CHAPTER 9

Leonardo had finished making the changes to Jane's video, there weren't that many, in less than two hours and the job was done, while the video was loading, he was talking something to his mother, she seemed happy with something, she was very relaxed, loose hair, white sleeveless silk shirt, black dress pants, high heels and very light makeup, only a few features of her face were marked, she was still going to be fifty years old, but from her appearance everyone said that she was much younger, and carried a badge around her neck, with her name, Izabel, apparently she hadn't taken off her work clothes yet, but she was already resting completely, she ordered a pizza, but Leonardo only ate a piece and with great reluctance, he was determined to make it. as much as possible to lose weight, he had total focus, and even his mother had noticed, as she was already used to working in shopping malls and dealing with dozens of people throughout the day, she had a certain ease in noticing when someone she was okay with something, and when someone was downcast, or hid something from her, it was a gift that she developed to its limits. And she showed it all the time. 

"Did something happen? I saw that you started exercising again, you even bought new clothes, you're wearing perfume, you cut your hair, any particular reason for all this change?" 

"No reason, I'm just trying to get back in shape." 

"There's something, are you hiding something from me? Any new friends?" 

"Friend? No really, I'm going to run along the beach, together with Jonathan, remember him?" 

"Jonathan? The one who came here almost every day?" 

"Himself, I've been running with him and her wife, and some of her friends, no big deal." 

"Any friends? this is a big deal! Now I know why all this change." 

"That's not it, he's also changed a lot, he couldn't be far behind." 

"And when we're going to schedule something with him, on my day off I think I'll go with you, I need to meet his daughter, all this time and he hasn't come back here, I need to give him a shout out." 

"When you're off work you sleep all day, I wouldn't be able to run in those conditions, but I'll ask him if he can come here on your day off." 

"Okay... you can talk to him, but... and about those friends of his wife, are there any more special ones? Who can come and have dinner with us?" 

"None like that, I don't know why I ask that" 

"It's just you and me here, your brother hardly comes here anymore, it would be nice to have some company from time to time, you too, it's time to get a new girlfriend." 

Leonardo remained silent, there was some program on television, so to break the ice, he asked her if she wanted to watch a movie, and change the subject. They decided to watch a new series, sometimes they managed to watch a series little by little, and comment something about the characters, and this time, Leonardo didn't even make any guesses, he let his mother choose the series, he just wanted to change the subject, it wasn't time to talk about Marcelle, he didn't even know what to say about Marcelle, they were still just getting to know each other, he still didn't know what to talk to her about, besides the race, or on her cell phone, she had sent a message, letting him know that she had arrived right at home, and he didn't know what else to say, so he just responded with "okay" and a smiling emoticon. 

The series was starting well, it was a Korean series, but there was a lot of action in it, Leonardo knew that these series were successful, since when he was young and attended a few anime events, he already met people who danced to Korean songs and watched this type of series , but this one was captivating him, and as soon as the couple showed themselves, he remembered Marcelle, and looked at his cell phone, to check if she had sent any messages, but tried to hide it, so that his mother wouldn't ask questions. 

Some fight scenes with a gang, and the guy needed to hide in the girl's house, the plot of the series came together very quickly, Leonardo's mother didn't even blink, she really liked that kind of thing, and kind of awkwardly, and with a In such a hurry, he just sent a message to Marcelle. 

"Hi, what are you doing?" Leonardo asked, via message 

"Hi, I'm tidying up some things at home, finishing up getting everything clean, to start the week off on the right foot." 

"Wow, are you still up for this? I'm completely exhausted, I finished the remaining work, and now I'm eating pizza with my mom." 

"Pizza? You should have called me, I would run there and eat with you lol." 

"Serious? Next time maybe I'll call, now I'm here trying to watch a series with my mother, it looks good, Korean." 

"Korean? What is the name? I've been watching this type of series since I was a teenager, I'm passionate about romances and passionate stories." 

"It's about a gang member who needs to spend time hiding in a police officer's house, apparently they are friends from childhood and school, or something like that, it has a lot of action and seems to be very romantic." 

"Ahhh, I know what it is, but I haven't watched this one yet, I think I'll even watch it here, before I go to sleep." 

