two-handed ax shook his goatlike head. "Damn shame about Logia, getting sliced up like that. The guy who ran away and left this woman here must've been quite a fighter. Look at Logia's wound. It's a clean cut, like they got him in one hit while he was completely defenseless."

Well, it looked that way because that was what had happened. Goat Head's take on the situation seemed to really upset a lizard-headed monster who had his weapon drawn on Aqua. "Dammit! I want to get them back for Logia! Let me chop our captive here into a million pieces!"

"Wh-what, you want to fight? I'll have you know I'm very strong! I haven't been collecting the Axis followers' faith for nothing!" Aqua acted like she was ready to fight, trying to intimidate Lizard Head, but the monsters encircling us jumped back.

"Axis followers! Did you hear that? She's an Axis believer! Oh, shit!"

"Oh, crap, I talked to an Axis believer!"

"Unclean! Unclean!"

"Aw, man, I don't wanna have anything to do with any Axis believer!"

"Ugh… Look at that blue hair. She's Axis, all right!"

They backed away even farther, muttering to one another.

"…!"

"Dammit, Nos, hold her back already!"

"That was a close one! I almost got touched by an Axis follower!"

Aqua looked like she might just jump at the mouthy monsters; they all took another step back at her threatening gestures. But I had the mad Axis dog (that is, Aqua) by the neck, my Bind rope wrapped around her throat like a leash.

Aqua herself had felt that would be better than having her hands and feet tied up and not being able to move.

"Hey, Nos, do us a favor… Take her outside the castle and get rid of her. Man, too bad you don't have brains to match your brawn. You know she's an Axis follower, right? Aren't you scared of her? Do you even know what an Axis follower is?" asked Goat Head. He was keeping his distance, just like the rest of them, but he seemed to be the spokesperson for the group.

That's right: I was pretending to be Nos and pretending I had captured Aqua.

The way Goat Head was talking, it sounded like I'd been right about Nos being a meathead. Now, I remembered the sound of his voice, but how had he talked, again? I put a hand to my throat, thought hard about how he'd sounded, and said, "Aw, no, sir, can't do that! This girl's our trump card against the guy who got away. After all, this Kazuma guy is fearsome strong and can even use magic and stuff. He's pretty much the full package. But if we use this chick as a hostage, we can't lose! And we can use her to draw out the ones who are causing trouble right now!"

I thought I was doing a pretty good job imitating Nos's voice, but for some reason, the other monsters took a step back again.

H-huh? Was my voice not convincing enough…?

"G-geez, Nos, did you hit your head in that fight? You were never exactly a bright one, but now even the way you're talking sounds stupid. We told you to talk more like a knight, didn't we? So you'd at least seem halfway intelligent…" "Yeah! And taking a woman as a hostage? That's a new low!"

"Nos is scarin' me!"

I guess every monster's a critic, but in the middle of it all, Goat Head scratched his chin like he was getting an idea. "Hmm… The only thing you ever had going for you was your muscles, Nos, and if even you think this guy is a serious opponent, then it really might be a good plan to have an extra card we can play. All right! Nos, bring the woman with us! But keep an eye on her, okay?

Don't let her near anyone else!"

After admonishing "Nos" a few more times about keeping Aqua away, Goat Head finally turned around.

"..." Without a word, Aqua dashed up and started putting her hands all over his back.

"Oh no! The Axis follower touched Master Mammon!"

"Eek! Unclean, Master Mammon, unclean!"

"Noooos! I told you to keep an eye on her! Hey, stop that, Axis follower—get off me! Shoo! Shoo!"

We hiked around the Demon King's gloomy castle with the squad of monsters. Maybe not everyone with us was able to see in the dark, because a few of them carried torches. That meant that if they found out who I really was, I could douse their flames to give myself an advantage.

I was mulling over worst-case scenarios, Aqua and me bringing up the rear of the group. It was going great; so far, nobody else had suggested doing Aqua any harm to pay her back for their friend. I had two goals: safely reunite with Mitsurugi and the others and see if I could tease out where the Demon King was staying. But that was when… "Kazuma? Kazuma!" Aqua whispered back at me from a few steps ahead.

Since the other monsters considered Aqua "unclean," they were keeping their distance from us, but I still wished she wouldn't talk to me.

"Yeah, what? I thought I told you not to talk to me," I whispered back.

Aqua, looking very serious, said, "I think I've taken about as much of this as I possibly can. Why do I have to be called unclean? No matter how you cut it, this is no way to treat a goddess. I expected to get in the sort of trouble that a goddess kidnapped by evil villains might get into, but I feel more like a mad dog or a rabid animal."

"Just hang in there awhile longer. With this many of them around, I don't think we could even run away… Oops, wherever we're going, I think we're there."

Aqua and I found ourselves in a big room with weapons propped up all around.

