NORMANI

I was beyond pissed. I was mad. Who gave them the authority to take my children out of San Juan? They left without my permission. I blamed myself for trusting Taylor and her doey eyes which made me entrust my children to her. This was supposed to be a relaxing trip but all I've done since I came here was worry and think. I wanted so desperately to return back to California and I was so close to making it happen especially with the accommodation problem. The hotel management said my room was already accounted for and it wasn't paid under any Emily Francis. Emily never told me the room was won by her in a lottery and so the right occupant of the room were around and needed their room. I called Em to inform her about the latest and she said it was a mistake on the hotel's management part. There was nothing they could do to rectify the situation. So I had to either pay for another room or leave and I couldn't afford paying for accommodation and feeding. I was beyond stressed. All I could do was pray for a miracle and if one didn't come, then I'd have to beg Emily to change the dates on the tickets so we could return home.

It was at that point of panic and stress that I remembered I hadn't seen the children for hours so I double panicked. I gave Taylor a call and she stammered that they were at Aquadilla. I almost slumped. Who does that? Who takes someone's children away without permission? I slept with so much anger that night. Delanie and Dillan would never see them again. They were reckless people. I’ve known Taylor to always be reckless and take risk but I didn’t know it would be so extreme.

Delanie woke me up in the morning very grumpy. I cast my sleepy eyes on her little form. It was times like this I missed Claire. At least they disturbed her in the mornings not me.

"What is it, Princess?"

She literally growled at me. "I'm hungry."

"But it's so early in the morning." I tried explaining to her but she wasn't having it. She stomped her feet on the ground, crying. "Quit crying. It's Okay. Go wake up your brother and you guys should brush your teeth and wait for me in the bathroom so I can give you a bath." she nodded and ran to her brother's side of the bed. I grudgingly got up from the bed. Sometimes, being a mother became my least favorite job. Just when I was enjoying my early morning sleep, she came grumbling of hunger.

The kids played in the tub as I scrubbed their body half asleep. It reminded me of a day when Byron got sick and I had to give him a bath. He threw up on me. Disgusting. But at that time, I didn't care because I was in love. And did he appreciate it? No. Rather when everything was going so smooth and perfect, he opted out. Fuck him. I was so young and stupid then, holding dearly to every stupid fucking promise he uttered. Fucking fuck him. I rinsed the children's body and got them out of the tub. After drying and creaming their bodies and clothing them, I took a bath.

We boarded a taxi to a cafe called Cafe Manolin. It wasn't the best choice but it was cheap and what I could afford at the moment.

"What do you guys want to eat?" I asked the kids.

"I want bread and jam and orange juice." Delanie murmured.

"I want toast and eggs." Dillan said.

I ordered that for them and coffee and pancakes for myself.

"Mommy?" Delanie called out to me.

"Yes?"

"Can doughnut guy be my daddy, please? I like him so much and you'd like him too when you meet him. Pretty please mommy." okay what the hell? I thought we were over this daddy issue....

"Who is doughnut guy?"

"He is Tay Tay's friend. They stay together." I want my children to go back to being babies. It's easier that way.

"Taylor's friend can not be your daddy, baby. He will have his own children with Taylor."

Dillan stuck his tongue out at her. “See? I told you.”

"But he's so nice and kind and pretty."

I laughed. "Finish your food." wasn't she too young to worry about having or not having a father? If only mother was alive, she'd guide me more on this journey called motherhood. I can't do it on my own with no guidance. My father hasn’t spoken to me for five years, since I told him about the pregnancy. Even my older brother, Aiden. The both of them had not laid eyes on the twins since they were born. There were days when I felt all alone, when I felt like I should just give up on everything… my own family didn't accept me… my children's father did not want me either. I was so poor I couldn't afford to take care of them. But whenever they looked up at me and smiled, I felt at peace. I had the courage to face another day. They were my hope for a better tomorrow. Some may say I threw my youthful life away by being reckless and becoming a mother…what they didn't know was that becoming a mother was the best thing that happened to me. I would trade clubbing, drinking, getting high and partying any day for these little angels.