"Yes, I watched it, so we can talk about it tomorrow, after the race." 

"…" 

"Look, I didn't comment on this earlier, but since you brought this up, I think it's best if we keep this just between us, I need to think a lot about what we're doing and where this will take us." 

Leonardo stopped for a few moments, looked towards the TV, the character was discussing something agitatedly with the protagonist of the series, he was gradually catching on to the events of the series, and his mother was looking completely serious at the television, she was very entertained. And he needed to think about something, he was never in that situation, of having to hide something from someone, he was never a good pretender, but since it was Marcelle who asked, he couldn't deny it, he just continued with the conversation. 

"Okay, if you prefer that way, that's fine with me, we can arrange something off the track too, away from the race, something just between the two of us." 

"Ah, of course, the tiredness really sets in after the race, it's better to take some time to rest, and tomorrow we'll all be together, and we'll be back early, but really leave this just between us, don't mention it to Fernanda, or with Jonathan, okay?" 

"Yes, you can leave it, I'll keep this just between us, everything will be fine, I'll be here and we can talk whenever we need to." 

"Yes..., but for today, I think I'm going to watch that series you mentioned, I'm already finishing cleaning everything here, I'm going to watch an episode before going to sleep." 

It seems that things were going well for the character in the series, but the first episode had finished, and Leonardo's mother was going to continue watching, he just said he was tired, that he needed to get some sleep, but the next day he would watch the second episode , he would continue watching, so he could watch it with his mother, and they could watch it together. After a hug and a good night, Leonardo went to his room. 

Lying there, between the sheets, thinking about Marcelle, and the wonderful day he had had, it was going well and perfect for him, he was even smiling, from ear to ear, and remembering everything that had happened, thinking about the warmth of the race, how he managed to follow Marcelle until the end, he thought about her way of being, that between the two of them, she proved to be even more special, she was a completely different person, and even more adorable than he imagined, with a body almost ideal for his taste, and apparently as reserved as he usually is. 

The thoughts were going far, they pulled Leonardo from inside his room directly to the beach, to the past, memories pulled him back to that moment, when he held her in his arms, and felt her breathing and vivacity, he flew over those memories, and looked from every possible angle, every detail, he could feel the leaves of the trees swaying, small grains of sand flying with the wind, a special air, over the ocean, and the swaying of the waves, in this memory, no there was no one else, just Leonardo and Marcelle, just the two in love, and the world around them seemed exactly that, the world around them. 

He decided to open his eyes, and came out of that memory, picked up his cell phone, and went to listen to some music, he started with a little agitation, Melvins, he listened to some songs, and he thought happily about everything he had done, and he felt even more excited to do more of that, he became even happier when thinking about running, and thinking about Marcelle, that was what the music did to him, and he continued to hear the distorted guitar, and King Buzzo's discordant voice, he almost sang along to some songs out loud, but it was better to just listen, hear, and remember. 

  . . . 

New clothes, and new sneakers, was all Leonardo could think of as soon as he woke up, he needed to renew his wardrobe, update his image even more, even though he didn't say much about it, Marcelle seems to have made a bit of effort, or was it some impression of him, he just decided to go buy something new, and it was still early in the morning when he arrived at the mall, the same one where his mother worked, but he decided it would be better if he didn't see her, so he avoided passing by. the store where his mother worked, and he was distracted, looking at the windows, and as it was early, it was still quite empty, normally it is quite crowded, as it is a busy area, he could walk around more calmly, although he doesn't like it that much. He avoided going to this type of place as much as possible, but there he would have good options when buying, and unlike virtual shopping, he could try it on the spot and take it home straight away, it would save a little time, and he was more willing to go out from home, and do something different. 

He walked around carefree, looking at formal clothes, simpler, more modern, urban clothes, until he saw a bookstore, and decided to go in, see if there was anything new, normally he read manga, but he had also abandoned that habit, it seems that many things were becoming backwards, he passed in front of a book he gave as a gift to an ex-girlfriend, he leafed through some pages, that kind of thing, he avoided doing it as much as possible, for some reason, the emotions were almost physical for him, the pain was something he could feel right down to his bones, and he avoided having that kind of contact with things that had hurt him in the past. 

