Chapter 34

Yesterday after I was done with writing this I decided to go buy something to eat. I bought it and as I was returning, my dumb ass thought it would be a really good idea to smoke under a building(which was 3 minutes walk away from my house) watching the rainfall. I was just enjoying smoking when someone yelled hey at me and at first I was like who the fuck is yelling? And that's when I saw my sister warning me. Panic struck my body and I ran for my life. I quickly reached back home and hid all of my cigarettes and even told my brother to hide his too. Both of us were pretending to chill when the girl came in the house and told me that the next time she'll see me smoking, it would be my last day on earth.

After she left for a while me and my brother kept on laughing and then she came back with a cake. My brother's og birthday is today but she celebrated it early because my youngest brother had school the next day and so, we had a tiny celebration with me, my sister, my two younger brothers and my dad. Today my brother asked me to accompany him in town and I agreed. Both of us went and met my mom and her new husband at a pizza place and talked for a while before my mom announced that she had joined a work and we were happy. She was finally doing something productive after a long time. My mother headed back to work wherelse the three of us: my brother, my mom's husband and me stayed back.

The two of them were busy playing snooker while I was busy with gaming. I had just finished smoking when I met my sister who was hanging out with her friends. She smelled the cigarettes and smacked my head in front of shit load of people. I told her that I would complain to dad and she was again about to smack the living shit out of me when one of her friends caught her and I hurriedly scurried away.

That's it and people the moral of the story here is to stop messing with your sister or else she might create world war 3 and trust me, you won't be the one who's winning. I did see W when my brother and I again went to buy pizza. I was just zoning out when he entered the pizza place and I just stared at his face for maybe 3 seconds or something before turning my face to the other side. I did feel a little guilty but it's best if we don't cross paths anymore. I got back home and on the way I figured out some things. In the past, I would only care about my significant other after we broke up. After the break up, only would I put effort into fixing things but by that time it would be too late. I never comprehended why I did that until now. Being in a safe zone terrified me like wdym I don't have to worry about them never leaving me, wdym they will always love me no matter what, wdym they'll prioritize me.

These things felt alien to me so I wouldn't really show much attention to them and try to get rid of them by avoiding them all the time thinking they might break up with me. When they finally did, I would at first be glad but few seconds later I would miss their presence so much. I would start wanting them back and when they didn't, I would be heartbroken but if they agreed to get back with me I would act nice the first few days but I would be back in the same position all over again. Maybe I just liked the fact that they were there for me not matter what. I would take them for granted and never really tried to understand their feelings but the minute they would leave. I would get anxious thinking I had no one to bear me anymore and so I would act like I had changed but the minute they tried giving me an another chance I would mess it up all over again because I was reassured that they won't leave. I know it's really toxic but I guess I just loved the attention and the pride of having someone when in reality I just needed to divert that energy into improving myself. The biggest flex for me this year would be that I stopped doing this and now I'm a happy introverted cat mother who likes to stay indoors 24/7.