We got back to the hotel in time for the kids to take a nap. I barely got them into the room before they started snoring softly. My phone rang. Larissa's bright smiling face appeared on the screen. Seeing her face made me realize how much I missed her. I clicked on the green icon. Her voice blasted through the speaker, always joyful.

"Hey girl." she said.

"Hey."

"How you doing? How are the little stinker bears?"

“They’re okay. Taking a nap."

“I heard you found yourself a fine Puerto Rican meat. Damn girl." I could feel her smile from here. Damn Emily.

“There’s no fine Puerto Rican meat and please do not objectify men. Emily set me up with her friend, Ricardo, for a one night stand to get my mind off Byron. Apparently he knows you too."

She almost screamed my ears off. "Ricardo? The big hunky guy? Damn girl. I wanted to screw him but nah he wasn't interested. Lucky bitch." She sighed.

"Yeah, whatever. You'll screw anyone."

“Fuck you, mami. His pingolo is huge though. Admit it. And he's so big and strong and tall. Every woman's dream. So tell me, how was the sex though?" only Larissa would ask such weird questions.

I laughed. "Meh. It was good but wasn't awesome. The guy is a romantic I can give him that but he is boring. With that build and look, you'd think the guy would murder you in bed. But no! He believes in slow love making. You know I love my sex a little rough, hard and fast. Byron knew how to give it to me best. I just couldn't stop thinking about him."

She sighed again."Damn girl. What a waste of body, man. On a serious note girl, you gotta stop thinking about Byron. It's been years now. The motherfucker is out of your life for good. You need to move on. I cannot stress this enough. No guy will ever be good enough for you until you move on."

“I know. I thought I was past him but since I travelled here, all I do is think about him. And get this, two days back I reconnected with Taylor. You remember Taylor? She's been helping me watch the kids though she's also here on vacation with her boyfriend. Delanie wants the boyfriend to be her father. She's been hounding me about having a father and now, she's obsessed with this guy."

"Yeah I remember her. From your college. Are you for real? What does he look like?" she asked.

I shrugged. "I'd be damned if I know. I have not seen him yet."

"Why don't you start up a relationship with Ricardo? You can teach him how to be fun in bed. Think about it, that way, you make your little girl happy."

Definitely NO. "I need a long term thing not just regular lay. I gotta go. Need to get tipsy for a bit before the kids wake up. Their nap takes a while so I rather go get tipsy or stay here and touch myself to thoughts of Byron because I am mad horny right now."

She laughed. "Tipsy it is. I wish I was there with you, Norma. I love you. Be safe."

“Love you too. I will. Bye." then I hung up. Getting tipsy was my only option. I carried my purse and cash and left choosing to walk to any bar than board a taxi. Expenses.

I sat on a stool at the bar waiting for the bartender to attend to me. Ostensibly, it was a female bartender and she was as sluggish as hell. The bar was full but there were only five of us seated at the stool and she had other people tending to the customers seated elsewhere so she was just being annoying. Finally she got to me, frowning.

"What is your strongest alcohol?" I asked.

Her eyes narrowed." All alcohol are strong, ma'am." she deadpanned. I was going to kill her. First for 'ma'aming' me and for the attitude.

“Can I get someone with a better attitude serve me, please? Before I go all crazy on you." she hissed as she beckoned on someone at the back. Few seconds later, a young guy came to take my order.

“Give me your strongest alcohol.” I told him.

“We have death in the afternoon, Devil springs vodka and bloody Mary. Which?"

“Death in the afternoon seems more appropriate given I'm about to get drunk in the afternoon."

He laughed and went to get the drink from the back. I felt someone take the stool beside me but I didn't turn. The bartender came back with a bottle and a shot glass and poured my drink. I threw it down my throat. It fucking burned. He poured another then another. I felt buzzed. I felt alive.

“Hey. I'll have a shot of whiskey with a pickle back, please." I heard the man beside me say. No it couldn't be. It couldn't be real. The drink had me so fucked up. Was I drugged? "Make it a double shot of whiskey." he added. My back stiffened. I froze, but against my ribs my heart pounded aggressively. I was definitely drugged.