Geez, this looked dangerous. I could practically feel the powerful enemy aura emanating from every one of the armored knights.

While Aqua and I cowered a little, not eager to enter the room, Goat Head announced, "Hey, everyone, we captured one of the intruders! From what I'm hearing, it sounds like we've got some extremely powerful enemies on our hands. Given that they just about managed to blow this castle to pieces, I'm not sure we'd be able to protect His Majesty if we had to face them head-on! But listen close. Nos came up with a great idea. We're gonna use this girl as a hostage and finish the intruders in one fell swoop!"

""""Woo-hoo!"""" The assembled knights sounded awfully relieved. I guess Megumin's particular brand of violence had traumatized the Demon King's army. Not that I really blamed them. They'd thought they were safe here in this castle, when suddenly someone was launching explosions at them and taking down the barrier that had protected them for so long. Not to mention defeating their superpowerful guard and storming straight into the castle.

"Oh, thank goodness… What a relief…!"

"Taking a woman hostage, though? I didn't think Nos was the type to do something like that…" "I mean, taking hostages in general is sort of an underhanded trick, right? I would have said only positions up to the overseer of each region were allowed to do something like that. We're supposed to be the Demon King's personal guard. Are we sure about this?"

The Demon King's army began an earnest discussion as Goat Head walked into the room, approaching a magical device about the size of a cigarette case.

"This is Mammon, commander of the royal guard on the topmost level of the Demon King's castle! We've apprehended one of the intruders! All units currently in contact with the enemy, inform them of that fact! The prisoner is an Axis priest. Tell them that if they don't want her killed, they must surrender!"

Then the goat-headed creature called Mammon sat down, smirking broadly.

3

The monsters were waiting on pins and needles, but the room remained silent. Aqua was acting unusually calm. In fact…I think she yawned just now.

Maybe she was that relaxed, knowing she had me beside her, and we could teleport out of danger anytime we needed to?

Mammon, apparently unhappy that Aqua didn't seem more frightened, decided to start up an interrogation. "Hey, woman, how many invaders were with you? If you don't want to get hurt, tell us everything you know. Especially about this amazing Kazuma guy who ran away and left you behind. What class is he? What kind of gear does he carry? And fill us in on his fighting style, combat history, and his personality. Like I said, everything you know."

He sounded like he was just killing time until they got their hands on Mitsurugi and the others. Hrm. I hoped Aqua wouldn't say anything outrageous and get us both in a lot of trouble.

"Sure, I'll tell you," she replied. "But could you make some tea for me? My throat's a bit dry."

"You little—!" one of the knights burst out, incensed by Aqua's demand.

Mammon, though, held up a hand. "Bah, make the woman some tea. It's the last thing she'll ever drink anyway. Make it from our nicest stuff." So Mammon could command a knight to make tea? That was boss-level authority. "Okay, let's start with how many of you there are and this Kazuma guy's class. What is he? A Crusader? A Sword Master? Judging by the hit he gave Logia, I can guess he's no wizard."

"How many of us? Well, including me, I guess eight people. And Kazuma's class is Adventurer."

Aqua proved very forthcoming, but silence descended on the room. Until… """"Pbbbt!"""" Everyone except Aqua and me burst out laughing.

"Adventurer?! The weakest class?! That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!

How would he even make it to this castle? Pfa-ha-ha-ha! Ahhh, I get it. He's your porter. And he put all his skill points into swordsmanship. How about it?

Am I right?" Mammon chortled.

Aqua shook her head. "No, you're not. Yes, Kazuma can use a sword, but he knows a fair bit of magic, too. He can also use healing magic, even if it was a dirty, unfair thing for him to learn. And he can use Teleport, and an undead skill called Drain Touch, and a lot more, too. Oh, thank you." Aqua politely took the tea the knight had brought her.

Everyone went quiet again, so that the only sound was Aqua sipping her drink.

"Excuse me but, um, this is just hot water."

She held out her cup, and it was indeed just water inside.

"You, don't pull dumb pranks on the captive. You want me with egg all over my face? I'm as angry as you are that Logia and Payne bought it, but this is no time for childish games!" Mammon shouted. The knight took Aqua's cup in a veritable panic and went to get more tea, although he looked pretty confused about it.

I knew what was going on here. She'd changed the tea into hot water herself.

I wished she wouldn't do that. The thing about no dumb pranks went both ways.

Mammon cleared his throat, straightened his back, and said, "I'm sorry, my minions are acting rather juvenile. Drain Touch, though…are you sure? That's supposed to be a very rare skill possessed only by the undead… Well, whatever, go ahead. What kind of equipment does this Kazuma carry? I know these black-haired, black-eyed guys sometimes have legendary gear. It would explain how he was able to get Logia and Payne. If that's what we're dealing with, a judicious use of Steal might be in order…" I guess Mammon was having a brainstorm.

