partS ehT

I stood there on a stool outside with a strap around my neck , and my dad around the corner.

My mind was done , my body was done , my will was gone and my thoughts stopped me .

Before I took a step that was sure to change my life , I had the thought "would my death effect those around me as my brothers has me?" And this thought is the reason I live today, and that thought has saved me more times than I can remember.

But it hasn't stopped the suicidal thoughts from ravaging my mind . So am I perhaps procrastinating my end ?

I have come to a conclusion to my worries, I'm going to become a foreign fighter newt year and it will be a job where I could die. And you know what I'm okay with that .