"Wow, seeing you here, and reading a romantic story, people really surprise me a lot." 

"Jane!" 

After realizing that Jane was right next to him, Leonardo decided to hug her, and she hugged him back. 

"Wow, you're taller than I imagined, I almost fell off the ground." 

"Nothing much, it's just that you're very light, really light." 

Jane was wearing something very comfortable, it seemed to be a light, burgundy dress, boots, with heels, and a denim jacket, and for some reason, she was wearing a hat. She has a very thin face, pink lips, and thick eyebrows, it was something that also clashed a lot with her image, it was easy to make an impression in front of the camera, and she knew how to use this very well to her advantage. 

"You're all dressed up, are you going to meet your friends sometime? It's still morning." 

"No really, I usually come to the bookstore all the time, I always need to read books about self-help and relationships, and some even therapeutic ones, this helps me a lot, and always keeps me strong in helping the people who follow my work." 

"I didn't think much about it, but apparently you take your studies in this area very seriously, right?" 

"Yes, yes, I do, I hope one day I will have time and be able to work on a book about relationships, but I still need to organize everything, and there isn't much time left for that." 

"A book? That's awesome, a book written by you would be incredible, your tips are really good, and they've even helped me." 

"You? I'm more and more surprised, even my editor is following my tips, I didn't expect something like this." 

"That video from a few days ago helped me a lot, about the race, and how to behave better, I even have to review some videos, and improve more in some aspects." 

"To improve? Do you need help with something? I'm always available for you, I told you, just tell me what's going on, and if I can, I can recommend something." 

Leonardo was a little afraid, he had promised not to say anything about what was happening between him and Marcelle, But he thought a little better, and thought he needed to say a little, at least, about his part, about the part where he felt, at least that he needs to let it flow, and talk to someone, and in front of him, was probably the best person to do this with, so, after talking a little about some issues, he decided to talk a little about what he felt. 

"It's hard to explain, I started seeing someone a little while ago, so I don't think I have much to say, since it's not even been a week, so I don't think I really have anything to say." 

"There's always something to say, and I'm totally willing to listen, let's sit down and talk about it, have you had breakfast yet?" 

"Not yet..." 

"There's a place here in the mall that's great, let's have a coffee and talk a little, I can definitely help you with something." 

Leonardo still had doubts about what he was doing, but Jane seemed to be completely enthusiastic, and he didn't want to disappoint her, and he left the book back in her place, and went to have a coffee with Jane. 

The place was really nice, wooden details, friendly people serving, even at that time, in the morning, and the place seemed to be very busy, or maybe because it was in the morning, it seemed very crowded, and most of the seats were occupied. Leonardo just ordered a large moccaccino for himself, and Jane ordered a mocha and a piece of orange cake, she barely waited for breakfast to arrive, and then she was asking Leonardo several questions, and he was really uncomfortable, it wasn't very to talk about his personal life with other people, mainly about what he felt, but the emotions on Jane's face were really clear, she had her arms resting on the table, and with her hands closed under her face, holding her head, and waiting for any word to come out of Leonardo's mouth, and her eyes shine incessantly, they were green like emeralds, and sparkled with the more yellowish lights of the cafeteria. 

"I don't really know what to say, something like this just happened, by surprise, between me and someone who was running with me, it was something unplanned, it just happened." 

"Just happened? This is the best kind of story possible, tell me what it was like, being with this person, but first, tell me what she is like." 

Leonardo was terrible at describing people, he remembered every detail of what he saw, even the designs on clothes, when it came to communicating about it, he was fragile and almost speechless. 

"She seems to be very intelligent and dedicated, she likes her work, I think she draws architectural plans, or something like that, but she was someone who gradually caught my attention, in the first few days I didn't pay much attention to her, and she didn't even seem to notice me, there was nothing indicating that, but... as soon as we were able to be alone, something happened, it must be a chemical attraction, which you can't feel." 