"Kazuma pretty much buys run-of-the-mill stuff from wherever," Aqua said.

"For the longest time, he just carried this cheap short sword, but it was enough to let him take on a whole bunch of your generals. These days, he's got this imitation Japanese katana with this weird name, and he practices swinging it until late every night, shouting, 'Hiyah! Hiyah!' … Oh, thank you." Aqua accepted another cup of tea as the room went quiet yet again.

Shit, had she really seen me doing my secret practice? Ugh, I wished she wouldn't give away a guy's embarrassing secrets like that.

One of the knights said, "I've heard stories. I mean, about this Kazuma guy.

They say his name is Kazuma Satou and that he's taken down one general after another using the most inhuman tactics…" The knight's voice was the only sound in the room until Aqua said:

"Um, this is still just hot water."

Mammon sent the knight who'd made the tea flying with a vicious blow at the same time as he asked nervously, "Th-this friend of yours, is he the same Kazuma as the Kazuma Satou who took down all those generals?"

"The very same. Pretty much any general who never came back to your castle, you can bet Kazuma had something to do with it. Beldia, Vanir, Hans, Sylvia, Wolbach, Serena. I guess that's about all of them who Kazuma did in, as far as I know." Aqua was really getting into it, talking eagerly about my battles. "He's done other stuff, too. Like, he took out the monster pretending to be the prime minister of the next country over, and he's been in charge of slaying a lot of large bounty heads. I guess Mobile Fortress Destroyer would be the first one, but there were others after that."

The great hall could hardly have gotten any silent-er; everyone was hanging on Mammon and Aqua's conversation.

I did hear someone gulp audibly, though. Aqua did, too, and it got her going again. She seemed to be having fun intimidating the knights. "Let's see…what else? You said you wanted to know about his fighting style and personality, right? I'd say the word that best describes Kazuma is dirty. Dirty and mean and awfully quick-witted. The one thing you can count on when you're fighting him is that he won't come at you from straight on. Instead, he might watch you from afar, then take you out in one shot with his Deadeye skill. Or he might use Ambush to hide and then get you from behind when you're least expecting it."

Who was she calling "dirty" and "mean"? I would have to smack her silly for that later.

"Deadeye? Ambush?" Mammon was sounding pretty uneasy.

Aqua, taking another cup of tea, said, "That's right, Ambush. And he has a skill called Sense Foe, so he can stay hidden and still know exactly what you're all doing. In fact… Who knows? Kazuma might be in this very room right now!"

""""Eeeeek!"""" the knights squealed. Meanwhile, I got a good grip on my scabbard so I could take a swipe at Mammon at any time. Heck, I wished Aqua wouldn't freak them out like that. Why would she go out of her way to put them on their guard?!

Mammon looked around, openly worried. Aqua sipped her tea.

"Hot water again," she said.

"Now, hold on a second! Something's funny here! I swear I've been making that tea right all— No, Master Mammon, it's not like that! I swear I've been making the tea right!"

Mammon got up to dispense justice on the knight Aqua was tweaking. But just then— "Master Mammon, we've captured more intruders! One of them was an extremely powerful fighter with an enchanted sword, but when he heard we had a hostage with blue hair, he turned real cooperative!"

Such was the report from the knight who came rushing into the room. There was a collective sigh of relief, not least from Mammon, who had been just about to punch out the armored tea knight. Instead, he turned to the newcomer and said, "Excellent, bring him here! Good work—this is exactly what we wanted! And you, Nos! Your plan worked to perfection. You can expect a handsome reward later!" A big grin crossed his goatlike face.

4

A group of very familiar faces entered the room, escorted by a troop of armored knights. Mitsurugi was at the head of the party, which included everyone who had broken into the castle.

"Lady Aqua! I'm so glad to see you're safe!" Mitsurugi said when he saw Aqua sipping tea at the far end of the great hall. Darkness, Megumin, and Yunyun likewise relaxed when they saw that Aqua was in one piece. As for Mitsurugi's two girlfriends, they scowled, held their weapons at the ready and didn't move.

When Mammon realized Mitsurugi and the others still had their arms, he said, "Heh, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to drop your weapons. I don't like relying on these kinds of underhanded schemes, you know, but this lady's been telling us some pretty scary stories. You! You there! You're the one they call Kazuma, aren't you?! Throw down your weapon and come over here!"

He pointed directly at Mitsurugi.

"Um, that's not him," Aqua said, sipping her tea without a trace of concern.

"That's Magic Sword Guy. None of those people is Kazuma."

"?!" Her pronouncement sent a shock through the room full of knights.

Mammon, who had just been starting to relax, suddenly began looking restlessly around again. Goat Head there seemed like a boss character in his own right, and apparently he was terrified of me. And this after I'd told Aqua not to play things up too much. If he was too worried, it would hurt my chances of doing what I had to do.

