Chapter 36

Well well well. After being a potato for a long time I have finally got the chance to go out and socialize. How? Well it's a secret, for now. I do feel excited but it's also nerve wrecking at the same time. But I'm learning to accept changes which is funny because my past self would even dread that word. Change? What's that? Is that something to eat? That's how my past self would react but now, honestly, it is a little scary but more than the feeling of being scared, I'm excited about it. Sometimes changes are good for you and I learnt that from my three months training. Like, if I hadn't decided to go there and change my ways then I wouldn't have been able to meet some of the kindest souls and make the best of memories.

Life changes with time and if you keep on stubbornly holding to the past and being stuck in your ways then what's even the point of living. So the next time when life gives you the chance to change, don't think twice to grab that opportunity. Who knows maybe the risk you took may reward you with an eye opening experience and even if doesn't you still will have memories of struggling that you will one day look back on and laugh about. This is so out of the blue but I read this one experience told by Khyentse Rinpoche.

It talked about how one of his devoted followers who excelled in everything but lacked love in her life and wished for a nice significant other to spend the rest of her life with. One day, she did find someone and she told the Rinpoche how it was all due to him that she had met the love of her life even when the Rinpoche denied any involvement in it, she still kept on thanking him saying that it was her good karma. The Rinpoche noticed flaws in the follower's partner and knew that he wasn't right for her but he chose to keep his peace. The man as expected left her and she came back crying to the Rinpoche saying how the man didn't treat her right and it was all because of her bad karma. The Rinpoche then explained that when people find something great then it's their good karma but, why do they always say the opposite when something doesn't go their way? He further explained that the things not going as planned can also be good. In this example, the man leaving that woman can also be considered as a result of her good karma because he left early on before he could do any serious damage to her. To sum it up, sometimes things happen because they happen. Maybe it wasn't in our plan but not everything can go our way. When the time and circumstances are right the plans–which will be far better than yours, will fold out in it's own.

Until then, the only thing you can do is wait patiently and enjoy the moment. Not everyone are lucky enough to do that you know. So, appreciate what you have and stop worrying about the never ending what ifs and have faith in the enlightened one. He who created you, will also have a plan for you. If he didn't, then he wouldn't even have made you. He saw purpose in you and if the creator he himself believes in you then why be so afraid.

I know I have changed a lot in many ways. In the past, I had different priorities in eating but now I can gulp down anything without any complaints. I would constantly want to go and hangout but now I prefer the serene environment of my home. I used to give up on things without even once trying it out, thinking it wasn't cut out for me but now, I make sure to try and try before finally realizing that it isn't meant for me. I have changed in certain small aspects but not completely. I'm still that girl with head full of dreams and heart full of hopes. And truthfully, I'm glad that some things did change about me because if I hadn't then I wouldn't have been able to become my present self of whom I am very proud of.