"Chemical attraction? What an interesting term, I've seen some people saying that "there was chemistry", but chemical attraction is really different, and in your case, that's very difficult to happen, but it does happen, I've received some cases of this type, people who never expected to stay together, who didn't even think about it, ended up staying, and some even got married." 

The idea of marriage even scared Leonardo a little, he wasn't expecting it, because he only spent two days with Marcelle, even though he felt a hurricane of emotions in his own body, he still needed to know many more things about Marcelle, and about what they felt about each other. 

"Marriage? I don't even think about it, but I must say that really everything I did with her messed with my structures, she seems to have really enjoyed it too, some of the things I did, and they were things I learned from her videos." 

"Things? What kind of things? I think this is the time when I get embarrassed." 

"Nothing much, I guess…just things I did, while we were kissing." 

"Um, I understand... and can you tell me what kind of things those were?" 

Leonardo became uncomfortable again, he was surrounded by strange people, and perhaps they could hear his conversation, and this made him withdraw even more, caused him even more shyness, talking about these things, but he just let Jane's excitement take him , and he would say everything he could say, but if the eyes grew on him, he would definitely stop. 

"On the first day it was something very sudden, I didn't expect to be with her at all, I just thought about running, I was ready to run alone, close to the beach, I think she had the same idea, and we ended up meeting, just both of us." 

"So, you met by chance, on a sunny Saturday with the beach right next door?" 

"And that's exactly what happened." 

"That seems like the perfect scenario, and what happened after that meeting?" 

"well, after the race, we decided to walk a little along the beach, and kind of impulsively, we got into the water, and there, we started kissing, it was something really sudden, I wasn't expecting that." 

"Weren't you expecting it? But apparently, she liked it, and that's when she was surprised by the techniques I teach?" 

"Not really, that day I was completely unprepared, but I think I did well, since she said it was something good for her, I think I managed to make a good impression." 

"A good impression? If she met you the very next day, then she must have really liked you." 

This also took Leonardo by surprise, he was losing ground, it seemed like things were moving slowly around him, some people were looking, trying not to be noticed, spying on the conversation, but the eyes and ears were attentive, and it was possible to see, But in the end, Leonardo didn't care much about it, he wanted to see how far Jane's knowledge went, she really knew how to help with some things, and he would explore her ideas a little more. 

"I spent a long time without interacting with anyone, I was afraid of being rusty, and causing some discomfort, or making someone dislike me, making a very negative impression, and as soon as I had some time alone, I watched some videos of you talking about kisses, and they really helped a lot." 

"Hmm... you did it right, although it's not really good to have that kind of fear and doubt, when you meet the person who is alive at the moment with you, and just throw yourself in, and everything happens perfectly and calmly." 

"I think it was like that, on Saturday, perfect and peaceful, everything was very harmonious, we were getting along well, even without talking much about it, we just played against each other." 

"And after watching the videos? What was it like staying with her?" 

"Sunday started very difficult, I was unsure if she would even go, I even felt bad, thinking about these things, I left the house a little early, to breathe some fresh air." 

"It's called insecurity, everyone feels it, but if it was affecting you to that extent, you should learn to talk more about your feelings and let it all out, have someone to talk to about it." 

"Well, I'll see what I can do, but it's really hard for me to just talk about these things, and I don't even have anyone to talk to, to tell the truth." 

Jane's face became a little more serious, and she finally started to enjoy the orange cake and the Caffe mocha, she drank it so calmly that Leonardo didn't want to disturb her, she seemed to enjoy things with great taste, and without rushing. some, so, after a few more bites and a few sips of coffee, Jane continued. 

"Haven't you had a relationship with anyone for a long time?" 

Leonardo almost choked on the question, and things like time and numbers always escaped his mind in this situation, it came to him immediately, the image of when he was still working in a large agency, the dark rooms and the monitor screens turned on with images going and returning at high speed, he remembered some faces, some places he visited, weekend trips, he remembered a certain female voice calling him by name and laughing about something, just fragments of everything he once lived, he remembered as if they were chapters of a film passing quickly, and then rewinding, going back and forth, and the images on the monitor screens were still on, with images sped up, going back and forth, and everything seemed dark, and a familiar face, transfigured , skin completely off tone, a dress he gave as a gift, a golden bracelet dangling... and his name, followed by the word love. Many fragments, but without dates, without time, as if he was still living it, standing on the edge of a grave, trying to finish throwing the earth over everything that happened. 

