Chapter 37

Ahhhhhh!!! I'm freaking out because something insanely awesome happened to me and for some it may not some like a big deal but for me it's like getting one step closer to my dream. You know, people used to ask me what my dream was but I never really thought that I would be able to survive long enough to see it through, so I never really tried dreaming one. But now, if you ask me what it is I can boldly say that it's to have a home. Sounds like a very simple thing, right? But hear me out, as a kid I've never felt like I had a home and that fact was very unsettling for me. I had to be ever ready to move into a new place which I could barely call a home. A home is where you feel belonged and loved and I don't think I have ever really felt that way before.

I would usually be busy slaving away, sometimes physically or sometimes mentally to ever really care about what a home really felt like. I would compromise my needs for others because you don't really get much say at other people's home. Even now, I still live with my dad and don't take it the wrong way but it doesn't really feel like a home. Yes, it does have the loving energy of my dad but the sense of belonging isn't really there. Probably because my paternal uncle owns this house and my dad has to be dependent on him. I don't want that anymore, I want to live in a place, small or big–doesn't matter. But I want to proudly call it mine and live away from all my past ghosts. So yes, my dream is a home that I've created to be a safe place.

My sister suggested that I go work in a foreign country after two years when I become 21 and at first, I rejected it but now when I come to think of it, it doesn't seem like a bad idea at all. I get the chance to travel and explore the world beyond this place. I hated traveling in the past. I never liked the idea of going to a random place with nothing to comfort me but now, I desperately want to go everywhere. I have a ton lot of place that I want to visit. Sure staying grounded in one place might be safe for you but things change and you can't forever be stuck in that 'I stand by my ground' dilemma. You don't get the chance again and again and time waits for no one. Yes, it may feel safe but do you really think safe is better? Being safe and repeating the same patterns? Instead of that, how about you go places and meet new people with different perspectives. Learn new things, try new culinaries and enjoy life. Doesn't that seem like the real idea of living instead of stepping back and giving up on the idea because you're too scared of the what ifs?

Think about it and ask that question to yourself. Do I really want to be this same person in my 80s. A person who hadn't truly lived or the person who lived, learned and didn't stay attached to that one place. If the latter one is what you chose, then great! You're one more step close to finding something beautiful and what is that? Only time will tell and this amazing mystery is called life. So why not try solving this mystery once, who knows you might hit the jackpot.