This was all because Aqua had to let herself get carried away frightening these guys… "Pfah. She's right—the numbers don't add up," Mammon said. "Okay. The woman will be more than enough of a hostage to give us leverage over Kazuma.

As for the others, just finish them off! And please don't put up a fight, eh, kids?

'Cause you know what'll happen to her…!"

Mammon sounded like a third-rate villain, but evidently Mitsurugi was reading from the same script, because he simply grunted, "Hrgh…!" and looked angry. Megumin and Darkness looked like they might be trying to think of a plan.

Before they could do anything, though, Mammon snapped, "Okay, throw down your weapons! You lot, surround them!"

Well. It looked like things were only going to go downhill from here.

I sidled up to Mammon. "Hold on, Mammon, sir! How can you expect Logia and Payne to rest in peace if you give these people such an easy death? Please, sir, let me handle them!"

"Er, ahem, yes. You always were close with those two. I suppose I can let you deal with them… But ye gods, can't you do something about the way you're talking?"

Having safely obtained Mammon's permission, I tugged on the rope around Aqua's neck. It was supposed to be a signal: This is our chance. Make a run for Mitsurugi and the others.

"I'm, whaddayacallit, reinventing myself, sir. Now, the lot of you, are you seeing this? Here in my hand I have a rope connected, as you can see, to your friend, who's shaking with terror!"

"Looks to me like she's drinking tea," Megumin quipped. I'd given Aqua the signal, but she only held the rope limply in one hand; otherwise, she was just sitting there sipping her drink. Dammit, not only could she not read a room, her intuition wasn't worth squat, either. I wanted to give her a good smack.

Bah. Okay, change of plans.

"You there! The Crusader girl!"

"?!" Darkness, who was still holding her great sword, was so surprised to have me suddenly talking to her that she almost jumped out of her skin. I felt bad for her, but before anything else, I had to throw this Mammon guy off the scent.

"I want you to drop that weapon," I said. "And if you make a peep about it, you know what'll happen to your tea-drinking friend here."

"All right… My attacks don't land anyway. There, is that better?" Darkness said, throwing down her sword. She was right: Abandoning her weapon wouldn't actually affect her usefulness in combat very much. And everyone else, including Mammon, started to relax when they saw one of the captives disarm herself.

I didn't order the others to throw down their weapons, though, but continued talking to Darkness. "Next… Let's see. I think I like that evil-looking armor of yours. How about you take it off for me?"

"What?! M-my armor? No, no! The armor is… If nothing else, leave me the armor!"

I'd expected her to just do what I said, but I was encountering some surprising resistance from Darkness.

"You saying you can't take it off? Do you understand the position you're in?

What happens to a female knight who gets captured in the Demon King's own castle? Every knight knows about it; it's practically proverbial! Now, I'm ordering you to take off that armor, right in front of all of us!"

"What? You can't be serious…!" Darkness flushed red and gritted her teeth.

"""Wow!""" For some reason, even the other knights sounded amazed.

"Scary! Scary Nos!"

"Geez, you're a real scumbag! I can't believe this is the same guy who used to rescue kittens…" "L-listen, Nos. I know I said I'd let you deal with them, but even I think this is going a little far…" I thought the other knights were supposed to be, like, my professional colleagues or something. And now even Mammon looked like he was having second thoughts.

That didn't stop me, though. "Heh-heh! I'll bet you have one sexy bod underneath that armor," I went on. "Why not go ahead and strip? You'll be saving your friends' lives. Great excuse, right?"

"E-excuse me? N-no, I can't let this nobody discipline me like a—! Ahhh… Why? Why is it so hard to resist your…p-penetrative gaze? Who are you? It's like you know my weaknesses…" Blushing furiously and obviously conflicted, Darkness began to undo the clasps of her armor. When the first plate fell to the floor, we could see the pale skin of her shoulder.

"""""Whoa!!""""" Oops. I'd exclaimed just like the rest of the Demon King's army.

"I w-won't be broken by a little humiliation!"

Two things bothered me: One, Darkness, still bright red but looking straight at me with what I was sure was eagerness in her eyes. And two, Megumin looking at me like she couldn't believe she was hearing this.

Okay, I knew Megumin was sharp, but she couldn't have figured me out… right?

Just then— "Stop! I won't let this continue! You may be a member of the Demon King's army, but you're still a knight, aren't you?! How can you live with yourself, treating a woman like this?! Face us in combat, as is proper!"

It was Mitsurugi, totally unable to read a room.

Mammon looked shocked back to his senses by Mitsurugi's shouting; he straightened up, and his gaze got firmer. Shit! Mitsurugi was out of line in more ways than one.

The rest of the soldiers, though, let out a sigh of disappointment that he'd stopped me.

Wait… Was it just me, or did Darkness sigh, too?

Mammon took a step forward.

