Chapter 27

Okay so I know I haven't been able to update this book much but I have a good reason for it. Sort of. Anyways the reason was that I sunk into my depression again but at least I didn't die so yay. I had joined a club with T and at first it was nice but things changed. I started having constant fights and I even jumped off a one story house because of it. Nothing major happened though because I was drunk and I didn't know about it until the next day, as my palms were covered in dry blood and my right leg felt like it had been chopped off.

The staffs there said that I threw a fit of anger after fighting with one of the staffs there and jumped off. They tried taking me to a hospital but I just yelled at them and left. Crazy of me I know but I guess alcohol takes the better of me. The owner reminded me that it would be my first and last warning and if I did that again my salary would be deducted. After that I tried being careful but I just couldn't stop drinking. If you asked me about those days I would only remember getting wasted. I started drinking because my dad was wasted all the time and my uncle didn't really appreciate that and he would constantly remind us about that too.

I ignored M a lot of times and stayed so consumed in alcohol that it really ruined me to a certain point. And then came W. He was the restaurant owner's son, the restaurant where I would always go to get wasted. At first he and I were just strangers but then one time he helped me while I was drunk and so we started talking from there and became friends. I think we were too close as friends because all my colleagues started teasing us saying that he and I were a thing. Not going to lie but he did help me at times when I was drunk which was all the time. M and I were drifting apart. I don't blame him at all because that guy was so sweet and understanding of me but my stupid ass refused to see it.

Well anyways once I fought with one of my friends and by that I mean that I slapped her in a drunk state and then I tried jumping off from the top of a building but people caught me on time so no harm done. I did apologize later on and as if there weren't enough drama in my life already I went to safe my friend T from the owner's husband who tried raping her, again in a drunk state. Things were quite awkward with everyone. I was in such a pathetic state that I planned to quit my job and on the same day that I quit I would kill myself. I had planned everything and thought of every possiblities and solutions to it accordingly so I could make sure that nobody would be able to save me this time. I broke up with M not because I didn't love him anymore but because I didn't want him to hold on to me. I wanted him to move on with his life. I didn't want to pull him back especially when he was starting to build a new life. He didn't want to let go of me but I didn't listen. When the day did come I couldn't do it because my dad was drunk again and I didn't want him to know that his daughter was dead right after he became sober. That would further put him into drinking and I didn't want to destroy his life. I did try to quit my job but I was told to stay back so I did.

I was never happy after that and kept on drinking and drinking until I passed out. I had stopped eating and focused on being wasted 24/7. I drank so much to the point that I lost conscious of what was wrong and what was right. Due to that W and I accidentally had physical relation. I didn't know that until the next day, he informed me saying that he and I did it. I couldn't believe my ears because even though M and I had broken up we still talked and hadn't ended things completely. I couldn't take that blow but I also couldn't hide it from M too so I told him the truth and just told him to move on.

While for W I did have to take responsibility for my actions whether it was made in a drunk state or not. The guy did like me a lot so I accepted his feelings. I didn't say that out loud neither did he but things started to change after that. He would act like my boyfriend and I did the same. At first it was easy and nice. No more long distance stuff. I continued drinking for a while but then tried quitting it since W and all my colleagues begged me not to drink because I had lost a lot of weight at an alarming rate. Once in a drunk state I confronted my dad and he told me about it the next day. He quit drinking from that day onwards because he knew that if he didn't quit sooner then I would die from the alcohol. I tried my best but I still couldn't stop drinking since my thoughts never made sense to me and it was eating me up. I didn't like being sober so to escape my reality I became best friends with alcohol. I knew I wasn't happy with W because I never flaunted him and whenever I met M's friends I didn't tell them the truth. I hid my realtionship with W as much as possible. I was a coward that was scared to be judged by them. I knew I wasn't happy with W and I found out about it in the most embarrassing way possible.