"Yes, it's been a while, since before we worked together." 

"I think… we've been working together for almost two years." 

Leonardo's face flushed a little, and he couldn't help but look away completely. "Yes, I think it's more or less that time, I was very focused on work and personal studies." 

Jane's face changed expression again, but without Leonardo noticing. "I think it's also been almost a year since I've been with anyone like that." 

This information took Leonardo completely by surprise, he wasn't expecting this information, her face turned completely towards Jane, and she was staring at what was left of the orange cake, she was picking at some pieces of the cake, but she didn't seem to be eating it. 

"Like this? You looked completely wonderful when I met you that day at the party, surely this kind of thing is not difficult for you." 

"It's not that simple, the majority of my audience is female, and I receive a lot of stories, of trauma and toxic relationships, I just start to get to know someone and I start to see certain signs in that person, and I end up moving away." 

Leonardo looked more serious, and remembering something Jane herself said in one of her videos, he held her hand, to make her feel safe. She shook Leonardo's hand and looked towards him, as if she wanted to say something more, she just left her lips open, but soon after, she let go of Leonardo's hand and continued to enjoy the orange cake, this time, she ate more hurriedly. 

"I think I'm your opposite, Jane, but I also feel like we have something in common, and I hope I'm wrong." 

Jane was now surprised, she wiped her mouth with the napkin and told him to say what they had in common, some people around looked, it seemed like she was constantly changing, but always with the same tone of authenticity, even though she acted completely differently. , it was the same Jane, who was standing in front of Leonardo. 

"Right when we started working together, when I started editing his videos, I resigned from the place I worked at, I was becoming completely overwhelmed, and, I think, I didn't see people as themselves anymore, everyone seemed distant, and cold. , and weird, for me, and as soon as I left work, I spent all this time practically without leaving the house, I was locked up for a long time, just listening to music, watching shows on my computer, curled up in the covers, and I spent days without taking a shower , and the few times I left home during this period, people scared me, they were different from me, none of my subjects or interests attracted them, everything made me distance myself, and try to hide from people" 

Jane's silence remained firm, she was just waiting for a sign that Leonardo had finished saying everything he wished he had, and he continued. 

"I don't know if you would get to that point, to completely distance yourself from people, but your mind, like mine, ends up deceiving us about this, saying that we should distance ourselves, that we would be better off if we were alone, and for a long time, I believed in this, but we are all going through difficulties, the people we see on the streets are also going through difficulties, and nowadays, I can see that, and that moving away, can grow inside, and start to suck, all the things good and happy pleasures that are in you" 

Leonardo paused again, the sound around him seemed to increase, the lights in the shopping mall left few shadows exposed, Leonardo couldn't understand a single word about what the people around him were talking about, but he saw every expression, he saw the pointy and round noses twitching. , the lips, thin, dry, moving without stopping, the bags with purchases resting close to the legs, and the lighting schemes of the mall revealed everything, brought everything to the surface, and that amount of things that the lights revealed, they began to do Leonardo's head was spinning, he no longer wanted to be in the mall. He took another sip of the Moccaccino, and continued. 

"I'm sure you wouldn't be the same as I was, but I'm afraid of something like this, that you, for some reason, would start to move away from people, continually, until everything starts to get out of control." 

Jane had just finished her caffe mocha, and with a serious look and a big smile on her face, she held his hand, and said "I also went through something similar, before I started being a YouTuber, long before, when I was still at school, and it was for this same reason that I started studying about people, and ended up creating my channel, about relationships." 

Leonardo didn't know about this, or didn't remember, he was wondering if she talked about it in a video, but he didn't ask her directly, he held Jane's hands tighter, and thought it would be better to ask her a little more about it. , and learn whatever was necessary. 

"And what makes you get closer to a person exactly? What signs do you notice that make you keep the person close?" 

Jane let go of Leonardo's hand, fixed her hair, and said "Well, if you want to know my secrets that I don't talk about in the videos, I'll tell you some."