He was big, he had an ax…and his back was to me, completely defenseless.

His goatlike, yellow-tinged eyes glinted. "Give it up, Nos; you've had your fun!

We've got a hostage, and that's all we need. Okay, everyone, surround them!

I'll take on the boy. Without that Kazuma person around, this should be easy!"

he spat, then got a good grip on his ax.

"Kazuma? You mean Kazuma Satou? Hey, I'm stronger than he is! My name is Kyouya Mitsurugi, a Sword Master with an enchanted blade whose name is, I daresay, known far and wide!"

Things in the room were getting tense again, but he sounded like he was talking about the weather.

"Oh-ho. Are you indeed so afraid of our Kazuma?"

Megumin, holding up her staff threateningly, started interrogating Mammon.

"What, him? You mean the underhanded scoundrel who's off hiding somewhere right now? I'm not afraid of him!"

Darkness, picking up the pieces of her armor and strapping them back on, said:

"I wouldn't take that man lightly. Every foe I've encountered since I ran into him has met a bad end. And believe me…you'll be no exception."

Was she being nice or throwing me under the bus? I wasn't sure, but she looked right at me as she said it. If I'd had a chance to say my piece, I would have pointed out that the same was true of pretty much everyone she'd run into, not only her enemies.

"Just shut up, will you?! My name is Mammon! The great Mammon, captain of the royal guard entrusted with this great hall that leads to the Demon King's chamber! I could face down even the generals in a straight fight! And you think I'm going to run scared from a man who isn't even here? Ha!"

As if that was their cue, Mammon's knights drew their swords. Mitsurugi likewise slowly drew his enchanted blade. Yunyun's eyes were shining red, and she held her wand behind her back, ready to intone her magic at any time.

I guess they were all raring to go.

As for me, I reached for my sword, looking for any moment when Mammon might be open… "Do you mean it? You were acting so terrified earlier, so are you really not afraid of Kazuma? He could be right behind you, you know."

Leave it to Aqua to spoil the mood. She looked awfully at ease for someone who was supposedly a hostage, not even flinching at Mammon's terrifying visage. She obviously assumed that no matter what kind of pinch we got into, I would figure something out. If we made it back to town alive, I was going to have to have a long talk with her.

"Did I stutter? I'm not scared! Hey, Kazuma Satou, are you listening?! Yeah, you, you scheming, cowering wretch! I know you're up here somewhere! If you can hear me, come out and tell meeee!"

I cast aside my helmet, buried my sword in the back of Mammon's neck, and said, "Nice to meet you! I'm Underhanded Kazuma!"

5

I immediately pulled my sword back out and got myself some distance from Mammon. I'd used a skill, a killer technique the assassin had taught me called Deadly Backstab. If you used it when the target wasn't paying attention to you, you had a chance of inflicting a fatal hit. It was useful only in very specific circumstances, but it was the perfect ability for me.

I didn't know if it was the skill at work or the poison I'd slathered on my blade, but Mammon pitched forward, his mouth working helplessly open and shut.

The other monsters, seeing the knight they'd assumed was their friend suddenly turn into me, started panicking.

"It—it's hiiiim!"

"He killed Master Mammon! And so suddenly!"

"What vile tactics! What foul deeds!"

"What?! Hold on…what?! Is that even a thing? You pull stunts like that, and you still call yourself human?!"

The monsters might have been completely freaked out, but I guess they really were members of the Demon King's personal guard, because they quickly resumed their formation, and about three of them started advancing on us.

"Light of Saber!" Over by the entryway, a pretty good distance from where we stood at the far end of the room, Yunyun used her trademark spell to cut down one of the knights.

Darkness seized the moment: Completely ignoring the attacks that came her way, she charged straight at us. Mitsurugi and the rest tumbled after her, and in the blink of an eye, the great hall became a battlefield.

"This guy's dangerous!" shouted the knight who was blocking my way, his weapon at the ready. "Surround him, and we'll get him in one shot!" The two others with him nodded. Three sword points were leveled directly at me.

"Grrr, three against one? Some knights… And you still call yourselves the Demon King's personal guards?!"

"Huh? H-hey, you're one to talk! Making your own party member strip off her armor and then ambushing Master Mammon like that? You shut your mouth!"

"Y-yeah, how dare you speak to us like that…!"

"Just forget it, you two. I'm done letting this guy make us dance to his t—!"

All the complaining, though, left the knights open for just one second.

"Bind!"

"?! Wha—?! Hey!"

I didn't feel compelled to let the guy finish. My superpowerful binding rope wrapped itself around him like a living creature!

"Ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow! Hey, Kazuma, that hurts!"

…But the rope wrapped around Aqua's neck squeezed down with it.

"Ugh! Good gods! Not only did he ambush Master Mammon, he thinks nothing of sacrificing his companions! I never expected him to be so inhuman!

