The Life In Between: meeting my new Dad

I have never been the type to expect love, I always just thought that as the time went on I will receive it, but I was only kidding myself the whole time. I never really understood what life meant, why other kids my age would simply be so happy and carefree and I always had to make sure I did not say a single word out of term. Family always supports each other, well my family does support each other just not me.

Family, what is family? According to Google,

a group of one or more parents and their children living together as a unit.

all the descendants of a common ancestor.

designed to be suitable for children as well as adults.

I was a kid why did I feel neglected? My whole has always been about pleasing people, the people around me, giving them what they wanted, and saying the things they needed to hear. When I found out I was from a royal line, I felt happy that at least I was a bit different from my peers but that was not the case I was still sad inside.

She let me Know really fast that because she was neglected that I will also have to face the same faith because I was not born out of love but out of hate. Words said to me where words no child should have to hear but I did. The demonic child who has come to ruin everyone's life, I was nothing but a pest, I entered where I was not needed. I remember my aunt would hit me with a cane for playing with her kids, and I would cry calling out to my great grandfather, but he could not save me because we where miles apart. All I could do was sob in the room to my self with no comfort. After the incident of me saying I had a boyfriend, I did not know that it was a ploy by my aunt and her kids and I fell right into it. She wanted to kick me out of her house that evening and my mother had just come back from her trip, and when she heard this she came and knelt down and begged my grand aunt but she refused, I remember it was pouring cats and dogs that night when my mother took me back to my great grandmother's house.

We all sat by the table and I remember crying and screaming I am sorry to my mom. I regret ruining her life, I still blame myself everyday.

She had met a nice man and she told him what had happened and that her family had said she should leave me with my great-grand mother so I could take care of her, so he asked my mom to bring me along with her when she would be traveling back. I remember all the conversation we had that night on how I was to call him Dad and her Mom. The next day we traveled to meet my new Dad, I was scared and excited at the same time. When I first saw him, I remembered he was the guy who broke a bottle at my Mother's matriculation ceremony years back and when he asked if I remembered him I said yes, and told him and he laughed. I remember thinking " wow he is so nice" so I let my guard down and called him Dad, he was so special to me cause I finally had someone I could call my Father, my very own father. I liked being around him and telling him about myself and everything I was thinking and my pains and joys because I wanted my father to know that his daughter will never keep a secret from him. But boy was I wrong big time, it all changed after my baby brother was born, he and I had gone for a father daughter drive when he asked me if I liked him as my Dad and I said yes, then he asked if he could Marry my mom and I said yes, so when we got home he proposed and they got married.

I wanted a baby brother so it really did not take long for my baby brother to be born, My mom was away when I got my first period, I was in the bathroom and I went to wipe when I saw blood and I got so scared, I remember I was crying and screaming and then my aunt came in to meet me, and I told her that I think I had hurt my ahole, she laughed and said, "you are on your period" when I got out from bathing, I had to use a tissue then I went out to get the pad, by myself.when he was a month old, the trouble started again but this time I was involved, he kicked us out, so we had to come back home and I had to join another school and I liked the new school. After the incident with my aunt liking a guy did not really occure to me, I was always quiet because before my Dad had kicked us out, he had used all the things I told him about myself against me and he had called me a bstard, to be honest I never knew what that word meant until I looked it up in my Oxford Dictionary and I realized what he meant, but to be honest if the truth could be spoken, I did know who my birth father was, I had seen him multiple times, we had spoken, I had stayed over at his place for weekends, but he still was a disappointment to me and I guess my mom used that to discribe me at times. And knowing I was never good enough for her always broke me and it pushed me to want to try harder just so i can make her proud one day, but I was never enough and I never will be i guess.