I Am Tired Again

So today I woke up with a mood, not the soggy sad mood nope, the oh my body hurts and I'll probably punch anyone in the face kind of hurt. When I woke up this morning I was pissed that last night I told my mom that my body ached and she still told me to massage her, oh well I did, and my body just felt heavy this morning, after waking up, I intended to just go into the bathroom and have my bath, but no they had to say something, " I can not go and buy it, let sister Clarisbel go and buy it" guess my grumpy reply in a very husky voice " I am not buying anything".... I was not trying to be rude but look at this, I woke up at exactly thirty five minutes past seven am and I had work by eight am, I had to have my bath, brush my teeth, comb my hair and get dressed then proceed to walk to my job that I really do appreciate if you know what I mean, I like my job, just that the pay really is not good. And they are telling me that of course I would be pissed, I even got to work by six minutes past eight am and I was still in a mood. Okay before that, my baby brother wrote an exam that will qualify him to be in grade seven, this is his second time and the last time my mother was not home he went with me to work, well sometimes when she is not around they stay with me at my place of work, but today he said he wanted to go to school with my baby sister, now he has no business in school but I said okay, so my mom I meant our mom takes them to school. Now it it afternoon time and I have finally tried my best and I have finally calmed down, my mom calls me to go home from work to check if my baby brother was home. Apparently the little mister had taken a walk from his big rich people school according to my mom, I mean that is what she calls it, this was not the first time he had pulled such a stunt and we had told him never to do it again and he said okay. Now when I got to the house he was not there, no one had even seen the little mister and I had walked back and forth to the road, to my place of work and to the house again and again, I had tried calling his mobile phone,but it was not reachable and I had tried reaching him on WhatsApp up it would not go through, so I asked my mom if she has asked my aunt,but no reply, she was also trying to call him,it was ringing but little mister was not answering his calls, instead he was busy calling my aunt and her husband if they where home. When I finally saw him I was so pissed that I just wanted to bend him, but all I could do was spank him, and it was even my boss that saw him.

When I checked my blood pressure it had gone really high,so I had to try really hard to make sure that it went back down cause I really do not want to add blood pressure to my list as in ever, because I really have no idea what is wrong with me at the moment, I know they say what you do not know does not kill you, but still, I want to know. The funny part was this evening when I came home from work at six twenty five pm, mom was making pancakes and she gave as well, and then she brought the issue about my result that she knows that I had failed and that i was lying, that I am not putting any effort at all. the thing is I am to save up like about one hundred and fifty thousand all by my self but to retake that paper two, mom said she doe not have the money, that was why I found a good job that paid well but mom asked me to work at my current place of work, sigh... Back to where I was. She said I should just open up instead of disturbing everyone and tricking everyone. Does she really think I want to take money from her, if I really wanted to run away in the past I would have done that a long time ago while I was still in school because I had people who could help me out with all the funds, plus the money she was sending but I did not, u stayed in school and tried my hardest just to make sure I finished school, and it turned out not to work because I did not try enough and I did not make paper two, to be honest I actually felt like dying when I found out, that heart wrenching feeling you get when you where do happy for everyone but when it got to your turn it was not complete, you feel like your heart is being pressed together by something really hard and you can not stop it because you can not breath, that was how I felt when my school head of department tolde about the paper two, I remembered what my mom had called me sometime back "a failure" and I said to my self, you are a failure. With my head down I told her thank you, I was stranded after paying for everything I was owing at school and I could not pick her calls because I was scared, but I did and she confirmed it saying, " you have wasted my money and have failed you are just a failure, what was even the point, I knew you did not pass, but I just wanted to confirm, the money I wasted on you, I should have used it to open a business" and then she ended the call, someone was standing right next to me so I had to make sure I did not cry and show any emotions on my face and I continued to talk to my self all the while still holding the phone to my ear I said " yes ma'am I know, okay I am coming home, okay thank you" then I acted like I hung the call my self. Foolish, what a stupid being I am, God must be really tired of me at this point.