Shit, I let my guard down! You two, take care of this!"

It kind of hurt to be called inhuman, but I could hardly admit that I'd just plain forgotten that Aqua was at the other end of the rope.

"Kazuma! Kazumaaaa!! This guy's armor is really hard, and it hurts! Can I use my magic to undo the Bind?"

"Hang in there just a little longer! I'm going to take care of these other two!" I said, and then I turned toward the remaining knights, who had their swords up and were watching me closely. They lowered their weight, ready to fight.

"That inhuman bastard might do a lot of talking, but you saw him. He took one of us out of the fight before we knew what was happening. Don't blink. We go on three!"

"I've got it! On three."

As they stood there working out their timing, I focused on the first knight's voice and… "Nah, y'know, I think we should do it on 'Ready and Go!' Or maybe on a count of ten…" "Huh? Well, which is it?!"

"Hey, stop that! Don't imitate my voice!"

While my antics threw my opponents into confusion, there was a shout from someone else: "Watch out! The Crusader's headed your way!"

The knights in front of me glanced toward the voice… "Eeeyikes?!"

"Wh-what the hell's going on?!"

It didn't matter if they sliced at her. It didn't matter if they punched her.

"Stop, stop! Don't let her go that way—stop her!"

"She won't stop! I'm cutting her and cutting her, but she looks perfectly happy…!"

Two more knights were clinging to Darkness's waist, trying desperately to drag her away from the Demon King's chamber, but she was hell-bent on getting to Aqua and me. When she reached me, she said, "Kazuma, Aqua, I'm here to rescue you!" even as she tried to peel the knights off her. "I've come… to… G-grrr… Kazuma, could I get a little help here? These two just won't…!"

"What do you think you're doing, dragging two more enemies right over to us?! Now it's two against four!" I exclaimed. The two knights who'd been clinging to Darkness let go and joined their comrades in surrounding us.

At that moment, we heard a triumphant chuckle.

"Try three against four." Standing there looking absolutely thrilled with herself was Aqua, who'd broken my Bind. Which, of course, meant the knight who'd been tied up with her was free, too… "H-hey, Kazuma, is it just me, or does it suddenly look like the numbers are against us?"

"Why do I have to face down five opponents with nothing but an incapable Crusader and a pitiful Priest on my side?! You must both be total idiots!"

While we were arguing, the five knights had all pointed their swords directly at me and were preparing to launch an attack. I guess they had really taken those threats to heart. They were clearly looking to get rid of me first.

This was bad… With five of the Demon King's elite troops coming at me at once, I was as good as dead! I was trying to decide if there might be some way to hide behind Darkness when the knights lunged.

"Decoy!" The knights' swords abruptly turned toward Darkness, the blades scraping against her armor, leaving some light scratches on her cheek and sending a few strands of golden hair flying through space.

The knights, who'd been expecting to attack me, were thrown into confusion by suddenly having hit Darkness instead.

"H-how could I, as great and powerful as I am, have been fooled by a Decoy skill?!"

"Shit! I don't know why, but this Crusader makes me want to hurt her…! It's like I feel compelled to stab her…!"

The knights were totally flummoxed by their own behavior, but they all stabbed Darkness at once, the perv's face lighting up bright red and her breath coming hard. "Hrn! I would have expected no less from the Demon King's elite troops. You stab hard and true…! But I'll accept all your attacks! Come on, now!

Do your worst! Unleash all your most awful attacks! Quickly, now! Hurry up and stab me!"

The enemies backed away instead, thinking this must be some kind of trap.

Suddenly, one of the five crumpled.

"Lady Aqua! Are you all right?!"

We looked toward the sound of Mitsurugi's voice to discover that every knight in the room had been taken out except for the five surrounding us. One of those five turned toward the intruder, looking to deal a blow with his sword, but… "?! Hey! M-my fell blade?!"

"This enchanted sword is a legendary weapon, a gift to me from the goddess herself. There's nothing it can't cut," Mitsurugi said as he sliced neatly through the knight's sword and then through the knight.

"This guy's even worse than the inhuman freak over there! We'd better take him out first, or— Ahhh!" Mitsurugi sliced the knight up before he could finish talking. That prompted two more to come at him at once, but— "Rune of Saber!" Mitsurugi swept them both aside, his sword glowing with magic.

"Curse this man… Acting like I need him to—!" Darkness, who had basically been saved like a damsel in distress, was muttering angrily.

Geez, that enchanted sword of his really was a cheat. Did every Japanese person around here except me have an item that OP?

Mitsurugi shook the blood from his blade, then went over to Aqua and took her hand. "Lady Aqua, are you hurt?"

"Oh, I'm fine. Let me handle Darkness's wounds…" Mitsurugi still hadn't let go of her hand, and she gave him a funny look.

"Oh, uh, sorry, milady!"

"I don't really mind, but if you start casually committing sexual harassment like that, you'll wind up like Kazuma."

"I'm gonna slap you so hard…," I grumbled.

Mitsurugi dropped Aqua's hand like a hot potato.

"I've gotta give it to you, though," I said. "You really are strong. How about you just go take care of the Demon King for us? All by yourself." I looked around the room.

The only thing I saw were the corpses of Mammon and his knights lying on the ground. And Mitsurugi had defeated most of them… "I don't know. I think you got a much bigger cheat than I did," Mitsurugi said as he put his sword away, with a significant glance at Aqua.

A big cheat? I let my gaze wander toward Aqua. Maybe she sensed we were talking about her, because she refused to meet my eyes; instead, she acted like she was focused on fixing up Darkness.

Megumin and Yunyun came over, looking relieved, but me, I was curious about the huge door at the far end of the room. I was sure Mammon had said that this hall led to the Demon King's chamber. That might explain why there were knights hanging out in here—a last line of defense against any attackers.

Aqua and I had sort of cheated our way here, but I knew what had to be waiting on the other side of that door. We'd made enough of a ruckus that he had to know we were here. Once everyone was gathered around, I said, "Okay.

We've achieved our stated objective—namely, to retrieve Aqua. Now Yunyun and I just teleport us all home…" Mitsurugi shook his head like he couldn't believe what he was hearing. "How can you say such a thing when we're standing right here? This is the Demon King we're talking about. The enemy of all humanity is practically before our eyes! The vast majority of his forces are at the capital. We won't get another chance like this. It falls to us to finish things between humanity and the arch-fiend."

Yeah, that sounded great and all, but what about the Demon King's daughter who was supposed to be leading that army? If we took out her dad, wouldn't she just take over in his place?

"Yipes! Ow-ow-ow-ow, dath hurths! Hey, why are you both pinching my cheeks? Aren't hugs and are you okay we were so worrieds more traditional at an emotional reunion like this?! It hurts! It hurts! The pain!"

I looked in the direction of Aqua's shouting to find her caught between Darkness and Megumin, each of whom was pulling on one cheek. It was kind of heartwarming, actually, to see her having so much fun.

"Hear me out," I said. "Megumin took down the castle barrier, so we can just waltz back in here anytime we feel like it. Let's get some real knights, let's get all the cheaters together, maybe the Crimson Magic Clan, and let them handle it."

I was acting nonchalant, but Yunyun sounded genuinely shocked. "She destroyed the barrier? Really? The entire Crimson Magic Clan together couldn't bring down that force field, and Megumin did it all by herself?"

"That's right. You said you all heard a bunch of explosions hitting the castle after you came in, right? That was some manatite-powered mayhem courtesy of—" "K-Kazuma, that's quite enough!" Megumin said, trying to interrupt me.

Oops…!

"S-so that wasn't the Demon King attacking the castle from outside at all; it was Megumin? Megumin, you would do that, knowing we were inside?!"

Yunyun was shaking, and tears welled up in her eyes. Shoot! I'd forgotten we hadn't told them about that yet. "You're awful! Trying to bury us alive along with the Demon King…are you really my friend?!"

"I-it's not like that! I mean, Kazuma had given me such a nice present, and the way things went, I just— Well, I got a little excited…" "Uh, Darkness, I don't mind you mussing my hair… I really don't, but… With that gauntlet on, it hurts! I'm really sorry for running off on my own, so please just forgive me already!"

Mitsurugi's spear-wielding girlfriend, ignoring the four of them—who weren't acting like they were standing right in front of the Demon King's own chamber —sighed and sat down. "So, like, what are we doing? Are we going on ahead? I mean, I would follow Kyouya anywhere…" The Thief girl stood close to Mitsurugi and said, "Yeah, I came here for Kyouya's sake. When we die, Kyouya, we'll die together. Wherever you go, I'll follow…" That sounded cool, like a real party actually facing their final battle. Lucky bastard… From his overpowered enchanted sword to his cool-guy demeanor, Mitsurugi was making me jealous. My entourage consisted entirely of girls who did nothing but jabber, without a shred of sexiness or allure among them.

Megumin had gotten into a scuffle with Yunyun, while Aqua was being worked over by Darkness. How had Mitsurugi and I ended up in such different places in life?

"Lady Aqua, what do you think we should do?" Mitsurugi asked Aqua, who was in the process of having her neck wrung by Darkness.

"Me? That's a good question… If it wouldn't be too tough to defeat the Demon King, I think we should go ahead and kick his butt. But I have to admit, now that we're all back together again, my motivation… It's not quite as high as it was…" Her voice trailed off until she was barely whispering.

Ahhh. Losing her nerve when confronted with the real Demon King. I understood how she felt, though. I was eager to get back home, too.

"Let's make tracks, then. We can always come back with real gear and a real plan. Just an idea, but with the barrier already down, maybe I should just register the spot outside the castle as a Teleport destination and then bring Megumin here every day to let off her explosion."

"Hold it, Kazuma Satou. With the barrier gone, the Demon King has no reason to stay here anymore. There's a good chance he'll hole up in some dungeon where he'll have a fighting chance against the army or any adventurers, until a general emerges with the strength to reestablish the barrier. From that perspective, I don't think we can let this opportunity slip away." Mitsurugi patted his girls on the head and disentangled himself from their grip.

I remembered patting Darkness on the head and smiling once long ago, only to be greeted with a sneer and a demand that I not mess up anyone's hair in the future. Seriously, how did we end up so different?

The memory made me glance in Darkness's direction.

"Listen up, Kazuma—when I'm done giving Aqua what she deserves, you're next! That armor doesn't even look good on you; take it off already!"

"Huh? Big talk when even you were hoping— Eeeyow-ow-ow-ow! Stop that!

I'm sorry! Don't use joint locks on me when I'm wearing armor! My entire body sounds like it's going to break!"

My joints might have been in extreme duress, but Mitsurugi looked at me with complete seriousness. "You're the very person who dragged Lady Aqua to this world in the first place, are you not? And yet, have even you given up on defeating the Demon King? Wouldn't one normally expect you to seek to defeat the king even at the cost of your life, in order to return Lady Aqua to Heaven?

Surely you owe her that much."

This guy was as bad at reading a room as Aqua was, but for once I didn't have any snappy comebacks. He was right, after all. Because I'd brought Aqua to this world, we weren't getting any more reinforcements from Japan.

Mitsurugi dropped his gaze and whispered so only I could hear: "Besides, I can't let you monopolize my beloved forever…" He probably thought that was some jaw-dropping personal revelation or something.

Whispering so that only he could hear, I said, "Man, you have bad taste."

The normally coolheaded Mitsurugi was suddenly at my throat, but I fought back by activating Drain Touch.

"Dammit! Must you be this way to the bitter end? I thought that if we battled the Demon King together, it was possible that friendship might blossom, even between us! And yet— H-hey, what skill is that? My strength… It's…" "If you want a boyfriend, I've got good news. There's plenty of great catches in Axel! But if I hung out with you, people would think you only kept me around to make yourself look better. So scram!"

I'd managed to drain enough MP from Mitsurugi to be able to use Teleport when Aqua broke in between us, looking uncharacteristically worried. "Listen, personally, I've had a lot of fun since I got here, every single day. It doesn't bother me at all that I got dragged here, okay?" She seemed a little panicky, like she was trying not to look too freaked out.

"Why'd you run away, then?"

Mitsurugi's question brought Aqua up short.

A look of sadness crossed her face; then she glanced apologetically at me. "I just wondered what it would feel like to run away from home…" Of all the things I'd thought she would say, that hadn't been one of them. "It's like… How do I put this? You know. I wanted to pull the rug out from under some people I thought had forgotten to be thankful for me. That's why I went on that trip.

How about it? Did it work? Did the townspeople say anything? Were they worried about me?"

Aqua pelted Megumin and Darkness with questions, more on edge than usual.

"Well, of course they were worried. How could they not be? After living in Axel for an entire year, you still get lost walking around town, Aqua. No one believed you could survive a real journey on your own," Megumin said.

"You know why everyone was willing to teach Kazuma all those skills before we left? It was so we could bring you back safely," Darkness added. "If it hadn't been for the Demon King's army planning to attack Axel, I can almost guarantee you we'd have come with a mountain of adventurers at our backs."

"Huh! I guess that's what they call being a tsundere. And to think, normally those people hardly have the time of day for me. Gosh! Well… I guess my hands are tied, then! Come on, Kazuma—let's go home!" Aqua said brightly, turning a radiant smile on me.

That smile looked just as cheerful and dumb as it usually did. Except…there was something only someone who'd known Aqua for as long as I had could have noticed. The smallest traces of a shadow… "Very well. If that's your judgment, Lady Aqua, then I think in this case…" That was Mitsurugi, who had no sense at all of the darkness behind Aqua's expression. His two girlfriends breathed sighs of relief. Yunyun raised her wand and was about to intone the Teleport spell.

But I said:

"Haven't you guys ever heard the expression 'while you're at it'?"

Megumin and Darkness turned back, grinning, as if they'd known all along I would say something like that.

Hey, stop it with those smiles. You look like you're staring at a tsundere or something.

I'm not doing this for Aqua, I swear! I had my own reasons for defeating the Demon King.

"Listen, I spent pretty much every eris I have on manatite. I'm broke."

We'd all known one another a long time now. I didn't have to say much to explain a lot. No, I figured one more sentence would do it.

"How much do you think the bounty is on the Demon King?"